Dealing Flesh (15 page)

Morning comes. I ring Theo as soon as Ray leaves for work.

“I gotta call it off. It’s just not safe to keep seeing you. Sorry.”

“Don’t’ do this. You know, you are made for me. I want you,” he says.

I make my point again and hang up the phone.

Around noon, a flashy red convertible pulls up right in front of the apartment and turns off the engine. My heart pounds insanely fast, when I see that it’s Theo. I step out onto the balcony. He spots me, pleading that I come downstairs. Feeling immensely flattered, I momentarily think of
Rapunzel
, wanting to let down my hair so the prince can climb up.

Scaredy Cat:
If Ray gets back now, you are history. You must tell Theo to leave, or disaster may strike.

I walk downstairs. Theo hands me a bunch of greeting cards the moment I reach him. I wanna tell him to go away, but can’t get it handled.

Curiously, I open a few of the cards. His sweet words tell me how much he fancies me. I feel touched. My gaze shifts to the many helium balloons attached to strings, rising from the backseat of the convertible. Sweet slogans next to teddy bear faces say “Be Mine,” and “Who Love’s Ya’, Baby?”

“I wanna take you away,” says Theo. “Tell me, where you’d like to go? Anywhere you want, just say it. All expenses on me.”

Romy (near fainting):
This is better than a soap opera. Is this guy for real? Pinch me, please.
I say…run away with him.
Who knows when this chance will present itself again?

“How about Kauai?” spills vigorously out of me.

“Kauai it is, my dear. I am going to buy the tickets right now. Pack your stuff because you are getting out of here. You belong with me.”

“Theo, you have to give me till tomorrow to make it out safely with all my belongings.”

He agrees.

Raymond gets in late tonight. Like many times in the past, I smell a tad of alcohol on his breath. He initiates another depleting quarrel, this time threatening to take away my keys. I do not remember how I convince him to change his mind, but this morning he goes about his usual business not confiscating anything, even leaving my portfolio book laying around on the dining room table.

The moment I hear his car pull out of the garage, I start packing. In a matter of minutes, all my belongings are piled up inside my vehicle.

Feeling my pulse throb at my neck, I board my ride and proceed to the front gate. As it shuts behind me, tears roll down my face.

What is it again that free people do?

~~~

Island of Kauai, Hawaii

Waking up to the breathtaking scenery of a true paradise inside a beautiful room with the sounds of ocean waves coming in from the windows truly clears me of any remaining sorrows. Right after breakfast, Theo and I hit one of the picturesque deserted white beaches. We frolic around naked for hours, barely encountering another soul.

Two days go by. We join a group of other vacationers and together take off for an adventurous horseback ride into the lush wildlife-rich Hawaiian jungle. Lunch recess goes down at an idyllic clear water lagoon, which has a small waterfall flowing into it. I hear them say that this is where the movie Jurassic Park was filmed. It sure does feel like I am standing amidst the center of the earth; so unreal, it is hard to believe it truly exists.

We are back at the beach again. I spend some time alone stretched out in the sand at the edge of the water, while Theo relaxes on a blanket higher up on the strand. Gentle warm waves wash over me while I lay here and gaze into the unblemished sky.

Hot Shot:
This sure is heaven
.
I don’t know, but somehow that movie ‘Bolero’ comes to mind.

I lean onto my elbows and tilt my head backward, letting my long tresses hang into the water.

Miss Vanity:
I’ll beat ‘Bo Derek’ in sexiness any time.

My hand reaches around, gliding across the silky smooth texture of the soaking wet strands that are sticking to my back. The way my hair feels spread out across it reminds me of what I imagine it feels like to glide my hand over the coat of a wet seal. I hang my mane into the oncoming waves again, repeating the process one more time before I lay flat once more to catch more of the tickling sunrays on my skin. Theo joins me and within seconds, Fantasia convinces me that now would serve as the perfect moment to bring my long time fantasy of having sex at the edge of the ocean to life. We embrace…

In hindsight, I gotta say, “it ain’t all it’s cracked up to be.” For one, sand gets everywhere, and I do mean everywhere. It truly only looks good in movies. Theo returns to his towel, while I hang out and play with the waves a little longer. I stare into the sky.

Hot Shot:
I deserve this after the fucking hell Ray put me through all these years.

Scaredy Cat:
I wonder how he’s doing? I bet ya’ he would treat me much nicer today now that I bailed on him. Too bad he can’t be here to enjoy this.

Hot Shot:
You are out of your fucking mind, girl. Seriously, how can you ever consider going back to that ice cube kind of life with that bullying mama’s boy?

Tough Gal:
You are kidding, right?

Her voice fades into the background. Tears stream down my cheeks.

Scaredy Cat:
I want him back
.

Continuous thoughts of Raymond permeate my brain for the remainder of the trip, increasingly feeding the unstoppable urge for us to reunite.

Scaredy Cat:
I know exactly what to do once we touch down on L.A. ground.

The Vow

Ray welcomes me with open arms as I show up at the Culver City apartment. We cry together as we embrace in the hallway.

He picks me up and carries me into the bedroom where I allow him to blindfold me, thinking that this may add more spice to the reconciliation fuck.

Diverse items land on the playground, items which he asks me to identity. Let me see…there is a feather, ice cubes, whipped cream, and…I hesitate because a cold metal-like object glides across my throat from right to left, and reverse.

Scaredy Cat:
That’s it. I am no longer playing.

I rip the blindfold from my head, staring straight at Raymond who is holding one of the steel dinnerware knifes from the kitchen drawer. The game ends, and we move onto something else.

A week later, Ray is back to his old self—the one I knew before I ran off with Theo. Depreciating matters further, financial troubles force us to move in with his mother in Baldwin Park.

Romy:
Good grief.

We dump most of our stuff into a storage unit and set up camp at her house.

Blushetta:
This has to be as temporary as temporary can get.

Hot Shot:
You better believe it, or I won’t vouch for anything.

