Authors: Susan Mallery
Naomi froze. Her eyes widened, her mouth dropped open. “Holy shit. You had sex with Cal.”
“Because I
needed
to know that?” Reid asked as he stepped into the kitchen. He walked over and leaned against the counter. “Say it isn’t so.”
Penny returned her attention to her menu. “I have no idea what either of you are talking about but if you’re not going to do work, then get out of my way because I’m busy.”
“It’s true,” Naomi said. “Look at her. The half smile. The fact that she hasn’t showered.”
Reid leaned on the counter next to his former lover. “What do you bet Cal spent the night at her house?”
“You think they did it there? They could have done it at his house.”
“I don’t know if Penny could. You haven’t seen his kitchen, but it’s bright red and she’d really hate that.”
Penny slammed down her pen. “Would you two please stop it? I’m right here.”
“We know that,” Naomi said. “Having this con
versation when you weren’t here wouldn’t be nearly as much fun.”
Penny stood. “My private life is just that. Private. So I’m not going to talk about it.”
Naomi raised her eyebrows. “Did you see that? She’s not denying the sex thing.”
“I know. You think they’re getting back together?” Reid asked.
Penny groaned. “Fine. Talk about me. I’m going to my office where I will—”
She froze, barely daring to breathe. Naomi was at her side in a heartbeat.
“What happened? Are you okay?”
“Shhh.”
Penny waved her hands and waited. Seconds later, she felt it again. A fluttering on the inside of her stomach, followed by a definite jab.
The menu and pen fell from her fingers. She grabbed Naomi’s arms. “I felt the baby!” she cried. “I felt the baby move.”
The two women jumped around together. Reid got pulled into the group hug. Penny pressed both hands against her stomach.
“Do it again,” she said. “I want to feel it again.”
The baby obliged with a slight stirring.
“Good job,” Reid said with a grin.
“Thanks. I’m excited. Wow. Movement. I’ll have to get out my baby book, but I think I’m right on schedule.” Penny laughed. “It’s really a baby.”
“Did you think it was gas?” Naomi asked.
Penny grinned. “No.” She bent down and picked
up her paper and pen. “Okay. Now I have to do the menu.” Even though she wasn’t in the mood. “Maybe I’ll call my mom first,” she said. “She’ll want to hear.”
Penny walked into her office and reached for the phone. Oddly enough, the person who came to mind wasn’t her mother. Instead she found herself wanting to call Cal and tell him the good news.
“Bad idea,” she told herself. Cal didn’t want children and three years ago, he’d made it clear he didn’t want her. So expecting him to share in this was foolish.
So why was that the first place her mind went?
P
ENNY CHECKED
the bandage on her hand. The bleeding had stopped, proving her theory that she didn’t need stitches. It was Friday night and the kitchen was moving at top speed. Nothing less than a severed limb was going to get her out of the restaurant until the orders were through.
“The table for eight has been seated,” she yelled. “You know they’re going to want the special so brace yourself.”
Edouard glared at her. “Did you have to offer two different reductions? On a Friday?”
Penny shrugged. “I thought you were up to it.”
She offered bravado to her staff because it was expected, but on the inside, she winced. She hadn’t been thinking when she’d planned the specials for that evening. Unfortunately, they required too many burners. Which meant if several came in at the same time, there was a delicate dance to be performed,
along with a strong-armed game of “who gets the open burner.”
She wanted to make a general announcement that the baby had moved and that had distracted her, but she doubted anyone would care. So she put up with the complaints and vowed not to screw up again.
Naomi blew into the kitchen looking like she was ready to choke someone.
“The wine inventory is wrong,” she announced. “I can’t believe it. On the tasting dinner, they’re out of the pinot. Just like that. Randy just announced it in hushed tones, as if by whispering no one would notice.” She stood in the middle of the kitchen and raised both her fists. “Where the hell is Cal? I want him dead. I mean that. Seriously, not breathing, dead.”
Penny stared at her. “What do you mean, we’re out of pinot? We can’t be out of pinot. Next to my fish and chips, the tasting menu is the most popular item. Dammit all to hell, I told Cal we needed to double-check the wine inventory. Did he have Randy do it?”
“That’s what I’m guessing.”
“And Cal’s not here?”
Naomi shook her head. “I haven’t seen him in about an hour.”
Great. It was a Friday night. The restaurant was packed, they were out of wine and Cal was missing.
“Nobody screws with my tasting menu,” Penny muttered as she headed for her office.
The tasting menu—a five-course
prix fixe
meal that offered everything from appetizers to dessert—came
either with or without wine. The “with wine” selection offered a different glass of wine with each course, including a very nice Pinot Noir with the salmon.
Penny had been very specific about the pairing. Some pinots were sweeter than others and she’d wanted the exact balance of sugar with her salmon.
She jerked off her jacket and stepped out of her clogs. If she was going to have to walk through the dining room, she didn’t want everyone noticing that she was the chef.
