Darkest Day (19 page)

Ooh, he means the gods.

“Fifty years ago, that changed for most of your kind. But even twenty-five years ago, the Council could have eliminated
me
just for falling in love with and knowing your mother, simply because of her position as a goddess. True safety would have come if she renounced her claim to the gods’ realm and became human, but then neither you, nor Zoe, would have had any ties to the immortal world. You’d have just been … human.”

“And that would have been bad?” Winn asked.

“For Mackenzie’s mother, yes. She loves who she is. She just wants everyone to have an equal chance in life, no matter from where they come.”

“Then why stay together?” I asked. “Why risk it? Why not go off and find someone else to produce kids with. Someone … safe?”

“That’s something you wouldn’t understand unless you’ve experience a love so powerful you’d prefer death instead of being apart.”

I forced myself not to turn to Winn. The girl from the counter arrived with our drinks, and conversation froze as she passed them out. Straws, spoons, honey. I dove right into mine.

“Relationship rules changed fifty-ish years before you were born, except for Council members and … of course, Changelings. Traditions, they said, had to remain. After your mother had you, she was devastated that the Council refused to alter their position and placed you with surrogates anyway. She’d worked so hard for us to all be together. When she had Zoe, even though Zoe didn’t have your gift, she worried that the Council would take her, too, simply because she’d been so vocal about change.”

“Change. The bane of the Council existence,” I said. The number he’d mentioned jogged in my brain as the chocolate gave me new life. “Wait. Let’s go back a minute. Did you say fifty years before me a bunch of stuff changed?”

He nodded.

I turned to Winn. “Raven. She was … she was the Changeling then.”

“Yes,” Dad said. “She was instrumental in bringing about the acceptance of human-non-human relationships. I’m sure you know that the two Changelings prior to Raven gave up their life to be with their human counterpart. The law was originally enacted to prevent future Changelings from choosing human—in other words to prevent Raven, or yourself, from choosing human. Raven, though, when it came to her time, she brokered an agreement.”

“An agreement?” Winn asked.

“Yes. Raven, like all Changelings, was tempted by a human. She, as the first Changeling under the law, took a unique position when it came to relationships. She believed in free will and the right to love whomever. Her deal was that the law would be repealed, and forever unable to be reinstated,
if
she gave up the human she loved and took her place on the Council.”

“Raven did that?” I asked. “Altruism has never been her forte.”

Rory chuckled. “Your mother was furious with her. Livid, I believe is the word she used when we discussed it. They fought, over principles, morals, ethics, emotions. They’d been best friends until that point, but Raven was willing to give up to take her place. Your mother believed she shouldn’t have.”

He talked like he’d been there. “Um … I have a question.”

“Anything.”

“How old are you?”

Rory leaned back and laughed. “Forty-six,” he finally said as his laugh subsided.

“Then how …” Winn started my question.

“She told me everything when she decided she had to leave in order to save you and your sister. And me.”

“But I thought you said ‘a love so strong’ … yadda yadda,” I said.

Rory’s smile didn’t falter. “That doesn’t mean I didn’t understand. It took months, but she convinced me that our future, hers and mine, would be determined by what
you
did when you turned nineteen. That her departure, my life, your future, and putting Zoe with a Guardian would ensure her safe—” He paused and closed his eyes, a shudder of air escaping him. When he opened again, his gaze met mine, emotion as strong as that in my own heart playing through. “That it was the right thing to do, and I believed her.”

“The Council could have saved Zoe,” I said.

His eyes widened. “What do you mean?”

“Mac, don’t. You don’t know that,” Winn said.

I glared at him. “I think they chose not to. To punish me. Or mom. Or something. They said, ‘we don’t interfere with humans’, but Zoe wasn’t human.” My fists clenched.

Rory’s lips thinned. His eyes closed for a moment. “No, that was part of the deal Raven agreed to. If children are born of human-non-human combinations … they can only be treated as humans. That includes healing.”

“But that’s not fair! They’re halfings. They
deserve
the benefits of both sides.”

