Dazzled (23 page)

The camera flashes were blinding. I knew from experience that I was going to look stoned in the photographs. My pupils shrank to pinpoints and I tried very hard not to screw my eyes shut.

Lilia blinked a few times but otherwise seemed unfazed. Her hand rested lightly on my arm, and I wanted to grip onto her to protect her.

I was aware that the close protection squad that Rhonda had spoken about were following us, literally watching our backs.

We posed for photographs together, and then Rhonda’s team split us up to answer questions from the six or seven selected TV crews.

I tried to remember Gayl’s lessons: use their names; treat every question like it’s the first time you’ve heard it; don’t go off the reservation; keep foot out of mouth.

It seemed to go on forever.

Question 1:
Are you and Lilia dating?

Answer 1: We’re friends. It was great working on
Dazzled
with her. She’s such an amazing actress.

Question 2:
Where did you get your suit?

Answer 2: It’s a Tom Ford. Pretty spiffy, isn’t it!

Question 3:
Is there going to be a sequel?

Answer 3: You’ll have to ask Laura Dorien.

And on and on.
Keep smiling. Keep talking. Keep calm and carry on.

Rhonda’s staff closed down anyone who went over their allotted time, or anyone who pushed on the ‘relationship’ question.

It felt weird signing autographs. My brain was bleeding from the noise, and it was impossible to talk to anyone. So I just smiled, and pretended it was another role, which it was in a way. These people didn’t know me – they just had a one-dimensional idea of me based on a book they’d read, and a TV trailer. It was so bizarre.

I felt Lilia’s arm slide into mine and I couldn’t help smiling down at her. As soon as she touched me, there was an increase in the decibels and the sky glowed from the number of camera flashes.

After a few more smiles and waves, she tugged at my arm and we walked inside to the relative peace of the cinema.

Thank fuck for that
.

I felt exhauste
d and shaky as the adrenalin leached out of me. Even Lilia wasn’t quite her cool, calm and collected self.

Jo-Anne Moody came barreling over, a glass of champagne in each hand.

“Hey, guys! Wasn’t that a rush? Whoa, my nerves are screaming. How y’all doin’? I was just speaking to Laura Dorien and even she hadn’t seen anything like it!”

Jo-Anne handed us each a glass, and I took a much needed gulp, shaking my head slowly.

“Un-fucking-believable. Is it always like that?”

Lilia nodded. “Yeah, that was something else.” She looked up at me, still looking slightly dazed. “I’ve done 12 of these before and I’ve
never
heard it like that. Wow!”

She licked her lips and
I couldn’t help leaning down to kiss them, they looked so damn juicy.

She smiled, but I could tell she was irritated, and that smudging her lipstick was off the menu.

I saw Clare out of the corner of my eye. She was standing with Polly and Mildred and, damn, if she didn’t look hot in that dress! I knew her legs would look great. She saw me and raised her glass, blowing a kiss at the same time.

I was so glad she was there.

Clare

Miles had looked drop-dead gorgeous, standing in his apartment in his made-to-measure tux. But seeing him on the red carpet, I realized he looked like he belonged there. It tore my heart a little more, because I knew he was slipping away from me – away from the world I lived in.

We didn’t get the chance to talk either. Miles was completely monopolized all evening, the studio execs commandeering his attention, and Rhonda was busy introducing him to people. Important ones, I presumed.

I watched him from a distance while I chatted casually to members of the crew who’d been invited, which was most of them.

Lilia didn’t come near me, although I caught her looking at me once. I smiled and raised my glass, but the miserable mare just sneered and turned her back. God, she was unbearable.

After more aimless talk, and drinking more champagne than was wise, we were ushered into the theater.

Miles was sitting at the front with Lilia on one side and Jo-Anne on the other. I was several rows back, sitting directly behind Merv, which meant I had to lean sideways to get a decent view.

I knew Miles had been to a screening and muttered something about it being “not too bad”, but I’d never seen it all the way through.

I was utterly swept away. Seeing Miles’ beautiful face in extreme close-up, twenty feet high, completely rendered me speechless, mute, thunderstruck, dumbstruck and wordless. Also slightly damp in the nether regions, if I was being honest.

And Lilia, damn her eyes, she was such a good actress. Why did she have to be such a first class megabitch as well?

I could see the real Miles sitting with his head hanging down. That didn’t surprise me – I knew he wouldn’t be able to look at himself. I saw Jo-Anne turn and whisper something to him and he shook his head, easing himself out of his seat and leaving by the nearest exit.

I counted to ten, then followed him.

I guessed he’d gone to the back of the building and wasn’t surprised to see him standing by one of the fire doors that he’d propped open. Thank God he hadn’t set off an alarm – that would have been embarrassing.

When I found him, his eyes were closed, although his face was tilted upwards, and he was taking deep breaths.

He opened his eyes and saw me.

“Bet you wish you hadn’t given up smoking now, doncha?”

He smiled back at me. “God, yes. I think I’d kill for a cigarette.”

I rooted around in my small bag. “Have a mint instead.”

“Tease,” he muttered.

“Says you, Mr. Movie Star. You looked good on screen,” I said, honestly.

He shook his head. “It was fucking excruciating watching myself. I just couldn’t. I know I’m being a whiny pussy, but that shit is just so embarrassing.”

