Deceit of Angels (3 page)

Anna’s
heart softened at her sad expression and she reached out to squeeze her hand.

Ben
arrived back from the airport when they were halfway through their meal.

“Well,
that’s got him away to London.  Tell you something, you wouldn’t catch me going
up in a helicopter. Bloody dangerous, I say!” He shook Anna’s hand and added,
“By the way, welcome aboard.” 

Later
that afternoon, Anna left with Ben to catch the train home, opting to sit in
the front seat this time and keeping up a friendly banter all through the
journey.  At the station, they said their goodbyes.

As
Anna watched him drive away, she felt her heart break in two.  She would never
see him again, she was sure of that, just as she would never see Sharon or Mrs
Wilby or Jason ever again.  How a group of people could gain her friendship in
so short a time she would never know, but it had happened.

If
the journey to Bristol had been full of excitement, then the journey home
couldn’t have been more melancholy.   Anna sat with her head leaning against
the window, her mind dull, her feelings torn.  She would ring tomorrow and make
some excuse.  She was getting good at lying.  Tears stung the back of her eyes,
her mind spinning at how easily she had got herself into such a mess.

At
the station, she caught a taxi and was relieved to arrive home. Turning the
key, she stepped into the hallway, only to be greeted by the blast of heavy
metal from the rooms above.  She flung her jacket over the banister and climbed
the stairs.  In Christopher’s bedroom she came upon a scene which made her
smile, even if the din was ear-splitting.

The
boys were dancing about in a wild jig, tins of lager in their hands.  Anna
stepped across to the stereo and turned it down and then stared at them, her
expression demanding an explanation. 

“Sorry,
Mum.  Were we making too much noise?” said Martyn, his eyebrows raised in
innocence.  Anna grunted in reply.  “We were just celebrating.”

“Celebrating
what?  You haven’t started your exams never mind getting the results.”

Christopher
pulled a face.  “We’re celebrating the fact our school days are over and after
our ‘A’ levels it’s goodbye Wakefield.”

Anna
found it difficult to swallow at the thought her boys were leaving home. 
“Well, I don’t mind a little fun, but keep the noise down.  They can hear you
in Doncaster.”

Martyn
grinned and crossed the room to place his arm round his mother’s shoulder. 
“You’re going to miss us, aren’t you?”

Anna’s
expression was one of complete indifference.  “I certainly will not!  Can’t
wait for you to leave.  The sooner you go, the sooner I’ll get a bit of peace
and quiet.”

Downstairs
she headed for the kitchen.  Hands wrapped round a cup of tea, she contemplated
this extraordinary day.  Now she was home, the interview seemed unreal, like a
dream…or a nightmare.  The opportunity would have been wonderful though.  New
place, new people, new experience.  Never mind, she sighed, it was only an
experiment after all.   She thought of her boys.  How was she going to manage
without their presence, the house filled with their noise, their mess?  After
their exams they were off to Romania for a month on a life experience
expedition organised by their school.  They were to help out on a farm and in
an orphanage and although they were travelling with a group of eight boys and
girls, Anna knew that it would be a worrying time for her.  Sighing in
resignation she decided to have a long soak in the bath.

 Dave
arrived home later that night, smelling slightly of alcohol.  He spoke hardly a
dozen words, before falling exhausted into bed.  Anna turned her back on him,
angry that he had stopped at the pub when he had promised to come straight home
after work.  The guilt that had plagued her throughout the day began to lessen
and as her eyes closed in sleep she thought of the folk in Bishop Sutton, of
Jason Harrington and the life she could have if she could only muster the
courage.

CHAPTER
TWO

I
t was
the day after her job interview that Anna decided to visit Elaine. 

“So
where were you all yesterday?”  The question from her sister startled her.

Anna
licked her lips.  “Do you remember Susie Kimble? I used to run the playgroup
with her?”

Elaine
frowned.  “Can’t say I do remember,” she said.

Anna
eased herself onto the barstool and helped herself to a biscuit. 

 “She…She
invited me to an Ann Summers’ party, but she lives in Bradford now so I made a
day of it.”

“Buy
anything interesting?” asked Elaine, trying to suppress a cheeky grin and failing
miserably.

Anna
shook her head.  “No, I didn’t.”  She gave a wry smile.

“You
should have told me.  I’d have come with you.”

“Didn’t
think.”  She paused before adding.  “Would you have gone?”

“Certainly! 
It would have been interesting.  Might have found something for me and Terry.” 
She winked.  “There’s one thing about my Terry, he certainly knows how to push
all the right buttons.”

Her
confession caused Anna to purse her lips despondently.  Dave had always had a
selfish attitude to sex, never considering her feelings or desires.  It had
been the same story since that foolish night in the back of his mini nearly
nineteen years ago.  Anna wrinkled her nose at the memory, one night of
carelessness and she had lurched from virgin to motherhood.

It
wasn’t as though it had been pleasurable for her, it had been uncomfortable and
over in five minutes.  As they had quickly straightened their clothing
afterwards, Dave had laughed at her embarrassment.  They had been going out
together just six months and she had never let him go all the way in their
petting sessions, since in her inimitable way, she had always dreamed of a
white wedding in the true sense of the meaning.    

Anna
sighed, remembering how 1977 had turned out to be a terrible year.  They had
married quickly, at her mother’s insistence.  Anna winced at the memory of her
mother’s harsh comments about the shame, the disappointment at having a
daughter ‘in trouble’.  The worst aspect was the ache she felt as her friends
left to go to university or start careers.  How could a moment of carelessness
have ruined her future?  

 “Are
you going to see that counsellor I recommended?” said Elaine, breaking into
Anna’s melancholy thoughts.

