Defy the Stars (18 page)

He turned and met my gaze at last. I was shocked by the pain in his eyes. I opened my mouth to ask what was the matter, but before I could speak, Flynn leaned over and kissed my lips.

‘You know I love you more than anything?’ he murmured.

‘Mmm.’ The whisper-soft touch of his mouth set my whole body on fire. I put my hand to his face to draw him closer, but Flynn pulled away. He sat back against the pillows.

‘We can’t do this,’ he said. His voice sounded hollow. Numb.

‘Do what?’ My chest tightened.

Flynn let out a long shaky breath. There was real agony in his eyes. ‘I realised when I was downstairs. That’s why I took so long, I was thinking it through. And it won’t work,
our plan,’ he said.

‘What do you mean?
What
won’t work?’

‘
None
of it will work: going to the police together. Telling your parents we want to be together again.
Being
together.’

‘What?’ I gasped. ‘What are you saying? Don’t you
want
to do those things any more?’

‘Of course I do.’ Flynn rubbed his forehead. ‘It’s just they won’t work.’

‘
Why
won’t they work?’ I persisted, my voice rising. ‘You’re not making sense.’

Flynn nodded. Then he took a deep breath. ‘I want more than anything to be with you, Riv. But i t’s not fair on you. You saw Cody murder someone. That changes
everything
.
You’re going to have to make a statement, deal with police and lawyers. Face Cody in court, probably . . . It’s going to drag on for months and I’ll be in prison. You need your
family and friends behind you.’

‘And they
will
be behind me,’ I said. ‘I don’t get you saying it isn’t fair on me. We already agreed going to the police is the right thing to
do.’

‘It
is
the right thing,’ Flynn acknowledged. ‘But if we’re together – a couple – when you do it, if we go back out together, then you’ll have
to deal with everyone else in your life disapproving. You’ll be completely isolated.’

‘No.’ My voice rose again. ‘
No
, I’ll have you. Won’t I?’

‘You’ll always have me.’ Flynn stared, miserably, into my eyes. ‘And I’ll always love you, Riv.
Always
.’

‘What does that mean? It sounds like you’re leaving.
Again.
When you promised you would stay with me, you said that you wanted to be with me forever.’ I stopped, my
voice too choked to speak. ‘
Are
you leaving?’ I whispered.

There was a long, terrible silence. Then Flynn nodded. ‘I have to,’ he said. ‘It’s the best thing for you.’

He got off the bed and reached for his shoes. My head spun. How could this be happening? Before Flynn went downstairs everything had been fine.

As he stood up I caught sight of his phone, peeking out of his pocket.

‘Did someone call you when you were downstairs?’ I asked. ‘Did you speak to someone?’

‘I’ve written down the three numbers who called earlier,’ Flynn said, ignoring me and pointing to a scrap of B & B headed paper lying on the bed. ‘My number’s
there too, so you can reach me if you really need to. I’ll call your mum and dad when I’m gone. Tell them what’s happened, where you are . . .’

‘Flynn,
please.
’

He swooped over me, one hand cradling my face, his lips swift and soft on my cheek. ‘Always love you,’ he whispered. ‘It’s in the stars. Remember.’

And then he left.

I couldn’t move. Couldn’t feel. I sat back against the pillows, the entire universe reeling, out of control, inside my head.

Outside the window the sky lightened. I stared and stared at the blue spreading through the pink.

He was gone.

I sat dry-eyed on the bed, watching the sun rise over the water. It was beautiful, yet its beauty didn’t touch me. Flynn had gone. He had left me again. And, okay, so he
had said this time that he loved me and didn’t want to hurt me and was leaving because it was the best thing
for
me, but he had still come and gone and I had given up my heart to him
and now it was smashed into a million pieces.

Again.

Two hours passed. The sun outside shone brightly in a clear blue sky. It was going to be another hot day. Yet whereas the glittering water had seemed so romantic yesterday, now it hurt my eyes
to look at it.

I knew that I had to follow through with our plan to call the police. It was the right thing to do, though I had to admit I was scared to do it alone. Still, I told myself, I’d been alone
for the past eight months. I had survived this long without him. I’d survive into the future.

I just wasn’t sure whether I wanted to.

