Deeper Than Need (11 page)

She just might explode.

“Mama! Mama!”

Or maybe not … Trinity opened her eyes and braced herself just in time. A second later, Micah landed on the bed, bouncing and wiggling around. The boy was like the Energizer Bunny on speed, only so much more endearing, as he bent down and put his face on a level with hers.

“Morning, baby.”

He grinned at her. “Do we get to go home yet?”

“Home,” she murmured, reaching up to touch his face. He didn’t even understand just what had happened yesterday. Sighing, she traced her finger down his cheek and tapped his nose, keeping the fear she felt hidden behind a mask. She was so tired of wearing a mask all the time.

But she couldn’t let him see how afraid she was. How frustrated she was. How weary.

“Well, big guy,” she said, thinking her answer through as she rolled onto her back. “I just don’t know yet. They need to figure out what happened over there.”

“They found bones. Joey told me.”

Wonderful.
She swallowed and closed her eyes.

That was so … not accurate. She thought maybe she could have
handled
seeing bones. That macabre, awful body, though, the greying flesh that barely even looked real. The face, locked in that bizarre death mask. Bits of bone visible.

No. That was far worse than just bones.

“They did find something down there,” she finally said, turning her head to look at Micah. She managed, just barely, to keep her frustration with Joey leashed. Joey was Ali’s oldest—nine years old, a little mischievous, but he seemed like a great kid—and he had been running around the neighborhood last night. He’d overheard it from somebody, and he’d said something to Micah. Just kids being kids.

Trinity had bigger concerns to worry about, she knew. As long as Micah wasn’t freaked out about it, she wasn’t going to be.

Sitting up, she studied Micah’s face. “Well, Joey is sort of right. There was a body down there. I think whoever the person was, they’d been dead a long, long time.”

“How did he die?” Micah asked, his voice hushed and soft.

“Baby, I don’t know.” She passed a hand down his soft hair. It stuck up in odd spikes all over the place and it wouldn’t lay down until they made it lay down with lots of water and coaxing. Pulling him into her lap, she rested her chin on his crown and breathed in the soft, warm scent of him. He smelled like little boy—sweaty little boy who’d already been running around and playing hard. “We may never know the answer to that.”

“Why not? They find that stuff out on TV. I sawed it on a show at Mrs. Magruder’s once.”

Trinity made a face. Mrs. Magruder had been his sitter a few times back before they’d left New York. Trinity had asked the woman not to let him watch anything scary or inappropriate. Obviously, Mrs. Magruder had a different idea of what was inappropriate for a four-year-old. “Micah, what you see on TV isn’t real. I’ve told you that. Sometimes, you just don’t get the answers you want with things. This could be one of them.”

“Was it an old person?”

She closed her eyes. “I don’t know.”

“’Cuz it was just bones?”

“Yeah.”

“Why was it just bones?”

A hysterical laugh rose in her throat, but she swallowed it back.
This is part of being a parent. Dealing with all the questions. Even the very hard ones,
she told herself. The good news? After this, she could handle anything. Even the birds and bees talk in a few years would be a piece of cake.

“Baby, after a person dies, sooner or later, that’s just what happens. It’s perfectly normal.”

“I don’t want to be just bones.”

“Oh, baby.” She hugged him to her. “You don’t need to worry about that. You’re not going to die for a long, long time. Okay?”

His arms slid around her neck and he clutched at her. “Okay.”

She pressed her lips to his temple, blinking until the burning left her eyes. The heartache was one thing she hadn’t been prepared for when she became a mom. Her dad had tried to warn her. She had to give him that.
A child will make you happier than you’ve ever been … and can hurt you more than you will ever know.

It hadn’t made sense until the very first time it happened.

A few moments passed before Micah’s death grip on her neck eased and then he leaned back. Brushing his hair back, she smiled down at him, wanting to reassure him but not certain how to do it. She was always fumbling with this mom thing. She might get it right when he was fifty. “You okay, big guy? It’s kind of scary, I know.”

