Dead Chaos (17 page)

I could no longer hold back my tears. Odin had been more to me than just a god. And the heavy weight in the pit of my stomach made me wonder if I'd just lost him forever.

Was this what Mimir's prediction had spoken of? That I would cause the death of the All-Father.

Had I just killed Odin?

And as the tears fell, I cried for Odin and I cried for me. Through the glimmer of moisture, I studied the spear. Slowly the tears stopped. No time for self-pity.

My skin grew warm around the metal staff. This spear, Gungnir, belonged to Odin. I gritted my teeth. I refused to disappoint him. I may not be happy about the responsibility, but I'd keep it safe just as he requested.

Blinking away the tears, I turned the golden weapon around, studying the business end. Weak light danced on the deadly tip, revealing runes etched into the metal, running along the sharp edge almost like a blessing for the kill. A shiver ran up and down my spine.

Hugin swooped toward me and landed on my shoulder. Overwhelmed by everything, I gave in to the tears and allowed myself to release all the pent-up grief and all the anger and frustration I'd experienced these past few days. Somewhere within the maelstrom of my emotions, I faced the simple fact of who I really was and what I truly wanted to be.

At last, tears spent, I wiped my face with the back of my hand and cleared my throat, staring at the spot Odin had occupied not so long ago. He'd gifted me with the spear, but he'd meant to tell me one more thing. And from the expression on his disappearing face, it had been something important. Something he'd been desperate to tell me.

Although consumed by curiosity, I accepted there was nothing I could do about it now. Odin had disappeared to god only knows where. All I could do was hope that he was safe and that I'd see him again someday soon. For now, I had a few duties to perform.

I let out a shuddering sigh, retrieved the bottle of the Norn’s magical water, and turned toward the entrance of the cave. I'd been away from the group for far too long. There were things they needed to know.

***

All eyes fell on me as I entered the large cave and they all converged on me.

"What happened? You were gone so long," asked Sigrun.

"And you’re back with a golden spear that happens to look a lot like Gungnir?" Aimee added with a raised eyebrow as she stared from the spear to me and back. "So . . . are you going to talk or do we have to drag it out of you?" Aimee glared at me, but her eyes softened when she saw my face. I was unsure what they'd say when they knew.

I cleared my throat. "Okay, so I went to the cave to have some
me
time. But as usual, nothing happens the way I intend it." I grinned, but got no response from my audience. They merely stared at me, waiting. "Odin appeared."

"What? Where has he b—"

"Odin? What's he doing h—"

I gave in. "Okay, guys, I'll talk. So just be quiet until I'm done." I related everything that had happened in the cave, and how Odin gave me the spear. I ended with the All-Father’s desire to tell me something. Something he never got the chance to.

"So what do you think it was he wanted tell you?" asked Sigrun.

"No idea. I couldn’t hear him. And I can't lip read," I said in disgust. "But what I'd like to know is why Odin is suddenly giving me stuff? Not that I'm ungrateful for the spear and all. I'm just worried that—"

"That this might be what Mimir predicted? That he's more than just gone? That he's dead?" Sigrun murmured. The group fell silent, absorbing her words and my gut twisted. If she was right, I'd just succeeded at killing the All-Father.

"I don't know," Joshua said. "Maybe he just ran out of power to project. Maybe he's somewhere safe, rekindling his energy."

"I bloody hope so," I said through gritted teeth. But I couldn’t help the doubt that crept into my heart. Something was wrong. I sighed. Perhaps they were there to help me on my mission.

"Okay, guys, there's more."

"More?" asked Sigrun, a frown darkening her features.

I laughed. "Yup, we are going on another mission. The Norns told me where Loki has hidden Gjallerhorn."

"And we need to get the horn back before we retrieve Heimdall." Sigrun nodded.

"So where exactly are we going?" asked Joshua.

"First, we're going back to Asgard. Then we are off to Muspellheim. To the land of the fire giants."

***

We gathered our things and readied ourselves for the journey back to the Bifrost. After stowing the bottle of water safely in my satchel, I took one last look around the gigantic cave. The pool in its very center lay still as glass, not a ripple to be seen. The water held such indescribable power.

I blinked to find myself alone as the others headed out of the hall. I hurried after them. We travelled up within the trunk of the great tree, making our way out and across the root-ridden landscape above ground. We remained undisturbed, no giant birds or ravenous wolves attacked.

We spent much of our journey in silence. We weren’t far from the Vigrid Plains when Sigrun’s voice broke into my thoughts. "What is the matter, Bryn? You are unusually quiet," she asked with a smile. Her grey eyes sparkled, quintessentially Sigrun. Always happy and cheerful. At that moment I just wanted to give her a great big, squishy hug.

