Deadly Echoes (19 page)

I called Paul as soon as Mike left and told him about Doug Sykes's death, my meeting with Mike, and Cicely's information about John Smith. “I found something in Hannah's papers that referred to a
J
. Could
J
be this John guy?”

There was silence on the other end of the line. “Maybe. Boy, that's a pretty common name,” Paul said finally. “I don't think we can draw too many conclusions about it yet, but I'd certainly like to know who John Smith is.”

“Me too. Hey, Mike wants to know if you'll come over tomorrow night.”

“I suppose so,” Paul said slowly. “I still can't believe Detective Sykes is dead.”

“Mike is convinced it has nothing to do with Hannah's case.”

Paul was quiet. “I hope he's right,” he said softly. “Let's proceed carefully with this Mike guy, Sarah. Okay? I called and left a message with someone who should be able to tell me more about him. I'd hoped to hear something before he showed up.”

“I think he's all right, Paul. In fact, I think you'll like him. But
I didn't tell him everything. Like Hannah's phone. I figured you'd want to keep that between us. I agree we should be cautious.”

“Good girl. Speaking of Hannah's phone, do you mind if I drop by tonight for a bit? I've gone through it—as much as I could. I'd like to share what I found. Unfortunately, I couldn't get anything from her Facebook page. Its privacy settings kept me out.”

“I'm sure it's okay, but let me check with Janet first.” I put the phone down and found Janet in the kitchen. She was more than happy to have Paul join us for dinner. I told Paul and asked him to come over around six.

After we hung up I rushed upstairs to grade papers and prepare for school the next day. Around six o'clock I heard the doorbell. I'd just finished making out my lesson plan, so I quickly slid everything into my satchel and put it next to my desk.

“It's Paul,” Janet called up the stairs.

I glanced in the mirror. It had been a long day, and I looked tired, but there wasn't much I could do about it. When I got downstairs I found Paul in the kitchen talking to Janet.

“Something smells good,” I said as I came in. “What's for dinner?”

“Nothing fancy,” she said with a smile. “Chicken and dumplings. Just seemed like a chicken and dumplings kind of night.”

The wind outside howled as if it agreed with her. I snuck a look out the window. It wasn't snowing, but the trees frantically danced and swayed back and forth.

“Temperatures are dropping,” Paul said. “I'm afraid we're in for lots of snow. With the wind, we could end up with a blizzard.”

“Oh dear. I hope that won't keep Mike from making it back tomorrow. I knew he should have stayed here.”

Janet laughed. “He seems like the kind of guy who won't let
a little snow hold him back. Besides, I'm sure that SUV of his has four-wheel drive. If anyone can make it through the snow, he can.”

“I hope so.”

Janet pointed a big spoon at me. “I know we can't talk about what's going on in front of Cicely, but I want an update later on.”

I nodded. “Nothing to tell you yet. Mike's here because Detective Sykes felt someone needed to dig a little deeper into Hannah's murder.”

I knew I'd have to eventually tell Janet that Detective Sykes was dead, but I couldn't do it now. I was afraid she'd assume what I had. That Doug Sykes was dead because he'd offered to help me. I didn't want to frighten her.

I called Cicely down for dinner, and we spent the next hour eating and talking. Cicely and Paul chatted easily and appeared to be very comfortable with each other. She seemed drawn to him, probably because she had no father figure in her life. He went out of his way to include her in our conversation and asked questions that made it clear he was really interested in her. I watched her respond to him and was once again grateful for his involvement in our lives. I was thinking about Paul when Janet's voice cut through my reverie.

“Did you hear me, Sarah?”

Startled, I looked over at her. “I . . . I'm sorry. Were you talking to me?”

She smiled. “You drifted away again. I'd ask you what you were thinking about, but you won't tell me, will you?”

I could feel myself blush. “It wasn't very interesting, I'm afraid.”

She shook her head. “Why don't you and Paul go into the living room? I'll bring you both a piece of cake and a cup of coffee.” She pointed at Cicely. “Is your homework finished?”

She shook her head. “Not yet but almost. Can I take my cake upstairs so I can eat it while I work?”

Janet looked at me.

I nodded. “Sounds fine. Let me know before you go to bed so I can say good night.”

“I will.” She smiled at Paul. “Good night, Paul. I'm glad you came over.”

“Me too. When the weather gets better I'll teach you to ride, okay?”

“Awesome. I can hardly wait.”

Cicely almost skipped as she followed Janet to the kitchen to get her dessert.

“Wow. What's that about?” I asked Paul. “You certainly made her happy.”

“Boy, you really did wander away.” He grinned. “Seems your niece is crazy about horses. I have two. Told her I'd teach her to ride.”

I frowned at him. “I didn't know you had horses.”

“There are a lot of things you don't know about me, Sarah.”

“Oh, Paul. All we do is talk about me and my situation. I'm so sorry. I almost never ask you about yourself. You must think I'm very self-centered.”

“I don't think you're the least bit self-centered. Right now what's going on in your life is much more important than getting to know me better.” He smiled. “But someday when we have all this behind us, I'd love to show you where I live. I built my own cabin in the woods, not far from a beautiful creek. I have two horses, three dogs, and two cats. Oh, and a fox that I've raised since he was abandoned by his mother. Rover thinks he's a dog, and I've never tried to set him straight.”

“You named him Rover? How funny.”

He grinned. “Well, it seemed to fit.”

“It sounds wonderful. Cicely will love it. She adores animals.”

He gave me an odd look, and I wondered if I'd said the wrong thing.

He stood up. “Let's go into the living room and get to work,” he said gruffly. “That's why I'm here, right?”

