Defy the Stars (11 page)

Flynn took my hand, clearly sensing what I was thinking. ‘I wanted to come and speak to you before. I
want
to be with you, River. But it’s not fair. I mean apart from that
probably being the last thing you really want, if we were together again you’d have to deal with everyone else being angry or upset – your friends, your parents. I get that.’ He
squeezed my hand. ‘Still, as I’m here now I could walk with you back to the party?’

‘Sure.’

We set off along the pavement. My head was spinning. On the one hand Flynn was saying that he wanted to be with me again. On the other, that he was planning on keeping his distance . . . for
my
sake, so that I could stay in this limbo place where I didn’t have to deal with the reality of a relationship and all the fallout it would bring.

I stopped walking and took a deep breath. ‘Do you want to go out with me again?’

Flynn frowned. ‘River, I already told you, I want to be with you for the rest of my life. I always have – I just didn’t used to believe I deserved you.’ He looked away.
‘I still don’t really.’

I stared at him.

‘I know it’s not supposed to happen to people when they’re young,’ he went on. ‘But it’s happened to me. I
know
it. You’re the only person
I’ll ever truly love.
That’s
what’s in the stars, not what all those other people think.’

We stood in silence again. My heart thudded.

‘I feel the same.’ My voice came out as a tiny whisper.

‘Oh, Riv.’ Flynn drew me towards him and we hugged.

It was so good to be in his arms. I breathed in his scent, his shirt soft against my cheek, his chest firm and muscular underneath. Then I pulled away and placed my hands on his face.

‘I want to be with you,’ I stammered. ‘But so much has happened. And you
left
me. I get that you were all upset and confused last year, but you still handled the
situation really badly. And you got involved with Bentham, maybe at first because you were trying to help your mum, but you
stayed.
You might have taken the first bit of money for her, but
I can see the clothes you’re wearing and—’

‘Bentham wouldn’t let me leave,’ Flynn interrupted. ‘After the first job I wanted to stop, but he said I had to do one more so I said yes, but of course after I’d
done one more, there was another. Then another. I’d think he was finally letting me alone, then Cody would say I was needed again. In the end I realised he was never going to let me go, so I
got out.’

‘What did these jobs involve?’ I asked. ‘What kind of work did you do for him?’

‘I was just his bodyguard at first, but the jobs were different . . .’ Flynn hesitated. ‘It’s complicated. I was never involved in any real violence. I hate talking about
it. I feel so stupid that I got suckered into the whole thing in the first place.’

I nodded. ‘That’s part of the problem though, don’t you see? I don’t know who you are any more – I mean I don’t know what you’ve been through and how
your life has been. And I’ve changed too.’

‘So you’re saying we need to get to know each other again?’ Flynn asked, his intelligent eyes burning with intensity. ‘I can do that. We can do it.’

‘Yes,’ I said, thinking about what he’d said. And getting to know each other means taking it slow, not leaping into a relationship or . . . or . . .’

‘Or a bed.’ Flynn laughed. He drew me close and hugged me again. ‘I agree. It sounds brilliant. I’ll do whatever you say, take it as slow as you like.’

We started walking again, our arms around each other. I felt happier than I had done for ages, yet somewhere deep inside me I was anxious too. What would everyone say if they knew I was seeing
Flynn again? However slowly we took it, most of my friends and certainly both my parents would be appalled that I was letting him into my life once more. Not just because he had hurt me so badly
before, but because he was mixed up with murderous gangsters, one of whom was now trying to hunt me down.

But Flynn had only gone with the gangsters to try and help his mum and he’d only hurt me because he was a mess last year, not because he meant to be cruel or because he wanted someone
else. He’d left Bentham, so he was trying to put that mistake behind him. And he still loved me. He always had.

‘How are we going to do this?’ I said, leaning into him as we turned the corner on to the street where the party was being held.

‘However you like,’ Flynn said softly. ‘Maybe I could see you tomorrow? Take you out for tea?’

‘Take me for tea?’ I laughed. ‘You make us sound about ninety.’

‘Okay, then tell me what you want,’ Flynn said. ‘And we can do it next week or next month if tomorrow’s too soon.’

‘You’ll wait?’ I asked, gazing up at him.

‘Yes,’ he said. ‘Forever.’

We were just a few doors away from the party house now. I glanced over. No one was outside. I reached up and kissed his lips.

His mouth opened hungrily and soon I was lost in a burning kiss, my whole body melting into him.

