Deceptive Changes: Kat LaMond Book 1 (52 page)

“Because of Thorn.  I wanted to make sure you weren’t going to…”  She stopped talking for a moment and looked at me.  I could only look at her without expression or feelings in my eyes. 

I finished her sentence, “Steal him?”  She nodded.  “I promise I won’t.”  I bit my tongue as I said it.  I hadn’t stolen Thorn from her anyway so why did I feel so damn guilty over it?  Oh, yeah, because she made me.  I intended to keep that promise though.  I didn’t need nor want any more men in my bed.  She stood up and thanked me for the conversation.  I stretched out on the couch and fell asleep. 

A few hours later I was woken up by banging.  I got off the couch in a hurry and went to find the source.  I found the source, it was Thorn and Sven in the guestroom.  I muttered an apology and walked away. 

I went into the bedroom and found the others still asleep.  I burned their sleeping faces into my memory before going into the bathroom.  I found that the curse of nature had blessed me with her horrible presence and cringed.  This would be the first time I would have my monthly with vampires around.  I wondered what would happen, not that I really wanted to find out.  I walked out after showering and drying off. 

I shouldn’t have wondered what would happen because I got my answer almost immediately.  Thorn was standing by the door and he was looking at me with gold eyes.  He leaned into me and sniffed from my head to my crotch and groaned.  “What are you, a dog or something?” I asked. 

He stood up and pulled me into his arms.  “You have your…”

I cut him off.  “Yeah, I do.  So, what?” 

He pressed his body against me and bit my neck.  I gasped as pleasure rolled through me and then cringed in pain as my stomach flashed to life. 

Oh, boy, I was around sex-fiends and I had my period, this was going to be wonderful.  He pulled back and licked his lips.  “Oh, no,” I said with my hand on his chest.  “We are sooo not doing that.” 

He pouted and asked, “Why not?  Do you even know what I have in mind?”

“I don’t want to know, Thorn.”  I pushed at him and he moved for me. 

I walked out of the bedroom, with Thorn following close at my heels, and found everyone in the kitchen.  The two other vampires turned their heads and looked at me.  I shied away from them and sat next to Todd.  I knew he wouldn’t look at me like I was dinner.

Todd leaned over to me and whispered, “Why are the vampires looking at you like your lunch?”  I rolled my eyes and clicked my tongue.  Understanding dawned on him and he chuckled. 

“It’s not funny, Todd.”

“Oh, yes, it is, Kat.”  He started chuckling and the other two looked at him.  Todd filled them in and they started to snicker as they looked from the vampires to me. 

I groaned and started to leave.  Thorn blocked the door.  “Get out of my way, Thorn.”

“No, Katja-love.  You promised today would be yours and Haven’s performance and we intend to honor that deal.”

“That deal will have to wait.  I am sooo not performing tonight or for the next few nights, it’ll just have to be postponed.”

Thorn pulled out the mean card and said, “What if we die before the few days are up?” 

I paled and fisted my hands.  “That was low,” I whispered through clenched teeth.  He nodded and smiled.  “Doesn’t it bother you?” I asked.

“Why?  It’s blood, just sweeter.” 

I gagged a little and backed up.  I didn’t get far before I bumped into someone else.  Sven.  I shut my eyes for a moment and clenched my hands and stepped back from them both.  “Look, I’m sure you guys think it’s great and wonderful but it’s really not.  Have you ever done anything like this before?”

Haven answered, “I have.”  I swung my eyes to his and found that they were ice blue.  I cringed and backed into a corner. 

“Why are you all skittish, Katja-love?” 

I swung me eyes to Thorn and said, “Because, um, eew.”  They chuckled and backed off a few feet. 

Todd saved me.  “Back off, guys.  She doesn’t want to do this right now.” 

They turned to Todd and looked at him.  Todd’s jaw set firmer and lifted a fraction of an inch.  Thorn and Sven backed down and flashed smiles at me as they walked away.

I walked over to Todd and curled into him.  “Haven’t you guys been around women before?” 

They rolled their eyes.  “Yes, love.” 

I sighed.  “Then why so interested now?”

Thorn flashed fangs.  “You’re ours, they weren’t.” 

I made a disgusted face.  “This is so damn gross.  Really, you shouldn’t even try to smell anything for the next few days.” 