He jerked a shoulder in a shrug and looked away. “I’m not scared.” His lip poked out a little. “I mean, bones don’t hurt people, right? They’re all gone, right? Whoever he was … he’s gone?”

“Right. We don’t know if it was a man or woman, but whoever the person was, the police took the body so they can try and figure out what happened, and who it was. But baby … you have to remember, who it was, it was just a person. You’ve got bones inside
you.
Bones aren’t scary. They’re kind of awesome. They make you walk and stand up and climb.” She gave him a brave smile. If he could be brave, she’d do the same thing. “So bones aren’t anything to be afraid of, okay?”

He blinked, and just like that he was distracted. “Wow … bones make me climb?”

“Yep. Without them, you’d just be a pile of goo.” She demonstrated, slumping all over him, listening as he giggled.

“Get off! You’re squishing me.”

Laughing, she sat up and kissed his forehead. “See? The bones are what make us able to
not
squish people. Cool, huh?”

“I guess.” He squirmed on her lap. “Since they took the bones, does that mean we can go home? I want Mr. Noah to finish fixing the house so we can paint my room.”

The priorities of a child. Bones gone, let’s paint.

That was a kid for you.

“Baby, I think it’s going to be a few days, at least.”

He heaved out a sigh. “It’s always a few days.” He slid off her lap and took off, his sneakered feet banging on the floor, making as much noise as a herd of elephants.

Groaning, she dropped her face down into her hands. A day ago, she fell through the floor of her house and found a body hidden under the floorboards.

Micah was all ready to go back there.

Go
back. She flinched just thinking about it.

Did they go back?

Could
she?

That was the bigger question.

She had to call the cops today, maybe tomorrow—Ali had told Trinity she was welcome to stay until the cops released the house back to her, longer if she needed to, but she had no idea what was supposed to happen. The body had only been found yesterday and so much of the day had passed in a surreal blur—the police had obtained a search warrant; they’d searched the house, her property.

Her
house.
This place that was supposed to be her and Micah’s haven. A place where they could start over.

Her home.
Their
home.

There had been a body buried under the floor, from the day she moved in.

“Longer,” she whispered.

She had no idea how long that … person … had been buried under the floor of her house, but her gut whispered that body had been down there awhile. A very long while.

How long had the body been there? Just waiting to be discovered?

Stop it, Trinity.

Part of her wanted to grab Micah and take off running. Back to New York, maybe. Or somewhere else. Somewhere different. She could do it. Her dad would give her the money.

Rising from the bed, she moved to the window and stared out over the small town of Madison. From the window she could just barely make out Main Street, and despite the desire to leave, run hard and fast, the bigger part of her looked at the town and thought,
Home.

She thought of Noah.

That odd little
click.

No. She couldn’t leave.

Even aside from the fact that she felt like this was where she belonged, she’d never just run away from a single thing in her life. Even when she’d wanted to run away from the problems in New York—with Micah’s father—she hadn’t. She’d waited until it was finished, until it was
done,
and then she’d started over. Clean slate.

Leaving now?
That
would be running and she just couldn’t do it. She’d handled all the tough shit in New York. She could handle this.

Sighing, she brushed her hair back from her face and turned away from the window.

The cops would finish up their job. Whether they found out who had been buried under her home or not, this wouldn’t affect her. This tragedy, however awful it was, wasn’t
her
tragedy.

She could go back home. Get on with her life.

Get on with her plan of getting her life
on-track.

But … since she couldn’t work on the house today, maybe not for a lot of days, it was time to work on the next step. Finding a job. While the money she had in the bank was definitely there to fall back on, she didn’t want to raid it any more than necessary.

She had a small online business that she did in her spare time and it was doing
okay …
as in she no longer had to keep sinking her own money into it to keep it going. But
okay
didn’t do much in the way of buying groceries or clothes or much of anything else just yet.

So … a job.

*   *   *

“There’s not exactly a surplus of jobs here in Madison,” Ali said, grimacing. “Sometimes we need delivery drivers at our place, but not often.”

As the other woman slid into a chair across from Trinity, she asked, “What can you do?”

