Dear Adam (24 page)

"Eden, you must never let me meet that
man."

Chapter 12

From: Adam -

Date: Sat, Aug 18, at 11:35 AM

To: Eden E

You know I once told you I liked tights.
Well, I really like them a lot. They are so sexy to me.

----------

From: Eden E

Date: Sat, Aug 18, at 11:37 AM

To: Adam -

Sheer nylons or tights? Garters?

----------

From: Adam -

Date: Sat, Aug 18, at 11:37 AM

To: Eden E

Sheer nylons I guess?

What is a garter?

Teach me, Edie.

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From: Eden E

Date: Sat, Aug 18, at 11:46 AM

To: Adam -

Garters - well, pantyhose that come up mid
to upper thigh and then fastened to panties.

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From: Adam -

Date: Sat, Aug 18, at 11:48 AM

To: Eden E

Do you have sheer nylons?

I don't know why I like them so much. I'm
not well versed in the subject though.

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From: Eden E

Date: Sat, Aug 18, at 11:49 AM

To: Adam -

I have thigh highs in my underwear drawer, I
think. I don't usually wear them. It's been years.

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From: Adam -

Date: Sat, Aug 18, at 11:54 AM

To: Eden E

Will you wear them for me?

----------

From: Eden E

Date: Sat, Aug 18, at 11:55 AM

To: Adam -

I would wear them for you. I found some
sheer black nylon ones that come up to my upper thighs.

I'm wearing them right now.

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From: Adam -

Date: Sat, Aug 18, at 11:55 AM

To: Eden E

You put them on? I feel such a desperation
to see you in them.

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From: Adam -

Date: Sat, Aug 18, at 11:56 AM

To: Eden E

Please show me?

Please?

----------

From: Eden E

Date: Sat, Aug 18, at 11:57 AM

To: Adam -

I just discovered that one of them has a
run. Shoes or no?

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From: Adam -

Date: Sat, Aug 18, at 11:57 AM

To: Eden E

Shoes yes please.

----------

From: Eden E

Date: Sat, Aug 18, at 11:59 AM

To: Adam -

This will take me some time. I have to look
for my shoes. Step away from the computer and do something else.
Don't come back for 20 minutes. The shoes I'm thinking of are
buried somewhere.

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From: Adam -

Date: Sat, Aug 18, at 12:00 PM

To: Eden E

OK

x

Eden got on her knees and felt underneath her
bed. She had only one pair of ridiculously high and sharp stiletto
heels, in black velvet. They had been an impulse buy. After walking
around the house in them once, she had stashed them away and
forgotten about them until today.

The thigh highs were sheer, black, and had
lace covered elastic that fit snugly around her upper thighs. She
looked at herself in the full-length mirror. In her tight black
slip, with the stilettos on, she looked like some mafia lord’s
dangerous mistress.

She couldn’t find her tripod and so had to
take the picture just of her legs holding the camera pointed down
and far enough away to see them fully.

She hesitated before sending the photo to
Adam. They were just her legs, no bare skin showing. But they were
definitely intimate. It was like sending him her voice for the
first time. Another layer being peeled off, another level of
vulnerability she was showing him.

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From: Eden E

Date: Sat, Aug 18, at 12:13 PM

To: Adam -

Attach: edenslegs.jpg

I guess it's a good thing my son's at
work.

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From: Adam -

Date: Sat, Aug 18, at 12:14 PM

To: Eden E

Oh my word, amazing, really

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From: Adam -

Date: Sat, Aug 18, at 12:15 PM

To: Eden E

So sexy, your legs have such a beautiful
shape.

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From: Eden E

Date: Sat, Aug 18, at 12:16 PM

To: Adam -

I'm taking these things off - They're
squeezing my thighs.

Thank you.

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From: Adam -

Date: Sat, Aug 18, at 12:17 PM

To: Eden E

I hope you feel I deserve to see them.

----------

From: Eden E

Date: Sat, Aug 18, at 12:18 PM

To: Adam -

Yes, Adam. I want you and only you to see
them. I've never sent such pictures of myself. I'm trying not to
feel slutty.

Her iPod instantly came alive with the Skype
jingle. She put her earbuds on and answered it.

“
Hello.”

“
Eden, don’t feel slutty.
It’s a beautiful picture. I’ve been dreaming of seeing your thighs
and here they are, in nylons. I’m beside myself.”

“
They’re not too
fat?”

“
You must be joking.
They’re perfect. I’m hard just looking at them.”

She giggled.

“
There you go
again.”

“
There I go
what?”

“
You giggle whenever we
have a conversation about anything sexual.”

“
Do I? I don’t know. I get
nervous I guess.”

“
It’s a topic we haven’t
really explored in depth.”

“
Now you’re the one who’s
joking. We talk about it all the time. Every other sentence out of
your mouth is something lewd or suggestive.”

“
Only because I like to
tease you. But you never run with it, I notice. You either ignore
me or berate me. I’m starting to wonder.”

“
Wonder what?”

“
If you even like
sex.”

