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Authors: Bob Defendi

Death by Cliché (36 page)

BOOK: Death by Cliché
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Bob
Defendi

Age:
44

Eyes:
Hazel Green.

Hair:
Flowing.

Build:
Like a Greek God, only better.

Height:
In guy height or real height?

Race/Sex:
Human/M.

Skin:
Glowing.

D
emeanor:
Charming, witty.

Dress:
You aren’t looking at his clothes.

True Attitude:
Wouldn’t you like to know?

Home:
Utah.

 

H
uman Wordsmith/Game Designer 99/99th Level

NG Medium humanoid
(Or large. Ladies…)

 

Mightiness:
Holds his own.
    

Intelligence:
Hyper

Agility:
Once tripped over home plate.
    

Wisdom:
Timeless

Health:
Eh.
    

Charm:
Infinite (Would I lie to you?)

 

Initiative:
Over a million words in print.

Senses:
Hear Noise +4, Spot +4, slightly nearsighted.

Languages:
English, American, Scottish, Irish, Australian, South African. Dropped out of Latin and French.

 

Armor Class:
28, 58 vs. criticism

Hit Points:
314

Weakness:
Saturated Fat, Salty Treats, Carbs. (Critical Weakness to Peanut Butter M&Ms.)

Allergies:
Gluten (He’s a celiac, not a hippie), Country/Western Music.

Grit: +10, Dodge: +8, Willpower: -5

 

Speed:
20 ft.

Melee:
Backhand +34/+29/+24/+19 (1d3+3/19-20,x3)

Ranged:
Scathing Wit +23/+18/+13/+8 (1d10/19-20)

Attack Options:
Biting sarcasm, disarming compliment, fast talk.

Special
Qualities:
Je
ne
sais
quoi
.

 

Feats:

Charm, Fast Talk, Animal Magnetism, Sex Appeal, Exquisitely Beautiful, Pheromones, Public Speaking, Fake it ‘Til You Make It, Spectacular Humility.

 

Skills:

Bluff +21, Boy Scout +4, Climb +4, Cold Read +4, Craft (Leather Crafting) +7, Craft (Miniature Painting) +11, Diplomacy +21, Drive +9, Handle Animal +2, Intimidate +15, Jump +3, Knowledge (History) +3, Knowledge (Movies) +7, Knowledge (SF Novels) +9, Hear Noise +4, Lovemaking +97, Pilot +2, Profession (Computer Tech) +10, Profession (Game Designer) +18, Profession (Plotting) +12, Profession (Writing) +8, Ride +6, Search +6, Spot +4, Swim +3.

 

Background/History:

Bob Defendi was one of the writers for
Savage Seas
for the game
Exalted
. He’s worked on
Spycraft
,
Shadowforce
Archer
and the
Stargate
SG
-
1
roleplaying game. He wrote the current incarnation of
Spacemaster
. As the publisher of Final Redoubt Press, he designed and released the critically acclaimed setting
The Echoes of Heaven
. He’s was featured in
Writers of the Future XIX
, and
When Darkness Comes
. He’s the author of the successful podcast audiobook
Death by Cliché
(You might have heard of it). He’s featured in Space Eldritch and Space Eldritch II.

 

Bob Defendi was born in Dubuque, IA (in accordance with prophecy). He reads voraciously, if you consider audiobooks reading (which you shouldn’t). He has yet to find, conquer, and rule a small Central American country (but I think we all know that’s inevitable). He is neither Team Jacob nor Team Edward (he is sympathetic to Team Guy-Who-Almost-Hit-Bella-With-A-Truck). He shamelessly stole that last joke.

 

It’s Bob Defendi when he writes comedy. It’s Robert J Defendi for all other writing projects. No period after the J. Because he’s an ass who likes to make things difficult for publishers, that’s why.

 

 

 

 

 

Thank You

for Reading

© 201
6
Bob Defendi

www.robertjdefendi.com

 

Please visit
http://curiosityquills.com/reader-survey
to share your reading experience with the author of thisbook!

 

A Swift Kick in the Asteroids, by Edward Zajac

Neurotic tech Zagarat Cole must help an enigmatic privateer named Fletcher Griffin free a race from persecution, all the while fighting off a case of intentionally induced food poisoning (which Fletcher could totally explain), avoiding the ire of a powerful executive (which Fletcher could totally explain), and generally running for their lives wherever they go (which Fletcher could totally explain). But something strange happens to Zagarat along the way. His anxieties dwindle away, subsumed by something called courage. All because of an enigmatic privateer who is more than what he seems. And he seems to be a bumbling idiot.

 

Otto Von Trapezoid & The Empress of Thieves, by Jesse Baruffi

Otto Von Trapezoid is a mad scientist who sees no value in humanity except becoming their ruler. Esmerelda Santa Monica is the stylish self-proclaimed “Empress of Thieves,” who values her own legend and the thrill of the theft over actual wealth. When the two meet in simultaneous attempts to blackmail the UN, their instincts are to attempt to kill one another, but soon they discover a mutual attraction that neither thought possible.

I
Kissed
a
Ghoul,
by
Michael
McCarty

Yo
u would think that being the mayor’s son would automatically make Tommy Wharton popular. If only! This horny, overweight high-school geek is the diametric opposite of popular - but that doesn’t stop him from trying to score with the chicks. After all, his dad’s position does lend a few sweet perks: use of his campaign van and credit card. The only thing that can - and does - get in the way of his raging hormones is the supernatural. Vampires. Werewolves. Succubi. Mummies. You name it, Tommy faced it. And walked away with his life and virginity intact.

 

Death, the Devil, and the Goldfish, by Andrew Buckley

From
the
Bahamas
to
Heathrow
airport,
to
the
rain
soaked
streets
of
London
the
dead
have
ceased
dying.
This
is
inconvenient
for
a
number
of
reasons
but
what

s
the
real
reason
behind
the
chaos?
In
London
we
find
Nigel
Reinhardt
to
be
a
disgraced,
confused,
and
gifted
London
police
constable
who
owns
a
prophetic
goldfish.
When
the
Devil
hatches
a
nefarious
plot
to
take
over
the
world
by
possessing
a
cute
little
kitty
and
seizing
a
factory
of
robotic
Christmas
elves,
it

s
up
to
Nigel
and
a
group
of
unlikely
companions
to
save
the
world
or
die
trying…
or
both.

BOOK: Death by Cliché
4.08Mb size Format: txt, pdf, ePub
ads

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