Date Shark (36 page)

“But not fun enough to keep you awake.”

Luke reached across the table for her hand. “I’ll do better, Leila. I don’t want to lose you.”

She sat back against the booth. Her hand was still in Luke’s. His grip was firm, and she believed him when he said he would try harder. His desire to be with her was honest. She didn’t doubt that Luke was a good man. Leila thought about all of these things, all the while knowing in the back of her mind that she had already made her decision. She just wanted that decision to be validated before she let the words slip free. In order to do that, she had only one more question.

“Luke,” Leila asked when their eyes met, “do you love me?”

The hesitation in his eyes pulled at her. Luke sighed. “I don’t know. I want to say yes, but I don’t want to lie to you either.”

“Thank you for being honest,” Leila said calmly despite the hurt his words caused her. Her eyes had dropped. She wanted to draw her hand away, but he wasn’t letting go just yet.

“Leila,” he said, nearly desperate, “that doesn’t mean I’m not
falling
in love with you. I think about you all the time. I love being with you. I want you in my life. All of that is true.”

“But you don’t love me.”

Luke’s free hand fidgeted the more anxious he grew. “Not yet, but I will. Not everyone can fall in love at first sight. I need time.” He tugged at her, pressuring her to look up at him. When she did, she was captured by his intense expression. “I’ve given you space and all the time you’ve needed. All I’m asking for is the same thing in return.”

There was simple logic in his request. It was a fair deal. He deserved a second chance, and the time he needed to sort out his emotions. In her heart, Leila knew all of this. Her decision had been made before she ever agreed to meet Luke for breakfast.

“Leila,” Luke said softly, “do you love me?”

There was no hesitation on her part.

“No.”

The single word struck Luke deeply. He let go of her hand and sat back. “Are you in love with Eli?” he asked quietly.

This answer wasn’t as easy to give. Not because she was unsure, but because she didn’t relish the idea of hurting Luke. She took a deep breath and said, “Yes. I’m sorry, Luke, but you made me realize that I have to make a choice … and I have.”

“You’re choosing Eli?” he asked. “Do you even know how he feels about you?”

This was the decision Leila had made while on the phone with Luke. No … she had made it the night before. She knew when Eli held her that no one else’s arms could ever cradle her so perfectly. No other man could mend her heart like he had. It was a terrifying risk to walk away from Luke and hope for a future with Eli, but Leila knew she could make no other choice. Eli was a part of her. He always would be. Even if he never returned her love, she would never feel the way she did about him for anyone else. He was the only man she wanted.

“I don’t know,” Leila admitted to Luke, “but I have to find out.”

“What if he doesn’t love you back?” he asked. The hope in his eyes was bittersweet.

“If he doesn’t,” Leila said, “then at least I’ll know.”

But in her mind, Leila told herself that even if Eli didn’t immediately feel the same, she would do everything she could to change his mind. Eli was her choice, and she refused to give him up easily.

“Is there nothing I can say that will change your mind?” Luke asked.

Leila shook her head. “I’m sorry, Luke. You’re a wonderful man, and I’ve loved having you in my life, but we don’t love each other. And if we’re both perfectly honest with each other, I don’t think we ever will.”

“Maybe if we had more time …”

Smiling sadly, Leila said, “Luke, do you really want to sit around waiting to fall in love with me, for me to fall in love with you? We have fun together, sure, but I want more than that. Don’t you?”

“I don’t want to lose you,” Luke said.

“I don’t think you really ever had me,” she admitted.

Luke’s shoulders drooped, an admission that her words were true. For several long moments they sat in the bright red booth and said nothing. There was sadness that their friendship was over, but for Leila at least, there was relief and excitement. She would miss Luke very much, but she was already itching to be back in Eli’s arms.

“I’ll miss you,” Luke said.

“I’ll miss you too, Luke.”

When Leila stood to leave, Luke didn’t move from the booth. His head fell into his hands and he closed his eyes against her walking away. After six months, leaving him behind wasn’t easy. More than a few tears trailed in her wake. She hoped he would find someone who loved wild and crazy adventures as much as he did, someone he didn’t have to
try
to fall in love with.

