Dating Delaney (15 page)

Jake

I had to give my phone to Owen for safe keeping so I won't
break down and text Laney. The florist actually called to make sure I was all
right, seeing as I hadn’t called in a delivery for the last three days. Amelia
and Owen said that if I just stopped all contact with her, maybe she’d actually
miss me. I think their plan is whack. I want nothing more than to listen to her
voice in my voicemails, call her, text her--anything to keep some form of
contact.

It’s been two whole days of this no-contact plan and I’m
starting to panic. Every time I hear a car pass by I will it to be Laney
coming, but it never is. Finally I break all the rules set by Amelia and Owen
and I write Laney a letter. A love letter and goodbye letter all in one. I
can't do this anymore. I’ll go insane soon without knowing how or if it will
ever end. She’s so caught up in old hurt she won't really let me in. She wants
to, I can see it in her eyes, but she’s still holding back and now she thinks
I’ve given her a reason to legitimately push me away and she has. I put the
sparkler photograph in an oversized envelope with the letter and simply write,
“Laney Peters.” I drive to her road and wait at Claire’s bus stop.

“Jake?!” Claire squeaks when she sees me.

“Hi, pretty girl. How are you?”

“Good. Did Mom let you come over?” The hope that shows in
her eyes kills me. I hang my head a little and shake my head.

“No, Claire, and I don't think she will.”

She pouts at me as I hold up a finger for her to wait a
second longer.

“Will you give her this for me? Just bring it in with the
mail, okay?”

She eyes it warily.

“It’s just a letter and a picture,” I tell her.

“Will it make her let you come back?”

“I hope so, but I don't think so,” I tell her before hopping
back in my truck and waving goodbye.

By the time I get home I’m a complete ball of nerves. I feel
like throwing up. What if she thinks I’m scum for waiting for Claire at the bus
stop like some creep? Oh Jesus, what have I done? She probably won't even read
the letter let alone accept what’s written in it.

I shake my head clear of my wants and thoughts and crash
into the couch. I flip through channels aimlessly until I fall asleep.

Tap. Tap. Tap.
I groan and slap the remote, shutting
the TV off.
Rap. Rap. Rap.
I open my eyes. Not the TV. I sit up and
listen.
Rap. Rap. Rap.
The door. It’s the door. I push up off the couch,
quickly making my way to the door. I grab the handle and swing it open while
rubbing the sleep from my eyes.

“Laney,” I breathe. I think maybe I’m still asleep. Maybe
I’m dreaming.

“I wasn't going to come. I wasn't. But...” Her voice cracks
before trailing off. It’s pitch black outside. I have no idea what time it is
or how long I’ve been asleep. She looks miserable.

“But what?” I manage.

“What if the right part of leaving turned out to be wrong?”
She’s trembling and struggling to find her words. I want so badly to help her
out, quiet her doubts, but I don't. I let her struggle to say what she needs to
say. “If I could kiss you now, I'd kiss you again and again until I don't know
where I begin and you end.” She doesn't look me in the eye as she finishes. I
wait for her to look at me but her eyes stay trained on the ground.

“So kiss me,” I croak. Her head snaps up, her eyes finding
mine, searching to see if she heard me right. I can't help it, my lips twitch
and turn up at the corners. Still she doesn't move. I bend at the waist,
bringing my lips inches from hers. “Kiss me, Laney,” I whisper.

Her hands shoot up and grip the nape of my neck as she
pushes up on her tiptoes slightly to close the distance between us. Her kiss is
everything I’ve missed. It’s passion, desire, heat, and love. She kisses me
until we’re both gasping for air. I pull her close to me, safe and sheltered in
my embrace, just holding her while we both find our breath.

“You really love me?” she asks.

“Dammit, Delaney, you like to stand in the line of fire just
to show you can shoot straight from your hip, you’re stubborn and impossible to
reason with when you think you’re right, but fuck it, Laney, I can't figure out
a way to
not
love you.” The sigh that escapes her mouth tells me that
she believes me. It gives me hope that everything is going to be okay. “Come
inside, you’re shivering.” She nods into my chest and I lead us into the house.
Things are awkward for a few minutes. I don't want to let her go but I’m not
sure I’m allowed to hold onto her.

“I....” She puts her fingers over my lips to silence me.

