Dead Chaos (3 page)

"It wasn’t as if it were really a part of you, right, Bryn?"

I shivered. Did he just ask me to agree with him?

"Of course, it was a part of me. As much as any other part of my body was. Every step I make, everywhere I go, they are, and will always be, a part of me. Maybe I wasn’t born with those wings but they were mine."

Aidan scoffed. "You barely even used
them." He spoke as if he was trying to convince me that losing my wings wasn’t as bad as I thought. Or was he trying to convince himself? I just didn’t understand him anymore.

My ears rang as blood thumped through my body. Darkness gathered at the edge of my vision, slowly closing in until I remembered to take a breath and then let it go.

Tears burned my eyes at the sudden, terrible thought that jumped into my head. It would've been this moment when my wings would have fluttered with a sad and hurt energy, reflecting my emotions as they always did. I’d heard people who lost their limbs could sometimes feel them itch, or even sometimes reach for stuff before their brain registered the limb was no longer there.

Cold grief slithered over my soul, a harsh reminder that my wings were really gone, hacked off by a monster
; the father of this boy I now stared at with tears pricking my eyes. How much of the father was in the son for him to be so clinical about a part of me that had come to mean so much? Was Aidan that insensitive to my feelings?

I blinked, trying to swipe away the pain of keeping my tears at bay. No way was I going to bawl my eyes out when Aidan stood there, staring at me with a quizzical
, almost innocently righteous expression.

The pain in my chest moved its way to my head. Was this the same boy who’d stormed into my life and threw me into so many knots
? What did we really mean to each other if he could so easily brush away the trauma I'd experienced, especially since it was his father who'd hurt me? Perhaps it was his way of denying his father's atrocities. Maybe if he denied it then it wouldn't bother him too much. And then I wondered why the hell I was making excuses for him. After everything that had happened, I didn't need to suffer any longer. What had happened to Aidan hadn't been my fault. Freya had included him in her plan as a way to manipulate me. Freya’s doing. Not mine.

Aidan swept past us and strode out of the lab, heading briskly back to his computer in the other room. We followed, keeping our fury on simmer
.

In the moment of pain inflicted on me by Aidan's harsh words and lack of sympathy,
my vision cleared slightly.

No more guilt.

And it begged the question—how well did I know this grandchild of Loki, the Trickster? The god who had stabbed his own grandson almost to death.

Lost within the ripping pain of my introspection, I’d almost forgotten Joshua and Aimee were still in the room.

A movement beside me, and Aimee slipped her hand into mine. "Bryn, are you alright?"

"Sorry?" I frowned, confused at her question.

"You went real quiet there for way too long. Are you okay? Are the drugs still affecting you?" Aimee’s eyes were wide with worry, sparkling with unshed tears.

"No, no. I’m fine." Joshua hovered at Aimee's shoulder, his face a storm cloud. "Could you guys give us a minute please?"

Aimee scowled, then looked over at Joshua, whose returning expression was palpable fury. He threw Aidan an
if you hurt her, I will kill you
look, then left with Aimee. I knew they wouldn’t go very far.

***

"What the hell is their problem?" Aidan asked, pumping his jaw. I didn’t sympathize.

"You mean you can’t tell why they
're upset with you?"

"Why would they be upset with me? What have I done?"
He scowled.

"Are you really that stupid?" I asked. "Never mind, if you haven't
realized what the problem is by now, then it's pointless. Dead horse beaten. Done with." I swallowed, unsure if I should turn and leave Aidan to his curiosity or lack of it. I’d noticed the number of times his gaze had flicked to the computer at his side. An odd ache churned in my gut, like a snake, heaving and twisting and poisonous.

"How long are you going to be here?" I swept a glance around the sterile room.

"I’ll stay as long as I have access to the computers." He nodded, his mind already back to DNA and the inner workings of Bryn the Valkyrie freak. "They’ll be taking the evidence to the NY HQ, so I think I’ll stay with it."

