Defy (24 page)

We both whirled around to face Damian, standing above us.

“I was explaining that I am not strong enough to completely

heal this girl right now, and so we will either have to leave her or

carry her all day again,” Lisbet said, smoothly rising to her feet.

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My chest ached from the anger and frustration building up

inside. Why did she know about my brother? How did she know

the prince? And why did her words — her warnings — burn like

acid, reminding me of how uncertain my future was?

“How much longer before the effects of the bloodroot wear

off entirely?” Damian asked, looking past me to Lisbet.

“Not much longer, but it is frustrating when she needs my

help
now
.”

“You’re doing all you can.” Damian smiled at her, the same

gentle smile he had given Jax when he’d carried him. Seeing him

give Lisbet such a tender look, hearing him speak to her with such

respect after her refusal to explain anything to me, to answer my

questions, was too much. The anger I’d been trying to subdue

overtook me. She was working with our captors, and yet Damian

seemed to trust her — more than me. And I had been his guard,

risking my life for him on a daily basis.

I jumped to my feet and pushed past Damian, out of the tent,

only to see Rylan standing ten feet away, his arms crossed, staring

at me, a silent accusation in his eyes.

The pressure was coming from all sides. Lisbet’s warnings; my

impossible attraction to a prince I should never have let myself care about; Rylan’s feelings, which only confused me even more. I

wanted to get away — I
needed
to get away.

“Alex, are you okay?” Damian followed me.

I turned on my heel and ran. I didn’t care where, I didn’t care

what happened to me, I didn’t care if Eljin tied me up after this, I

just had to escape. I couldn’t take it anymore. I plunged into the

forest, pushing the huge leaves out of my way as I ran from Lisbet,

from what she’d said, from Rylan and Damian, from everything.

189

 twenty-six 

I
startled a flock of macaws when I rushed through the

foliage into a small clearing. They took to f light in a whirl of

colors, reds and blues and yellows, bursting through the air. My

eyes burned, and I scrubbed my hands across my face, brushing

the stupid, useless tears away.

I barely had time to catch my breath when I heard someone

crashing through the underbrush behind me, and spun around to

see Damian standing there, his chest heaving from the effort of

running after me.

“What’s wrong? What happened?”

“You shouldn’t have come after me,” I said. “Now we’ll both

get in trouble.”

“I don’t care about that.” He closed the distance between

us, so that I had to tilt my head back to look up into his eyes. His

eyes, which were every bit as beautiful as the macaws that had

just f lown into the depths of the jungle.
His
jungle. “Why did you run away?”

“You made a mistake by saving me. You revealed your secret to

save my life,” I said, my voice strained. “You kept that secret your

whole life for some reason, and now everyone here knows and I

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don’t know why you did that for me. You should have let me die if

it was so important for no one to know.”

“Is that what Lisbet told you?” The look on his face made my

heart pound.

“Yes,
Lisbet
told me that,” I bit out. Still upset — hurt — by the trust he seemed to place in her.

He moved even closer. I couldn’t breathe as I stared up at him.

He lifted both of his hands to brush the hair back from my face.

“And you believed her?”

I clenched my jaw, refusing to answer, afraid all the emotion I

was desperately trying to quell would bleed into my voice.

“It wasn’t a mistake to save your life,” he said, his voice low.

He took one last step so that our bodies touched. I could feel him

everywhere — our legs, our hips, our stomachs. “I’ve made mis-

takes. So many I can’t even count. But saving you was
not
one of them.” His thumbs rubbed across my jaw. I stared into his eyes,

my heart in my throat. For that breathless moment, there was no

sound, no time, nothing beyond his body against mine and his

hands on my face. I wanted him to kiss me, I wanted it more than

I wanted air, but the tiny part of my brain that was still function-

ing knew this was wrong. Impossible.

I tried to pull back, but he dropped one of his hands to wrap

his arm around my body, pressing me to him, refusing to let me

break away.

“But I’m not —”

“You’re
perfect
,” he said roughly, cutting off my protest. “And if I had to do it over again, I would save you every time.” His

mouth closed over mine and there was no more thought. No more

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worry. No more pain or loss or fear. There was only Damian. His

arm tightened around me, crushing me to him, his other hand

threaded through my hair. I clung to him as his lips moved on

mine with a need and hunger that nearly overwhelmed me.

My whole body burned with a fire that I’d never imagined

possible. I was the one who was supposed to protect him, but I’d

never felt as protected as I did in that moment, encircled by his

strong arms, our bodies pressed together. I dug my fingers into

the muscles of his back, his shoulders, clinging to him with every

ounce of strength I had in me.

His lips moved to my jaw, then down my throat, leaving a trail

of fire on my skin as he worked his way toward my collarbone. I

gasped for air, clutching at his tunic as he kissed me. I cursed

Lisbet for convincing me to keep the binding on my breasts.

“Alexa,” he whispered against my skin. “Do you have any

idea what you’re doing to me? I’ve never needed anyone the way I

need you.”

He pulled back slightly, his gaze heated as he stared down

at me. I was weak in his arms, struggling to breathe normally.

“After my mother was killed, and then my brother, I swore I’d

never let myself care about anyone again. I swore I’d never give

anyone the power to hurt me like that again. But when I saw that

man rushing at you yesterday, with his sword drawn . . . I realized

it was too late.”

My heart constricted at the raw pain, the fear, the
hope
in his eyes, eyes that were like jewels in the dappled sunlight.

“It was too late,” he repeated, almost in a whisper, and then he

bent his head down to mine again. This time, his kiss was gentler,

deeper somehow. I could feel his desperation in the way he held

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me, in the way his lips moved with mine, making my heart ache

and burn all at once.