They laughed and rolled their eyes again.  “You are so squeamish, love.” 

I nodded.  “Yes, I am, damn it.  Let’s leave this conversation for a faraway time because…eww.” 

Haven appeared by my side.  I gasped and pushed into Todd.  He pulled me tighter into him and looked at Haven over my head.  I was looking at Haven too.  “You shouldn’t be so uncomfortable, Katja.” 

I frowned.  “Why shouldn’t I be uncomfortable?  You guys are telling me, um…” I stopped talking because the whole thing was making me gag. 

I pushed away from Todd, holding my hand in front of my mouth, and walked out of the kitchen.  I was halfway to the bathroom when my stomach settled down.  I breathed deeply and leaned against the dining room wall before sinking to the floor.  I laid my head on my knees and breathed deeply.

Haven walked over to me slowly and sat down beside me.  He wound his arm around my shoulders.  “You shouldn’t be so disgusted by this.  Relish that you’re human, Katja.”  His voice was solemn and a little sad. 

“I wish there was a way to be human, a woman, and not have to have this without taking the equipment,” I said softly and with longing. 

He chuckled softly and kissed the top of my head.  “You don’t want children?”

I looked at him, perplexed, and shook my head.  “I can’t have any, actually.”

“I’m sorry, Katja.”  He seemed to be truly saddened by that fact. 

“Don’t be.  I got over it a long time ago.  Todd actually helped a lot with keeping me sane about not being able to bear children.”

“What happened?”  Such an innocent question which should have had a simple answer but I hesitated.  It wasn’t a horrible story, nothing like Sven or Thorn’s story, but it was my story. 

I snuggled closer and said, “I don’t know if I was always barren or not but I found out after I got out of the military and married Todd.  We had been like we are now, loving and always around each other.  We talked about starting a family.  When we threw condoms and birth control out the window and still didn’t get pregnant, I went to see the doctor.  They said, ‘It’ll take some time’.  So we tried for a year and still nothing.  Finally, I called on some fertility docs and scheduled a round of tests on both Todd and myself.  The tests showed that Todd was just fine, his little guys were active as heck but my body wasn’t so good.  I had a lot of damage inside that no doctor ever told me about.” I stopped speaking and let the memories invade my head. 

I spoke quietly as I described the memories to Haven, “Todd and I were sitting in the doctor’s office, waiting to hear about me.  The doctor came in with a stack of papers and x-rays.  He walked over to me and put a hand on my shoulder.  I remember looking up at him with hope and the expression I saw in his face was sadness.  I was a lot wimpier than I am now because I turned into Todd and started to cry.  He held me until I settled down and let the doctor explain.  The doctor couldn’t explain the damage; he couldn’t tell me more than I was barren and would never be able to have children.  Todd asked if there was any way to repair the damage and the doc shook his head.  ‘Your wife, Mr. Jenkins, has too much scar tissue built around her ovaries, I’m sorry to say, to salvage any eggs.’  I remember being angry because I had wanted to bring a life into this crap world that was the product of our love.

“We left the doctor’s office and Todd was perfectly calm about the whole thing, a strong shoulder to lean on.  I wasn’t.  I was a wreck.  I threw myself into my work and neglected Todd and my life.  I lost some weight and wasn’t at all healthy.  I was lucky if I ate once a day.” I chuckled at the memory of Todd.  “One day, Todd pulled me aside before I could go to work and kissed me, hard and passionately.  I remember fighting him.  I didn’t think I was worthy of his love.  I didn’t deserve to be in his life.  The kiss was everything it should have been, filled with love and hope.  He pulled back from me and whispered, ‘I love you no matter what, Kat.  So what?  We can’t have children.  Like that’s such a bad thing.  I see the crime out there.  I deal with the deaths of little, helpless, children.  I don’t want that for my children,
our
children’. 

“After that day, we went to counseling and I worked out that I was still worthy of Todd’s love but our relationship had faltered.  I was deeply involved in my work and so was he.  We hardly saw each other, like two ships passing in the dark.  We talked about it and found that we would divorce.”  I looked up and saw that Todd had come into the hall.  He had tears in his eyes.