After slipping into loafers and tugging on a black blazer she kept hanging on the back of her door for just such occasions, she pulled off her head scarf and raced toward the dining room.
Once there, she moved slowly, acting as if she were simply one of the staff. She smiled at various diners as she walked toward the wine room that was clearly visible from the front of the restaurant.
The cold hit her at once. The room was kept at a constant fifty-five degrees. She ignored the momentary discomfort and quickly walked to the pinots. Sure enough, the bin in question was empty. The wine room door opened.
She turned and saw Randy there. Cal’s assistant was young, tall and very blond. He rubbed his hands together in a signal of worry that reminded her of her grandmother.
“We’re out of the pinot,” he said, his voice shaky and weak. “I don’t know what to serve with the tasting menu. Naomi wouldn’t help. She just threatened to kill me.”
“I know. Right now I’m all that’s standing between you and certain death.”
Penny scanned the various pinots, then grabbed three and walked back to the kitchen. Randy followed.
“What are you going to do?” he asked in a whine.
“Taste them and figure out what works best with my salmon,” Penny said.
“But then we’ll have three open bottles. Plus, what about costs? We haven’t calculated if these wines will still allow us to meet our margins on the tasting dinners.”
Penny did a quick change of clothes again, this time emerging as chef. She found Naomi holding a very large chef’s knife to Randy’s throat—and Naomi looked more than capable of taking him down.
Ignoring the tableau, Penny collected three wineglasses, then quickly opened the bottles.
“Salmon,” she yelled.
Burt dropped a piece of salmon onto a plate. Edouard topped it with the reduction and slid it toward her. She poured, careful to line up each glass with its appropriate bottle.
“Taste,” she yelled.
“Do I have to let him go?” Naomi asked.
“Yes. This is more important. You can beat up the assistant manager later.”
Naomi released Randy, who squeaked, then raced from the kitchen.
Penny grabbed a fork and took a taste of the salmon. She let the flavors meld on her tongue.
“Damn, I’m good,” she muttered, then studied the wines. She picked up the middle one first and took a sip. “Not enough flavor.”
The first wine blended well. She took another sip, tried the third wine, then scrawled her initials on the first bottle’s label.
Naomi went next. She liked the first and third bottle equally. Edouard agreed with Naomi.
“Then I’ll break the tie,” Penny said. She grabbed the first bottle and handed it to Naomi. “Give this to Randy. Don’t hurt him until the shift is over. Understand?”
“Oh, be that way,” Naomi grumbled.
Within five minutes, the kitchen was back on track. Penny left the two open bottles of pinot in the kitchen for her staff to indulge in later. It would serve Cal right to lose the money. He shouldn’t have left such a green assistant in charge of something that important.
And where the hell was he, anyway?
He didn’t appear, but shortly after nine there was another visitor in the kitchen. Penny glanced up as Gloria entered. The older woman was well-dressed and looked very happy. The latter was never good news.
“Penny, I wanted to stop by and say how wonderful everything was tonight. I’m here with friends who are very impressed.”
“Thanks,” Penny said. “The special is doing well.”
“Yes. I noticed that. Although it seemed a little over-priced. Still, you and Cal are making the decisions these days.”
Penny forced herself to keep smiling. She’d felt
her baby move for the first time that day and nothing the old bat was going to say could upset her.
“Speaking of Cal,” Gloria said, “I don’t know if you noticed he’s not here.”
“I had noticed. Did you want me to give him a message?”
“Oh, not at all. I know where he is.”
Uh-oh. Penny recognized potential trouble when she heard it. “Good. I’ll tell him you stopped by.”
“If you’d like, dear. But you’re the reason I’m here. I thought
you’d
want to know where Cal is tonight.”
Penny had been curious, right up until Gloria had offered to tell her. Now she felt a little queasy.
“I’m really busy,” she said. “Maybe another time.”
“This won’t take but a moment,” Gloria said, pulling a piece of colored paper out of her purse. She smoothed the paper on the metal counter. “It’s a flyer for a local high school play. They’re doing a musical—
The King and I.
Look at the girl playing Anna. Isn’t she pretty? Her name is Lindsey. She’s seventeen. Do you know about her?”
Penny couldn’t speak. She could only stare at the picture. There was something about the teenager—something familiar.
“Cal’s daughter,” Gloria said. “Didn’t he mention her to you? I would have thought he might have, seeing as you were married. Hmm, maybe not. She’s a lovely girl with a beautiful voice. So lovely. She was sick a few years ago. Cancer, I believe. But she’s fine now. She’ll be going to college in the fall. Cal adores her. He’s never missed a school production.
He hated giving her up, but he was just a teenager himself. What choice did he have? Still, he’s been a wonderful, caring father. He always wanted children. Just not with you, dear. Just not with you.”