As the cab dropped Leila off at St. Claire’s, her heart lightened as thoughts of Eli crowded in around her. She wanted to dash back to his apartment and fling herself into his arms. Ana scrambling out of the boutique in a frenzy killed that idea, but Leila was grinning as her boss yanked her inside. Eli would be there for the show in a few hours. When she found him, she had every intention of kissing him until he had no other choice but to fall in love with her.

Chapter 28

Glassy Hope

The dream Eli had been clinging to for so long was gone. His whole body hurt. The last thing he wanted to do was spend the day at Mount Rose hospital, but he walked through the doors anyway. Usually, nothing short of a catastrophe brought him to Mount Rose. Even as he walked across the lobby he wondered what had possessed him to come. He thought about turning around. He thought about Leila a second later and knew he couldn’t leave.

Leila had never asked him to start visiting his mom, or even hinted that he should. But he knew she hoped he would. It was still difficult for him to talk about his mother, but Leila made it easier. On the few occasions he brought her up, like to explain the significance of the pearls, he could see her sad smile and the wish in her heart that Eli could have had the relationship he wanted with his mother. Eli also remembered how hurt Leila had been when she thought he had abandoned his mother. She accepted his explanation, but that didn’t change the fact that Eli really had abandoned his mother. If he could do nothing else for Leila, he wanted to give her that wish as best he could.

“Good afternoon, sir. How can I help you?” the receptionist asked.

Eli swallowed hard. “I’m here to see a patient.”

“What patient?”

“Elizabeth Walsh.”

The young woman typed something into the computer before looking back up with a smile. “She’s in her room. Can I have your name so I can sign you into the visitor’s log?”

“I’m her son, Eli Walsh.”

“Thank you.” She typed his name into the log and handed him a visitor’s pass. “Dr. Evans will meet you at her room.”

A sharp pang of fear darted through his body. What would Dr. Evans say to him after so long? Would there be judgment in his eyes? He feared there would be, but it didn’t really matter. There was no turning back. Eli plodded down the corridors. He had never once visited his mother since her placement at Mount Rose, but he knew exactly where her room was. He had stood outside of it many times as he spoke with Dr. Evans, not willing to even see her through the little glass window. He turned the last corner and noticed a figure moving toward him. Eli had to force his eyes to stay level as he walked up to the man who had been caring for his mother.

“Eli,” Dr. Evans said. Eli met his eyes and was surprised to see tears in them. The older man, several decades his senior, embraced him as they drew near each other. “I’m so glad you came, Eli.”

“Is everything okay?” Eli asked.

Dr. Evans smiled. “Yes, of course. Your mother is doing very well. It will be good for her to finally be able to speak with you. She has talked of little else since your lovely girlfriend visited with her.”

Girlfriend. The word stabbed at him relentlessly, but Eli swallowed the pain of his failure and embraced it as best he could. “My mother rarely talks of anything other than me. Leila visiting wasn’t the beginning of that.”

“No, but she was a catalyst for change.”

“How so?” Eli asked.

“Why don’t you find out for yourself?” Dr. Evans said as he unlocked the door to Elizabeth Walsh’s room.

He opened the door, holding it at the halfway point as his eyes locked with Eli’s. No doubt he could see the fear in Eli’s expression. Maybe he understood it, or maybe he thought Eli was callous for taking so long to visit his own mother. Either way, he waited patiently for Eli to step forward before opening the door completely. And even then, he stood in the doorway, blocking the occupant’s view of anyone else as he spoke.

“Elizabeth, you have a visitor today. Are you feeling well enough to have company?”

Eli listened for her response, half hoping she would deny him.

“Who is it?” she asked. The amount of change her voice had undergone startled him. Rougher, thinner, weaker than before, it spoke of harshness and abuse. A familiar ache to see her better began clawing at him. Knowing that the only harm or abuse that had befallen her was of her own making made pushing those kinds of feelings back down much easier.

“I’m afraid you won’t believe me if I tell you,” Dr. Evans said cheerily, “so I’ll let him tell you himself.”

