David Mitchell: Back Story (45 page)

A typical FRP. Organic produce ahoy!

Having ordered a piano, this young mother is just about to embark on the gruelling weekly fireworks shop.

For many years, I was an only child.

Showbusiness!

The 1984 New College School production of
A Christmas Carol
– the Fezziwig’s Party scene. I’m third from the left, in the red skirt. I’ve clearly got ‘it’.

I am the legionary on the far right, wearing gym shoes and nervously watching the end of my neighbour’s spear. I have probably already said ‘Vespasian, centurion!’

If you look closely at this typical gathering of a human, a bear, a rabbit and a pig, you may notice that, in reality, they’re
all
humans.

What possible explanation could there be for this sign?

I have a racist palate.

Regent’s Park loos – an etiquette minefield.

The British Ambassador to the Eighth Session of the European Youth Parliament in Barcelona.

Rob and me as Dick Whittington and his Cat in the 1994 Footlights pantomime. Gus Brown is playing the mysterious benefactor, Ben E Factor: ‘Here is a blank cheque. I only wish it could be more.’

This is from the first photoshoot Rob and I ever did together – we were still young enough to think that irony can take the curse off gurning.

With James Bachman and Olivia Colman, just hanging out – the Bullingdon Club had nothing on us.