December Rain (37 page)

“Did they make you do something?”

“No. We took our drinks back there and when I saw the little stage, I thought it was another striptease, but with men.”

“Why did you think that?”

“Because a man came out at first and stripped.”

“But he did more than that, right? Did you stay to watch the show?”

“Yes. Well, most of it. I ran out before it was over,” she says.

“Why? Did it turn you on?”

She looks at the screen, then glances directly into the camera ashamed. “Yes.”

“So you were embarrassed and ran? Was he just jacking off or-”

“There was a woman.”

His face softens. “So a couple had sex in front of you and you ran?”

“Yes.”

“That’s interesting.”

“Why?”

“Last night you wanted to watch Tracy and her husband have sex.”

“I was with you. It was different.”

“I know. Are you alright now? Did Richard or Diane say anything?”

“I don’t know, I never looked back at them.” She debates going further with the story.
He’s got secrets too... but I don’t have to.

“There was a man there,” she says. He leans forward, closer to the camera and waits for more. She lowers her head. “There was a man on the other side of the room, in a mask, watching me.”

As the sound delay reaches him she sees his face lighten and his lips curl to a smirk. “He was watching you watching the show?”

“Yes.”

“I don’t blame him.”

“It made me uncomfortable.”

“I would’ve thought the naked people on stage having sex would’ve made you more uncomfortable.”

“It did! Well, it all was awful. Diane and Richard were all over each other and there was another couple who were weird… I wish I’d never gone. Actually, I wish I could just erase this entire fucking day.”

“Did something else happen today?”

She shook her head, “No.”

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there. Maybe it wouldn’t have been so bad if I was with you,” he says.

I’m pretty sure that would have been worse.
“The guy followed me.”

She can see his confusion flare to anger. “What did he do?”

“He ran after me. Caught me for a minute in the hallway before I got away.”

Quinn shoots forward. “Did he hurt you?”

“No.” Her tone is unconvincing.

“What did he do?”

“Kissed me.”

Quinn’s jaw flexes and he stares for a moment as her eyes are low with shame.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have gone with them. I thought one drink was harmless. We started out talking about chef training and food...”

“Did the guy touch you?”

She flushes at the memory of thrusting fingers, growing unsure it was Jack. “Yes.”

His image goes static, and she wonders if the feed has frozen. “You liked it?” The video wasn’t syncing to his voice.

“I hit him with my knee and ran.”

“You liked it?” the audio repeats.

“For a second... yes.”

The air is silent as she waits in fear.

You have to fight for him, this is all a misunderstanding.
“It was all really fast and the drink… all the sex… it was overwhelming.” She reaches for the screen. “It was a huge mistake. I am so sorry. Please don’t be upset. I’ll never go anywhere like that again. I swear.” Her tears grow heavy. “I warned you that I would ruin this… but I really didn’t think… I had hoped…”

“Stop. Just stop.” His voice was firm. “You’re all wound up. I started all of this earlier and I shouldn’t have.”

“What? You can’t be serious? I went to a sex club without you. I’m all fucked up.”

“You wouldn’t even know any of those people if it weren’t for me… so I can take a little blame here.”

“No. I’m a big girl. I just let myself get carried away.”

“And I love that about you, but I knew last night that dinner was a mistake.”

“You should be telling me to leave. Your father was right. I can’t-”

“Stop! Enough!” The white noise returns and Monica sits, scolded like a child. Quinn’s hand is frozen in the air as he looks down in regret. “My father hasn’t been right about much in almost thirty years.” He sighs and looks into the screen. “I hate this. I can’t see your eyes.” She tilts the light directly at her face. “I’ll be home in the morning. Please make sure the doors are locked. Let Sadie and Max sleep with their doors open. Okay? And stay in. Please?” His question was more of a plea.

“I’m not going anywhere,” she assures.

Quinn’s face softens. “Good.” His shoulders relax and he stares into the camera. “I love you.”

“How?”

“It’s very easy.”

“I don’t agree.”

“I’ll teach you.”

She smiles. “I don’t deserve you. I don’t deserve this reaction.”

“What do you think you deserve?”

She wants to offer up a white leather ottoman and his firm hand, but then she remembers her revelation earlier and glances at his laptop sitting next to her.
Maybe he’s right. I shouldn’t be hard on myself. I’ve been mostly honest about this. Can he say the same?

“Let’s just go to bed,” he says. “What time’s the breakfast and where?”

Shit! I can’t face them. Especially if that was Jack. Fuck. But I can’t explain why I don’t want to go either. This might be my only chance with the girls. Fuck. I hate you Jack. That’s one thing I know now, if that was him... I will hate him deeply for the rest of my life.

“Hey? Did you get that? I know the feed keeps breaking up.”

“They’re meeting at Eddie’s Cafe at seven ish. It’s close to Tristan and Hoi’s, but I can’t remember the cross streets.”

“I’ll look it up. I’ll probably be a little late, so don’t wait or anything, but I’ll do my best to get there.”

“You know you don’t have to.”

“I know. But I want to be there for support. Ease the tension a bit.”

I could definitely use some of that.
After their tired goodnights she closes the computer and showers before lying alone in the still unfamiliar bed.

January 2nd - Monday

Monica’s eyes open to the sound of “A Lion’s Heart” and the raspy voice that stirs her soul awake. She glances towards the window, too chicken to leave her cocoon. To her surprise, there’s a faint glow of a waking blue sky waiting behind patches of racing fog. As morning light grows and sunrise gets closer, the pace of the white fluff reels her out of bed. The cold morning becomes more poignant the closer she gets to the window. The mist still holds the gold glow of the city’s lights, but the movements of morning commuters show signs of a new day. She looks at her phone. One text message.