I blinked the tears from my eyes and continued, “We stayed in touch and once in a while we had dinner and sometimes more than dinner.  We still loved each other and didn’t want to lose the bond we had formed.” I chuckled.  “We actually saw a lot more of each other when we weren’t married.  And then this whole Antreas…” Haven sucked in a breath at the mention of the dead king.  “This whole vampire thing happened and now look at us?  Happily in a seven-sided triangle.  There you go, my story.”  Haven leaned his head against my shoulder and whispered sweet nothings into my ear.  I chuckled and kissed his cheek.  I extricated from Haven, stood up, and went to Todd.

“Are you okay, Todd?” 

He nodded and pulled me into his arms.  “I hadn’t thought about that for a long while.  I didn’t think you would remember.” 

I nuzzled his neck and said, “Of course I remember.  I especially remember the weeks before we divorced and our times together after.”  I turned into him and kissed his neck.  “I’ve always loved you, Todd.  I’m sorry that I was such a wimp about it.”  I was getting emotional again. 

“You dealt with it the only way you knew how, babe.”  He kissed my head.  I felt a drop of water hit my cheek and looked up.  He had tears silently running down his face.

Thorn and Sven came up to us and wrapped their arms around Todd and me.  A few moments later Haven, Trace, and Erick walked up and gave us hugs. 

Todd pushed them back and pulled me with him to our bedroom.  He pulled me onto his lap when he sat on the chair in the sitting area. 

“Why did you tell Haven?” 

I frowned, again.  “I told him because he asked.  I’m not going to hide something when each of them has told me a little painful history in their lives.”

“Haven hasn’t told you anything about his life.” 

I smiled.  “I haven’t asked for real.  I figure he’ll tell me when he’s ready.  I was ready to tell mine, even though it involved you.”

“I wish you hadn’t ripped the scab off this wound, Kat.”  I didn’t understand his reticence to talk about our life with Haven. 

“What do you mean?”

“It took a long while, even after we divorced, to come to terms with this.”  I hadn’t realized that he had taken it as hard as I had, if not harder. 

“Why didn’t you ever say anything?”

“I figured I should be strong for you and after a while you were happy and I didn’t want to ruin that hard won happiness.”  His voice was so soft and filled with pain that my heart broke at the sound of it. 

“I’m so sorry, Todd.  I didn’t know.”  I kissed him softly, running my hand through his longish hair. 

“How could you know, Kat?” he asked when we separated.  “I never told you.  I didn’t ever want you to know.”  He leaned his head on my chest and breathed deeply.

“Why did you take it so hard?”  I had to know.  Was it because of how hard I had taken it?  Was it because he desperately wanted children? 

“I wanted you to have children, our children.  I wanted you to be happy and have the life you always wanted.”

“Why didn’t you marry someone who could give you children?”

“I didn’t want another woman to have my children, Kat, only you.”  He kissed my neck and pressed his lips against my chin.  I dipped my head and kissed him tenderly. 

I pulled back slowly and said, “Why didn’t we stay married?” 

He chuckled and said, “I’ve always wondered that but I’m glad things turned out the way they did.  I would never have met the people I have or had the relationships that I have now.”

I hadn’t asked about his relationships after me, I’d always been too frightened of the answer, but I wasn’t now.  “Did you see other women after our divorce?” 

He chuckled and said, “I didn’t.  Women approached me but I’d turn them down.  Besides, we were still seeing each other, sort of.”

“Oh.”  He grinned and lifted an eyebrow.  “I just thought you would have dated other women.  You’re a very sexy, yummy, man.” 

He laughed and rolled his eyes.  “Thanks, babe, but no.  You’re all I ever wanted and still want.”  A flash of doubt and guilt went through me.  He saw it and qualified it with, “Woman, Kat.  You’re the only woman I will ever want.”

I leaned close to his ear and asked, “Do you feel like I’m cheating on you?” 

He shook his head.  “No, Kat.  If I thought that then I’d be cheating, too.”  Heat flashed through me as I remembered his time with the guys.  “You didn’t date, either.”  He stated it but I answered. 

“No.  I was too busy and I was seeing you, off and on.”  I couldn’t explain the desperate love I felt for him. 

I got off his lap and wandered around the room.  I wasn’t the same person I had been three years previous.  I had changed a great deal.  I’ve killed people, albeit undead people, but people nonetheless.