It was several minutes before we finally stopped and I drew away. Flynn rubbed his forehead. His face was flushed, his eyes lit up. I filled with delicious pride that I had such an effect on
him.

He looked up and shook his head. ‘Kissing you, Riv, it’s not like anything else in the world.’

‘Good.’ I smiled. ‘So tea . . . tomorrow?’

Flynn nodded eagerly. ‘Where? Will you be back in Norton by then?’

‘No,’ I explained. ‘I’ll still be at Mum’s. Dad isn’t picking me up until evening.’

‘Okay, so somewhere near your mum’s then?’

We stood talking for a moment, fixing on a time and a place, then we kissed once more and Flynn let me go. ‘Don’t forget I’ll still be watching over you,’ he called out
softly as I walked away.

I went back into the party and wandered through the throng of people dancing, one minute thrilling with excitement at the memory of our kiss and the prospect of seeing Flynn properly tomorrow,
the next full of anxiety about how going out with him again could possibly work.

Well, I wasn’t going to worry about that now. Tomorrow was just a toe in the water, a chance to see how we were outside all the drama of Cody and the debris from our previous
relationship.

I saw Grace and James dancing in a group and headed over. For a moment I wondered where Flynn was right now. Was he really outside? Standing guard over me somewhere close by? Hidden from
everyone in here? Then I let the music take over and got lost in the dance.

It was fun. More fun now that I knew where I stood with Flynn. I was actually surprised when Grace leaned over and said it was nearly 2.30 a.m. and she and James were going to go home and did I
want to share a cab?

I agreed, somewhat reluctantly. Still, once I was safe back at Mum’s at least Flynn would hopefully get some rest from being my bodyguard.

Grace went to say goodbye to someone while I waited with James at the front door. As I stood there, Emmi wandered over. She looked a bit tipsy, her lipstick smudged.

‘Can I have a word, River?’ she asked.

‘Sorry, Em, we’re leaving,’ I said. ‘Do you want a lift with us?’

Emmi shook her head. She narrowed her eyes at James, who took the hint and backed away.

As soon as he was a few metres across the room, Emmi leaned in close, whispering in my ear. ‘River,’ she said urgently. ‘What’s going on?’ Despite that smudged
lipstick, she didn’t sound drunk at all.

I frowned. ‘What do you mean?’

Emmi lowered her voice. ‘I saw you outside, walking up the road with Flynn.’ She narrowed her eyes. ‘You were kissing, like . . . like you were
totally
back together,
but you said you’d hardly seen him. What’s going on?’

I stared at her. Of all the people in the world, Emmi, who had betrayed my secret about James and the nano-kiss to such devastating effect last year, was the last person I would have chosen to
confide in.

‘We’re not back together,’ I said, looking her straight in the eye.

Emmi snorted. ‘That’s not what it looked like.’ She paused. ‘Don’t worry, I’m not going to tell anyone, River. I learned my lesson about butting into other
people’s business last year. So your secret is safe, but . . .’

‘There’s no secret,’ I hissed. ‘I keep telling you, we’re not back together, just . . . just . . .’

Emmi tilted her head to one side. ‘You can only kid yourself for so long, River. Just remember who you’re dealing with. It’s
Flynn.
It won’t end well. It never
does with him. You’ll be hurt.
Again.’
She sighed and when she spoke next, her voice was more serious than I’d ever heard it. ‘It’s much more dangerous than
when he was just a bit of a rebel at school. He’s mixed up with really bad people and he’ll end up destroying you if you’re not careful.’

‘You don’t know what you’re talking about.’ Fear and anger swirled in my guts. ‘He’s left those people.’

‘It’s not that easy.’ Emmi shook her head, as Grace ran over.

‘Sorry,’ Grace said. ‘I got charting.’ She looked at us. ‘What’s up?’

‘Nothing,’ Emmi said quickly. ‘Ill see you guys soon.’

She went back into the party and Grace, James and I headed outside. As we walked towards our cab, Emmi’s words about Flynn ‘destroying’ me echoed in my head. Leo had said
almost exactly the same thing to me the other day. Emmi and Leo were about as different from each other as it’s possible for two people to be and yet they both thought Flynn was destined to
ruin my life.

It was ridiculous. Melodramatic. Wasn’t it? Didn’t the fact that he wanted to change,
had
changed, count for anything? Didn’t our love for each other make a
difference?

