Deep Blue Secret (25 page)

“Would some music make you feel better?” he offered.

“No, no music,” I said. “I think I could use the quiet right now.”

After I took a few minutes to breath, I shifted my feet beneath me and felt an object break their path. Leaning over the seat I noticed my school books and gathered them up to move out of the way.

“Where’s my diary?” I asked when I couldn’t find it with the others.

“I didn’t see it when I picked you up and I didn’t have time to look for it. It might look a little suspicious for some guy to be carrying you off the school grounds and loading you into his car; so I was sort of in a hurry.”

“Good point,” I said. I took the books and twisted in my chair to fling them to the back seat. Just as I turned I noticed what looked like my diary sitting right in the spot where the books were about to land.

“I guess that one’s
your
copy,” I said. It came out like an accusation.

“Yeah, that one’s mine. We can go back for yours when we pick up your car.”

I felt a small scoff escape my lips. Hearing him talk so matter-of-fact about
his
copy of my diary seemed darkly humorous somehow.

I lay my head back on the plush leather headrest and closed my eyes while Rayne drove the opposite direction of my school. I wanted my mind to go blank but it was too full of frustration to cooperate.

What was wrong with me? I’d always been completely healthy. I probably hadn’t missed a day of school for being sick in my entire life—aside from when I had the chicken pox along with half the rest of the school. But now I found myself dizzy, nauseated and passing out on a regular basis. Not to mention sudden fits of emotion and crying.

I thought Rayne’s Healing Water was supposed to have fixed me. Didn’t he say he gave me such a large dose that I’d healed faster than even he had expected? Was I experiencing some kind of side effects from too much Healing Water? Something even stronger than the bonding effect between a Keeper and the person they healed?

Maybe I was going through withdrawals while the Healing Water cleared out of my system. Then again, I was having these problems long before Rayne had treated me for my accident.

Perhaps it was part of the bonding effect. Was my bond to Rayne so strong I became physically ill when we weren’t together? If that were true, then Rayne would have to stay with me all the time, just to keep me functioning. I would literally be dependent on him to survive—for the rest of my life.

I didn’t want to speculate anymore. If anyone knew the answers to my questions it was Rayne. There would be no rest while these questions still went unanswered.

I sat up in my seat abruptly. “We need to talk.”

“Yes, I think we do,” he said. “Let me look for a good place to pull off.”

I surveyed the street in a hurry feeling the pressing need to get everything out of my head as soon as possible. I knew the area well. We were on Pacific Coast Highway heading south through Corona Del Mar.

“I know a place we can go,” I said. “Turn right down the next street.”

I was directing him to a tiny park along Ocean Boulevard located at the far end of a popular beach. It was very small; more like a lookout point than a park. It was this very spot I’d once daydreamed about taking Rayne to; back when I believed I was simply in love with a stranger, not chained to him by some invisible bond.

Inspiration Point was a place I’d reserved in my mind for some special moment in my future, maybe a first kiss or romantic stroll with someone I loved. But I wanted answers now and it was the closest place I could think of. It would have to do.

Today was gray and chilly. It looked like it could rain at any moment. There weren’t a lot of people outside for recreation, so there was a good chance we would have some privacy.

“Pull over here,” I said.

Rayne parked along the street lined with large beach homes directly across from the park. As soon as he cut the engine I pushed the door open and hopped out of the car. Rayne rushed after me as I crossed the street.

I glance back at him. “There’s a spot just down this path.”

I crossed a small green area with quick steps as Rayne caught up beside me. We passed two people sitting on a bench near the far side of the grass taking a moment to admire the view—if you could even call it that today. Both the ocean and the sky were so gray you couldn’t tell where one ended and the other began.

Normally I would pace calmly around the walkway to look over the edge at the beach below, but today I wasn’t there for a relaxing stroll. However, as we circled downhill around the bend in the walkway, the burst of fresh sea air had a somewhat calming effect. My stride slowed as I closed my eyes and let the cool breeze brush my skin.

As we reached the stony platform of the lookout area, I was pleased to see we were completely alone. It would be more difficult to discuss things with an audience nearby. I passed the myriad of benches and leaned my arms on the metal railing that separated us from the rocky cliffs and swirling sea below.

Rayne stood near me, brushing his arm lightly against mine, looking off into the distance.

