Death by Ploot Ploot (4 page)

Yaniff's dark eyes
widened. "What is this?"

"Nothing. It is
just that . . . " Krue cleared his throat. "Suleila and I thought we
could light a fire after nightfall to prepare the evening meal out here.
Suleila has brought some foods with us already . . . for the preparation."

Suleila cracked an eye
open. “I have?” Krue’s eye caught hers. “Um, yes, I have.”

Yaniff smiled.
“Wonderful! We shall have a feast! It will be like a festival day.”

A feast?
When he turned away,
Suleila raised her hands to her husband, palms up.
{I have nothing.}
Krue
motioned her not to worry. He would secretly send the boys to get something
later when Yaniff was otherwise occupied.

"Yippee, we’re
going to have a barbecue!" Deana rubbed her palms together.

"A
what?" Traed asked.

"A barbecue. That’s
where you take your meat and slap it on a grill."

Rejar's jaw dropped in
horror. "Wh-what is she saying, Lorgin?"

Lorgin shrugged while
keeping one eye firmly on his wife. "There is no telling, brother. But I
like not the sound of it."

Deana waved off any
qualms they might have. "This is a great idea, really. Yaniff will help me
later, won't you, Yaniff?" She smiled prettily at him.

"Of course I
will."

They men groaned
quietly. Everything was sure to be either over spiced or under spiced.

Suleila had already
fallen back into a nap. Like most felines, give her a comfortable lap, the sun,
and a little breeze and she was o-u-t.

"Where is Lilac,
Rejar? Do you think she would like to try our experimental meal later?"
Deana asked.

The sensual Familiar
shook his head, his glossy black hair falling about his shoulders. After all of
this time, Deana still marveled at his Familiar beauty. Whereas Aviarans were
handsome to a fault, Familiars were–

Well, Familiars were
something spectacular. Sleek and sensual, the race of feline shapeshifters took
one's breath away.

"Lilac went with
Lady Agatha to the marketplace on M'yan. They are then going to visit with Gian
and Jenise for a few nights."

Yaniff seemed surprised.
"You did not tell me of this."

Rejar rolled his eyes. "And
I am to tell you everything of my life?"

"Hmpf."
Yaniff sat up
straighter. "If I had known, I could have arranged different lessons for
you. Since you will not have to return home for several nights, you could have
used the time for more in depth studies.”

The Familiar gave the
wizard a smarmy grin. "Which was why I did not tell you."

Yaniff gave him a
measured look. His crystal earring flashed. “It matters not, you know. The
lessons you will have one way or the other."

Rejar's
grimaced. He was trying . . . but his care
free nature did not acclimate well to the rigid,
strict training of a Charl knight. Nonetheless, a Charl he would be. His
so-called destiny had spoken loud and clear to the old wizard on that.

And no one gainsays Yaniff,
the most powerful mystic on Aviara.

He grinned evilly.

At least for the
present.

Deana slyly scanned her
guests. It was the perfect time to cause a little stir. They were lolling about
her shaded yard, lazy and relaxed.

She started by saying
innocently, "It's too bad you don't have a holiday like we do on the
Disney World . . . " She tapped her chin. "Today would be
so perfect for . . . Come to think of it, it is
around the
time of year for it . . ."

She had no idea whether it
was that time of year or not but she was sure one of them would take the bait.

"Time of year for
what?" Suleila lifted her head, taking a nibble.

Gotcha.
Deana inwardly smiled.
The tease was just too much for a Familiar to pass on. It was like dangling a
rope in front of a cat. Ten out of ten times that paw was gonna swat.

"Why,
St. Stooges Day, of course."

"
St.
Stooges Day?
What is this?"

She
had Suleila's interest now; the rest would be
sure to follow. Her husband's brow
knitted as if he were trying to remember something. Not a good sign.

Confirmed when he
murmured, "Why is this familiar to me?"

"Well, maybe you
heard of it when you visited
my home. What
difference does it make?" The lame
laugh that followed her
statement only served to peak his interest– but not in the way she imagined.

He gave her the famous
double-barreled lavender stare of unwavering scrutiny.

Leaving no doubt in her
mind as to why he was such an effective . . . um, ambassador for the Guild.
Crap, she was
married
to the guy and under the power of
that
look
even she was ready to spill her guts. Adversaries didn't have a prayer. She
took a deep breath and fearlessly took the plunge.

"St.
Stooges Day comes along once a year. It is a
time when you show a person you deeply
care about them by getting them gifts and spending time with them." She
stared pointedly at her husband. "Something that says how very much you
care."

Her guests suddenly
viewed her with a combination of stunned horror. What? What had she said?

"We had no idea,
Adeeann," Krue said in a serious tone to her. "Of course
we will celebrate this for you. It has always been our desire to make you feel
at home."

"Great!" she
beamed. The idea came from St. Valentine's Day, which she was starting to miss.
After all, it would be wonderful to have a day where she could exchange gifts
with Lorgin and
have a designated romantic
time set aside free from
the possibility of guild interruption. She
would have to think of a good date for this new holiday. On top of it all, she
always thought the Three Stooges should be honored for their contribution to
society.

What better way than
this?

Now they would have
their own official holiday! Albeit on another planet in a different galaxy in a
whole different universe. So what?

A booking was a booking.

