Delay of Game (17 page)

That statement led to all sorts of memories of the last few nights, especially with the needy tone in Cam’s voice, and I got all hot and flustered and needed to change the subject. “So you guys got in all right?”

“Yeah. In the hotel now. Jens left with a few of the guys, so I thought it would be a good time to stay behind and call you.”

“Oh. Jens is your road roommate?” I knew that in the NHL, until a guy reached a certain level of seniority, he had a roommate when the team traveled. I guess I’d just assumed that Cam had already reached that point in his career. I hadn’t really thought about it much, though. Andrew Jensen was a young, hot shot defenseman who was new to the team this year. He wasn’t
too
young, though, and he wasn’t one of the guys who liked to party all the time like Keith Burns, so I supposed that was as good a fit for Cam as there was on this year’s team.

If Jens was with the team on the trip, he must not have been hurt too badly in that fight, I realized. I hadn’t even spared him a thought since the end of the game, when they’d taken him off the ice on a stretcher. My mind had been too busy with other concerns.

“All season long,” Cam said. “He still can’t play for a few more days—concussion protocol. He’s not having any symptoms, but he was out cold on the ice.”

“That’s good. I’m glad he’ll be okay.”

“Jens is a good guy to room with, all things considered. Doesn’t snore. Keeps things tidy. Doesn’t talk so much I want to punch him just to shut him up.”

“You wouldn’t punch him.”

“Nope. Not as long as we play for the same team, at least. But a few of the boys sometimes need a good punch in the face.”

“You know, a few of them might think the same thing about you sometimes.”

“They are welcome to punch me anytime they want, as long as they’re willing to face the consequences. I never hit a guy without thinking through what will come of it.”

“Even when you went after that guy in the last game?”

Buster finally settled down and curled up on my lap. I lazily petted him, running my fingers through his fur and rubbing his ears. He let out a contented sigh.

“Even then.” Cam fell silent for a moment. “There were a few consequences I hadn’t anticipated, though.”

He must still blame himself for Daddy’s heart attack, then. I wished I knew how to convince him otherwise.

“So, about your doctor visit,” he said after a moment. “I have a list. Questions. Have you made an appointment yet?”

“Thursday. They managed to work me in after I begged. I wanted to do it while Daddy is still in the hospital. I don’t want to have to deal with him finding out until I’m ready.”

Cam didn’t respond right away, and when he did, he merely said, “Yeah.” That was odd, the way he had to think about that for so long. “I’ll text you my questions after we hang up.”

“I’m sure I can come up with enough questions on my own,” I argued.

“Maybe. But I still want answers to the questions I have. Are you going alone?”

“Dana’s coming with me.”

“Good. I don’t want you to be alone.”

The way he said it made me tingle all over, the way I so often did when he looked at me. “How do you do it?” I said, only realizing after the fact that I’d spoken aloud.

“How do I do what?”

Fuck
. “How do you make me feel like that?”

“Like what?”

I pressed my eyes closed, as though he could see the mortification on my face as I answered him. “Like my whole body is filled with these racing electrical currents.”

“The same way you make me feel like I finally have the answer to what my life is supposed to be about. The same way I get hard just from the scent of your hair or the sound of your voice or the sight of your shoes. The same way I forget how to speak or breathe or function as a human being when you walk into a room.”

My tingles weren’t just tingles anymore. They were lightning bolts, striking all over my body repeatedly. My breath caught in my throat.

“Sara?”

“Yeah?”

“It’s going to be torture, not being able to hold you tonight.”

It would be torture to not be held.

“SO HOW LONG
were you planning to keep it a secret from me?” Daddy asked. My whole body tensed in response.

I placed the last of the clothes I’d brought for him in the drawer and closed it. “Keep what a secret?” There were only a couple of things he could be talking about, and only Cam and Dana knew any of them. Dana had
just
learned, and she and Cam had both promised me they wouldn’t say anything to anyone.

I intended to tell Laura and Rachel tomorrow, and probably Katie, too, since she went everywhere with Laura these days. We were going to get together for dinner after Rachel got off work, and I was going to fill them in on everything, including the doctor’s appointment I would have that afternoon. Those three didn’t know anything yet, though.

So who else would have told my father anything that could be considered a secret? I wasn’t, generally, a secretive person. Especially not where my dad was concerned. I tried to push down my anger, at least until I had a justified reason to be angry. At least until I knew who to be mad at and why.

The hospital had just moved my father into a private room, and they’d told me I could bring some more of his stuff from home—his own clothes to wear instead of the hospital gown, some books, his laptop—and I was helping him to get settled in before the game tonight.

Yeah, that’s right. The game.

He’d gone behind my back and somehow finagled himself a room that had all the sports channels so he wouldn’t have to miss it or any of the pre-game and postgame commentary. That was how we were going to spend our time together tonight—watching the boys. I understood his desire to watch it and see how they did, but I wasn’t so sure it was the best thing for his recovery. At least we were still in the hospital for this first game or two, though. If things didn’t go well in the game, if he got too worked up over anything and caused himself more problems with his heart, there really wasn’t a better place we could be. And maybe then, the doctors would forbid him from watching any more.

A girl could hope, at least.

“Jonny came to see me yesterday before the team left,” Daddy answered, and a massive knot formed in my throat.

Cam had lied to me, then. I don’t know why that should hurt as much as it did, but I felt completely betrayed. Not to mention blindsided.

