Death Wish (41 page)

“I hope that means this is about meeting to make our trade.”

“It’s not. This is about a missing vampire. Sinclair escaped.”

My jaw dropped. My initial reaction was to be impressed. Something in the agent’s voice made me wary though. “What happened?”

“He escaped us, leaving at least twenty of my agents dead. I wasn’t on duty at the time so I didn’t witness the incident myself, other than what I’ve seen on the security footage. Our efforts to locate him have been unsuccessful.” Briggs sounded bitter.

A lump formed in my throat, and I swallowed hard. “What about Juliet? Is she ok?”

“She’s fine.” Briggs cleared his throat, and his voice dropped a few octaves. “I’m sure I don’t have to tell you how dangerous he is.”

“After several days and nights of torture at the hands of humans playing God, I’d imagine it would be enough to drive anyone a little nuts,” I spat, growing enraged. “He’s not your concern anymore. If you send your people after him, if you do a damn thing to him, I’ll be more than a blip on your fucking watch-list radar. Is that clear?”

There was a slight pause before Briggs replied, his tone forced. “Crystal. However, I can’t allow a potential security threat to call the shots for me. I suggest that you find him before we do.”

He hung up before I could reply.

* * * *

I searched every place I thought Kale might be. His classic Camaro still sat outside The Wicked Kiss, right where he’d left it the night the FPA took him in. Nobody inside the club had seen him recently, which was a relief. If he were on a bender, walking into The Wicked Kiss would turn him into a bloodthirsty version of a kid in a candy store.

A brief stop at his house revealed no recent trace of him. His energy lingered around the place, but it was faded. He hadn’t been there.

As dawn drew closer, I had no choice but to go home and wait for dusk to continue my search. Arys didn’t say a single snarky thing. He humored me, going through the motions of assisting in my search, and I adored him for it.

We returned to Arys’s to find Shaz waiting there for us. He sat on the hood of his car staring at his phone. His blonde head jerked up at our arrival. I hadn’t expected him. Warmth filled me, and I was eager to throw myself in his arms. 

Until I noticed the bags piled in the back of his car.

I got out of the Charger and stood there awkwardly. Along with several duffel bags, he had packed the guitar he loved but rarely played. Edging closer to Shaz’s Chevy, I spied a framed photo lying on the passenger seat. It was the same one, of us as wolves, that Kylarai had given me.
Oh God, no. I can’t do this.

Shaz put his phone away and came around the car to pull me into his embrace. I was numb. Arys gave him a pat on the shoulder and swept by us, into the house. Had Arys known Shaz was planning to leave today?

My white wolf kissed my forehead, and it felt like goodbye though he had yet to say it. “Will you come for a drive with me?” He asked, his voice betraying the pain he was trying to hide.

Unable to speak, I nodded and let him guide me into the car. I had to pick up the photo to avoid sitting on it. Clutching it in trembling hands, I stared at it in disbelief. How did I let this happen to us?

“Tell me what happened tonight.” Shaz maneuvered the car through the quiet streets of Stony Plain. “I was worried about you. Considering your lack of clothing, I gather you couldn’t resist the change.”

I recounted the evening for him as best I could, but I struggled to talk about it simply because I didn’t care anymore. I left out a few things, like Shya’s threats. I didn’t want to say anything to affect Shaz’s decision to leave.

All I could think about was the heavy scent of him tickling my nose and how he was about to walk out of my life for God only knew how long. What if he didn’t come back?

Shaz beamed a bright smile at me, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “I knew you could handle her. I’m proud of you, Lex. You’ve always been so strong. It’s one thing I’ve always admired about you.”

“Strong? No, that’s not me. Just stubborn.”

 We drove across town and stopped at the same park where Coby had almost wolfed out a few days ago. Shaz and I had shared an emotional moment there soon after Arys and I had united our power. Shaz had told me he loved me, and I had pretty much begged him not to hate me. That had been one year ago; time had gone by so fast.