“Miles, you
love
acting, you know you do.”

“Yeah, but it’s the
process
– you know, getting into character, understanding… no,
feeling
the character. The rest is all just… this. It’s not… You know?”

My heart stuttered as I listened to him struggle to express himself. Why wasn’t his
girlfriend
out here helping him with this? I was glad she wasn’t, but she’d been through it – if anyone understood, surely she would?

He gave me a small smile. “Yeah, I know what you’re thinking. I’ve just got to grow a pair and get my ass back in there.”

You have no idea what I’m thinking about your arse.

I just smiled and winked at him.

He surprised me by leaning down and letting a kiss whisper across my cheek.

“Thanks for being here, Clare. Love you, babe.”

We made our way back to the theater and Miles went ahead first. I waited 30 seconds, then followed him. As I edged back to my seat, I saw Lilia’s head tilt in my direction, and it felt like she was watching me out of the corner of her eye.
Ugh, creep much?!

An hour later when the house lights came up, applause rang out. I studied the faces of people around me, and their adulation seemed genuine and unforced. Jo-Anne stood up and took a bow, grinning happily as the audience called out to her and cheered. I could see her bend down, presumably trying to persuade Lilia and Miles to share in the moment. Miles stood up first, and offered his hand to Lilia. She took it, smiling up at him.

God, it made me want to vomit. She smiled like a prom princess who’d never been kissed – if such a thing existed – when I really knew that she was a double hard bitch who chewed on iron bars and shat nails.

In my opinion. Of course.

Her white dress was stunning and she looked graceful, ethereal, with a beauty that matched Miles’ – who was clearly not of this earth.

They looked great together, and the thought was acid in my brain.

My plan of action was to get mind-numbingly slaughtered, drinking myself to oblivion, and then pass out in the guest room of Miles’ apartment.

He’d been vague on the details of where he’d be staying that night. I didn’t ask.

The after-screening party was held at the Chateau Marmont. It was a bit weird seeing a place that looked like it belonged on the French Riviera, and its whitewashed walls gleamed from small spotlights positioned along the sides.

The paparazzi were out in numbers, looking for more candid shots than the rather formal and posed ones on the red carpet.

There was a fierce scrimmage as the limo with Miles and Lilia arrived. It was scary to see how viciously the paps elbowed each other, all hoping that theirs would be the money shot. I resented their intrusion, but it looked like a bloody hard way to earn a living. I could only assume that if they caught something scandalous enough, the rewards were great.

What a fucked-up world.

Polly patted my knee as I slumped down at a small table with her, Mildred, Leon, and Merv the Perv, who was sitting with a petite, black haired woman whom he clearly adored.

“Looks like you’re my date for the night, Pol,” I sighed.

She sniggered. “You are looking super hot tonight, Clare, baby, but you’re still not my type.”

I downed a glass of tequila that someone had thoughtfully placed near my right hand.

“I don’t seem to be anyone’s type,” I complained.

“Aw, feeling a bit neglected?”

“If I don’t get some action soon, my vagina will grow cobwebs.”

Merv spat out a mouthful of wine and his wife/girlfriend/significant other looked shocked.

Polly laughed and Mildred looked at me sympathetically.

“Well, it doesn’t help that your best friend looks like
that
,” said Polly, jabbing her finger in Miles’ direction. “What guy would want to compete with him?”

“There
isn’t
any competition,” I sighed. “Miles is just my friend.”

God, I was sick of saying that. I was so boring, I bored myself
.

“Wanna play a drinking game?” Polly asked.

“Will it mean I get legless in the shortest amount of time?” I questioned her.

“Probably.”

“I’m in.”

I didn’t remember too much about the rest of the evening, except that Merv admitted that there was another reason for his nickname.
Too much information!

So when I woke up lying face down on my bed, still in my posh dress and skyscraper heels, I wasn’t exactly sure how I’d got there. I staggered into the bathroom and shuddered at the nightmarish vision in the mirror. I could have given Freddy Krueger a run for his money – no SFX makeup required. In fact, the makeup I had been wearing on my eyes was now smeared down my cheeks, and any trace of lipstick had long since fled. I wondered if the gravitational pull that had been in effect while I was asleep would one day drag my boobs down to my ankles. On the other hand, if I could shift the fat from my stomach up to my boobs and around to my backside, I might be able to achieve that hourglass figure. Mind you, it would probably be the kind of hourglass that would take a whole day to empty, being blessed with a fuller figure.

I realized that even as my mind was wandering and unable to corral my rambling thoughts, I badly needed a painkiller for the headache that was threatening to make my brain dribble out of my nose, in a manner not dissimilar to the way the Ancient Egyptians buried their dead. See what I mean? Bizarre rambling.

I wanted Tylenol and orange juice.

As I stumbled toward the kitchen, I couldn’t help noticing that Miles’ bedroom door was closed. I paused for a moment – in a totally non-stalkerish way – but couldn’t hear anything. I knew he must be back, because his door was only ever closed when he was sleeping. I just didn’t know if he was by himself.

God, the skank could be in his arms right now. Guess I’d find out later in the morning. And yeah, I was going to buy a whip so I could take my self-flagellation from the metaphorical to the literal. Or maybe I’d just use it to beat the shit out of her bony backside. That sounded more appealing.