He leaned closer to me. “I know, Mackenzie. I know. It’s taken a hundred years to get to this point and, in doing so, I had to give up both my daughters and my wife. Human, non-human or a mix, we all deserve what our heritage brings.”

“How am
I
supposed to be the answer to fixing this?” I asked.

He shook his head. “I don’t know.” A sigh passed his lips. “And I wish I did know, so I could sit here and tell you. But I agreed to only watch from the sidelines. When I found out Zoe was in the wreck … well … I couldn’t do it, anymore. I felt like I’d given up way too early and didn’t want to lose what little time I had left with you. I had to know you’d be okay even if you had no idea who I was.” He beat a fist on the table. “I’m sorry, Mackenzie.”

“Call me, Mac. Please.”

He straightened and faced me. “Mac. I’m sorry. For everything. For not being here for you, or Zoe especially. When your dad told me, I knew I had to do something.”

“Your father told me,” I whispered under my breath.

“What?” Winn and my dad said.

I snapped up. “Um … there was a woman in the hospital … she … came to visit Zoe, and I asked her how she found out about Zoe, and she said ‘your father told me’. I thought she meant Bernie. But Bernie told you, and you told my mom.” The puzzle pieces began sliding together. “How can you communicate with my mother?” I stared right at my dad. “How did you tell her? How do you talk to her? I want to know how I can—”

“You can’t.”

“But,
you
can!” My voice went up a notch. “Zoe could! Why can’t
I
?”

“Mac …” Winn’s tone said ‘calm down’.

Rory opened his hands as if I should put mine inside them. “Macken—Mac, listen. When I agreed to this, your mother gave me one gift—to be able to communicate with her with thought.”

“So tell her I
need
her here. Tell her … to come back. To screw the in-between because it doesn’t matter anymore. Zoe’s dead! And I don’t even know if she made it!”

“Mac.” Winn hissed my name.

“Made what?” Doc-man asked.

“Where Mom is. I sent Zoe there. She should be here. Here with me. Both of them. But I don’t even know if Zoe made it. She died seconds after I finished.”

“Mackenzie,” Rory’s soft tone snapped me from my building exasperation. “I promise I’ll ask her, but she can’t come back. Not until you’ve made your choice.”

But she did return.
Heaving breaths left me, and I forced them to slow. “What would … what would happen to her if she just came back, anyway?”

“I—I don’t know. I just know what we agreed to, and our ability to communicate has allowed me to stay away from you. It was insanely difficult for me to not tell Zoe who I was.”

“Another part of the deal?” I waved him off and faced the counter. Of all people for me to see, Maddie and Ridge stood at the cash register. I broke from the chair to go after them, but Winn hauled me back.

“You can’t keep going after Maddie just because you’re mad,” he said.

“What’s she done, Mac?” therapy-man said. “Tell me.”

“She’s trying to take the one thing I
do
have.” I patted my chest just above my heart.

“And how do you know that?”

“I—” My jaw dropped open.
Feeling? Fact? Emotions? Actions?
Suze hadn’t found anything concrete, but as Caroline said, I knew. “I just do, and I’m tired of having everything I love stolen from me.”

Winn tugged me back against him. “You’re not losing me. Ever. I’ll let Felix bite me, first.”

18

Winn

“Did you mean what you said at the coffee shop last week?” Mac asked.

We sat on her red chair in her living room, our butts squished together in the space-made-for-one.

“What did I say?” I had an idea about what she meant, but figured I should let her tell me.

“When we were with Ror—my—Doc … dad-guy, you know.” She’d been going back and forth on what to call him. Zoe’s therapist, who I’d started calling Rory, told me that her inability to settle on a name came from an inner fear of finding herself alone again—even in the midst of the dozens who were always around.

“Tell me.” I’d also learned, not from Rory, that if I got Mac talking, she’d spill like a teapot of hot water.

We’d both spent the week going back and forth from school to his office. His offer of counseling had turned into a regular opportunity for Mac to get to know him. If I were honest, I’d have to say it helped me, too. Coping with my sister’s death had come faster with his regular visits because he knew her, and he could talk to me about her, from both a therapist and a dad’s perspective.

“The comment about Felix,” Mac finally said. “Did you mean it?”