“I’ve done a little bit of everything,” she said, shrugging. “Worked at a Starbucks in college. Did office work.” She licked her lips, debated saying anything, and then went ahead. “I majored in advertising in college, worked with my dad’s firm for the most part.”

Shooting Ali another glance, Trinity smiled. “I have some decent computer skills, though. Worked as a receptionist off and on while I was going through school, for the first year or so, although I never really received formal training in that area.”

“Well, I’m not sure how much advertising-type stuff there is around here. I doubt anybody can pay what you might be used to.” Ali winced a little and shrugged. “Sorry, I’m not trying to be rude. But I’ve seen your car. Your clothes. Your purses, which I kind of want. Really bad. Working for your dad’s firm, well, I don’t think that’s going to be quite the same as working in Madison.”

“I’m not looking for anything like what I did in New York.” Trinity smiled even though in the back of her head she was thinking,
That’s the last thing I want!
“I don’t really need to be in advertising.”

“That opens the field a little, although who knows? Maybe they need that sort of thing over at the paper or something. I hear stuff, working in the pizzeria. I do know there’s sometimes office-type work. Even without formal training, you might be able to get that kind of thing.” Ali chewed on her lip, mulling it over. “As long as you can get the job done and as long as you don’t have a criminal record, that’s all that will matter to most people around here.”

Trinity smiled, even as her gut twisted. “No criminal record,” she said, keeping her voice light. Of course, once people started poking around they might find all sorts of stuff that Trinity would rather they not know. There wasn’t much to be done about it, though.

Ali leaned back in her seat, her head cocked. “You know, there
is
one job that might actually be ideal for you … are you looking for full-time?”

“I’d rather
not
have full-time,” Trinity said. “I’d take it if that’s all I could find, but I’ve got work I do on the side and I don’t want it to suffer.”

“That makes this the perfect job, I think.” Ali grinned and leaned forward.

“What is it?”

“Noah.”

For a second, Trinity just stared at the other woman. Then, even as her heart banged against her ribs, Trinity stood up. “That … might not work.”

“Oh, come on … you can’t tell me he’d be hard to work for.” A grin split Ali’s face. “They don’t come any more laid-back than Noah Benningfield.”

“Oh, you’re right. He’s laid-back.”
He’s laid-back. He’s gorgeous. He makes my tongue stick to the roof of my mouth. I look at him and I just want to bite him and I’m pretty sure I’m damning myself to the lowest pits of hell for lusting after a preacher.
Feeling the hot, slow crawl of a blush staining her cheeks, she turned away under the pretense of gathering up her dishes from breakfast. Not that a saucer and a coffee cup took long. “I just don’t think—”

Ali started talking, like Trinity hadn’t said a word. “He’s been needing a hand for a while, but nobody seems to work out.… I think half the women in town who apply have this idea they can take the job and get him to propose. The other half can’t do the job for what he can afford to pay. He’s only looking for about twenty hours a week, so…”

Trinity dumped the dishes in the sink.
Part-time. Wonderful.
That was pretty much exactly what she needed. She didn’t really
need
a top-dollar salary, just something that would let her get by without raiding the fund her mother had left for her. Once Trinity’s online business was set more secure, she’d be fine.

But it didn’t matter if the job Noah had might sound ideal. Working for him
couldn’t
be ideal. She was already borderline fixated on him as it was. Memories of that dream rose up to haunt her. The way he’d twined their hands together, the way he’d stared at her as he moved inside her. And the climax—the climax that had woken her up. All from dreaming about sex with him.

“I don’t think it would work out. I mean, I’d probably be better off finding something—”

“You know, he’s got an extra room in his office,” Ali said, cutting her off. “His mom used to do all the paperwork and stuff and Noah practically grew up there, had his own playroom and everything. It’s still there. You could take Micah.”

Trinity blew out a breath and turned around, arms crossed over her chest. Ali stood there, an unrepentant grin on her pretty face. “You see, it really would be ideal,” she said, rocking back on her heels. “I mean, I can’t think of too many places where you’d be able to take your son with you.”