I watched as he left the kitchen. I'd upset him, but I had no idea how.

“Sarah, you're one of the smartest people I know, but you're also one of the most clueless women I've ever met.”

I whirled around to find Janet standing in the doorway, holding two plates of chocolate cake.

“What are you talking about?”

She put the plates down on the dining room table. Then she put her hands on her hips.

“I'm talking about Paul's feelings for you. Are you seriously so blind that you haven't realized how much he likes you?”

Startled, I couldn't think of anything to say. Had I been right? Was he interested in me?

“Look, I know you loved Hannah with all your heart. But you've spent your life comparing yourself to her and coming up short. She was bright, beautiful, intelligent . . . all those things. But you are too. We can't see ourselves clearly when we're standing in someone else's shadow, honey. You'll never be Hannah because you weren't made to be Hannah. God created you to be Sarah, and it's time you realized that you're an incredible woman. Paul sees it. I see it. Now it's time for you to believe it.”

I shook my head. “That's exactly what Paul told me. But Hannah . . .”

Janet came over and put both of her hands on the sides of my face. Then she looked deeply into my eyes. “But Hannah is
gone, Sarah. Are you always going to compare yourself to her? Even after she's dead?”

“I don't mean to. It's just . . .”

Janet let her hands drop and took a step back. “Do you realize you've built a life around one comment a careless social worker said years ago? One comment. What about all the positive things that have been said about you? By me? By Paul? By all the people who love you? Why is that careless woman's opinion more important than everyone else's?”

“It's not. I wasn't adopted. She was right.”

“No, she wasn't. You weren't adopted because God loved you so much He wanted you here, Sarah. With me. With Cicely. And now with Paul. If you'd been adopted, you wouldn't be in my life.” Her eyes filled with tears. “I can't imagine my world without you in it. And what about Hannah? It might have been impossible for her to find you. And right now, Cicely would be alone. Don't you realize you're exactly where you're supposed to be? Oh, honey. You're beautiful, compassionate, brave, strong, and full of the love of God. I brought you into my life because I saw how valuable you are.” She sighed and shook her head. “It took me a long time to realize that I was special and unique to God. Please don't waste as much time as I did.”

Janet's past was troubled. She'd gotten involved in an abusive relationship and finally had to run away from an ex-husband who had a violent and criminal past. I'd always been shocked that anyone could be mean to her. Janet was the most compassionate, loving person I'd ever met. Suddenly, it was as if the Holy Spirit started speaking to me.
You were
never second to Hannah. You were framed by me to
be my special, unique, and blessed daughter. When will you
trust me?

I stepped back from Janet, stunned by the words that drifted into my spirit. I felt like a shock of electricity had gone through me.

“Are you okay, Sarah?” Janet's eyes were wide with concern.

I felt overcome by the love of God. All I could do was nod, but I couldn't tell Janet what I'd heard. Had God really just spoken to me? I believed God still talked to people today, but I'd never heard Him this clearly before.

“I have to . . . I need to . . .”

I turned and ran to the bathroom. As I tried to stop the tears that streamed down my face, I couldn't help but stare at myself in the mirror. Before dinner I'd only noticed how tired I looked. Now I saw something different. A woman loved by God. If God wasn't looking at my imperfections, why was I?

“I'm so sorry, God,” I whispered. “Help me to see myself the way you see me, and thank you for not allowing me to be adopted. I wouldn't want to be anywhere else other than where I am.”

Although I'd been crying only moments before, now I felt like laughing. It was odd, disturbing, and exhilarating all at the same time. When I finally left the bathroom, I found Janet waiting in the kitchen, her expression tight with worry.

“Are you all right, honey? Do you want me to tell Paul to come back some other time?”

I shook my head and smiled. “No. I'm fine. Thank you so much for what you said. You're right, Janet. I've been stupid.”

I picked up the plates of cake from the table and headed to the living room. Paul sat on the couch, his laptop on the coffee table. He looked up when I came in. I went over and sat down next to him, handing him a plate.

“I have a question,” I said as he took the plate from my hand.

“About the case?” He stuck his fork into the cake and took a bite.

“No, not about the case.” I waited until he looked at me. “About us. I may be a little dense, but Janet tells me you care for me. Is that true?”

Paul's eyes got wide and he started to choke on his cake. A little frightened, I pounded him lightly on the back to make sure he was okay. Finally he held his hand up as a signal to stop.

“Boy,” he said, his voice gravelly from coughing, “when you decide to change directions, you should at least give a guy a warning. I could have gotten whiplash.”

“I didn't mean to upset you.”

He coughed a couple more times but then gave me a thumbs-up. “I'm not upset. I'm happy. To be honest, I was about to give up.”

“I know I probably seem rather slow to you, but being insecure means you don't trust things that may seem obvious to other people. There's always an excuse to turn a positive comment into something else. You've said a few things that lead me to believe you like me. I mean, beyond just regular friendship. Am I misreading you?”

“No, you're not misreading me.” Paul gazed into my eyes. “I think you're incredible, and I'd like to get to know you better. I realize this is not the right time. You've been through a terrible tragedy, and your life has been turned upside down. But when your situation settles down, I'd like to ask you out. On a real date, I mean. What do you think?”

I gave him a slow smile. “I think that would be lovely. And I like you too. Very much. Just so you know.”

He blinked several times, whether it was from surprise, shock, or just being grateful he could breathe again remained to be seen. But his smile made it clear he was pleased. A wave of happiness flowed through me, and even in the midst of darkness, a light shone through.
Hannah would be delighted.