~~~

Raymond and I enter into a lengthy conversation about money this evening. Once more, I run by him every good reason why getting established in this town presents challenges.

“Let’s drive to Vegas and get married. How about it?” he suggests.

Romy:
Oh, no…you’re not.

Scaredy Cat:
It deserves fair consideration. At least, I wouldn’t have to constantly look over my shoulders anymore, fearing that someone is after me.

Hot Shot:
I’ve put up with his bullshit for nearly four years. Might I say that makes me eligible for something?

Blushetta:
Trading in Miss for Mrs. might do wonders for me.

Starlight:
You got the ‘go ahead’ from me, dear. I think getting hitched is gonna
make it so much easier to model and act out here
.

Scaredy Cat:
And if shit does hit the fan again, being a lawful resident would give me much more versatility. Who knows? Ray may even straighten out and stop being an asshole, once he’s got a ring on his finger.

Doubt Cloud:
Yeah, right. And what are you dreaming about when you are actually sleeping?
Once a jerk, always a jerk.

“Let’s leave for Vegas tonight,” Ray tempts.

I pause.

“Just you and I?”

“Sure. We’ll renew vows another time with a bigger ceremony. Okay?”

“Alright.”

Romy (sobbing):
So, this is it then, eh? You are forcing me to bury the ‘glass-slipper’ dream? I’ll never forgive you.

Scaredy Cat:
Ahhh, don’t listen to her. Haven’t I already gone through enough hell? Don’t let this chance slip through your fingers.

I begin packing. Within an hour, Ray and I are on the road to the desert.

Tough Gal:
Stay calm.

Well, gee. But what am I going to do about Romy?

Tough Gal:
She’ll snap back in. It’s just gonna take some time.

Las Vegas, Nevada

A nasty argument unravels inside the motel room tonight. Ragelina incites me to call the whole thing off, but by morning Ray’s mood improves significantly. I slip into the lox-colored knee length dress, while he puts on his double-breasted brown business suit. We grab a quick breakfast and head for the courthouse downtown where we take care of the necessary nuptial paper work.

While Ray drives the Mitsubishi down Freemont Street, I keep an eye out for a suitable wedding chapel.

“Look at that one,” I shout as we pass by an idyllic little white building on the right hand side.

We park the car in the holy house’s lot and barge into the chapel. Within ten minutes, the minister stands in front of us asking Ray to repeat the vows after him. I pass a few low volume giggles when hearing my husband-to-be making his declaration, although watching him slip the ring on my finger makes me want to bolt this instant. A couple of wedding-themed soap operas flash in front of my eyes as my turn to pledge comes.