“I thought we could sit on the bridge and watch the sun rise.” He gestured to the fading stars. “It won’t be long now.”

 The park was empty except for us. The playground stood vacant and dark. It would be hours before children would grace it with their brilliant, happy presence. Without them, the swing sets and jungle gyms seemed so forlorn and out of place.

We passed the gazebo. The path beyond it led in a wide circle around a large pond complete with a giant fountain spewing water in the center. When the midday sun shone brightly, a rainbow could be seen dancing in that fountain. I longed for it now. The darkness of early dawn felt cold and bleak. Though I was primarily nocturnal and content with it, I wished for the sun’s golden rays to warm me.

As we walked along the path beside the pond, I wrestled with the many questions I was dying to ask him. Finally I settled for, “Where will you go?”

Shaz slipped his fingers between mine, clasping my hand tightly. “I don’t know. Not yet. I might head for Jasper. Spend some time in the mountains. Just get away from it all.”

“I’m sure that’s just what you need.” I nodded, feeling awkward and hollow.

We rounded a slight bend and crossed a miniature bridge with a bubbling stream flowing beneath it. The sound was comforting, a trickle of nature’s beauty despite the ugliness that lay ahead. Glancing over the bridge into the water below, I spied coffee cups and chip bags destroying what should have been pristine, untouched by the filth human hands could bring. I stifled a heavy sigh and concentrated on simply putting one foot in front of the other.

Shaz led me to the big arch bridge that was the main focal point of the entire park. From twenty feet above the water, the pond’s bottom could not be seen, and I wasn’t sure how great the depths were.

We sat together on the edge, our arms looped around the metal railing. I waited for him to say something because I could not. I wasn’t ready to cry yet.

This bridge already held somber memories for me. I had come here with Raoul’s letter a year ago. Its contents had tortured me while I shed my tears into the water below. I suppose this place was as good as any for goodbye.

“I hate myself right now.” Shaz sat stiffly beside me. His anguish was palpable. “I’m sitting here wishing you will beg me not to go, but I know you won’t. You’d never stand in the way of what’s best for someone else, even if it hurts you.”

“Because I love you, Shaz.” My voice was breathy, barely there. I didn’t have the strength for the words this moment required.

“I know.” His voice conveyed both anger and grief. “I don’t deserve you, Lex. Not after what I’ve done. And, don’t tell me it’s no worse than what you’ve done. What I did was out of spite. There’s no justification for that.”

I swung my legs and gazed into the murky depths of the pond. The sky was gradually lightening; shade by shade, the night was slipping away.

“It’s over. We need to move forward.”

Shaz gazed at me thoughtfully, a sheepish grin lighting up his gorgeous face. “Remember the night you came home to Raoul’s to find Belle there with him? The night you decided you were done with him for good. We sat in the backyard on the porch swing drinking whiskey.”

“Yeah, I remember.” It had been years ago. It felt like a lifetime.

“That night was the night I knew I was head over heels in love with you.” A soft laugh accompanied his confession. “I think I loved you from the moment we met, but that night, I knew it for sure.”

The night he spoke of had been hell for me. Kale and I had run into trouble, and then I’d returned to Raoul’s after getting my ass kicked to find him playing with Belle, the pack tramp. Shaz had been the only thing that kept me from clawing her eyes out that night.

“You know I’d forgive you anything, right?” I squeezed his hand with a sudden desperation to never let go. “Even doing something stupid with an FPA spy.”

He nodded and averted his eyes. “I wouldn’t blame you or Arys if you decide to take her out. I’ve never felt like such an idiot.”

That special moment of in-between fell upon us. To the west, the sky remained dark with the final touch of night. Upon the eastern horizon, a golden glow began to grow. Night and day shared the sky. That brief moment was so often overlooked but poignant and beautiful.