“After ten years I thought I knew every inch of these beaches, but I never knew this place was here,” he said.

I looked out at the stretch of sand and the expansive rock jetty at the mouth of the harbor. “Growing up I’d been to that beach more times than I can count, but I only found this little spot last year,” I replied.

“I guess there’s always something new to explore,” he mused. “Although I’d rather go somewhere I could surf. This break is rarely worth the effort.”

“Yeah, I don’t really know anyone who comes here to surf,” I said. “I just remember when I was little, always begging my mom to take me to the beach with the big rock thing. I used to love to climb around out there and explore.”

He nodded. “I know. I remember that.”

Rayne’s brilliant eyes smiled at me; they were the only thing around that seemed to shine through the gloomy sky. I gazed into them for a moment wishing his warm arms would wrap around me.

I was getting sucked in again, giving in to my irrational desire to make Rayne the center of my universe. I looked away to gain my focus.

Where should I start? My original plan was to tell him I needed distance, so I could keep myself from getting hurt like my mom; but was that really going to work? I needed more information first. I needed to know the cause of all these dizzy spells and emotional episodes before I could figure out what to do.

I turned and spoke abruptly. “Do you know what’s wrong with me? I mean, passing out in the middle of school isn’t exactly normal.”

He placed a hand on my arm. “That’s actually what I wanted to talk to you about.”

“So you know what the problem is?”

“Not exactly,” he said. “But I’m starting to get a better idea, and…I think it could be a serious problem.”

My throat tightened. “What do you think it is?”

“You already know the reason I’m here has to do with your exposure to the Healing Water before you were born,” he said.

I nodded and he continued. “For years there never were any complications, you appeared perfectly healthy; there were absolutely no signs of anything unusual.”

“Until now,” I said.

“Yes, well I think now there are definitely signs of complications.”

I rubbed my hand over my forehead in frustration. “Do you think you could be a little more specific?”

“I’m trying. There’s a lot I’m not sure about still.”

“Well, do you think you could try to elaborate just a little? Your best guess?” I said trying to sound more patient.

Rayne took a deep breath. “You have what we call a Water Connection System. You were born with this because of exposure to large amounts of Healing Water when your mother conceived. It appeared to be completely dormant, which we concluded was due to the absence of Healing Water from your system after the initial event, but now it looks like something may have triggered it to activate.”

I squinted. “What’s a Water Connection System?”

He took my left wrist in his hand and rubbed his thumb over my birthmark. The color was dark blue again. “This is a Watermark,” he explained. “It goes by other names too, but that’s the most common. The mark is like the center of your Water System.”

He ran his finger from the mark up the center of my arm. “It regulates the distribution of Healing Water in your bloodstream, controlling how much is dispersed and how often.”

“So you’re saying I’ve had this…
system
since I was born, but it wasn’t really doing anything until now?”

He nodded. “I think the large dose of water I gave you at the hospital set it off.”

“But I started having issues before I even met you.”

He spoke evenly. “The system changes during adolescence, even in one that’s working properly. Hormones in the body trigger a reaction which causes the body to age even slower than before. This probably caused the initial symptoms you had, but the large dose I gave you still seems like the reason for the malfunction.”

My brow furrowed. I didn’t like the term he used, and he was starting to sound like a science teacher.

“So what exactly is the
malfunction
?” I said. “I guess it’s a
bad
thing the Water System turned on?”

He shook his head. “Not normally, but in your case it’s starting to look that way.”

Not normally? Even if my water system thing did work, that didn’t sound very normal to me. He was talking like an agent again. I didn’t like it.

Rayne responded to the dubious look on my face with more explanation. “I think the real problem here isn’t that it turned on, but that it appears to be working incorrectly,” he said. “My guess is your Watermark is having trouble controlling the disbursement of the Healing Water; it seems like it’s using it up at a rapid rate, rather than slowly releasing it as it should.”

My brain was starting to hurt again. The salty air was no longer enough to soothe my straining nerves.

“I’m confused,” I said. “Why does it matter how fast or slow my body uses the water. Isn’t it just supposed to heal people? Why would I even need this water system thing? I mean, you give the Healing Water to my mom all the time, and all it does is help her. The effect has to wear off at some point. I don’t see
her
passing out.”

