Daughter of Deceit (49 page)

“And you and Roderick, too.”

“I shall have to go away,” I said.

“What shall you do?”

“So far I have made no plans.”

“You should throw yourself into some work.”

“As you do,” I said.

“It’s the best thing, Noelle. Sometimes we need crutches in our lives.”

I heard steps outside the cottage. Jack and Marie-Christine were coming back.

Marie-Christine’s interest had been captured by the Roman relics, which produced that irrepressible enthusiasm so typical of her.

At the same time, she was anxious about my future.

She needed something to happen all the time. I supposed it took her mind off her loss. It was not that she had been especially close to any of her family, but they had been part of the life from which she had been roughly torn.

I understood and wondered if I had been wise to let her into so many secrets; but at the time it had seemed essential to tell her these things, as she was indeed sharing my life. Young as she was, she had a certain worldliness which was combined with the innocence of the inexperienced, and this showed itself now and then.

She wanted events to move and expected them to. She marvelled that we had solved what we had set out to do in Cornwall.

She had been exhilarated by the adventure. Now she was expecting further action.

She said to me: “Is Lisa going to divorce him? I do hope she does. Then we shall come and live here. I love this house. It is so exciting. A bit scary at times, when you think of all those ghosts. But I like that. It makes it interesting. Then there are the Roman bits, and Fiona and Jack. I’d love to live here.”

I could see that, characteristically, she was sweeping away all obstacles. She saw Lisa quietly retiring and ourselves coming to live here in this fascinating place which had intrigued her active imagination.

“You are going too fast, Marie-Christine,” I said. “We don’t know what is going to happen.”

“But you’ve seen her. You’ve talked to her. You’ve told her that we found the letters and you can marry Roderick now.”

“It’s not as easy as that. You’ve got to …”

“I know,” she said roguishly, “wait and see.”

“Yes. Please remember that.”

“But it is going to be all right. This is such a lovely place. I like Roderick. I like Fiona. I like Jack.”

“I’m glad you do,” I replied. “But that does not affect the problem.”

“So it is back to the old ‘wait and see.’ Jack has promised to show me an old spoon that was dug up. It is a spoon at one end and a spike at the other. The Romans used it for getting fish out of their shells, which shows they liked this sort of fish which were found off the shore of ancient Britain.”

“You are becoming very knowledgeable.”

“I think it is all … fascinating. I’m going over there now. They said I could. Are you coming?”

“I’ll join you later.”

Marie-Christine had only just gone when a maid came to my room to tell me that Lady Constance would like to see me.

I went at once to her room.

“Oh, do come in, Noelle,” she said. “I did want to have a chat in private. I see the girl has gone off. She is a bright creature, but a very inquisitive one.”

“Yes, that is so.”

“It is like you to look after her.”

“She would not like to hear you say that. She thinks she is looking after me.”

“Noelle … this state of affairs … it cannot go on. You know that I should like to see you here … permanently.”

“Lady Constance …”

“I know, I know. You cannot stay here in the present circumstances. It would be too much. I understand. But you must not go yet.”

“As you say, I cannot see how I could stay here …”

“Do you remember when we were in that place together?”

“I could never forget it.”

“I wasn’t thinking so much of the fear of death, but of what we said to each other.”

“I think of that, too.”

“We became friends. It was rather miraculous. In such a short space of time, we came to know each other.”

“It was the circumstances. When people are facing death they may discard barriers.”

“That was what I did. I discarded barriers which I had built up over the years. It was good for my soul. It showed me myself … my foolish mistakes.”

“We all make foolish mistakes.”

“I have made so many. I think in a way they cost me my husband. He turned to others.”

“You mean my mother. I think you should remember that she was an exceptional woman. Many people were in love with her.”

“She could have spoiled your life.”

“Unwittingly. How unhappy she would be if she could know what she had done … how angry with herself! She wanted everything that was good for me.”

“She was a strong woman. To deceive Charlie like that! Of course, he was in a position to be deceived. You know how I was tormented over the years about that.”

“I know, and I am sorry.”

“It was foolish of me. He is a good man at heart. He wanted to
be a good husband, and he was in other respects. When you and I were down there talking … things became so clear to me, and I saw that often what happens to us is our own fault. ‘Not in our stars, but in ourselves,’ as Shakespeare says.”

“I think there is truth in that. I hope you will be happier now.”

“I could be … if I thought Roderick was happy. But he is far from that … at this time,” she added. “If she were no longer here. If you came back … you and I together, Noelle, we could make this into a more contented household than it has ever been.”

“If …” I said. “A great deal would have to happen before that could be.”

“You love him, don’t you? You love Roderick?”

“Yes.”

“I knew you did … before … I was putting other things before love, but now I know how stupid I was. As your mother wanted the best for you, I want the best for my son.”

“I know you wanted a grand marriage for him. Don’t reproach yourself. It was natural.”

“Now I want him to have a happy marriage, and because you love him and he loves you, only you can give him that.”

“Yes … but .. .”

“She will have to go, Noelle. She
must.
She cannot remain here ruining so many people’s lives.” It was the indomitable Lady Constance speaking. The softness I had glimpsed was gone. She went on: “There is something evil about her. She manipulates. How did she get her chance on the stage? Charlie told me. It was by falling under your mother’s carriage. How did she get into this household? By appealing to Roderick’s pity.”