We sat in silence, holding hands and watching the sun chase the moon from sight. I would have given just about anything to make time stop, trapping us forever like that. I was torn between the desire to cry and the need to never shed a tear, to simply numb it all out. I doubted my ability to function without this man. He had always been there, but now he was leaving.

Dumbfounded. That’s how I felt when the sun was high in the sky, and I realized time had betrayed me. Shaz stood and pulled me up with him. Wrapping his arms around me, he nuzzled my face with his, and then the dam broke.

The sudden onslaught of tears crippled me. I slid a hand into his hair and held him close. Silent sobs wracked my body. I had wanted to save my tears for after he’d gone, when I was alone. So much for that plan.

“Aw, Lex. Please don’t cry. It’s killing me to do this. I have to. So I can be what you need when I come back.” Shaz swiped a thumb through my tears. They were crystal clear drops, a small blessing in such an excruciating moment.

“Go and do what you need to do.” I sniffed and choked on a sob. “I’ll be ok. Promise you won’t worry about me. Focus on what’s best for you. No matter what.”

He kissed me, a tender press of his lips to mine. I threw my arms around his neck and let my passion pour forth. If this were our last kiss, it would be a damn great one.

When at last our lips parted, I was as ready as I would ever be to watch him walk out of my life. I couldn’t shake the deep-rooted fear that he may never return.

“I should get you back to Arys’s.” Shaz turned to go, but I remained rooted to the spot.

“I think I’m going to walk. I just need some time alone. It’s fine, really.”

“Sure. I get it.” His gaze dropped to our joined hands. “I should go. I don’t want to, though.”

I gave him a playful shove and forced a brittle smile that felt as if it would shatter any second. “Go on. Get out of here. The mountains await you.”

Still, he wouldn’t go. He shifted his weight from one foot to the other, staring uncertainly across the park. “This is the part where I ask you to come with me, and you tell me that you can’t.”

A fresh wave of tears threatened to spill from my eyes. “In a perfect world, we’d have been out of here a long time ago. You know I can’t do that. Not with Lilah and my sister.”

“And Arys,” Shaz added, nodding knowingly. “Yeah, I know. I could never ask you to turn your back on everything. You’re needed here.”

  He kissed me again, and I breathed deeply of his scent. Pine and wolf with a hint of cologne. My wolf.

“Stay safe,” he whispered, resting his forehead against mine. “I love you, Lex.”

His jade eyes glistened as he lingered momentarily, but he ultimately forced himself to turn around and walk away.

“I love you, too, wolf boy.”

I sat back down on the bridge, hugging my knees to my chest. I stared straight down into the water, unable to bring myself to watch him drive away. The sound of his car starting got my heart pounding.

Only when it had faded into the distance did I let myself completely fall apart.

Chapter Twenty-Six

Whiskey scorched a fiery path down my throat. I slammed the empty glass on the bar and contemplated a refill.

Josh had given up on keeping me out from behind the bar. He served the patrons and more or less ignored my presence. I made a mental note to give him a raise.

I didn’t want to be at The Wicked Kiss. I could feel Shaz’s absence like a punch in the gut. Three days wasn’t much, but it felt like ages since he’d left. The hunt for Kale was my only distraction from the gnawing ache.

The vampire hadn’t made an appearance, which was starting to make me nervous. If he didn’t turn up soon, I’d have Brogan do another locator spell. I hated asking her for favors; involvement with me had gotten her mother killed, and I didn’t want to endanger Brogan, too.

But, I also didn’t want to hunt Kale like an animal. Maybe he came out of that scary ass hospital in need of some alone time, or maybe they’d driven him too far. Either way, I had to find him, to help him if I could.

Kale’s past had left him damaged. The vampiress who made him had subjected him to horrible things, gruesome things that he wouldn’t talk about. Kale had fought hard to leave that time in his life behind, but he had always walked a fine line between sane and ape-shit crazy. I suspected the FPA had made him snap. That frightened me. I’d seen Kale go a little nuts; I didn’t want to see him at full madness capacity.