Another hour went by. I was hungry, but I didn’t have the energy to eat. There was no money anyway. Flynn had left behind everything he had – but it would only just cover the B &
B bill. What would
he
live on now? I sighed. If he kept his word and went straight to the police, then Flynn would be in custody right now and food and shelter would be the least of his
problems.

I gathered up my few things. I hesitated over the iPod with the River songs but in the end I shoved it into my pocket. I didn’t have to decide whether or not to keep it right now. I
slipped on my shoes and picked up the piece of paper on which Flynn had scribbled all the mobile numbers. I would pay downstairs, then ask them if I could borrow their phone to call Mum and
Dad.

Flynn had drawn a little star beside the one at the bottom. I knew that meant it was his number. A sob rose in my throat but I didn’t let myself cry. There was no point. Just as there was
no point in me calling him. No point in anything any more.

I took a deep breath and opened the door.

My parents stood outside. Dad’s hand was raised, ready to knock. We stared at each other as Dad lowered his hand. Mum stood beside him, open-mouthed, her eyes smaller than usual without
make-up. Dad’s face screwed into an anxious frown.

‘River?’ he said.

‘Oh, Dad.’ I fell into his arms, letting him hug me. ‘I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.’

Dad held me for a minute. He asked if I was okay and I said I was. Mum started bombarding me with questions but Dad raised his hand, gesturing her to stop, which she did. Dad then took me
downstairs. I was dimly aware of Mum checking out the bedroom then following us. The B & B owner was bleary-eyed at the reception desk. It must still be very early. Dad apologised as he paid
for the room. I offered him Flynn’s cash but he refused it.

‘Are you hungry?’ Mum asked.

I shook my head. She stared despairingly at Dad.

‘We’ll get something on the motorway,’ he said. ‘Nothing’s open yet anyway.’

They bundled me into the back seat of Dad’s old estate car. The baby car seat was on its side next to me. I remembered Lily with a guilty jolt.

‘Is she okay?’ I asked, as Dad started the engine. ‘Is Gemma?’

‘They’re both fine,’ Dad said tersely. ‘Though Gemma’s worried about you. Like we all are.’

I nodded. ‘Mum. Dad,’ I said. ‘I have to go to the police.’ The image of Cody shooting the man in the car park reared up in my mind’s eye.

‘We know,’ Mum said.

‘Flynn called and explained what happened,’ Dad said. His voice was tight and strained. ‘Why didn’t you tell us you’d seen him?’

I turned my face to look out of the window and said nothing.

Dad sighed. ‘Okay, this is what we’re going to do,’ he said firmly. ‘We’ll drive to a service station. Stop. Eat. You tell us exactly what happened. Then we go to
the police station near to where you saw . . . the shooting.’

‘I don’t know exactly where it was,’ I said.

‘Flynn told us,’ Mum said.

The way she said his name made my heart shrivel.

Tears welled in my eyes. I huddled in the corner of the back seat and wept in silence. I had never felt so alone.

The police officer was very understanding. I sat, with Mum and Dad on either side, as she asked me to start from the beginning, from the first time I’d met Cody.

I told her about seeing him at the wedding, then at the party. I explained how I’d overheard him and Flynn arguing in the garden, then how, a week later, I’d gone to find Flynn
‘to return his wallet’.

At this Mum tutted and Dad sighed. I couldn’t bear the look of disappointment on their faces, so I hurried on, telling them how Cody had tricked me into the back room, how I’d
escaped, then how I’d seen a man give him money to kill someone.

‘Could you identify this man?’ the policewoman asked.

‘No, I didn’t see his face,’ I admitted. ‘But I’m sure it was Lance Bentham.’

The policewoman looked at her colleague, then back at me. ‘Go on,’ she said.

I described how Flynn had come to warn me that Cody was trying to track me down. ‘Cody was scared I’d go back to the police, give a proper statement,’ I explained.

‘Why didn’t you tell us?’ Mum said.

I shrugged. ‘I thought you’d be mad I’d been in touch with Flynn.’ I turned to Dad. ‘You were so worried about Lily, I didn’t want to upset you.’

Dad shook his head. There were tears in his eyes.

‘I’m sorry,’ I said. And I really meant it. ‘I’m truly sorry I’ve let you down.’

Mum parted my arm. She looked as if she was restraining herself – with great difficulty – from telling me she’d been right about Flynn all along.

‘Well at least Flynn’s gone now,’ she said. ‘The whole thing is behind you.’