Delaney

“You’re not the one who needs to do the talking. I am. But
honestly, right now, Jake, I don't want to talk. I want to crawl into bed with
you. I want to feel your arms around me. I want to fall asleep knowing that
when I wake up you’ll be right next to me. Basically I want to pretend that for
the past two months I haven't been an asshole.” A tear slips down my cheek. Jake
reaches down and wipes it away gently.

He scoops me up into his arms and carries me to his bedroom.
Before he sets me down he kisses me sweetly but still says nothing. I watch as
he strips off his shirt, bearing his impressive chest and stomach to me, followed
by his pants. He’s in nothing but his boxers now as he reaches forward,
grabbing the hem of my shirt and pulling it up and off. I can't tear my eyes
off of him. He steps closer, wrapping his arms around my ribs to unhook my bra
and letting it fall to the floor. When his hands reach the button of my jeans,
my breath hitches at his gentle touch. He undoes my pants, letting them drop to
the floor. We stand there admiring each other in silence for what feels like an
eternity. Neither of us touching, moving, or speaking.

I can feel the air thicken, the electricity crackling
between us. How could I have ever thought we shouldn't be together? That he
would hurt me? That I couldn't trust him? He’s my air. I can't breathe without
him anymore. He lifts me again and lays me down in his bed, then crawls in next
to me and makes himself comfortable. I lob my arm over his waist and nuzzle
into his chest. His strong arms come around me and hold me to him.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper into his chest. The words don't seem
to weigh enough for the hurt I’ve caused.

“It can't happen again, Laney. You have to talk to me. You
can't run away. It’s immature.” His words sting with their truth.

“I know.”

“Do you?” he pushes.

“Yes, Jake. I do. I’m so sorry. I promise. I promise I won't
run next time.”

We lay together for a while without speaking. The rise and
fall of his breath is a quiet lullaby. “I love you,” he mumbles, his voice
thick and low. With a swollen heart, I melt even further into his embrace and
quietly drift to sleep.

Everything feels better in the morning light. Jake’s still
sleeping and I can't help but admire him for a moment. How could this man love
me after I’ve been such a complete idiot? He fought and fought hard for me to
just listen to him and I acted like a twelve-year-old, yet here I am enveloped
in his strong and steady arms. I’m never going to let this go.

“Mmmm morning baby,” he mumbles, sounding gravelly. I’m
tracing the outline of his abs.

“Mornin’,” I smile at him.

“What’s the plan for today? You writing?” he asks, running a
hand through his hair.

“Actually, I finished the book. It’s time to plan the launch
party now. I throw one every time I publish a new book. Are you working today?”
I inquire.

“I have to head over to the site for a couple hours but I should
be done by three,” he informs me.

“Will you come over after?”

He runs a hand down his face. “I don't know, Laney. We still
have things to talk about I think.”

I know he’s right. Of course he’s right, but I wish we could
magically skip over all of that somehow.

“You’re right. Why don't you come over after Claire’s in bed
so we can talk?” I suggest while giving myself enough time during the day to
prepare for said conversation.

“That sounds good.”

I move to get up but he pulls me back down to him.

“Delaney, we have to talk, but that doesn't mean that I’m
not taking full advantage of having you in my bed this morning.” His eyes are
hot with desire.

“Oh really?” I taunt as I roll off the side of the bed and
dart for the door. I don't even make it through the doorway before a muscled
arm snags my waist and hauls me to the floor. I’m pinned beneath him as he
lazily starts trailing kisses up and down my ribs and stomach. He doesn't
bother moving us back to the bed before taking
full
advantage of me.

Jake

I can barely concentrate on work. It’s a short day even but
all I can think about is the fact that she came back. She came back, but what
does that really mean? I have to get to the bottom of her. I need to get her to
talk. To tell me what it is that makes her throw love away. Why she can't
commit. The conversation could go well or it could make her shut down and I
could lose her. I’m not sure what to say to her, how to handle her, or what I
can do to make her believe just how serious I am about us.

I plow through the day and curse myself for suggesting that
we talk at eight instead of two. For the last hour I’ve been pacing around the
house like a lunatic, willing time to speed up. It hasn't. Eventually I busy
myself with making a light dinner hoping that it will kill just the right
amount of time before I leave for Laney’s.

“Hi, come in,” she smiles at me. I follow her into the house
and wipe my palms on my jeans. My hands are clammy. “So…” she says.

“So,” I echo. Laney gives a nervous laugh.