Romy:
Oh, nooo.

I feel befuddled; neither happy nor sad, but numb and even more nebulous while stuttering through my nuptials. The words roll off my tongue devoid of any highs or lows.

“I now declare you husband and wife. You may kiss your lovely bride,” I hear the priest say.

I feel like I just signed my life away, yet at the same time, an odd kind of peace befalls me as we leave the chapel.

Scaredy Cat:
What a feeling to walk amongst the human race without having to hide like an underground rat.

I exhale.

Ray and I move into a one-bedroom apartment in the Wilshire district this weekend. A few weeks later, I secure my first job at a pet company near downtown L.A., a gig that requires me to take care of all the store animals. Wonderful.

Holy Vagina

Things at the store find themselves on the quiet end this morning.

Hot Shot:
I, for sure, could use a pick me up.

An hour later, a caramel-skin-colored man who I saw shopping here before walks in. His husky appearance, cute Bernstein eyes, and the way he holds himself with a kind of “I’m above the law” attitude gives me the
good
chills, appealing to me even more now than the last time I spotted him.

Fantasia:
Ummmh, ummmh, ummmh. Don’t you dare let such a fabulous looking specimen get away.

Lustania:
Don’t let him leave without getting his number.

Pretender Babe:
For starters, you may want to take off your wedding band and stick it into your back pocket.

Yes, ma’am. The ring disappears inside my purse behind the counter. I run my fingers through my hair, giving it a last good fluff before I ship out to the bird aisle. The fellow’s name is Ricky, or so he says upon my asking. Hot Shot’s super charm makes me treat him with my friendliest customer service ever, giggling, joking, and batting my eyelashes. By the end of the consultation, he hands me his card, asking that I call him before the week is over.

Hot Shot:
Smooth dealing.

Lustania:
Don’t ever wanna hear you say again, you aren’t talented.

Hot Shot:
Everyone’s gotta be good at something, I guess?

Two days go by.

Lustania:
Hurry, and call that Ricky guy before I lose my mind.

My eyes glide over his fancy card. The job title tells me he has ties to the entertainment industry.

Starlight:
Nice aphrodisiac.

My fingers dial the digits shown in bold ink in the right hand corner. A deep sounding, manly voice answers. We talk for about five minutes. By the end of it, he agrees to meet me in four hours at a five star hotel on Hollywood Boulevard.

We gather inside the lobby at three this afternoon. I wait on the sidelines while he arranges for the room. Once inside the big comfortable suite, we pounce on each other like two hungry lions on their prey; well okay, maybe just a tad gentler. The clothes we wore only seconds ago now form a messy trail from the hallway to the bed and a few stops in between.

To aid Hot Shot in reaching her goal of entering into Ricky’s “hall of fame” fucks of his lifetime, I allow his yolked body to do me like a savage. He bangs me in a myriad of bizarre positions atop several pieces of furniture, and the blue velour carpeted floor. Some of what I pass off as screams of ecstasy are, in reality, screams of pain because, at times, I am seriously concerned that his dick may push some of my organs through to the other side of me.

Ragelina:
What’s with him, ramming me like some kind of angry warrior…no tenderness or anything?

I dig my nails deeper into his back as he keeps going, a move that instantly makes him thrust me even fiercer. Truly close to yelling out “Ouch, take it easy, will you,” I let Miss Vanity once again persuade me to protect my adult star image no matter what. I let out several climax-like sounds, delivering to Ricky the perfectly enacted fireworks show, making him believe that I am indeed exploding into multiple orgasms.

The two and a half-hour mark passes. Both of us running out of steam momentarily, we decide to call it a night. We hug “goodbye” in the parking lot, after which I take off in one direction and he in the other, our silhouettes slowly getting swallowed by the blackness of night.

I seek out the nearest restroom and check my aching body for bruises and other compromising evidence. The search comes up negative, although my breasts and thighs hurt in the spots where Ricky’s fingers pinched my skin, and his mouth sucked so hard that I am surprised I’m not black and blue. If I recall correctly from past experiences, marks like that usually take a day or two to become visible. What needs no waiting though is the dull ache between my legs, which with each step or attempt to sit down instantly brings to mind flashbacks of the past few hours.