Quinn: Getting on my flight now.

A new day. The suns coming out. He’s coming home and is apparently not mad at me. It has to be better.

She takes the optimism and slips on one of Quinn’s thin wool sweaters with her only pair of jeans. She doesn’t make a fuss of her hair pulled into a bun.

“You guys ready to get a little exercise?” She looks at Sadie and Max who wait with tongues out and drool strings dangling. They head into the crisp air around the block to do their business. Monica tries not to replay the mistakes of last night, focusing on all the scenarios that could happen at breakfast. She rehearses her apology for the hundredth time, and vows to make this a better day. After she gets the dogs fed and back in their little dens she takes off for the dreaded cafe.

The taxi rolls down the hill as Quinn texts that he’s just landed. She knows her twisting nerves are going to make eating breakfast impossible, but getting this over with gives her optimism. Even the part with Jack, she’s gotta know one way or another if it was him.
Just stay calm and be humble. Calm and humble.

Monica gets out on the corner of Fulton at the cafe’s corner entrance, and sees Tristan and Hoi inside, early as usual, sitting at a large booth near the window. Her throat gets thick as she approaches the door.

“Wait up,” Rianne says.

Monica turns with fear to Rianne as she hops the curb and shuffles towards her at the entrance, alone. Monica wants to feel relieved, but now she won’t know the truth. “He wouldn’t come?” Monica asks.

Rianne’s pain is obvious. “I don’t know if he’s coming. He knows we’re here. I left a message.”

Monica explodes as she throws her hands over her mouth. “Oh god, I broke you guys?”
So much for calm.
Monica shakes her head trying to swallow the lump. “I swear I don’t want Jack. I need you to believe that. You two were happy, and I just came in and tried to relive an era that is so over, just to escape my own shit. It won’t ever happen again.”

Rianne falls into a teary hug. “Things weren’t going great. We all knew what you were going through, and he was the one person who didn’t show up that night to support you.” She pulls away, shaking her hands and head. “I get it now. When your heart breaks, your brain no longer connects things the same. It’s made me do some crazy things lately. Things that aren’t like me.” She lowers her voice. “I’ve done things Mon, that you wouldn’t believe and I’ve needed to tell you.”

“Are you okay?”

“There are things that, sometimes I can’t tell Tris... so we can’t talk here. But I’m all fucked up right now.”

“Have you and Jack been apart these last two weeks? Through the holidays?”

“Just since Christmas day. I kicked him out. I can’t try to make my new business work while babysitting him.”

A smiles strains through her sadness with a shrug. Monica nods in agreement and gently wipes away her friend’s tears. She pulls out a travel package of tissues and laughs. The two friends blow noses and turn to walk inside.

Tristan and Hoi wave as they approach the booth. Tristan has already become teary from watching the exchange outside, but she’s not ready to jump up and greet Monica.

“Can I sit?” she asks.

Tristan tilts her head. “What’s the magic word?”

Ears in the diner perk up. “I’m sorry I’m such a mega bitch and terrible friend. It kills me not to have you in my life.”

“Well, crap... come here.” Tristan scoots to meet her halfway and hugs her tight. “That was the long password.”

“Okay, the short one... I’m really sorry. I love you.”

“I’ll forgive you, but I’m still mad at you.”

“I understand. I’ll fix this... I love you guys too much.”

The ladies get all the tears cleaned up and Monica reaches a hand to Hoi with an apology to him as well. Antonio struts in and throws his hand on bent hip at Monica waiting for his due.

“Did the epic apology of all apologies already roll out?” he asks.

“I’m ready to put it behind me,” Rianne says.

“Me too,” Tristan says.

“Okay, then me too!” He jumps like a giddy little girl and slides in next to her with a little kiss. “I love you Monkey.”

Monica says, “I’m really sorry I was such a crazy bitch.”

“Sweetheart, you were what reality TV was made for. If the train wreck wasn’t pointed at my favorite people here, I would’ve started a drinking game and rooted for winners.” Everyone laughs, taking turns throwing napkins and sugar packets at him.

Monica says, “There were no winners that night.”

“Oh, I don’t know... I heard there was a reason you’re here in the city again, right? Hopefully back for good?” His bulging eyes beg for details as his crossed fingers flag in the air.

Monica’s face brightens at the thought of Quinn. “Yeah.”

“You were just staying at our house with Alex a couple months ago. I mean, Monica, you and Alex were all over each other. Inappropriately all over each other... all over our house.”

“Tris,” Hoi says, “that’s not our-”

“It’s our business when people are naked, having sex, in my living room. Or when they ditch their friends at a party to fondle each other like cats in heat.”

“Things with Alex had been bad for a long time. I’m sorry we disrespected you and your home. It was a failed attempt to rekindle something that wasn’t going to save us.”

Antonio reaches for Monica’s hand and throws his other arm around her. “You don’t have to talk about this here.” He gives a stern look at Tristan. “This isn’t why we came this morning.”

“It’s okay. It is why she’s been extra mad at me, and I get it. You made it very clear you were rooting for Alex and I to patch things up, but it was too late.”

“You cheated on Alex and he was willing to still make it work,” Tristan says.

Monica leans in closer, looking more pissed than she’s ever been with her friend. “Maybe next time you get the scoop on my life from Robin you should get the whole story. Alex cheated on me for over a year when we were first married. A year.
I
am the one who tried to make it work. For six years I tried to stuff that pain somewhere.”