Dr. Evans stepped into the room, leaving Eli standing in the doorway feeling completely bare.

Recognition dawned slowly on his mother’s face. Disbelief had her shaking her head. Tears welled in her eyes, dropping down her cheeks with each turn of her head. It was too much for Eli. He stepped into the room. “Hi, Mom,” he said simply.

His mother’s tears started falling in earnest then. Her body shook as she sobbed happily. “Eli,” she cried, “you came. You came.”

“I came,” he repeated, almost as disbelieving of it as she was.

He sat down next to her bed and took her frail hand. She clutched at him eagerly, and slowly her tears began to dry up. She smiled at him. It wasn’t the same smile Eli remembered. Before, there had always been a hint of smug satisfaction along with a heavy dose of fear. There was still the fear, but it was of a different kind. Now it was a fear of rejection. Regret and sadness were its close companions.

“I’m so glad you came.”

“I …” He couldn’t say that he was glad as well. Part of him still wanted to run. “It was time,” was what he said instead.

His mother surprised him by nodding. Her next words were whispered. “I’m sorry, Eli.”

So taken aback he could barely breathe, Eli could not say a single word in response. His mother had said those same words to him many times.
I’m sorry you had to stay home with me today. I’m sorry I interrupted you date. I’m so sorry you missed your test today because of me.
She was always so full of apologies. But like the fear in her eyes, this apology was different. She actually meant it.

“You’re sorry?” he asked.

“I’m sorry I treated you the way I did,” she said quietly.

This time there was no hope of him responding.

“It was just so hard,” she continued. “All those others, they tried to take you away from me. You were the only one I had left. I didn’t want to lose you. I had to keep you from being stolen away. You understand that, right?”

Eli’s response was slow in coming. An unexpected flood of emotions broke over the carefully maintained dam he had erected. Her reasoning for what she did was still twisted and muddled, but she was beginning to understand that what she had done was wrong. She was sorry. Regret for hurting him had finally begun to outweigh her compulsion to smother him. His mother was asking him for forgiveness. It was something he never thought he could give her. Eli’s hand trembled as he held hers. He tightened his grip in an effort to steel himself, but when her other hand dropped comfortingly onto his, everything crumbled.

Eli hadn’t cried for his mother since the day he found her lying on the kitchen floor. Too filled with bitterness after that day, her struggles and illnesses had only made him angry. Now, tears slipped down his cheeks. His mother brushed his tears away, something she had not done in a very long time.

“I do understand,” Eli finally mumbled through his tears. “I hate what you did to me, and to the others you hurt, but I understand you were scared. You were afraid of being abandoned again.”

His mother stroked his hand gently, her eyes downcast as she spoke. “I was terrified after your father died. I had never been on my own before. I went straight from my father’s home to marriage. Your father took care of everything, the money, the decisions, everything. All I had was you. But I knew one day you would leave me too. I was so frightened of being alone I … I did things I am ashamed of. I just couldn’t let you leave me. I couldn’t survive on my own.”

He wanted to tell her that she could have, but in all honestly, he wasn’t sure. So he patted her hand reassuringly and said nothing. Time held its breath in the silence. It was a moment that should have happened many times between a mother and son, but never truly had. There was a sense of something lost being found, but at the same time it created a standstill because neither person seemed to know where to go afterward.

It was not an end to a relationship, or even a beginning. Eli had no desire to end any more relationships that day. Beginning a new one was wholly distasteful. This was more of a redefinition, one that would take time.

“Why didn’t you bring Leila back to visit me?” his mother asked some time later. “I like her.”

Once again, Eli was surprised. “You do?”

“Very much,” she said primly.

Eli had no doubts about Leila’s wonderful personality, but his mother had never,
never
liked any girl or woman Eli had introduced her to. He had to ask. “What made you like her?”

“I asked her if she was going to steal you from me, and she said no.”

Eli’s eyebrows rose in disbelief. “That’s it?”

“I believed her,” she said, staring at him quite seriously. “She was the only person who’s visited me since I’ve been here. She cares enough about you to visit me when … when it was too hard for you to visit. She’s different than those
other
girls.”