"Fine. Then wait for me. I’ll meet you there. I’m going to Asgard to speak to Odin, find out what they have to tell us."

"Wait for you?" Aidan frowned.

"Yes. You’re going to get your mother and sister, aren’t you?" I narrowed my eyes, staring at his face.

"You know I have to get them to a safe place." He answered almost automatically, his eyes shuttered. What was it about them that was so hard for him to share?

"Where are they?"

"We—my father has an estate in Florida. My sister … she likes the warm weather." Aidan spoke, his mind already with his mother and sister.

"Is she ill?"

"Well… she’s always been weak." Aidan frowned, then blinked as if seeing something in his mind’s eye that gave him a terrible shock. "I never realized there was anything terribly wrong with her until now. Now everything makes perfect sense."

"What are you talking about?" I asked, taking a step toward Aidan. He was hurting, and despite my doubts about him, I still wanted to help.

"It’s just something I figured out about my sister." He shook his head, face stony, making it clear he wouldn't elaborate any further. "Something that makes me all the more certain I don't have time to wait around. They need to be removed from that house immediately."

"Do you want me to send a team?"

"No. I need to go myself. The team would never get past the gate."

"Aidan, our teams are made up of Ulfr, Valkyrie and
einherjar
. We're made for this type of mission."

"Not if he developed the black poison into a weapon." Aidan’s eyes were black emotional chips. "It's what I would do. You won't get past the front gate. That I can assure you."

"Listen, Aidan. No matter what you say, we are a team. We’ll work together on this. You need to give us as much information as possible. Layout, security, weapons etc. What are we up against? When we have everything in hand, we can plan our next move."

"Yeah, but you don’t have to come. It’s my business."
Aidan's expression was inscrutable.

"What? After everything we've been through together, you have no bloody right telling me it's not my business. Wait for me. I won’t be long."
I glared at him, my tone hard and unresisting.

"Fine. But I won’t wait forever." He looked at the door as if he sensed
Aimee and Joshua. "I don’t appreciate their attitude. What is it with them? They seem to think that because my father did all this it's okay to blame me."

"You think the
y're blaming you for your father's actions?" I laughed, the sound echoing metallic and hard around the room. "Aidan, that's not why they’re angry."

"Really? I’m not sure there’s anything else to say. If you and your friends want to lay blame, then I guess I can’t run from it, can I? Dr
. Lee’s son. Loki’s grandson. My parentage will speak for itself, no doubt." His face blanched and my heart clenched. A twinge of sympathy gripped my heart, but that's all it was. A twinge. His insensitivity still hurt, the wounds he’d inflicted far too painful for me to brush aside.

"That’s not what they meant," I bit out, furious he’d turned everything into a blame game. No way he'd recognize why they were so upset
now.

"They’re angry with you because you’re behaving like a callous, unfeeling bastard. Someone just chopped off a part of me, a part I could feel and move. They took it and chopped it into pieces and experimented on it. And because of that, I’ll never, ever fly again. And you know what's worse than having my wings taken like that? What’s worse is you don't see anything wrong with it. You think it's all good. All part of science. It's okay to experiment with parts of Bryn because she didn’t have that part six months ago. Sure, why don't we chop off a few fingers, check out her bone structure? Or dissect her right down to her muscles, figure out how the freak works from the inside out? Or better yet, we should cut out her heart. Oh, no, wait. Aidan’s already done a pretty good job of that with his cold, unfeeling attitude."

He stared at me, face pale. I hadn’t realized I’d raised my voice to almost a shriek. Hadn’t realized I’d begun to sob as I spoke because the pain of his words came flooding into my bones, my heart, and my eyes with a force I could not contend with.

I turned to leave, marching to the door, a little off balance without my wings, a little off balance with my heart broken. I swallowed my tears.

At the door I looked back at him. "You will wait for me to return,
einherjar
Aidan. That is not a request."

Aidan blinked in surprise and I left the room.