“Okay, listen, this is silly. We are adults. What do you
need to talk about?” she asks.

She’s right. We are both acting like teenagers avoiding
something. I sit down on the couch and pull her close to me. “Awhile back,
Gavin said some stuff to me that makes me wonder if you’re really able to
commit to a relationship. Judging from his antics though, I don't know what to
believe. I’d like to hear whatever it is from you.”

I watch as Laney blinks a couple times and takes a few deep
breaths. “What did Gavin say?”

“It was about John.”

“Oh,” she murmurs. She pulls back from me and swats my hand
away when I try to keep her near. “Listen, Jake, I can tell you all this but
you have to understand that it’s going to sound weird. I love you. I know I
love you and I want this to work but I’m going to explain John the best way I
can.”

“Okay.” Now I’m nervous. She leans back on the armrest of
the couch, searching for words to start.

“So, John. Gavin introduced us. They were friends and worked
together. I had gone to middle school with John too and had a super crush on
him but thought he was way out of my league. Anyways, at nineteen I knew he was
the
one
. The man I would spend the rest of my life with. He was my first
love, my first...well...we were each other’s firsts. He was everything I’d ever
dreamed of. A man. He swept me off my feet. He was romantic, he was kind, a
good person, funny, true, genuine. I loved him without abandon. I gave him my
heart and soul. I put them in his hands knowing he’d take care of them. I’d
never been so reckless with my heart before but his love warranted it. I could
barely breathe without him.” She pauses and stares at me for a long time before
continuing. “When I was twenty, he sent me an email one night saying goodnight,
I love you, and I can’t wait to see you this weekend. I went to bed happy. The
next afternoon, I was watching TV, and he called. He started talking about
being at a crossroads in life and having to make a hard decision. One that
didn't include me. That he was ending things.” She looks out the window, lost
in thought.

“I didn't understand. He didn't give a reason. There was no
closure. But the moment the words left his mouth I shattered. I fell apart. I
didn't eat. I didn't sleep. I felt like I didn't breathe. I sobbed hysterically
for hours and hours every day. Once a college friend stopped by to cheer me up
and found me on the floor of the shower, sobbing.” She brings her gaze back to
mine.

“It took Gavin and my friends months and months to put me
back together. I felt his loss like a death. I deleted him from my life and
never saw him again. It was a year before I even started dating again and when
I did…well…I just didn't have a heart to give out anymore. I had a fragmented
heart and although I tried like hell to give it away, to be in love, to make
relationships work, they all fell apart. I held back, not willing to experience
that kind of hurt again. It wasn't on purpose. I didn't realize I was doing
it.”

I lean forward and take her hand in mine, lacing our fingers
together.

“The night of Gavin’s cookout, John was there. Thirteen
years later and there he was standing right in front of me. He said some
strange things about me and Gavin and finally it came out that Gavin basically
told him to break up with me so he could be with me. The thought that if our
relationship had played out naturally, maybe I wouldn't be so afraid kills me.
Maybe there would have been closure, maybe we would have grown apart naturally
or maybe we’d have ten million babies and be together still. But I’ll never know.
And it was Gavin who destroyed me. I held onto all the feelings for John for
all these years and it wasn't him…it was my best friend. I guess…now I don't
know why I’m scared. I don't have a reason to fall back on anymore. That’s even
scarier to me somehow. Knowing that I do in fact have 100% of my heart to give,
knowing that I can give it to you and knowing that you could destroy me. I
don't think I could handle that kind of pain twice in one lifetime,” she
finishes.

“I’m gonna be honest here, I don't really know what to say
to all that. People fall in love, people get hurt…they grow and move on
though.”

“I know that. But the love I felt for John…it was…intense. I
was pulled to him. It was something I just didn't learn how to get over,
really.”

“Where does that leave me, Laney?” I ask.

“That’s just it. You make me feel things that I haven't in
so long that it scares me. The connection we have, the things you make me feel.
It’s intense, too, and after only a short time dating. I feel foolish admitting
this stuff to you.”

“I need to hear it. I don't want to be second best. Do you
still have feelings for John?” I venture. She sucks in a breath.

“Jesus, come on, that’s not fair. Do you still have fond
memories and little feelings for the first girl you fell in love with? I don't
think first loves really go away. Of course I still have feelings for him but I
am not in love with him. I’m in love with you. I want to hand you my heart,
Jake. I want to do it but I want to know you’re going to take care of it.”

