Dead End Dating (26 page)

Okay, so
wrong
analogy, but you get the idea.

Now back to the good stuff. He leaned into me, his eyes fierce and gleaming and hot. Mmm…I felt the rush of his breath against my lips. He was going to kiss me, all right. He was going to—

“Just keep your eyes open for anything suspicious.” His deep voice penetrated the steady
thump, thump
of his pulse, which echoed in my ears.

My eyes snapped open to find that we were nose to nose. But he wasn’t puckering. He was grinning.

I frowned. “You’re not going to kiss me, are you?”

He shook his head and the tip of his nose brushed mine. “Not this time.”

Darn it.

“The way I figure, sugar, it’s your turn now.”

Meaning I was going to have to kiss him or it just wasn’t happening.

He didn’t budge. He waited, his body taut and close. Waiting.

I licked my lips and remembered last night. How good he’d tasted and how much I’d wanted him.

Enough to get myself all worked up and actually consider my mother’s advice. I’d gone so far as to picture myself with Wilson. I’d even pictured the two of us with a half-dozen little Wilsons.

Eee—ewwww.

I swallowed and searched for my strength. “I think I’ll pass. Um, thanks for stopping by.”

I thought I saw a flash of disappointment, but then his smile widened and I was left thinking it was just my own hormones on the chopping block.

“Any time, sugar.” And then he turned and walked away.

It’s for the best,
my conscience whispered. (Yeah, I know vampires aren’t supposed to have those either, but get over it.)
You shouldn’t have let him kiss you last night. And you shouldn’t have called him earlier when you freaked. And you certainly shouldn’t have stood there just waiting for him to make another move—

“Oh, shut up,” I growled. “Just shut the hell up.”

I listened until his footsteps and the delicious thrum of his blood disappeared, and then I snatched up my purse, killed the lights in the office, and headed home.

Another Saturday night bites the dust.

“P
lease tell me this isn’t what I think it is.” My gaze shifted from my mother to the most handsome vampire I’d ever seen, which was saying a lot on account of all vampires are usually super-duper handsome.

It was Sunday night again. Another family hunt.
And
another fix-up.

Tonight’s prospective mate looked as if he’d stepped off the cover of a romance novel. He had long, flowing black hair, a strong jaw, piercing green eyes, a sinful mouth, and a body to absolutely
die
for. Whew…Was it hot in here, or was it just me?

Certain, ahem, body parts tingled with excitement, and a small flutter of hope went through me.

Hope?

Ack. I
was
desperate.

I shifted my attention to the guy standing next to him—a mirror image as far as features go. But number two had flowing blond hair and rich chocolate brown eyes.

There were
two
of them.

“They’re fraternal twins,” my mother voiced my thoughts.

Okay, so we’re talking only a smidgeon of what I was thinking. Thankfully.

“Both fantastic,” she went on, “yet different enough to satisfy all tastes. I figured since you’re being so picky that I couldn’t go wrong with two fantastic men—each with an extremely high fertility rating—who are handsome, yet different. If Thirston’s hair is too dark, then you have Theodore, here, who’s a blond. If Theodore’s eyes are too brown, then you can liven things up with a bit of color and go for Thirston. What more could you want?”

“That’s, um, nice, Mom, but I really don’t think I’ll be going for either of them.”

“Why not?” She looked so clueless that I found myself seriously contemplating the existence of pod people. There was an entire world of supernatural beings in existence, why not aliens? That would explain so much about the woman staring back at me. My mother wasn’t my mother. She was a deaf, stubborn pod with one purpose on Earth: to make her only daughter’s life a living hell. Today me, tomorrow daughters everywhere, until pushy mothers single-handedly ruled the world.

The thought was enough to calm all tingling body parts.

“You have to stop with the pickiness, Lilliana. You’re not getting any younger. Besides, do you have an escort for the soiree?”

“I don’t need an escort. I’m perfectly capable of flying solo.”

She shook her head. “You can’t fly, dear, until after midnight. It’s against soiree rules.”

“I didn’t mean
fly
fly. I meant that I’m perfectly capable of attending on my own. Without a man.”

“Why ever would you want to do such a thing when these two are more than eager to accompany you? They’re both handsome and virile, not to mention Thirston owns a paper products plant and Theodore is big in the domestic waste industry.”

Did she just use
virile
and
domestic waste
in the same sentence?

“They’re perfect, Lilliana. Absolutely perfect.”

“One makes toilet paper and the other takes out the trash.”

“Not just toilet paper,” Thirston chimed in. “We also make paper towels, napkins, and we’ve just revamped our line of disposable eating utensils. We make the super duty plate.”

“The what?”

“The super duty. Guaranteed not to bleed, break, or fall apart, or your money back.”

“That’s really…nice.” My attention shifted back to my mother. “So, um, where’s Dad?”

“He’s in the library talking business with Wilson.”

“Wilson’s here, too?” My eyes rolled to the back of my head, and I groaned.
“Mom.”

“I didn’t invite him. He just showed up. He said he needed to talk to your father about one of the new investments he’s adding to our portfolio. And it’s a good thing; otherwise, your father would still be sulking.”

“Why?”

“That woman stole his lucky golf ball during this evening’s game.”
That woman
aka Viola “the werewolf” Hamilton.

“You’re kidding, right?” She hadn’t struck me as the petty thief type, but then what did I know? I’d met her for all of five minutes.

“I wish I were. He was a little off on his aim, and the ball went over the hedges. Viola and her bunch thought your father was instigating a game of fetch. Needless to say, she won’t even think of returning it. Your father is devastated. He prizes that ball above everything, except his autographed Knicks cap. It was given to him by a golf legend.”

“Tiger Woods?”