His voice remained calm. He ran his hand over my arm to soothe me. “Your mother doesn’t have a Watermark. The Healing Water reacts differently in her body. Her eyes don’t turn colors from the water either.”

I pulled up my sleeve to examine the mark, the source of all my anxiety. My tone grew short. “So I just happen to be the lucky one to be stuck with this stupid thing?”

He smoothed a stray hair from my face. I couldn’t understand how he could remain so calm.

“Yes, there are limitations, but the Watermark isn’t supposed to be a curse, Sadie. To most it’s considered a blessing and a privilege. We can find a way to make it work for you.”

I felt heat well up in my face, my emotions starting to get the better of me. I wanted to cry and yell at the same time. What was he saying? This wasn’t a blessing; it was a catastrophe. Tiny pools of moisture formed in my eyes and I struggled to hold them in.

My voice trembled. “How would
you
know? Why don’t you try it and see how
you
like it.”

Suddenly his hands moved rapidly, unstrapping the watch from his arm. His steady demeanor was finally shaken as he plunged his wrist in my face. “I
have
tried it. I’m living, breathing proof right here. I’m not pulling this information out of some manual. I’m talking from first-hand experience.”

My eyes widened. I stared at the glowing, green mark on his arm. “You have one too?” I said.

He nodded. My heart softened as I pulled his arm close. There was a small tattoo next to the mark on his wrist in the shape of an exotic-looking tree, but I noticed it only a moment, turning my attention back to his Watermark.

He had one just like me. Maybe he understood my pain. Only, his mark was different than mine; his glowed brightly while mine was dark as night. No, he didn’t understand. How could he? His mark actually worked.

My tone remained dry. “Is this why they chose you…to be assigned to me?”

“No, this doesn’t set me apart. All Keepers have the Watermark.” He looked out at the crashing sea. “I’m not sure why I was chosen. I’m nobody special.”

He paused a moment then turned back with a warm smile. “Just lucky I guess.”

His gesture went unnoticed. I was too wrapped up in my own self-pity.

“So I really am some sort of
malfunction
,” I complained.

“The only difference between you and me,” he assured, “is that my Watermark was planned and yours wasn’t. But I’m not going to let this be a problem for you. I’ll figure it out. I promise I’ll take care of you.”

I didn’t want him to take care of me. I wanted to take care of myself.

“Right,” I scoffed. “Just like my father took care of my
mom
? Are you going to disappear in the middle of the night too?”

Rayne’s face went completely white.

 I glared at him. “I have an idea, why don’t you wait until I’m completely all alone and pregnant with your child and
then
desert me…that seemed to work for
him
.”

He stared at me, stumbling to find the right words. “Sadie…I…I’m really sorry about your father.”

“Just, whatever; forget it,” I said coldly. “Look, can’t you just turn this Water System off or something? Like, isn’t there some kind of surgery someone can do to remove it?” 

He looked at me like I was crazy. “What? No. There’s no turning it off.”

That was the last straw. There was nothing I could do to reverse this burden. I had absolutely no control over anything. My whole life was turning into a complete disaster.

My arms flew to my head as I stumbled backward. “I don’t want this. This isn’t happening.”

Rayne followed me, wrapping his arms tightly around me. “It’s going to be okay.”

Suddenly I couldn’t breathe. His arms were like chains holding me captive to some horror I didn’t want to face. I pushed at his grip to free myself.

“Can’t you just give me an inch of space?” I snapped.

He took a step back. “I was just trying to help.”

“Well you can help by giving me room to breathe.”

He scowled. “Fine, I’m giving you
room
.”

He stomped to the far end of the platform practically in a run. When he reached the other side he put one hand on the railing and hopped right over the edge.

My back stiffened in alarm, worried he was about to jump off the cliff; but he stopped quickly and leaned his back to the rail, folding his arms angrily to his chest. He glanced back once—probably to make sure I‘d seen his dramatic display—then went back to staring at the sea with his back purposely facing me.

I’d never seen him get upset like that, but I couldn’t deal with it now. I didn’t want to think about any of this anymore. All I wanted was to get away from here and from him.

Before I could even plan it through I found myself fleeing down the walkway in escape. I knew I would never get past Rayne if I ran near him up the path, so I went down instead.