“I can't promise that, Laney, you can’t either. It’s
impossible to see the future or know how things will play out but, I don't
intend on hurting you. I can’t figure out a way to not love you. I need you in
my life like I need water to survive. I need you, Laney. I want you. I can't
promise anything, I won't promise, because I don't ever want to break a promise
to you.” Words are gushing out of me at an alarming rate. I laugh nervously.

“What’s so funny?” she asks.

“I think I’m having a
Notebook
moment.”

“Huh?” She cocks her head.

“
The Notebook
...the movie? I feel like a guy in a
chick flick who feels too much.”

“Oh my god! You watched that movie?” she squeals.

“Yeah.”

“Truth. Did you cry?” she asks.

“A tear might have rolled down my cheek at the end,” I admit.

“It’s true then,” she breathes.

“What?”

“You are my dream man.” She gets up and heads to the table
and shuffles some papers around, looking for something.

“What are you doing?” I ask, curious. She pulls a paper out
of the stack triumphantly and comes back to me.

“Here, read this.” She thrusts the paper in my hand. I look
down at a one-page document that resembles a page from a college course book.

“What is this?”

“Just read it,” she scolds.

Delaney’s School of Hard Knocks- Summer Course

Dating Delaney 301

The principles of Dating Delaney

Prerequisites include:

Honest

Attractive

Faithful

Smart

Affectionate

Funny

Responsible

Family oriented

Go with the flow kinda person

Dating Delaney 302

What Makes Delaney Tick

Prerequisites are that one must:

Be good with money

Love movies

Love music

Love kids

Like travelling

Like eating out

Willing to wash silverware

Willing to pamper me

Good in the sack

Willing to dance

Like going out

Like staying in

Love good friends and Cookouts

Be taller than 5’10”

Resemble Jason Statham

Be a good friend

Sing in the car

Dating Delaney 303

Maintaining the Relationship through bettering
yourself

By the end of the course you will have:

Own your own home

Have a nice vehicle

Steady Job

Decent salary

In these courses you will learn that Delaney is 90% right
in life and you should just submit to that fact. Also, you will gain deeper
understanding into the needs and desires of her life. It will help you progress
forward with her and let’s face it- the only important relationship you
maintain in life is with her (Something you learned in Dating Delaney 101). By
the end of this program we expect that you will know what makes Delaney tick,
how to avoid pushing her buttons, and how to truly make her happy- which in
turn will make your life better, because when Delaney’s happy, you’re happy.
Your grades will be based on midterms and finals.

** The fall semester will offer such classes as Learning
When to Shut Up, Asking for Directions, Chick Flicks 101 and The Art of Loading
the Dishwasher (Lab Fee Extra)

“I wrote it four years ago, after my divorce. Amelia and I
laughed so hard we cried while we thought it up. It was, you know, just for
shits and giggles, a way to put on paper all the things that make up my perfect
dream guy,” she explains.

“I don't look like Jason Statham,” I say and cock an eyebrow
at her.

“Okay, so that part is strictly fantasy. I have a celebrity
crush on him.” She shrugs her shoulders and smiles at me. “But the rest, Jake,
the rest is you. It’s like I wrote it about you.”

“Okay. So…” I prompt.

“So,” she sighs, “if you’ll have it, Jake, I’m giving you my
heart. All of it.” She looks so nervous right now. As if I might say I don't
want it. How does she not see what I see in her? How could any man pass her up,
overlook her?

“Laney, I’ve had your heart awhile now, and I have no
intention of giving it back.” Her eyes light up when understanding dawns on her
and a smile takes over her face.

“Oh,” she whispers. “Okay,” she says, looking up at me
through long black lashes and I can’t do anything now but pull her mouth to
mine and kiss her. She groans, always so responsive. God she is so hot. I want
to make her feel how much she owns me.

“Laney, in one of your books, what would happen next?” I
breathe, keeping her mouth close to mine. Her eyes grow wide and a smile
spreads across her face.

“A happily-ever-after, of course, with passion,” she says
and bites her swollen bottom lip, waiting.

“How about a massage with a happy ending to start?” I say
with a smirk and raise an eyebrow at her.

“That’ll do,” she smiles and whispers in my mouth as I begin
slowly stripping her of her clothes and set about giving her a passionate
massage complete with a happy ending. I mean, it’s what it’s all about right?

The End

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