I sighed softly. "It’s just that I hate being so close to Heimdall and yet still being unable to rescue him." I kicked at a stone on the path, sending it skittering off into the gathering darkness.

"But the Norns did tell you that Loki is likely to retrieve the horn soon. When the horn is blown, all the gods will answer. And should Loki be the one blowing the horn, they will all go to him. He’ll lead them right into a trap. It would be a massacre." Sigrun threw me a glance, her brow furrowed, worry deepening the grey in her eyes.

"Yeah, I know that. It’s just that we are right here." I looked around at the desolation, the endless miles of dead nothing. In the distance, the dark mountains sat capped with snow and so foreboding.

"Bryn, the Bifrost entrance that we used may not be the nearest one to the castle of the frost giants. For all we know, we are miles away from Heimdall, too far away to make any difference."

"So we take the Bifrost to the right place then, get Heimdall and go home." But as I spoke, my gut told me I was on the wrong track.

"You must have patience, Bryn. Loki would be expecting you to come looking for Heimdall. So Heimdall is safe wherever he is. Loki’s pawn, but safe. And Loki? He would not expect you to retrieve the horn. He thinks the horn is safe. It is the best strategy we have. The element of surprise."

I nodded. I didn’t need any further convincing. "You’re right. We have a plan and we should stick to it."

"You have your heart in the right place. You care about what happens to Heimdall even though you do not know him."

"I may not know him, but I have friends who miss him and want him back. Odin, Frigga. Lady Tyra."

"Ah yes, the dragon matriarch."

"Yeah, she’s one tough cookie, but she does have a heart of gold." I owed a huge debt to Steinn's mother. Although our meeting had been less than cordial, she’d warmed up to me when I’d retrieved the magic goblet from the dwarf queen. And although the elixir meant more to me because I could save Aidan from Loki's poison, Tyra was grateful all the same because the elixir would restore her granddaughter to health again. I guess we both owed each other.

I smiled at Sigrun. "So how did your talk with Fen go?"

Sigrun’s cheeks bloomed a deep rose. "We talked."

"And?" I prodded.

"And you were right. Fenrir and I needed to talk. Especially about all the things we always avoid. He has been holding himself aloof from commitment only because he knows the time of Ragnarok is near. He does not wish for me to be caught in the middle of a battle between him and Loki. Or even Odin."

"But no matter what he does, we will all be caught up in the war. No matter how hard we try not to be," I said.

"Yes, I agree. And that is what I told him." Sigrun smiled, almost to herself. "Do not judge him too harshly, Bryn. Fenrir has had love in his life before. A long time ago, he was married to a beautiful woman who made him very happy. But tragedy struck and his wife was killed. The loss of that love weighed heavily on him. So much that he withdrew from the possibility of love. He even distanced himself from Mika, and we both know how that turned out."

I nodded. Mika had tried to kill me in order to thwart my mission to retrieve the magical goblet from the dwarf queen's royal quarters. Had she succeeded, both Aidan and Tyra's granddaughter Siri would be dead right now.

"But he has accepted that it is not a healthy way to live. And I also told him I did not plan to pine for him for another century. So in the end, we settled everything."

She stopped talking so suddenly I knew there was something she hadn’t allowed herself to say. "What else? Out with it."

"Fenrir has asked for my hand in marriage." And she blushed again.

Was that what true love did to you? Make you blush and stutter?

With Aidan and me, there had been the case of blushes and incoherent thought; there’d been the attraction of course, and the little jealousies. But we’d spent too much time apart to develop our relationship, and in the end, I wondered if I’d ever truly known him. Had I just been in love with the idea of being in love?

And now, hearing Sigrun’s news, I knew I was watching true love in action. I wanted to whoop for joy, but I controlled the urge. "That is fabulous, Sigrun. I can’t tell you how happy I am."

"I have you to thank, Bryn. Had it not been for your persistent nagging—"

"Nagging?" I asked, trying my hardest to sound affronted and failing miserably. I threw my arm around her shoulders and gave her a quick squeeze. "Congratulations, Sigrun. I can’t wait to get back home now to congratulate Fen."

Her eyes gleamed with happiness. "We plan to tell our friends only after Frigga gives us her blessing."

I nodded, a little stab of sadness clouding my happiness for the couple. Odin wouldn't be able to give his blessing. Not unless we save him from whatever in-between place he's stuck in. I tried to focus on my joy for Fen. He was one of the people I admired the most in Asgard, and he was going to marry my best friend. That was all the reason I needed to be overjoyed.