My legs lunged one in front of the other towards the edge of the beach below. Just as my feet hit the sand I heard Rayne’s voice calling after me. First it was like a question, as if he were confused where I’d gone.

“Sadie?” he called.

His voice grew frantic. “Sadie, wait!”

I thought I heard his footsteps closing in behind me, kicking my adrenalin to high gear. I ran even faster, like I would if my life depended on it. A car alarm broke through the quiet air in the distance, the chaos of the noise feeling appropriate to the turmoil beating inside my head.

As my feet fought to move through the heavy sand I glanced back. There was no one following me. He probably went for his car, so he could beat me to the other side of the beach at the parking lot.

Unless…he really
wasn’t
following me.

I stopped and searched up and down the sand. He was nowhere to be seen. For a moment my heart sunk in disappointment. He didn’t come after me. He just let me run away, leaving me to deal with my fears and anxiety alone and helpless.

That’s what you wanted
, I reminded myself.
You should be happy.

I pulled my cell phone out of my pocket, panting to catch my breath. Relief spread through me when I heard the familiar voice on the other end.

“Heather,” I choked. “Can you come get me?” At least my best friend would come for me.

The beach was bleak and deserted. I hugged my arms to my chest, but the chill in the air grew with each dragging step. My shoes weighed me down, caked with sand both inside and out, but I didn’t bother to remove them. I had bigger things to worry about. It was too cold to go barefoot anyway.

Something brushed my head. I looked up to the clouds looming above just as the rain started to fall.
Perfect
, I thought;
just perfect
. My arm flew instinctively to my head to take cover but my efforts were futile. I ran towards the edge of the parking lot in search of shelter, water soaking through my hair. Why hadn’t I worn a hood today?

I ran to the first building in sight, a snack bar that was closed for the season, and huddled under the edge of the awning. Then I waited, miserable and wet, for Heather to arrive.

It felt like an eternity as I sat and shivered, curled in a ball to keep warm. The gray sky encompassed me, like I would blend right in until I disappeared. The ache felt different than in the past though. It wasn’t the strange emptiness that forced itself upon me without reason, like I experienced during my crazy spells. No, this was different. These feelings were real.

Anger, frustration, insecurity, helplessness; this time I actually had a reason to be upset, to feel all these horrible emotions.

I didn’t want to change who I was. I didn’t want to believe there was something wrong with me, that I was a malfunction. Why was this happening to me? I didn’t want to be dependent on Rayne or his water to survive. I wasn’t sure I could even trust him to stick around for long.

I’m not a person who gets sick
, I thought.
I’m not weak. I don’t rely on stupid boys to make me happy. That isn’t me.

I’m Sadie James. I’m healthy and happy and carefree. I’m confident in myself. That’s who I am. That’s who I’ve always been
.

My shoulders lifted from their slump with anticipation when a car came into view from the entrance. Although it wasn’t Heather’s car I hoped to see—it was Rayne’s. Why was he always taking over my head?

Unfortunately, it wasn’t Rayne
or
Heather.

I went back to hugging my legs to my chest and wallowing in discomfort. I analyzed my conversation with Rayne up on the lookout platform. What was wrong with me? It wasn’t like me to get in fights with people and run off in a tantrum. I always got along with
everyone
. I loved being around people. Maybe I just didn’t know myself as well as I thought I did.

Logic and emotion raged a battle inside my head. Should I let myself depend on Rayne or shield myself from possible hurt in the future? Should I ignore my need to be near him or give in to my longings, even if they were fabricated by the Healing Water?

My emotions wanted to pretend everything was like it used to be, to ignore my problems and run away from them; but logic told me I had to face the truth. I had to be tough, suck it up and deal with the things I couldn’t control. I had to find a way to survive, like my mother did when my father left her.

Suddenly I found determination. Thinking of her gave me strength. If she could do it, so could I.

Rayne’s car never emerged from the steep bend above the entrance, but finally Heather’s car rolled into view.

She glanced up and down my dripping exterior with concern. “What happened to you?” she said as she cranked on the heater. “Like, just
looking
at you is making me cold. And since when do you skip class anyway?”

“I know,” I sighed as we left the beach behind us. “This whole day has been one big disaster.”

“I saw your car when I left school,” she said. “How did you even get out here?”