I bit my lip.

‘All you need to focus on now is your statement, then we can take you home,’ Dad added.

The police officer questioned me for another hour or so. She spent most of the time asking me to describe exactly what happened in the car park. I told her everything as best I could,
emphasising how Cody had been threatening me, how I didn’t think he had meant to kill the man he shot, and how Flynn had tried to save me.

At last it was done.

Dad took me home. Mum stayed while I had a bath and got into bed, then she left too. I didn’t want to see anyone else at the commune that night. I was hurting too badly.

Instead, I played the River songs over and over – they seemed to sum up everything. After a while I took the heart bracelet Flynn had given me last year and buried it under the loose
floorboard by the window. A few minutes later Dad came in. He perched on the edge of my bed and, after checking I was okay, explained that he and Gemma had decided to move into Leo’s old
apartment as soon as Leo and his dad left.

‘There’ll be more room for you and for Lily there,’ he said. ‘I’m going to build a new room out of a corner of the living room, then extend the living room into the
hallway. There’s a lot of wasted space there right now.’

I let him talk on, describing their plans. I nodded and asked a few questions. I knew my priority was to make sure Dad believed I was all right. I had upset him so much last year when Flynn left
the commune. I was determined never to be that selfish again.

‘That means you’ll have Leo’s room,’ Dad said.

‘Right.’ I thought about the room with its wall covered in pictures and the window seat overlooking the field. ‘That’s great, it’s a lovely room.’

‘It is,’ Dad agreed. He cleared his throat. ‘Leo’s been asking after you. Do you feel up to seeing him?’

‘Not right now,’ I said. ‘Maybe tomorrow.’

Dad frowned. ‘I was hoping you’d come down for dinner later, you know, in the kitchen?’

‘Right.’ My heart sank. A communal supper was the last thing I wanted tonight. Still, I had to look after Dad. ‘The others won’t ask me about Cody or the police, will
they?’

‘I’ll make sure they don’t,’ Dad said firmly.

I nodded. If I was going to have to face everyone later, I might as well see Leo beforehand. I shoved the iPod under my pillow.

‘Is Leo in his room?’ I asked.

‘I think so,’ Dad said.

I swung my legs off the bed. ‘I’ll go and see him now.’

Dad looked pleased.

I trudged along the corridor to Leo’s apartment. The front door was open so I slipped inside. Ros and Leo’s dad were sitting with their arms around each other in the living room,
watching TV.

‘Hey, River.’ Ros jumped up and embraced me in a hug.

‘Hi,’ I said, feeling awkward. Since falling for Leo’s dad, Ros had become far more tactile than before and I still wasn’t used to it. She tried to get me to sit with
them, but I pulled away. ‘I just want a word with Leo,’ I said.

‘Sure.’ Ros sat down, nodding vigorously. ‘Sure, just so long as you’re okay.’

‘I’m fine,’ I said.

I walked along to Leo’s room and tapped lightly on the door. There was no reply, so I gently opened it. Leo was sitting cross-legged on the bed, a textbook open in his lap and a steady
beat pulsing through the headphones clamped to his ears. He was murmuring along to the song he was listening to. I watched him for a moment. Leo had phenomenal powers of concentration. He was smart
too. Not carelessly, confidently smart like Flynn who had always got excellent results by simply doing what was needed with the minimum of fuss. No, Leo was more like an absent-minded professor,
working hard because he loved to find out about things, because he wanted to learn for its own sake.

I came inside and shut the door. Leo didn’t see me until I moved across the room. Then he caught my shadow and looked up. He smiled, taking off his headphones. And there was so much
genuine affection and relief in his smile that I couldn’t help but smile back in spite of my misery. On instinct, I opened my arms and Leo leaped off the bed to hug me. We clung to each other
for a moment. Leo was slighter and shorter than Flynn, but he had broadened out in the past few months and, right now, he felt solid and safe.

‘I want us to be friends,’ I said.

Leo drew back. ‘Of course,’ he said. ‘We are.’

‘Even when you move to Devon?’ I said. ‘Even though you hate me because of Flynn?’

‘Yes, and I don’t hate you.’ Leo rolled his eyes. ‘I
care
about you.’

I hugged him again. ‘I know. I’m sorry if I got angry with you before. Everything you said was true and before you ask I don’t want to talk about what’s happened in the
past few days. Deal?’