Deception (18 page)

Christ. Now that she had a new kidney she was even feistier than before.

Julian smiled and waved, hoping to throw her off the scent.

On the plane to New York, Everett sat on the aisle with Fiona next to him and Maura next to her. That left Julian by the window and next to Maura. The three days since their argument had been sheer agony—for him. She gallivanted about as if nothing had happened. Just like now for example, sweetly smiling at him asking if he wanted anything to drink from the cart.

“I’ll take an orange juice.”

“Hey, we should all go to a Broadway show,” Everett offered.

“I’d love to see
Phantom of the Opera
,” Fiona said.

“Oh, I love that story,” Maura added.

“Let’s all go see it,” Fiona beamed.

“Julian, you in?” Everett asked.

“No. I can’t.” There…he just saw it. Maura’s slight sigh in reaction to his negative answer. It was a subtle reaction, but she was affected nonetheless.

“It’ll be great. I’m going to go to a thrift store and see if I can find some bourgeoisie wear—something nineteenth-century Paris.”

“Ooh fun, I want to do that too.” The girls giggled.

“What’s the best steakhouse in New York?” Everett asked.

“Well, it’s just a tiny bit out of the way, but I’d love for you guys to try Peter Luger’s. Best sirloin of your life.”

Everett held his phone in the air. “I’ll make reservations for tonight.”

After an hour on the plane, Everett and Fiona wore headphones and watched the inflight movie. Maura had fallen asleep and currently rested her head on Julian’s shoulder. He heard the soft sighs she made in her sleep and his hands ached to reach out and caress her, but his mind refused to let him. They were done. He was
fucking
himself.

Suddenly turbulence violently shook the plane and Maura’s fingers bore into his chest to the point he was in pain. The cabin shook again and this time a few shrieks resounded, including Maura’s. She sat bolt upright in her chair. Two seats over, Everett comforted Fiona who was also a little frightened. Maura frantically looked around as the plane continued to rock and bounce. When she began to cry he couldn’t take it anymore. And he’d meant what he’d said . . . he’d never let her go. Lifting the divider between them, his arms reached for her and pulled her to his side. He kissed her cheek. “Quiet now. Everything’s going to be fine.”

The captain spoke of strong thunderstorms and persistent turbulence. As they approached New York Maura’s body shivered, but Julian comforted. “It’s going to be fine, Maura.”

“Julian.” She cried.

“Shh. I’m here.” She curled into him, her fists balled into his shirt, and she nuzzled against his neck.

“Don’t leave me.” She whispered.

What was she talking about? She’d left him. The fear had her delirious. But God, it felt glorious to hold her again. He inhaled her scent—gardenia—and knew he was home.

She wasn’t a good flyer and he’d thought it cute, but the anxiety pill she’d taken rendered her quite sleepy and she fell asleep again. She murmured—almost chanted—
everything’s going to be fine
. But then her message changed.

“
Julian
,
I love you
.”

He’d definitely heard those three little words he’d been desperate to hear her say.

“
Julian
.” She whispered, still sound asleep.

As the plane made its descent, Julian watched the storm from the window. Dark clouds fulfilled the promise of rain. The jolt made when the wheels of the plane collided with the hard earth woke Maura. She pushed away from him without making eye contact, her face blushing deep red.

As they exited the airport Julian looked for the car and found a man who held a placard with
David
inscribed on it.

They boarded the black SUV and Maura asked that she and Fiona be dropped at the Holiday Inn Express outside of town. However, Dad had reserved an entire suite at the Plaza, his preferred residence when he was in town.

“You’re staying with Everett and me.”

“Where?”

“Don’t worry about it. It’s a suite. Large enough to keep plenty of distance from me.” Her lips tightened and the frown on her face said she’d not appreciated his humor. Maybe there had been some truth to those three little words she’d uttered on the plane.

Fiona cleared her throat and worked hard to change the subject. “I just love the sights, sounds, and smells of this city.”

“Have you ever been to Boston?”

“No, I never have.”

“I’d love to take you.” Fiona smiled at Everett for several seconds.

“One day maybe.” She said.

“One day maybe.” He answered and smiled back at Fiona with a syrupy smile.