“Did he?” I impressed myself with my ability to keep my voice smooth and calm. That was no small feat, considering all the emotions roiling underneath the surface. I went over to the sink to organize Daddy’s toiletries and to give myself an excuse to not look at him while we talked. I didn’t want my face or my behavior to give anything away beyond what Cam had apparently already revealed.

“He told me about the two of you. That you’re a couple.”

Were we a couple? Could we be one already, just after one night of sex? I supposed that was what Cam wanted us to be. Maybe I did, too. Or maybe I had until he’d gone behind my back and talked to my father when he’d promised me he wouldn’t. I wasn’t so sure I could still want that after this turn of events.

At least he had only told that and not anything about the baby. Or I hoped he hadn’t told Daddy about the baby.

I set out his toothbrush and toothpaste. Almost immediately, I decided I didn’t like where they were and it would make more sense to move them to the left side of the counter since his razor and shaving cream were on the right, so I flipped them around. Yes, I was just trying to kill time and avoid looking at my father. Sue me for being chicken shit.

“You don’t have anything to say about it?” Daddy said.

“I didn’t think you needed to know yet is all. It’s still really new. I don’t know where it’s going yet, so I didn’t think there was any reason to upset you.”

“Several months is
really new
? You’ve been seeing a guy that long and you don’t know where it’s headed?”

Months? What the fuck kind of lies had Cam told him? And what might be the far more important question,
why
? Until I had answers, it was probably best to just go along with the lies as best I could. That would be a hell of a lot easier to do if I had had some sort of warning, though.

I turned around so I could face my father. “I just didn’t want to upset you, Daddy.”

“Why would I be upset to know that you’re dating a good man?”

“Because Cam’s one of your players.” Just as the son of a bitch who my mother had run off with had been. That made me no better than her. It made me just like her, actually, and left me hating myself for what it would do to my father.

“Yeah, he is. Which means I know him. I know what kind of man he is.” He curled the fingers of his hand in toward his palm, urging me to come sit by his bed. “You know I want you to be with someone. To have a life of your own and not have everything so tied up with me.”

“I know you don’t want me to be alone if anything happens to you.” I took his hand as I sat, letting mine be swallowed up in his. “But I don’t intend to let anything happen to you, so—”

“It’s more than just that. I want you to be happy, baby girl. I want you to really live. That’s why I’ve been trying to get you to go out more. I should have tried harder to convince you to go off to college, you know. To start your own life. I shouldn’t have ever hired you as my assistant.”

I hated hearing him talk like this. I could have—and
would
have—gone to college if I’d thought it was right for me. But I hadn’t. I’d stayed with my father because he was all I had. Or at least all I had that mattered. “I don’t think I can be happy if I don’t have you.”

“There’s no reason you can’t have me and a relationship, too.” He reached across his chest with his other hand and grimaced against the pain of the movement, but he didn’t let it stop him from touching the side of my face. It was too soon after open heart surgery for him to be pushing himself in that way. “I want you to love.”

“I do. I love you.”

“We both know that’s not what I mean. Do you love Jonny?”

I shook my head, but what came out of my mouth was, “I don’t know.”

The corners of Daddy’s lips quirked up. “Do you not know because you don’t want to love him, or do you just really not know yet?”

“I just don’t know.” I shrugged, but I knew there was more that I wasn’t saying. He was right. I didn’t want to love Cam.

For a thousand, million reasons.

“Okay.” He brought his hand back down to his side and leaned back into his pillows, his other hand still holding mine tightly. “Promise me something, though, Sara.”

I didn’t like the sound of that.

“Promise me that you won’t fight it. If you wouldn’t fight against it, if you would let him love you, I wouldn’t have to worry about you so much.”

“You don’t have to worry about me.”

“Bullshit. You’re my daughter. Worrying about your kids is one of the primary aspects of a parent’s job.” He let go of my hand and adjusted the bed so he could lie down a little flatter. “But one of the best parts is when you know there’s someone else to share the load. Jonny wants to share the load. He wants to be there when I can’t be.”

I had to turn my head away so he wouldn’t see that I was fighting back tears. What the hell did Cam say to my father to make Daddy think all this? What was he trying to do?

“Sara?”

“I don’t know how to not fight it,” I said.

“Don’t I know it,” he muttered. “You fight everything. Maybe that’s why I think Jonny will be good for you.”

“Why’s that?”

“Because he’s as stubborn as a fucking mule and maybe the most determined man I know.” He sighed. “I think I’m going to take a nap before the game. Are you going to watch it with me?”

“Yeah, I figured I would.” I had told Dana that I wouldn’t be back at her place tonight until after it was over. Being here with him while he watched would help me to relax because I’d be able to see his reaction for myself.

“Why don’t you go get some dinner and come back after?”

I nodded and got up, leaning over him to kiss him on the forehead. “Get your rest.” Then I headed out to the parking lot.

If I thought he’d answer, I would call Cam right that very instant and give him a piece of my mind. He was probably on the team bus from the hotel to the arena right now, though, or maybe they were already in the locker room getting ready for the game. It would have to wait until later. This was important time with the boys.

Maybe that was for the best, anyway, not being able to call him and cuss him out right in the heat of the moment. It’d give me plenty of time to come up with all the things I wanted to say to him.

HALFWAY THROUGH THE
game, there still hadn’t been too much carryover from the nastiness that took place in that last game of the regular season. A couple of late hits, which the refs had called almost immediately, a few slashes, and a hooking call.

The officials were doing their best to keep a tight clamp on things, it seemed—making sure that nothing boiled over like it had only a few days ago. That was probably the most intelligent thing they could do since tonight’s game was only the first of the seven-game series. If they lost control now, it would be an all-out war.