***

This time, my trip on the Bifrost barely had any effect on me. No churning of my stomach, no weird dizziness, either. Aimee
joined me on my trip back home, leaving Aidan and Joshua back at the clinic.

My heart gave a little jump when I thought of Aidan. Granted that little jump could be attributed to my anger toward his father.

I shivered at the thought of what they would've done to me had I not been rescued. There was one horrific possibility I barely wanted to contemplate. Could they have been so callous with me because they'd intended to kill me when they were done with their experiments? I was just a specimen to them. I was just something to be examined and studied under a microscope, something to take apart to discover what exactly made a Valkyrie tick? And the scariest thing of all is it seemed Aidan agreed with them. Or maybe they wouldn’t have killed me. Why kill off easy access to a continuous fresh supply on
einherjar-
killing ammo? Tears blurred my vision.

I shuddered, sensing no returning flutter at my back. Perhaps I would really have been better off dead. The dark fingers of dread seeped into my heart, gripping me relentlessly. Wings
don't grow back like a lizard’s tail or was that an octopus’s limb. I would never get my wings back, never fly again.

The heat of the fire in the transport room kissed my skin, warming me all over.

We were home.

Tears blurred my vision and I blinked viciously, trying to rid myself of the show of weakness. How was I going to get through this
? What I really wanted was to race to my room, lock the door and hide under my covers. But, I couldn't. And wouldn't.

***

We entered the Hall of Odin, cutting across the expansive white marble-tiled floor. We made a beeline for the dais, and a tiny part of me cringed, knowing I would meet the All-Father having not bathed for who knew how many days. I hoped I didn't reek.

T
he thought tickled hysteria from my throat and my mind. But I resisted. Giving in would inevitably mean losing all control.

Something inside me needed movement and I forced myself to stand still. As we
stumbled to a stop before Odin, my instincts needed curbing. The light played upon the god's golden helmet, dancing fleetingly across his gleaming breastplate. The All-Father watched me, his single eye moist, his deep silence so loud I wanted to bawl my eyes out. My chest tightened.

There was also something in his grey eye, something that roiled like a brewing storm cloud, so filled with anger and danger that my own heart stilled with a slight touch of fear.

The silence stretched too long and I ached to have it to broken.

I just wanted someone to say something.

The goddess Frigga sat beside her husband, a mournful, sombre expression on her face. "Child, please come forward." She held out her arm, beckoning me to climb the dais and approach the massive, carved thrones. An invisible breeze tugged the pure white fabric of her dress, and her skirt fluttered, then fell into place in silence.

This was good. No tears, no meaningless platitudes. I went, standing
on the dais for the first time since I’d arrived in Asgard.

As far as I knew, nobody stood up there with the gods unless you were one of them
. "How are you, my dear?" asked Frigga as she placed a hand on my shoulder. Her warm fingers were so close to my destroyed wings.

Too
close. I had to steel myself against shrugging her hand away. Perhaps she understood what I didn’t say aloud because she let go of my shoulder and ran her hand down my arm.

I couldn’t answer her and she seemed to understand. "
Valkyrie Brynhildr, you have been through a horrendous ordeal. I am so sorry." Even Frigga seemed at a loss. She'd run out of ways to comfort me so quickly that I was surprised. It made me wonder just how badly my mutilation had affected the Asgardians.

The hall was silent as Frigga threw a quick glance at her
strangely silent husband. Odin was not known for long, quiet pauses and I wondered, if by losing my wings, I'd lost my status as a Valkyrie. Our wings were important, that much I knew, especially since I'd had to go through that excruciating ordeal to receive the feathery appendages in the first place. It had taken me days to recover after the wings had first sprouted from my back, and now I wondered how long it would take me to recover now that they were gone forever.

Frigga leaned over and rested her hand on her husband’s arm. "I will go and bring her," she said. A part of my mind wondered who
Frigga referred to, but the other part of me hurt deeply with every moment of Odin's prolonged silence. What if he thought I was no longer worthy? No longer a Valkyrie?