She bit her lip as she
recalled something. Back on Earth, in
San
Francisco
, Lorgin had witnessed the magnificence of
Curly first hand as the chubby stooge had spun about the floor in his trademark
maneuver yelling ‘
wub wub wub
’!

Curly
was a great Stooge.

Perhaps
the greatest Stooge.

And he had suffered-
suffered
for his craft! She wiped a tear from her eye.

Lorgin had questioned
her as to whether the odd spinning spectacle was a civil punishment of some kind.
She had told him it was, not bothering to explain the Three Stooges to him.

Hey,
who could explain the Three Stooges?

Especially
to an alien.

People on Earth were
still scratching their heads
a good sixty,
seventy years after their, ah, debut.

She sneaked a peek at
him. Would he remember? Nah, he would never connect the dots.

Now all she had to do
was work out all the details for the new holiday!

With eyes still closed,
Suleila spoke up from the comfort of Krue's lap. "Adeeann, tell us one of your
delightful Charl stories."

Lorgin and Krue groaned.

Deana had started
telling Charl jokes awhile back and they had taken Aviara by storm. Oh, how she
loved to poke a little fun at their austere 'knightly' demeanors.
They were the perfect foils.

In fact, the townsfolk
had gone wild over her ‘
How
many Charl
does it take
’ jokes. New
additions were
added daily as the villagers invented their own versions
of her tried and true favorites.

“Hmmm," Deana
tapped her lip.
Something
different was
called for today
. She smoothed
out her
kaftan as she prepared to tell a
slightly
revised version
of her favorite joke.

"Okay,
I think I have one to share."

“I will notify the High
Guild,” her husband deadpanned.

Pointedly ignoring him,
she began to tell the joke. “One day, three Charl knights are sent out on a
mission to an unknown world with the orders to–"

She hadn’t even finished
the first sentence and before Lorgin was affronted. "Charl do not take
orders," he stated imperiously.

"No? Then what
would you call it when the
High Council
sends
you
out on a mission?"

"
That
is a
suggestion." He huffed. "
We
, the knights, decide whether we
will do it or not."

"Um,
yeah, sure."
Keep telling yourself that,
Lorgin.
“Anyway, when the
knights arrive through the Tunnel, they are–”

"She has a point,
Lorgin.” Traed stroked his jaw. “The Guild does expect–"

“That matters not.”
Lorgin dismissed whatever Traed was about say in regards to Charl procedure
with a slash of his hand. “The final decision always lies with the knight.”

“Lorgin is right.”
Yaniff aimed his staff at the green-eyed man. “You would have known this Traed
if you acquiesced to your heritage and joined the Charl.”

“Acquiesced?”
The peridot eyes sparked danger
ously. “As if I, myself,
have not been coerced into–”

“Whoah, whoah, whoah!”
Deana threw her arms in the air. This was getting way out of hand, fast.
"May I please continue with the
joke
?!"

All of them begrudgingly
went silent. For the time being.

Does
anyone realize what I have to go through to tell
a
simple joke in this place? Gawd, I should get a medal
for extreme bravery in the face of impossible odds
every
time I try this!

Aviarans apparently had
trouble telling a joke from a real story as evidenced by the comments,
interruptions and "opinions' that were ensuing.

"
As I was
saying,
what they didn't know was that this world was run by women
warriors."

"Now it gets
interesting." Rejar settled back, having found something to focus on.
Women. The one factor that would get the Familiar’s attention.

"However,” she
continued, “these warriors were not especially happy to see Charl knights on
their doorstep."

Lorgin shrugged,
unconcerned with their plight.
"As you
say, Adeeann, occupational hazard."

"Yes,"
Yaniff concurred wisely.

Deana rolled her eyes.
"The female warriors captured the three Charl–”

Lorgin snorted at this.

As did Traed.

Rejar only grinned.

Even
Pops Krue had a patently bemused look on
his face.

Deana lifted her brow.
"Well, it
could
happen."

Lorgin stared at her
from under his lashes as if
to say, ‘
Yes and
Aviara is made of spun honey. Think of
another one.
’

“
Why
are you
glaring at me like that?” She asked.

"A Charl warrior
would never allow himself to get into such a situation, Adeeann."

She gave her husband a
disgusted look. "Hello, it’s a
joke
. Would you let me tell the
story, please? Thank you." She sniffed haughtily.

Suleila sent a private
thought to Krue.
{I love
when she does
this. Do you not as well, husband?}

“It is amusing,” he
mouthed back to her.

"
. . . and soon the three were brought before the leader, who was not at all
pleased to see them.”

“Had they been Familiar
males, she would have been.”

Lorgin chucked his
brother on the back of the head, nearing causing him to choke. “Mayhap we
should just send a Familiar out to do our Charl work and save us the bother!”

Traed
crossed his arms over his chest and looked
skyward, shaking his head. His tone indicated
mild annoyance. “Are you not going to let her finish the tale? I vow, the two
of you would argue over which one weaves his mate’s hair better.”

“On that there is no
debate.” Lorgin pointed to Deana’s hair–
perfectly
woven with the
ribbons of his house.

Rejar simply shrugged
his shoulders unconcerned. “Lilac is not here. When she returns, perhaps you
can decide this weighty issue for us, Traed?”

Traed rubbed his eyes
and motioned for Deana to proceed.

Lorgin and Rejar both
considered tipping him into the pool.