***

Darkness swallowed the path ahead, forcing us to make camp beside a rocky outcropping. We huddled in the shallow cave, the fire sputtering weakly from the sparse bunch of twigs we'd worked hard to find.

Sigrun rose to her feet, pulling her bow from the bag of weapons. "Time to find some food."

Aimee rose, throwing a hard look at Aidan, who'd drawn a pen and notebook from his rucksack and looked ready to settle down to write.

"I'm with you," Aimee said, giving Aidan a last disgusted glance before following Sigrun. Joshua hesitated. He met my eyes and I nodded, assuring him I was fine. Then he grabbed another bow from the bag and followed the two girls into the darkness.

I'd never seen this side of Aidan. The sullen side, the side that didn't want to pull his weight. He had been injured when the wolf took him down, but the Mead Sigrun had given him should have helped to restore his health and ease his pain and discomfort. Was I being unfair? Maybe he was in pain, more than any of us realized. But then, he was as much a Warrior as Joshua or any of the other
einherjar
. He'd been chosen to serve Odin. But did that mean all of Odin's Warriors were nice?

I laughed to myself. Just thinking of Astrid reminded me that being nice was not a requirement for being a Valkyrie or an
einherjar
. Or maybe it was and Astrid had grown bitter and mean with time?

I held my hands out to the little fire, alternately rubbing them together to get them warmer. "This place is like hell frozen over." Aidan spoke from a few feet away, trying to still the shiver running through him.

"Yeah," I answered. "Come over here and get yourself warm." I shifted to make space for him on the flat rock I was using as a seat.

He hesitated, then crawled over, book in hand. He warmed his fingers and I felt the quaking of his body. "Is your wound okay?"

"Yes. It's fine." He avoided my eyes though his jaw tightened as he stared into the fire.

"Are you sure? I can check it and dress it if you need," I offered. I was worried his wound would fester without care, but he seemed to not want anyone near him.

"I said no," he snapped. I stared at him, an eyebrow raised at his outburst. He threw me an apologetic glance. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be rude. I'm fine. Can we just leave it at that?"

"If that's what you want, then sure." I nodded. It was a lost cause. He'd come to the fire but it seemed like that was as far as he would go.

The fire crackled and the wind howled around our rocky outcropping. I pulled my legs up and curled my arms around my knees, enjoying the warmth of the fire on my cheeks. Aidan cleared his throat and I glanced back at him and waited for him to speak.

"I . . . I'm not coming with you."

"What do you mean?" I frowned.

"To Muspell. I'm not coming." Aidan looked away. "I want to spend some time with my mother. And my sister. And I want to do more research on what my father was trying to accomplish."

I gave him a sharp look, wondering what he really meant. His fascination with his father's experiments brought a bitter taste to the back of my throat. He met my gaze, his expression strong.

"And I wanted to say something." He rubbed his hands through his hair as if the action could erase his frustrations. His hair stood up in all directions and a few strands fell across his forehead. I found I didn’t have the slightest urge to run my fingers through his hair anymore and I wondered when I’d lost that desire. I waited in silence. "I'm sorry . . . about what happened when we found you at the research facility. I was a bit insensitive."

A bit insensitive? Couldn't he even apologize properly without still being insensitive?

Aidan met my gaze, and for a moment, I saw the Aidan that had made my heart beat faster. But only for a moment. "I'm really sorry you had to go through that." Then he laughed. "And . . . I don't think I want to face that fire giant again. He's bound to have it in for us big time."

He'd laughed but the sound was flat and emotionless. He was lying. "Okay. You don't have to come, you know. Not unless Fen, or your general says so." I enjoyed reminding him that he wasn't really his own boss. Sometimes I wondered if he remembered at all that he was
einherjar
first, Stephen Lee's son second.

Oh, and
let’s not forget Loki's grandson.

"I—" Aidan stopped speaking as the sound of voices traveled to us from the dark night. Joshua strode into view, a fat duck slung over his shoulder. I turned to Aidan and froze. The look he gave Joshua chilled the blood in my veins. Hatred? Anger? Disgust?

Aidan rose and returned to sit beside his rucksack, bending his head over his book. I faced the trio of hunters and grinned as they described the hunt. How they'd managed to find the duck in the pitch-dark I didn't know. But I barely paid attention. My thoughts remained on Aidan.

He was the one who'd seemed so uncaring of my feelings when I'd lost my wings. So why was he now behaving as if I'd broken his heart, as if he hated Joshua? It was probably a good thing he wanted to stay in Asgard. Who knew what would happen if he and Joshua spent too much time with each other.

***