Dead End Dating (12 page)

I
hated being
it.

Okay, so
hated
was a mild word. I hated Fendi knock-offs and guys who catcalled when a woman walked past construction sites, and I really hated Angelina Jolie. Okay, so maybe
envy
would be a better word when it came to Angie. (Did I mention that I’ve seen
Troy
eight times and I’m actually a card-carrying member of Brad’s fan club?) Anyhow, the point was, the H word didn’t come close to what I felt. Next to working at Moe’s, being
it
was my ultimate night mare. The last time I drew short, I ended up with three broken nails, a concussion, and a ruined Christian Dior blouse.

See, the
it
vamp is the one who gets to wear the whistle around his or her neck. Aka the one who gets hunted. Aka the one who gets tackled at the speed of light by desperate, bloodthirsty brothers greedy for more vacation days from Moe’s House of Boredom.

Granted, the concussion had healed during sleep. But the blouse didn’t fare so well. We’re talking permanent death and destruction and a huge dent in my available credit because, of course, I’d had to replace it.

I picked up my steps and rounded the front of the house, the starting point where everyone was currently killing time to give me a sufficient head start. I eyed the thick trees that stretched behind the house and willed myself forward. I crossed the massive lawn, complete with a few hideous lawn jockeys my mother had brought from the “old” country, and approached the forest.

Entering the dense growth, I wandered around a good thirty seconds, making sure that I touched every branch I could reach to give my brothers something to lure them into the trees. I’d just stopped to check the status of my heels (no mud yet) when I heard the faint ring of a bell that indicated the hunt had begun.

Taking a deep breath, I leapt straight up toward a very high branch that overlooked the stretch of grass that surrounded the house, perched on the edge, and held my breath. I didn’t see them so much as I sensed them as they rushed toward me, plunged into the forest, and headed straight past.

Smell first and think later. That was my family.

They expected me to try to outdistance them and probably figured I’d be running for my life. But I was smarter than that.

And much more of a chicken.

I counted at least six sets of footsteps before I dropped to my feet and started toward the rear of the main house. I was just about to barricade myself in the pool house and play a few games of solitaire on my BlackBerry when I smelled the faint scent of rum sauce.

I headed around the pool toward the patio and came to a staggering halt when I saw the vamp sitting in one of my mother’s wrought-iron lawn chairs.

Okay, so I’d never been that good in math. Obviously, Wilson hadn’t followed the others and my count had been off. Rather, he was staring up at the sky as if mentally tabulating the number of stars.

“Gotcha!” I came up behind him and tapped him on the shoulder.

He bolted to his feet and whirled on me, lips drawn back, fangs bared.

I leapt back.

“Lilliana?” The fangs retracted. “What are you doing here?”

“What are
you
doing here?” I eyed him. “I know what you’re not doing. I’ve been standing in the trees over there waiting for you to pick up my scent.” I’m such a good actress. “You haven’t budged an inch.”

He shrugged and shoved his hands into his pockets. “I didn’t come here to hunt.”

“You came here for a multiorgasmic vamp.”

He nodded. “Both my brothers have been committed for over one hundred years. My first sister-in-law scores an eleven on the Orgasm Quotient. Number two ranks a ten. I’m the only one in my family who doesn’t even have a decent prospect.”

I started to realize that Wilson wasn’t alone because he didn’t get out much. And my mother thinks
I’m
picky?

“I’m not exactly what you were looking for, am I?” I asked him.

“I need at least a ten when it comes to orgasms, otherwise I’ll be the disgrace of the Harvey clan.”

He looked so disappointed that I had the sudden urge to tell him that I’d lied and I could do an easy dozen (see the good actress comment above). A baker’s dozen if I was really turned on and the sex involved whipped cream and serious toe-licking.

Yeah,
a voice whispered.
Like a gazillion years ago.

I ignored the voice. Time had not, in any way, shape, or form, diminished my orgasmic level.

At least that’s what I was telling myself.

“Listen, if you’re dead set on ten,” I told Wilson, “I think I can help you out. I don’t know if my mother mentioned it, but I run a matchmaking service.” I pulled a card out of my pocket and handed it to him. “I could help you find a suitable eternity mate.”

He eyed the card. “Your mother said you managed the second NYU location of Midnight Moe’s.”

“That’s in my next lifetime.” The trees trembled around me, and in the far-off distance I could hear footsteps heading back through the trees toward the house. “Now I’m all about hook-ups,” I rushed on. “And I would be happy to help you find that special someone. For a fee, of course.” The footsteps grew louder, my heart pounded faster, and the safety of the pool house seemed miles away. I could practically feel my beaded net cardigan tremble in fear. “But I’d be willing to give you a nice discount in return for a favor.”

“How nice?” His gaze shot to the trees, and I knew he sensed the others as well.

“Ten percent,” I told him.

“Forty percent?”

“Are you crazy? I’ve got bronzers to buy.”

“Thirty, and you’d better hurry and make up your mind because they’re getting closer.”

Too close, but we’re talking
bronzers.
“Twenty-five,” I said firmly, all the while shaking in my favorite shoes. “That’s my final offer.”

He smiled and slid the card into his pocket. “What do you want me to do?”

“Tell me again what happened?” My father’s gaze drilled into me as I sat on the sofa next to Wilson. My three brothers perched in various chairs about the room. Tammy knelt next to Jack’s chair and massaged his feet—can you say barf? My mother stood by the fireplace with a drink in her hand—the real thing this time since the hunt was now over and dinner was officially served. Every eye fixed on me.