I said: “She did fall under the carriage. I was there when it happened.”

“She must have arranged it, as she arranged to trap Roderick. I am determined that she shall go. She has asked to see you. She said she wanted to talk to you. I thought that was a hopeful sign. Noelle, she must give Roderick up. She will be looked after. A sum of money will be settled on her. She need have no more fear … if only she will get out of this house.”

“She may refuse.”

“She must not be allowed to. Talk to her, Noelle. You talked to me once, did you not? And look what a difference that made!”

“Roderick has talked to her and she has said she will decide soon. It is not a matter about which she can be expected to make a hasty judgement.”

“Talk to her. I feel you can make her understand. She must agree.”

“I will talk to her. In fact, she asked me to come here because she wanted to talk to
me.”

“I have every confidence in you, Noelle. Oh, how pleased I shall be when this is settled. I cannot tell you how I look forward to the future. I want you to be here. I want a chance to see my son happy. I want grandchildren and I should like you to be their mother. That is what I want more than anything. I want to be happy and at peace in my old age. Noelle, my dear, I shall always be grateful to you for showing me the folly of my ways.”

“You endow me with virtues I don’t possess.”

“My dear, I am fond of you. Nothing will satisfy me but that I see you here … where you belong.”

I was moved. Even now, it was surprising to hear her talk in such a way.

There were tears in her eyes when she kissed me.

Three days had passed. Marie-Christine went to the cottage often. I asked them if she was intruding.

“Far from it,” said Fiona. “Jack is most amused. We’re giving her little jobs to do and she seems to enjoy that.”

Lady Constance and I were often together. We would take walks in the gardens. She took pleasure in showing me what she had done and what she planned there for the future—as though it were already my home. But on all these occasions, the subject of Lisa was never far from our minds. Lady Constance was convinced that Lisa would, as she called it, be sensible.

I was uncertain. I saw Lisa each day. She was in a nervous state. I wondered why she had been so insistent on seeing me when
it seemed that she had nothing special to say. But that was not quite so, for there were occasions when she seemed to be bracing herself, when she would begin to talk earnestly, and then suddenly come to a halt. I tried to urge her to continue, but it was no use. However, this did confirm my opinion that she had wanted to see me for a purpose which I should discover in time.

She talked of the place to which she would go if she gave Roderick his freedom. She brought this up several times.

I was with her one afternoon when Lady Constance was resting and Marie-Christine had gone off to the cottage. The house was quiet at this time of the day.

She said suddenly: “I love this house. It is the sort of house I always admired. When I was a child, I would dream of living in such a house. The Big House! I used to stand and stare at the Big House in our village. You could only see the walls and the bell tower, I remember. There was a clock up there. You could hear its chimes all over the village. I used to say: ‘When I’m grown up I’ll live in a house like that.’ And here I am … in an even grander one. Who would believe it? And now they all want me to go away. Roderick wants me to go away; Lady Constance always has. She hates me and has from the moment I appeared.” She laughed hysterically. “Her son … to marry an out-of-work actress!”

“You are distressing yourself, Lisa,” I said.

“I’m saying the truth. Why should I leave here so that you can come in my place? You have had everything … a wonderful childhood … Desiree for a mother. Life isn’t fair!”

“It never has been.”

“Why do some have all the luck? Why do some of us have to stand aside and grab what we can get? Catching the crumbs which fall from the rich man’s table!”

“I don’t know, Lisa.”

“Oh, dear. I suppose I should live in the sort of place they want to send me to … with a lot of people like myself … in various stages of decay.”

“Don’t say that, Lisa. I know you have suffered … that you still suffer. But there are times when you feel better.”

“What do you know about it? How would you like to be …unwanted? To have a chance and, just when you happen to be on the way … this has to happen? I could have been another Desiree. I know it. And then this happens.”

“I understand, Lisa. It was cruel.”

“But I was slapped down … cut off … just when I had a chance.” She was staring ahead of her, and I saw the tears on her cheeks. I longed to comfort her.

“Then your mother …” she went on. “Fame and fortune were hers, and then … her life was cut off … without any warning.”

She lay back and closed her eyes.

“Noelle,” she whispered. “Pills.”

There was a small cupboard by her bed, the top of which was used as a table. On this was a glass and a jug of water.

“Pills in cupboard,” she said in a low voice. “Two. They dissolve in water.”

I hastily poured out a tumbler of water and took the bottle of pills from the cupboard. I dropped two of them into the water.

She watched me. “They don’t take long,” she said.

In a few more seconds the pills were invisible. I gave the glass to her and she drank eagerly. Then I took the glass from her and placed it beside the jug.

She smiled at me wanly. “They work … fairly quickly,” she said. “Very effective. I’ll be better soon.”

I took her hand and pressed it.

“Shouldn’t have said that,” she said. “You deserved what you had. She was so wonderful. What a tragedy! I never got over it.”

“Don’t talk,” I said. “Rest.”

“Come again soon. I have to talk to you.”

“Is the pain better?”

“Getting better. Those pills are very strong.”

I saw her features relax a little. She still clung to my hand.

“Sorry, Noelle.”

“I understand. I do … really.”

She smiled.

I stayed with her until she was asleep. Then I crept quietly from the room.

At the end of the week Roderick and Charlie returned.