“
Because I don’t talk like
I’m operating a 1-900 number, I don’t like sex? That is the most
ridiculous thing you’ve ever said!”

“
Now, now, I guess those
thigh highs must have squeezed you much too tight.”

Adam may have been trying to get her to
laugh, but his condescending tone ignited Eden’s fury.

“
Delete that fucking
picture I sent you.”

“
Edie -”

“
Delete it now, Adam!
You’re not the only one who gets to take pictures away.”

“
Darling -”

“
Don’t darling me. I sent
you something private and you take the opportunity to make me feel
cheap and stupid about it.”

“
I’m sorry.”

“
Delete it.”

“
I think you’re
-”

“
If you fucking say that
I’m fucking overreacting, I am fucking hanging up on
you.”

“
I was about to say that we
should both calm down.”

“
No you weren’t. If
anything you were going to say that
I
should calm down. Typical,
hysterical female that I am.” She could feel angry tears forming,
could hear it in her voice.

“
Edie. I don’t understand,”
he said, bewildered. “One moment we’re close and then a wrong note
and you’re angry with me. It’s like a storm.”

“
Adam, I want you to delete
it. I hate it now. I hate it that I sent you a slutty
picture.”

“
Darling, it’s not slutty.
It’s beautiful. You’re beautiful.”

“
But it’s not enough. Is
it? I did what you wanted me to do. I only took it to please you
and then you started making fun of me.”

“
Edie, I’m deleting it but
only because you’re really upset. There. It’s gone. It’s only in my
imagination now. I’m afraid your legs have been burnt forever in my
mind so I can’t delete it from there.”

He paused to hear her laugh. She said
nothing, still burning with anger.

“
Alright, it’s clear to me
something just happened here that we need to talk
about.”

“
I don’t want to talk about
it.”

“
Eden, my dear, I’m
concerned about how quickly our conversation turned from warm to
you being in tears.”

“
I’m not in tears!” Eden
cried. “And I hate that patronizing attitude of yours. Like I’m
just an emotional mess and you’re the level-headed, superior
one.”

She heard him take a deep breath.

“
I think we took a wrong
turn when I made that joke about you not liking sex.”

“
Don’t you dare try and
analyze me! Because I don’t talk about ‘cocks and pussies’ all the
time, I’m frigid? If you wanted smut then you should just download
porn instead of pretending to be interested in me!”

He was quiet. She had shocked him.

“
You’re going to feel bad
in a minute.”

“
No, I won’t.”

“
I’ve only seen hints of it
before. You wield a double-edged sword of stubbornness and fight
whenever you feel like you’ve been backed into a
corner.”

“
And you wield a battering
ram of arrogance and condescension.”

“
You’re trying to get me to
fight with you, Eden. It’s not going to work. This has nothing to
do with my ego. I said something that hurt you, for which I
apologize. Don’t get me wrong - if you’re truly in a corner, fight
with all you’ve got. But you don’t need to be fighting me. I’m in
the same corner. All I want to do is understand you. We’ve come up
against a problem here and I want to address it. I don’t want to
sweep it away and forget about it.”

There was always something about Adam’s
voice. As much as Eden wanted to shield herself with her anger, his
voice, when it was calm and patient like this, pierced through her
armor faster and more effective than anything sharp or cutting ever
could. He disarmed her like no one else could.

“
I’m sorry.”

“
I can tell from your voice
that you’ve put down your sword.”

She gave a weak laugh. “I’m not that bad am
I?”

“
Eden, you were swearing,
which you never do. And you were attacking me. Now, don’t take this
as ‘patronizing’ or me being ‘superior’ but we have to figure out
what just happened.”

“
Why?”

“
Are you serious about
us?”

“
Yes.”

“
So am I. And because I’m
serious, I want to work on anything that might divide us in the
future.”

Eden was quiet. Neither her ex-husband nor
Troy had ever wanted to talk about relationships as much as Adam
did. He was saying “us” but did he really mean just her – what was
wrong with her that could pose trouble for them later? She tried to
ignore the feeling of panic and being closed in.

“
Meaning I have to
change.”

“
No. That’s not what I
mean. You’re defensive and stubborn for a reason. I just want us to
figure out why.”

“
Do you usually analyze
your relationships so closely?”

“
No, not usually. But then
I never gave a fuck before. I care about what happens to us. Very
much.”

“
I do too.”

“
So can we talk
now?”

“
Okay.”

“
Instead of me telling you
what I think is going on, which might get you upset again, why
don’t you tell me?”

Eden felt her body getting wound up and
tight, a prelude to lashing out again. He’s in your corner, she
reminded herself.

“
No,” she replied, still
wary. “I’m really curious to hear what you have to say. And I
promise I won’t pick up my sword again.”

“
Did you feel pressured to
take the picture for me?”

“
No. Yes. I mean, I wanted
to take it. But then when you made that joke, I felt used. Like you
manipulated me.”

“
You felt manipulated
because you didn’t feel in control anymore?”

“
Somewhat.”

“
Control is very important
to you isn’t it?”