“Oh. Yeah. I did.” I tugged her closer.

“Why?” She shifted in the seat, turning to me. “Why would you give up who you are? What you are?”

Dad had once told me if I did anything, I should do it for me, not for anyone else. At that moment, though, I knew the answer wanting to be said would be because of Mac. “I don’t want to lose knowing you. I can’t be a guardian. I can’t keep my memories. There has to be another way. And that seems like the only one.”

She sighed and leaned her forehead against mine, entangling our legs even more. “Winn?”

Why did she always say my name when she had something major to tell me? “Yeah?”

“I want you to promise me something.”

Uh-oh.

“Whatever you do, don’t come to my side of the world. Don’t convert, if that’s the term Cleo and Robin really are using to hide their guys. Don’t let Felix bite you. I really—just—don’t, okay? You’re too important, and I just don’t want that.”

My heart thudded hard against my rib cage. If I didn’t, she’d sealed our fate. “But what about … us?”

“Do you know what was one of the hardest things for me with Zoe’s death?”

“No, what?”

“Seeing her in the hospital and knowing that was the last picture I’d have of her in my head.” Mac snuggled against my shoulder. “I almost hate that that’s the last way I saw her. If I hadn’t, I’d be able to remember her with her crazy T-shirts, big eyes like a little puppy dog following you … then me … around. You know? I miss …” Her voice hitched. “I miss that. The seeing her like she was, instead of seeing her in that last way.”

“But that won’t happen to me—”

She touched my lips with her finger. “It could. Not everyone survives a vampire bite. Not everyone survives … period. And I want to … when I have to … I want to walk away from us knowing we were just like this.”

“Did Rory do this? Did he push—”

“He didn’t make me think any of this. He helped me understand some … stuff.” She righted herself so our gazes locked. “You know how I used to say I hated humans?”

I breathed out a laugh. “Uh … no, just that it was your motto. Your ‘word of the day’, I think.”

She slapped at my chest. “Yeah, okay, so I get why now. Something about not wanting to get close because that would mess me up as much as getting close to non-humans. And … he was telling me that another thing the Council did, to ensure they didn’t manipulate me at all, was to prevent any of them from pitching their human or non-human philosophies at me. So Suze was right. Like … Felix was bleeding from his nose, Raven got sick, and even Alina got all flooey because they decided not to hold back. The Council couldn’t control what humans told me or expected of me, but they could help make me hate them by acting like they hated them, too.”

“I think you like getting all these answers, finally,” I said.

“Wouldn’t you?”

I nodded.

“Okay, so promise me, Winn. Promise me that this is us forever and ever and ever.”

“You’re serious? You really want us to end?”

She shook her head. “No. But since it has to happen, I want to remember you like this, even though I probably won’t remember this, either. I just want to think I’ll remember it. If that makes sense.” Her lips brushed mine as her hands snaked behind my head. “Nothing more than that.” She touched each side of my lips, sending zings of instantaneous stimulation to my groin.

“Uh, Mac?”

She lifted her lips but didn’t remove her arms.

“This is going somewhere it shouldn’t right now.”

“Oh. Yeah? You sure?”

I laughed against her lips again. “Yeah, but … about that. You know … if we’re never … going to …” She continued on with her kisses. “If we’re not going to be together after, what do we … do about this?”

“Maybe we just go for it. You know, life is short.”

“Mine may be, but yours isn’t.” As soon as I said it, I regretted it.

Mac jerked back from me. On a heave of air, we returned to our previous forehead to forehead position. “This sucks, you know?” she said.

“What does?”

“Everything depends on my decision.”

“Well … it kinda is a big one. But, hey … I have another situation to ask you about.” I clamped her hands between mine and nudged her away so I could look into her eyes.

“What? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. But … well … Zoe wanted to go to the prom, and I didn’t ask you because I thought that might be too much, but—”

“You want to go for her.” Mac’s lips grew into a grin. “Promise me you won’t do anything to cross over to my side of the line. No vampires. No magic. No in-between. You just let me do what I need to do and if that means you fade into the deep recesses of my memory, you do.”