“I
don’t think so. Doesn’t seem to be any point.”

“Look
Anna, I know you and Dave are still having problems.  Please go and see her!”

“No,
I’m not going to wash my dirty linen in public!  We’ll sort ourselves out,”
said Anna adamantly.

Elaine
gave a resigned sigh.  She always knew when she was beaten and decided to
change the subject for the rest of Anna’s visit.

Anna drove home,
her mind filled with conflicting emotions.  She needed to ring Sharon, but as
yet had done nothing about it.  It was as if she was still hanging onto the
dream, the hope of a better life.  There was no denying that working for Jason
Harrington would have been terrific experience, but it had come at the wrong
time.  How could she leave the boys just as they were sitting such important
exams?  She should be there to see them off to Romania.  And when they
returned, she wanted to be around when they collected their exam results,
before their departure for university.    

For
all that she distrusted Dave, her husband worked hard in his career as a
structural engineer, often called to meetings until the late evening and his
success had meant a move for the family to the more affluent area of Sandal and
to a house that even her mother admired.  But she hadn’t thought married life
would turn out like this.  When the twins were placed in her arms she had
smiled at them and made her plans.  There was no reason why she couldn’t have
it all, motherhood and a career.  She would care for her boys and when the time
was right she would go to university and get her degree.  But the years had
flown by and by the time she reached her thirties she had started to panic.

Elaine
was right, she and Dave had had problems from the start of their marriage and
it was senseless to say that everything was OK.  For a while she had ignored
the difficulties, concentrating on her plan to study at college and mastering
typing and office administration, getting excellent grades.  The certificate
she had earned for all her hard work had filled her with a certain amount of
satisfaction.  Her work in the Prison Service had been satisfactory and her
four years at the local primary as school secretary had been rewarding.  But
all she achieved, couldn’t erase the fact that her husband had a roving
eye.    

Sighing
rebelliously, she pulled into the drive and jumped out of the car.  She took
the shopping from the boot and carried it into the house, dropping it onto the
kitchen table.  Pulling her tongue out at the pile of ironing, she started
sorting the shopping before thrusting yet another load of washing into the
machine.

As
she waited for the kettle to boil, she reached inside her bag and pulled out
the newspaper cutting. She had seen the job advert when the boys had finished
school for the Easter holidays.  Even now, reading it again, made her smile. 
The advert had appealed to her immediately, although she realised it was a long
way to go for a job interview.  It was after the third reading that Anna had
had the crazy idea of applying.  It would be an experiment.  Not for one moment
did she think she would get an interview, but that didn’t seem to matter at the
time.  All she wanted was to give it a try.  She would send them a CV and leave
it at that.  

She
had used the computer in Martyn’s bedroom, trying to ignore her elder son’s
domain that resembled a battle zone.  Christopher was a lot tidier, for all he
was just ten minutes younger than his brother.  They were not identical twins
and their personalities were very different, even though they were devoted to
each other.  And yet Anna hadn’t been surprised when they had chosen different
universities.  She knew they felt it was time to go their separate ways.

It
was while sitting at the computer that everything went almost supernatural. 
When she reached the part about marital status, her mind had rebelled.  She sat
back in the chair, staring at the screen.  She wanted more, she wanted it to be
so different.  Her dreams had vanished like sea mist at the age of eighteen and
perhaps it was time to redress the balance.  Give fate a hand.  Quickly taking
the cursor back to where she had typed ‘married’, she typed ‘widow’.

She
remembered feeling appalled and sitting back in the chair, pushing her hands
between the knees of her jeans and biting her lip.  Why had she done that?  It
was such a terrible lie. 

“But
it’s only a little lie that won’t do any harm, nothing to worry about really,”
she had whispered.

She
had posted her CV and letter never expecting to hear anything, so when the
reply arrived two weeks later inviting her for an interview, Anna had almost
fallen off the kitchen chair. 

Yes,
she had had to tell a lie to gain one precious day of freedom but as she had
boarded the train bound for Bristol Temple Meads that Thursday morning, she had
felt it was all worth while.  It had been exhilarating, the wonderful sense of
freedom and independence accompanying her all the way to Bristol.

But
everything had come crashing round her when Mrs Wilby, the housekeeper, had
asked such personal questions.  She hadn’t realised that her lies would have to
be qualified since she had naively believed that no one would be interested in
her private life.  Multiple sclerosis!  Where had that come from?

Suddenly,
Anna remembered Jason Harrington’s expression as he had shaken her hand, his
wonderful smile and his friendly manner.  A feeling of longing swept through
her and she wandered over to the window.  The next door neighbour was in the
act of chasing a cat from his immaculate garden and she sighed sadly.  She must
make that phone call soon, it was only fair to Sharon and Jason.  Looking down
at the crumpled advert in her hand, Anna read it once more and then threw it in
the kitchen bin.

“I’m not sure
what to pack for Romania?” said Anna, folding yet another pair of jeans.

Martyn
looked over her shoulder.  “The weather is a bit like here, I think.  Better to
take warm stuff while we’re working on the farm.”

“Yes,
but our oldest things,” added Christopher.  “The place will be full of
sh…manure.”

Anna
chuckled and studied her two sons who were already taller than her.

“You’ll
take care of each other, won’t you?”  She slipped her arms round their waists. 
“Keep in touch and…Oh, God, I’m going to miss you both.”  Tears stung her eyes.

They
hugged her close.  “You mustn’t worry about us and we’ll send you texts every
day,” said Martyn. 

“Yeah,
and if anything goes wrong…,” Christopher started and received a warning glance
from his brother.  “But nothing’s going to go wrong, of course.  We’ll be
fine.”