We reached the taxi. Before I got inside, I looked around trying to spot Flynn but I couldn’t see him. A couple of minutes later I felt my phone buzz. It was a text from a number I
didn’t recognise. From him.

Hope ok to txt. Get home safe. C u 2mro x

I shut my phone and stared out at the London lights which gleamed and blurred as we passed through busy streets. James and Grace were chatting happily about the party but I couldn’t join
in.

Nobody understood me and Flynn. Nobody was ever going to. If we were going to be together, I had to accept that.

There was no alternative future except one in which I was without him entirely.

And that was not a future I could accept.

Flynn was waiting when I arrived at the café the following afternoon. It was raining and I’d been hurrying along the street, pulling my hood over my head so that
my hair wouldn’t get wet and frizz up. I’d been looking around the whole way, wondering where he was. Despite my attempts to spot him, he stayed out of sight until I got there, when I
saw him at last on the other side of the road.

He waved, then darted through the traffic and rushed up to me.

‘It’s our first date all over again,’ he said.

I grinned as we went into the café. This was, indeed, the first place we had ever come on our own together. Back then, almost two years ago, I’d bumped into him on the Broadway with
his sister, Siobhan. He had dropped her at the hair salon where she worked, then asked me if I wanted a cup of coffee. We hardly knew each other back then, just a few weeks into the rehearsals for
Romeo and Juliet.

‘That wasn’t really a date,’ I said, as Flynn led me over to the same table where we’d sat on that first occasion. ‘If I remember correctly you were really rude to
me.’

‘Oh, yeah?’ Flynn pulled out a chair for me. ‘I think you were pretty rude yourself. You asked me why I was so bothered about being poor.’

‘Only because you bit my head off when I offered to pay my share of the bill.’

Flynn made a face. ‘Yeah, you’re right, I did.’ He sighed. ‘I was a bit of a jerk about money back then.’

‘A
bit
?’ I raised my eyebrows.

Flynn grinned, then bought our coffees. I asked for a cappuccino, just as I had back then. Flynn ordered a plain black coffee. He brought them back to our table and sat down.

‘So,’ he said. ‘Let’s start again.’ He cleared his throat. ‘It’s nice to meet you, River. Thank you for agreeing to go out on a date with me.’

I giggled. ‘Um, well, I thought I’d give you a try, see how you handled my questions.’

‘Questions? Okay.’ Flynn took a gulp of coffee then set his cup back in the saucer. ‘Ask away,’ he said. ‘Three questions, then it’s my turn.’

‘Fine.’ I narrowed my eyes. ‘My first question is how you are managing to follow me everywhere without me seeing you?’

Flynn’s face broke into a huge grin. ‘
That’s
your first question?’ He laughed. ‘It’s simple. I stay far enough away to be hidden, but close enough to
see you.’ He lowered his voice. ‘When Bentham took me on to his security staff, he trained me to get in and out of places quietly, so I could move around without drawing attention to
myself.’

‘Did he teach you to use a gun, too?’

Flynn looked down at the table between us. I was suddenly aware of the buzz of the café, the chattering voices all around, and us here at the table inside our own intense little
bubble.

‘I told you, I’ve never been involved with any real violence and I’ve never used a gun.’ Flynn spoke so softly I could barely hear him. ‘But I know Bentham does.
And Cody.’

I took a deep breath, then leaned closer towards him. ‘Has Cody killed anyone before?’ I whispered.

Flynn met my eyes. ‘I don’t know for sure. I mean, I don’t know any details but I think so, yes. But not me, Riv, you have to believe that.’

I stared at him. There was something he wasn’t saying. ‘What have you done then?’ I asked.

‘You’ve had three questions,’ Flynn said, looking down at his coffee. ‘It’s my turn.’

‘No,’ I said. ‘I think I’m entitled to an answer. Explain it from the beginning . . . how you got involved with Bentham . . .
everything
.’

There was a long pause. ‘Okay,’ Flynn said. ‘Well, it all started about a week after I left the commune. I’d gone to Manchester because I couldn’t bear to be in
London. A guy I used to work with at Goldbar’s had fixed me up with a job as a bouncer in a nightclub. Bentham came in one day. Some drunk slipped past his bodyguard and tried to punch him. I
stopped the drunk. Bentham was impressed. He told Cody to take me on. Cody and I hit it off at first, but then everything went wrong . . .’ He blew out his breath.