It was difficult to observe Everett and Fiona in the initial stages of blossoming love, considering all of the
what ifs
. Julian sighed and watched Maura. She watched the scenes pass outside her window, her wan expression a stark contrast to the vibrancy of the city.

***

Maura’s decision made, she called down to the concierge. “I’ll need a car to take me to Ebonwood Cemetery.”

She placed the phone in the cradle and stared at it. Fiona and Everett were spending the day on Ellis Island. She didn’t know what Julian was doing, but she wasn’t going to ask him to do this with her. This was something a best friend did, or a lover, or a sister. She longed for Bailey, but she needed to work hard to keep her distance now that she had Parker. Besides, Bailey was in Baton Rouge.

A mother or father or even a husband would also be great in this capacity, but she had none of those people in her life. Maura put on her literal big girl panties and gathered her purse. She could and would face this alone. She would go and grieve for her child, as a mother should. She swallowed back the bile in her throat and made her way to the elevator.

On the way to the cemetery she had the driver stop so she could purchase some pink carnations. With every mile put behind her, Maura’s senses started to go numb. Over the bridge, through the towns—it wouldn’t be much longer now.

Maura tried to inhale, but the air was too thick—wrong. She couldn’t swallow it down. “Would you mind just letting me out at the front gate?” she squeezed out the statement as her throat closed around her words.

The car stopped, and then the door opened. She put foot to pavement and closed her fingers around the crunchy cellophane that enveloped the flowers.

“I’ll be right over there whenever you’re ready, Ms. Douglas.” The driver pointed to a lot where a few parked cars were situated.

Maura couldn’t move, couldn’t talk, couldn’t process anything but the pain coursing through her veins. Her hair stood on end. Her skin pricked. Tears fell from her eyes, blurring her vision and still she stood in the same spot where she exited the car. She should walk. Wasn’t she blocking traffic into the cemetery? Looking up, her blurred vision took in the surroundings, taking her back to that day she’d tried so hard to forget.

She wasn’t strong enough to do this. She’d been a fool to think she was. The sun overhead and her lack of ability to take in oxygen had her body folding to the ground like a fifty-pound bag of dog food. The carnations crushed under her hands.

“Ms. Douglas.” The driver came running across the well manicured and overly green lawns. Why were they so, so green?

“Ms. Douglas.”

“I’ve got her.”

That voice…that touch at her elbow. She knew that caress.
Julian
. He lifted her into his arms. Gravel crunching beneath his feet, he carried her to a concrete bench.

They sat for a long time. Not talking, just sitting. For a while she was afraid to lift her head so she stayed buried in his neck. He didn’t move or force her to act appropriately. Instead he held her like a child in his arms, comforting her with hypnotic tracing of his fingertips on the bumps of her spine.

“I’d only been to one graveside burial before Audrey’s. That was my mother’s. It was a nice ceremony and it marked the end of Mom’s suffering here on earth. Standing graveside for Audrey’s burial I hadn’t been prepared to set eyes on a casket small enough to hold an infant. Did you know they made infant-sized coffins?”

“No.”

“Who do you think hammers them together?”

“I don’t know.”

“Somewhere there is a person who makes infant coffins for a living. I’d rather starve than to do that job. Wouldn’t you?”

“Yes.”

“How did you find me?” Maura still wouldn’t raise her head from the safety of the crook of his neck. He smelled like warm brandy.

“I asked the concierge.”

“Why are you here?”

“Because you need me to be.”

She needed him like she needed air to breathe. There was an energy that existed between them that drew them together. He’d instinctually known she’d needed him. Just like that day at the motel.

Finally she lifted her head and, in his lap as she was, met him eye to eye. He held her gaze. So much was left unsaid, and yet none of their initial struggles mattered at this moment. The facts were simple—she’d needed him, he was there.

She grabbed his hand and squeezed. “I’m ready.” They stood and walked hand in hand among perfectly divided lanes. Deeper and deeper they progressed into the cemetery. Gravel crunched under foot. Maura focused on the warmth of Julian’s hand in hers.