“Tiger’s dad’s chiropractor’s daughter.” She smiled at the two male vampires. “So how about a little drink to whet everyone’s appetite?” Both men nodded, and she smiled. “Lilliana, why don’t you visit with Thirston and Theodore while I pour?”

“I would love to, but I really should go and find Max. He’s doing some color brochures for me, and I need to talk to him about the setup.”

“He’s not here yet.”

“Well, uh, I sort of need to speak to Jack, too.”

“He isn’t here yet either.”

“Rob?”

“Probably en route.”

“You mean they’re all late?” Jack I could see. He was always late. But Max was just a younger, more hip version of my father, and he was
always
on time.

“I told them to come a half hour later.”

“You didn’t tell
me.
”

“Because I wanted you here at the usual time. I wanted to give you a chance to meet Theodore and Thirston without any interruption.”

Which added an additional half hour to an evening that was already way too long in the first place.

She handed both men a glass of bourbon on the rocks and motioned them over to the sofa. “Lilliana, you should join them.” She indicated the space on the sofa between them, but I quickly sank down in an armchair on the opposite side of the Queen Anne coffee table. “There. Now everyone’s settled.” She smiled at me. “Hold down the fort, dear. I need to go down to the cellar and pick out a bottle of something ancient and imported for tonight’s dinner.”

“But I’d really rather—” She disappeared before I could finish the sentence. The
click click
of her high heels on the tiled marble floor echoed down the hallway and quickly faded to nothing.

The trash king gave me a serious expression while the toilet paper guy pulled a BlackBerry from his suit pocket.

“You don’t mind if I take a few notes, do you?”

“I guess—”

“Good,” he cut in, a serious expression on his face. “So what’s your orgasm quotient?”

Ugh. Here we go again.

I drew a deep breath and searched for a tactful reply that didn’t include
None of your friggin’ beeswax.
“Zero,” I replied.

Both men exchanged puzzled looks. “You’re kidding,” he finally declared. “A sense of humor.” He shook his head. “That’s not really important, but I guess it can’t hurt,” Theodore told me while Thirston made a few frantic notes on his BlackBerry.

“I do have a sense of humor, but I’m being serious.” I gave him a somber expression to back it up. “I have this horrible affliction that totally inhibits my sexual appetite so much that I don’t even like sex.”

Theodore looked relieved. “You don’t have to like it. Just so long as you can pop out an egg.”

Oh,
no
he didn’t.

He leaned closer. “So can you?”

I leaned closer. “Yes.” He smiled and I smiled. “Not that it’s going to help in this particular situation.” His smile disappeared, and mine widened. “No offense, Theo, but when I picture my dream guy, he’s a pilot or a Navy SEAL or a half-naked construction worker.” Or a bounty hunter, a small voice added.
Bad voice.
“He isn’t mopping up spills with a roll of Bounty.” Harsh, I know. But, come on,
pop out an egg
? Pu-lease.

“That’s the other paper towel. We make the Spill Slurper.”

“It was a figure of speech. And while I do the trash thing, too”—I turned to his brother—“ditto on what I just said to him. Not that you dudes aren’t totally hot or anything, I just don’t think we’re compatible.
But
”—I smiled—“I’ll bet I can find you someone who is…”

I was this close to the pool house—my chosen hideout for tonight’s hunt—when I heard Wilson’s voice.

“How goes it with the hunt?”

I whirled to find him standing behind me. He looked as handsome as ever in a three-piece suit, his expression dark and brooding and very vamplike. Sort of. He did have an inkstain on his tie, and I could see the bulge of a calculator in his coat pocket. “Actually, it’s going pretty well.” I’d let it slip that our next-door neighbor on the east was an uncommitted born female vampire who’d recently made the vamp book of world records for having the highest orgasm quotient in the history of the race. That had sent Theodore and Thirston off in her direction while I’d headed for the pool house. “I’m not
it.
Max has the pleasure tonight, which means I just lay low until it’s over.”

“I meant the hunt for an eternity mate. For me. Have you found anyone?”

“But I thought you and Nina…I mean, you
did
see each other last night.”

“I thought she was just a warm-up. For the real thing.”

Okay, so she had been. I’d needed to hook him up and Nina had volunteered so I wouldn’t look absolutely inept. But then they’d hit it off and now she liked him.

Case in point,
she
liked
him.

“She’s an intelligent woman,” he said. “Very intelligent. And I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone who knows more about IRAs. She’s also very attractive. But let’s face it, she doesn’t come close to meeting the requirements I’ve set forth.”

“But you’ve seen her more than once,” I pointed out. My throat burned, and my chest felt tight.

“Well, yes. But it’s just business. We enjoy talking about the latest financial news, but it’s not as if I can take her home to my family. Come on, they’d all have a great big laugh.”

For the second time that evening, I found myself seriously rethinking my position on the violence issue. If ever anyone needed a good ass kicking, it was Wilson Harvey. And maybe the vamp twins. And every other chauvinistic born male vamp out there.

Hello? That’s most all of them.

True, but at the moment, I was really pissed, and I felt up to the challenge.

“Let me put it this way,
Wilson.
I wouldn’t hook you up if you were the last born male vampire and the survival of our entire species depended on you. And what the hell kind of name is
Wilson
anyway? It’s a last name, that’s what kind it is. What sort of guy has a last name for a first name?” I was ranting, I knew, but I was doing it on behalf of one of my dearest friends, as well as all born female vamps everywhere. “A boring guy, that’s who. A guy who carries a calculator and gets ink spots on his tie. What was I thinking letting you within five feet of Nina? You’re not fit to lick her conservative but tasteful shoes.”

“Excuse me?”

“No, excuse
me.
” I turned, stomped toward the pool house, and slammed the door. And then I sulked for the next two hours until the whistle sounded.