I closed my eyes and dropped my head back in the seat. “I was with Rayne. We sort of got in a fight. It was really just me getting mad at him for trying to help me though. I’m a total idiot.”

Tiny lines wrinkled her forehead. “Why? What happened? You have to tell me everything.”

I
wanted
to tell her everything, but of course I couldn’t do that. “It’s a long story,” I grimaced. “Things are always so
complicated
with him. I don’t know; maybe I’m just scared of getting hurt, you know what I mean?”

I laughed once under my breath. “He must think I’m so immature.”

“No, I’m sure he doesn’t think that,” she said in a consoling tone.

“I ran away from him, Heather. All he was trying to do was talk to me about something important and I actually…literally…
ran
away.” The thought sounded so infantile I wasn’t sure if I wanted to laugh at myself or burst into tears.

“So you like to play hard to get,” she joked. She looked at me with lifted eyebrows. “That just makes guys want you more.”

I couldn’t help but laugh.

I relaxed a bit as the hot air warmed my tense muscles. “You know what the worst part is?” I sighed. “He didn’t chase after me. I really thought he was going to.”

“He probably just wanted to give you space, like, to give you time to think.”

“Maybe. Actually, I think I do need time alone to think.”

Heather drove us back to the school but I sent her to class without me. I decided I would go for a drive to clear my head, but first I stopped to look for my diary. I circled around the bench where I’d fainted earlier that day and was thoroughly relieved when I noticed it lodged under a nearby bush. The edges were a little wet from the rain, but the leather binding kept it surprisingly dry.

I hugged the book to my chest. It would’ve been mortifying if another student found my diary. And it was my main source of communication with Rayne—if I decided I still wanted to talk to him.

Deep down, I knew there was a good chance I did. I was already feeling the regret of my decision to run, and I knew no matter what I decided, I would at least be adult enough to tell him in person.

I drove aimlessly through town and down the highway. I wasn’t ready to make any decisions just yet. I wanted to listen to music, to lose myself in singing and let the melodies carry all thoughts from my head, but I realized I didn’t even have my player in the car. I’d forgotten it at the school. It was still sitting in my locker.

That meant I’d forgotten my wallet too. I immediately slowed down, not wanting to chance getting pulled over by a cop while driving without a license.

A faint chime rang from my pocket. At least I had my phone with me. I pulled off to the side of the road and looked at the screen. It was a message from my mother. She wanted to know why Rayne would have reason to come to our house, seeming somewhat upset and looking for me during the middle of school.

I didn’t answer her back.

I’d either have to lie to my mom about my whole morning or relive the entire dreadful experience by telling her all about it. Either way I’d have to use a lot of brain energy to edit out all the parts she wasn’t supposed to know. All of the options sounded way too exhausting. Instead I ignored her all together, throwing my phone in the passenger seat with a groan.

There was one good thing that came from her message. At least I knew Rayne was looking for me; that meant he couldn’t be too angry. I wondered why he wasn’t able to find me. Didn’t he always have me located on some kind of tracking device?

Then I remembered; he told me the tracker was in my wallet, the wallet still sitting in my locker at school.

I felt suddenly guilty for leaving Rayne with no way to keep track of me. It was his job to protect me after all and I wasn’t making his job very easy. But if he truly was that concerned, why didn’t he run after me at the beach in the first place? Something seemed off about the whole thing.

If he really was worried, couldn’t he send me a note in the diary? Of course, for all he knew, my copy of the diary was lost or in the hands of some stranger at my school. He could try calling my phone though, couldn’t he? Why would he go to my house and worry my mother?

I should probably just call him. Even if I hadn’t sorted through all my feelings yet, it would be better to talk things out. It felt like the initial shock had worn off and I could talk to him more rationally now. I should apologize; give him a chance to finish explaining things. I didn’t like the contention between us. And truthfully, I was already starting to miss him.

What answers could I come up with on my own anyway? I needed Rayne’s help more now than ever before; at least to figure out what to do with my malfunctioning body. Things were what they were. I had to accept the challenge life was throwing at me and face it head on.

I would contact Rayne right away and get this whole thing sorted out. I wondered if I should contact him through the diary, if he would even be watching it when there was a good chance he thought it was lost. But he did always mention I should avoid calling his phone, so I figured it couldn’t hurt to try the diary first. If there was no answer then I could try calling or go to his house and see if he was there.