“Well.” I licked my lips. Great actress aside, I didn’t make it a habit of lying. At least not outright. “I was racing through the woods for my blouse’s life when all of a sudden Wilson came at me from out of no where. Before I could blink, he pounced, grabbed the whistle, and let loose, and that was that. End of the hunt. Congratulations,” I told him, turning to shake his hand. “Well done.”

“Thank you.”

“Racing, huh?” My father cast a suspicious gaze at my spotless heels.

“Actually, I was going so fast that my feet weren’t even touching the ground. Just sort of skimming it. The way you do when you’re moving from tee to tee. Or running from Viola.”

“I do not run from that woman.” My father’s expression went from suspicious to annoyed, and I gave myself a great big high five. “I outrun her. There’s a big difference. Namely, I am the superior creature. Faster. More cunning. More intelligent. I could crush her like a fly if I wanted.”

“She does get pretty vicious when there’s a full moon,” my mother pointed out. “What with those teeth and those claws and that unnatural strength. I think
crush
might be a tiny bit of an exaggeration.”

My father turned on my mother. “Are you saying my teeth aren’t vicious, Jacqueline?”

“Well, no, dear.”

“Or that my claws aren’t as sharp as razors?”

“Of course not.”

“Or that my strength—that of an ancient, all-powerful warrior
vampere
—isn’t by far more precious and magical than that of a werewolf?”

“I just meant that she can be quite a nuisance when she chooses to be. A pest. Like a mosquito. Or an overzealous human.” She spared a look at Jack and his latest overzealous human. “Don’t get yourself all worked up, dear. She isn’t worth it.”

“That’s true.” His gaze swiveled back to me, and I knew my temporary reprieve was now over. “So he came at you out of nowhere? You didn’t hear a thing?”

“I was breathing so hard from all the racing, not to mention Wilson is really light on his feet.”

“We’re all light on our feet. We also have cunning hearing.”

“Yes, well, Wilson exceeds the already high standards. He pounced and I was powerless to resist.”

“Powerless? The last time I tried to tackle you during a hunt, you kicked me in the nuts,” Rob chimed in. “I couldn’t walk for the rest of the night.”

I glared at my middle brother. “Yeah, well, you’re not half as fast or as determined as Wilson.”

“Maybe you’re just getting slow,” Rob challenged.

“And maybe you’re just jealous because Wilson beat you tonight.”

“Am not.”

“Are too.”

“Children,” my mother said as she came to stand next to my father. She rested a hand on his shoulder, obviously still intent on soothing him after the Viola comment. “Enough of this bickering. Wilson won fair and square, and that’s that.”

“But I just don’t get it,” my father started, and my mother’s hand tightened on his shoulder.

“Of course you do, dear. You were young once, and just as fast and determined. That was about the time that we first met. We were at my family’s castle. Remember that?”

“Yes.” He still looked puzzled.

“You took one look at me standing on the balcony and, just like that, you leapt the five stories to stand next to me. You moved so fast, I didn’t have time to take a breath, much less back into the room. Not that I would have. I wanted to meet you.”

My father puffed up. “I
was
fast, wasn’t I?”

“The fastest. Then again, so am I. I could have retreated inside and slammed the door in your face if I’d wanted to.”

“But you didn’t want to.”

“Exactly.” She tilted her head in my direction. “Which is why we’re going to leave this topic alone.”

“We are?” My father looked puzzled for a few more seconds, before understanding finally hit him. “
We are.
So”—he rubbed his hands together and smiled big enough to show his fangs—“anybody hungry?”

“Hold up. Who gets the vacation days?” Max asked. “I was really counting on them next month. I’m planning a trip to Venice with a few friends.”

“I can’t very well give Wilson vacation days when he’s not in my employ.”

“We could give them to Lilliana instead,” my mother suggested.

“But she was
it,
” Max argued. “The reward goes to the best
hunter,
not the prey. I say we give it to whoever was closest when Wilson blew the whistle.”

“That would be me,” Rob said.

“Like hell. I was closer than you,” Jack said.

“You wish.” It was Max’s turn. “I was closer than both of you losers.”

“There’s no reason to fight. I can’t take the days. I don’t work for Moe’s,” I pointed out.

“It’s settled,” my father went on as if I hadn’t said a word. “Lil gets the days to use whenever and however she chooses.” He glanced at Wilson and smiled. “With whomever she chooses.”

“Now that that’s settled,” my mother declared, a pleased look on her face, “why don’t we all head to the dining room for a real drink?”

“H
ow many times can you orgasm in one sexual encounter?” Evie’s voice drifted from the open office doorway.

It was six-thirty on Monday evening, and I’d just stopped by to retrieve more business cards before meeting The Ninas at another singles hot spot.

“I don’t know.” I shrugged and stuffed the cards into my purse. “A few, maybe.” I’d managed to keep Evie in the dark about the whole vamp thing, and I wasn’t going to stir her suspicion by admitting the truth.

“I’m not asking
you
. We’re asking the client in room A, and she wants to know why we need to know.”

My hand stalled reaching for another handful of cards. “We have a client in room A?”

She smiled. “Our fourth one today. The flyers that you handed out through Moe’s really did the trick.”