The All-Father nodded at his wife and managed a small twist of his lips that passed for a smile. Frigga frowned, then smiled back, patted his hand softly and disappeared in the blink of an eye.

My knees shook as I waited in the thickening silence of the hall. I knew my friends were still there, waiting in support. I remembered Thor's words, his promise that Odin would ensure the doctor would be suitably punished. My knees shook from fatigue and sorrow, from dejection and desperation, and I was no longer sure where to look, so I directed my gaze to the marbled floor.

"You may leave
." Odin's voice boomed through the Great Hall and struck me so deep within my heart I felt as if I'd just been disowned. I struggled to breathe as I looked up at the god, unable to believe that he'd reject me when I needed his support so deeply.

My heart spasmed.
When my eyes reached Odin's face, I saw his gaze lie on my small band of friends. I sighed a sigh of relief, and silently berated myself for having such low expectations of such a great being.

"You have done well. You may go while I speak with Valkyrie Brynhildr. I will need to speak with each of you
soon. For now, freshen up and get some rest." Odin inclined his head at Aimee and Joshua, who bowed in unison. They waved and offered encouraging smiles as they turned to leave, and I suddenly felt deeply bereft without them.

"Valkyrie Brynhildr, there is not much words can do to help the pain you endure
." Odin spoke and his golden voice wrapped warmly around me. "I myself am deeply disturbed by these recent events. Things are happening around us that we would not have thought possible. Tell me, Brynhildr, tell me in your own words what happened from the moment you and your team arrived in New York." Odin gave me a small, encouraging smile.

"When we arrived at New York HQ, everything seemed set for a raid on an estate in Vermont. At the time, none of us had had any idea that the building belonged to Dr. Lee. All we knew was we had a report indicating that Brody had been located there." I paused and swallowed, realizing I had no idea how long ago that was. Or how much time had passed while I'd been unconscious. "How long was I gone? How long did they take to find me?"

"Almost ten days. The laboratory had been cloaked. It hid you from us until we finally detected the magic. Loki’s spells are sometimes hard to see."

Ten days. It made sense though. The visits by those military types, the amount of blood they’d taken, the experiments they managed to do.

I pulled myself away from those thoughts and looked at the All-Father. Another encouraging smile from him sent me off again. "
Einherjar
Karl directed us to the location of the estate and arrived soon after to assist. We entered the building and both Joshua and I felt that everything had been far too easy. The security around the building had been minimal, considering they had an Asgardian Warrior under lock and key. But Karl had seemed confident enough that all his sources had checked out and we had nothing to worry about."

"So you never suspected Karl was setting you up?"

"Not really. He'd overlooked my authority on numerous occasions and definitely rubbed me the wrong way, but being a Warrior, I never expected him to betray us. They'd orchestrated the whole thing very well. Karl had incapacitated everyone one at a time, leaving me no choice but to move on and get Brody out if I could. I chose to go for Brody and ended up face-to-face with a frost giant. Not fun."

"I do agree, Bryn, the Jotunn's have never been the most amenable of the creatures of the Nine Realms." Odin laughed softly.

"How did the teams find me?"

"My wolves are good trackers and Hugin insisted on tagging along to help. He seemed to have an uncanny ability to track you, my dear. I do believe he has a soft spot for you."

I recalled my time with Odin's enigmatic bird of Memory. I'd managed to grow fond of the raven despite his often contentious methods of imparting required information, so it lifted my spirits to know he'd had a hand in finding and saving me from Dr. Lee's clutches.

A memory sparked. "My lord, Dr. Lee wasn't working alone." I hesitated, clutching at the images and voices that sped across my mind and my memory. "I think the U.S. army and maybe the government was involved in some way. Maybe they were funding the doctor’s experiments or something, but I remember them coming into the lab and interrogating him."