She found the grave easily enough, every aspect of that day firmly lodged into her memory. The lawn and gravesite were clean and cared for, a product of the three-hundred- dollar-a-year grounds fee.

Julian was quiet and reverent beside her. “Alan didn’t come to the funeral or the burial.”

“He didn’t?”

“No. He wouldn’t even come to the hospital after…”

Maura squatted in front of Audrey’s grave and Julian followed.

“I’m sorry I haven’t been to visit. I think of her every day. I want her to know…” She couldn’t do it. Her body shook, but Julian was there, pulling her to his chest, protecting her.

“What is it you want her to know?”

Maura whispered into his ear, “I wish I would have protected her better.”

Julian’s eyes swam with tears. “Oh Maura, she knows that.”

“She does?”

He nodded. “It wasn’t your fault. You didn’t do anything wrong. There’s nothing you could have done.”

“Why was that her fate?”

“I don’t know why horrible things happen, but her existence isn’t over.”

“It isn’t?”

“Not as long as you keep her in your heart and honor her memory. And one day, when you have another child, Audrey’s memory will live on through him or her.”

His pleading gaze and determined eyes indicated he believed his positive message. She wanted to believe it too, but couldn’t. “What if I don’t get a second chance?”

“You’re taking steps to build a new life. Difficult steps, but necessary ones. Soon you’ll be free from the evil that has caused you pain. If you need an example of a miracle just think of Bailey. Your second chance is on its way too.”

“What about yours?”

“What about mine?”

“Why’d you quit dancing? Didn’t you love it?”

“I did, but sometimes you can love something so much it consumes you, and then begins to tear you apart inside.”

They moved to a concrete bench near Audrey’s grave. “Is that what happened? Dancing consumed you?”

Julian’s hand scrubbed over his face. “It did. Once the thing that you love more than anything in the world becomes the thing that you hate, you should give it up, don’t you think?”

Maura shrugged. “Or find a way to be at peace with it. Don’t you miss it?”

“I do.” His attention turned to Audrey’s gravestone. “Born into the arms of angels.” Julian turned to her. “You alone decided on the inscription and headstone?”

“I did.”

“It’s beautiful. Do you want to go get some fresh flowers?”

“Every little girl deserves flowers. I’d like to get some lilies.”

Julian rode with her to pick up a bouquet and then stood by her side yet again as she made peace with the little girl whose breath she never got to feel as she sighed against her breast. Julian was a good man—patient and kind. He’d put aside their differences and come to her aid. To Maura that meant everything.

***

Visiting Audrey’s grave had left Maura physically and mentally exhausted. She and Fiona had worked out in the hotel’s impressive exercise studio, and then gotten massages at the spa. Tonight she’d taken a pass on the Broadway plans with Fiona and Everett. Now it had turned into a nice little date for them. Fiona put together an ensemble that closely mirrored the character of Carlotta’s masquerade dress with its pink coloring and frilly trim. Seeing Fiona in the getup had left a smile on Maura’s face.

Lying in her bed in the hotel room, or suite rather, Maura thought of the private rooftop deck. She’d accessed it yesterday and discovered a hot tub. Maura thought the idea of a dip in the tub, along with a little room service seemed glorious. She didn’t actually have a swimsuit, but thought the little one-piece silk ensemble she wore to sleep in would work. Once donned it gave the appearance of shorts and a tank, albeit in the shade of pink-champagne. If no one was around to observe her entrance or departure, she’d be okay.

Maura pulled a plush soft robe from the closet in her room, sighing as she rubbed the material of the collar against her jaw. She grabbed a book, and then stepped into a pair of black ballerina flats, snorting when she realized how absurd she must surely look.

Two suites occupied the top floor. A private elevator greeted each of the guests in the middle of a hallway, equally as swanky as the rooms with its enormous brass baroque-style mirrors that reached from the floor to the ceiling and the hand-sewn wool rug that Maura continued to stumble over. She pressed the button to the roof and scowled as the doors met, blocking the vision she had of her carpet nemesis.

The doors opened onto the windy roof, blowing her hair all around her face and into her lip gloss—a sensation she hated as much as fingernails on a chalkboard. Fighting with her hair she walked around to the area where she’d spotted the hot tub.