“Alex!”

I froze at the sound of my name being shouted from the trees

behind us, and we broke apart. I took a step back, lifting one of my

hands up to my swollen lips.

“Alex!”

It was Rylan. About to find me — about to find
us
. He’d

know. He’d know and there would be no going back. He’d never

forgive me.

“Alexa.” Damian looked concerned. “What’s wrong?”

I couldn’t answer; I just shook my head. And then Rylan was

there. He burst out of the trees and ground to a halt when he saw

us both standing there, only a couple of feet apart. I had no idea

what I looked like, what expression was on my face. But whatever

he saw was enough. The concern on his face hardened into some-

thing else, something foreign.

“I was worried about you since you’re afr — hate the jungle so

much, but obviously you’re just fine.” I’d never heard his voice

so cold, and it turned the heat in my body to ice. But even in his

anger, he kept his promise not to reveal my fear of snakes. “We’re

leaving. Lisbet is preparing Tanoori for us to carry her again.

Assuming you still wish to try and save her?”

“Of course,” I said, my voice shaky.

Anger rolled off him in waves. “That’s great. Carry on,

then. Sorry for interrupting.” He turned on his heel and plunged

back into the jungle the way he’d come, leaving me alone with

Damian again, my stomach twisted into knots and my whole

body trembling.

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“Alexa, are you all right? What’s wrong?” Damian stepped

toward me again, took my hand in his. I stared down at his fingers,

laced through mine, and I almost cried again. I could no longer

deny that I was falling for him — so fast and so hard, it scared me.

But I had feelings for Rylan, too — he was the closest friend I’d

had at the palace, next to my brother. And now he hated me.

I clenched my jaw to keep my emotions in check. I looked up

at Damian, at the concern on his face, the worry in his eyes.

“Was I wrong to kiss you?”

I swallowed past the lump in my throat. “No,” I whispered. “I

just don’t know what to do. You’re the
prince
.”

“We’ll figure it out. I won’t let anyone hurt you — not even

my father. I promise.” He squeezed my hand and I tried to smile

back as I let go.

“We’d better get back before Eljin threatens to kill me again

and makes you break your promise,” I said, trying to keep my

voice from trembling. I turned to walk away, but Damian grabbed

my arm, pulling me gently back to him.

“Thank you,” he said softly as I stared up at him once more.

“For what?”

“For saving me — and I don’t just mean from that arrow.” He

smiled, a soft, wistful smile. “It’s always been you, you know that,

right? From the first moment I realized you were a girl — it was

always you.”

My heart constricted as he pressed his lips to mine. Once.

Twice. Just enough to make my pulse start to race again, and then

he broke away. “All right, let’s go.” He sighed.

I turned to follow him with tears in my eyes.

194

 twenty-seven 

A
fter the longest day of my life, trudging through the

final stretch of jungle, carrying Tanoori on the same make-

shift stretcher with Damian in front of me and Rylan across from

me, we finally stopped for the night, near the border of Antion

and Blevon. It was torture to be so close to Damian after our kiss,

but unable to touch him, or even to talk to him. And the trip

hadn’t improved Tanoori’s condition at all. I began to wonder if

she really would make it. She thrashed several times during the

day, making it even harder to carry her. I was so sore, I could

barely move after we set her down on the ground next to where

Lisbet was setting up her tent.

Eljin made us pitch our tents as close together as possible, and

we weren’t allowed to light a fire. He stood with his back to us

as we hurried to eat our cold dinner. What had once been a group

of near fifty was closer to thirty-five after the attack. So many lives lost in the attempt to abduct the prince into enemy territory. I wondered again what Eljin and his followers hoped to accomplish. Were

they going to demand King Hector pay ransom for his son?

“What’s he doing?” I heard Jax ask his mother, nodding

toward Eljin. I leaned forward to listen for her answer as they fin-

ished tying their tent down for the night.

195

“He’s going to stand guard all night, and protect us if

necessary.”

“In case another group from the army finds us?” Jax sounded

scared.

“Yes. But you don’t need to worry. Eljin will make it so that

they can’t see us.”

“But what if he falls asleep?”

“He won’t.”

I glanced back at Eljin, wondering what other powers he pos-

sessed. How could he keep an entire battalion from seeing us?

Then I noticed Rylan standing apart from the grouping of

tents, near a copse of trees. It was strange to be out of the jungle, to see rolling fields of grass spreading gently downward, into the

valley below. Although I hated the jungle, I was used to it; I felt

exposed out here.

I glanced around but didn’t see Damian anywhere. Now was

as good a time to approach Rylan as any, I supposed. We would be

crossing into Blevon tomorrow and I had no idea what awaited us

there. I figured I’d better talk to him in case I didn’t get another

chance. Steeling my courage, I stood up and walked toward him.

He felt me coming — I could tell by the way he tensed up. But

he didn’t turn to look at me. I stopped a few feet away, my little bit of bravery failing at the scowl on his face.

“What do you want, Alex?”

“Rylan, please don’t do this.” I moved so that I stood in front

of him, forcing him to look at me.

“Do what? I’m not
doing
anything. I guess that’s my problem.”

“So that’s it? You’re not going to talk to me anymore?” I hesi-

tantly reached for his arm, but he pulled away from my grasp.

196

“Oh, would you like me to jump into the fray? Do you want to

turn it into a game? See who can catch you first? Me against a

prince. I’m pretty certain I know how that would turn out.”

“No! That’s not what I meant,” I stammered, heat rising in

my cheeks. “Rylan, I’m sorry I made you so mad. I’m sorry that I

made you hate me. Apart from Marcel, you’ve been my closest