"Interrogating him?" asked Odin

"Yes, it almost seemed as if he worked for them.
As if he answered to them in some way."

"It does fit well into all that we have learned about the Jotunn infiltration of Midgard." Odin nodded as he leaned back into his throne and rubbed his chin. "Over the last few months, we have gathered extensive information on highly regarded and powerful Midgardians. It seems the Jotunn planned and orchestrated some sort of takeover. They have infiltrated banks, major corporations, and even governments around the world."

My heart pounded against my ribs. For a scary, hysterical moment, I wanted to cry out and beg to just go home and leave all this craziness behind. But even if I were allowed to leave, I probably wouldn’t go. How could I? Odin and Frigga, Sigrun and my friends from Craven, Fen and even Njall the sword smith; so many people I'd come to care so deeply for. So many friends and family that I'd gathered around me over these past months. How could I abandon them? For me it had gone way past duty. Now it was love and loyalty that held me steadfastly by Odin’s side.

Not to mention vengeance.

Loki and Dr. Lee would pay. I promised myself that.

I listened as Odin continued. "Our battle in Midgard is far from over. We need to regroup and gather more Warriors. Be prepared."

A sharp pain spliced through me as Odin mentioned the word
Warriors
. "Well, now that we've closed down their poison factory, we may be able to gather more Warriors," I said softly.

"Yes, their black poison set us back by months, but I am confident we can continue our recruiting."

"I'm sorry, my lord," I said, still feeling the sharp point of guilt piercing my gut.

"What for, my child?"

"For the poison. If it hadn’t been for me, they wouldn’t have had the ability to destroy all those Warriors. And it's not only my existence that’s to blame. It's my carelessness. When Aidan and I went back to Midgard and entered the clinic to remove the blood samples, I should have been more careful. I should have kept an eye on the vials. If I'd been more observant, Loki wouldn’t have been able to steal one. My carelessness gave them the power. And because of me, all those Warriors are dead."

"Now, Bryn, you need to stop thinking that way," Odin replied, his voice hard, a frown marring his forehead. "I will not allow you to take responsibility for Loki's shenanigans. All of this, everything that is happening, the Warriors, the Jotunns, Dr. Lee, everything is the
machinations of Loki. Trust me. There is nothing you could have done to stop this. And had it not been your blood, they would have found another way to get to us. So, please, stop blaming yourself for something that is entirely not your doing."

I smiled at Odin as he ended his rant with a huff. "I'll try."

The air stirred beside us and Frigga materialized in a shimmer of silver dust and tiny little puffs of clouds. She had an arm around another woman and I wondered who this mysterious visitor might be.

"Ah, there you are," said Odin, as if glad for the interruption. Our conversation appeared to have taxed the great All-Father as much as it had me. I hid a smile and paid attention to Frigga
as she and her companion moved closer.

"Bryn, this is Eir, Goddess of Mercy and Healing," said Frigga as the golden-haired goddess
Eir smiled cheerfully at me.

"Well met, Valkyrie Brynhildr. I have heard so much about you
." Eir smiled her golden smile again.

"It is good to meet you too
, my lady." I bowed and felt a smile twitch at my lips again. This new goddess seemed to have an infectious smile. Just her presence boosted my energy and made me feel a whole lot better.

Eir turned her attention to Odin, sketching a quick bow, the skirts of her deep purple dress swishing the floor. "My lord."

"Eir, my dear, thank you for coming. Our Bryn needs your help."

"I am happy to help," she said and smiled again at me. "I will do my very best. Come, Bryn, let me have a quick look."

I hesitated for a moment, then took a step toward her. Eir held a white woven basket in her hand that looked like it have been constructed from twigs as thick as my finger. The basket appeared too rustic for a healer, but what did I know? For now, I prayed that Eir could help, but what could she really do? It was impossible to think she'd be able to help get my wings back, so whatever she did would merely be to make me feel better.

But t
he sound of her gasp as I turned didn’t make me feel any better.

***