C
AL WALKED INTO
The Waterfront a little before ten. The dining room was surprisingly full, with three couples still waiting to be seated. It was going to be a late night.
He nodded at the hostess, then looked around for Randy. His assistant was a little new to have been left in charge on a Friday night, but Cal hadn’t had much choice. He wanted a report, then he wanted to check in with Penny.
As he crossed the dining room, he saw Randy race out of his office. The younger man slowed his pace slightly as he approached. He grabbed Cal’s arm and pulled him to the side.
“We ran out of wine,” he said, his voice low and thick with tension. “For the tasting dinner. Penny’s really mad. I mean really mad. She picked a different wine and wouldn’t let me run the numbers, so I don’t know if we’re losing money or not.”
Cal groaned. “We ran out of the pinot? How did that happen?”
Randy shrugged.
“Great. Let me go calm Penny down, then we’ll get
through the evening and sort it out in the morning. There’s a decent pinot for the dinner now, isn’t there?”
“I think so. Penny didn’t want me involved in the decision.”
“Okay. I’ll take care of things.”
He patted Randy on the back, then started for the kitchen. He stepped through the swinging door and into the madness that was a kitchen at capacity.
“Penny, I heard there was a—”
Something whizzed past his head and slammed into the door frame. He turned and saw a meat cleaver sticking out of the wood. Except for the hiss of the steamer and the roar of fire at the burners, the kitchen went silent.
“What the hell?” He turned and saw Penny standing by the counter, glaring at him.
“Oops,” she said, not sounding the least bit sincere or concerned. “I must have slipped.”
He couldn’t believe it. “You threw a knife at me,” he said, more stunned than furious.
She shrugged, a casual enough gesture, but he could see the rage in her eyes.
She’d thrown a knife at
him
and she was mad? “What the hell is wrong with you?” he demanded.
“Gosh, I don’t know. Like I said, it slipped.”
She turned back to the plates she was assembling. Conversation began again in the kitchen. Cal stared at her, not sure what was going on. Penny couldn’t be this mad because they were out of wine.
Penny thrust the plates at him. “Table sixteen.
Did Randy tell you we’re out of the pinot for the tasting menu?”
“He mentioned it.”
“Next time you take off on our busiest night of the week, you might want to leave someone competent in charge.”
She turned her back on him and began calling out the new orders that popped out of the small printer. Cal stared at her for a second, then walked out into the dining room. Something was up, but he didn’t have any idea what.
After delivering the meal and chatting briefly with several guests, he walked toward his office. He stepped into the small space and found Naomi waiting for him.
“You okay?” she asked.
“Why do you care?”
She shook her head. “I don’t know what happened, but you’re in big trouble. Penny’s never gone ballistic like that before. What did you do?”
“I haven’t a clue. Everything was fine when I left, and now she’s crazy. She threw a meat cleaver at my head.”
“I heard. Good thing she’s got a decent aim.”
He didn’t want to think about what would have happened if she’d slipped.
Naomi looked at him. “Gloria was here. What do you want to bet the old bat made trouble?”
It was more than possible, but what could Gloria have said to set Penny off? “As soon as things slow down, I’m going to talk to Penny. Would you give me a heads-up if she tries to sneak out?”
Naomi hesitated. “All right. But just because I’m worried about her. Don’t expect me to get in the habit of siding with you against her.”
P
ENNY FELT AS IF
she’d been awake for five days and had just finished a marathon. Her body ached, her head throbbed and she longed for hours and hours of sleep. Maybe then she would be able to forget what Gloria had told her.
She didn’t want to believe, but the proof was folded in her jacket pocket. The teenager looked so much like Cal. And knowing he’d had a child and then had given her up explained a lot. But it hurt to finally know the truth.
“You’re not leaving without talking to me first.”
She glanced up and saw Cal standing in the doorway to her office. He seemed larger than normal, as he filled the space and cut off her only escape route.
Hearing him out was the mature thing to do, although she wasn’t in the mood to do much more than throw a tantrum—something she’d sort of already done with the meat cleaver. She hadn’t meant to do that. One second she’d been holding it after chopping some beef, the next she’d heard his voice and the knife had somehow slipped from her fingers to go sailing through the air.
She sank onto her chair and drew in a deep breath. There was so much to say, yet she didn’t know where to begin. Or how to explain what she was feeling.
“You tried to kill me,” he said as he walked into
the room and took the seat opposite hers. “Want to tell me why?”
“I reacted without thinking.”
“That’s a relief. I would hate to have you planning my death.”
She really could have hurt him. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.”
He folded his arms over his chest. “You won’t have your cooks arguing with you about anything.”
“A happy by-product.”
She tried to smile and couldn’t. Her eyes burned, as much from unshed tears as from exhaustion.
“Naomi told me Gloria stopped by,” he said. “So I know she has something to do with what happened. I can’t think of what she could have said that would piss you off so much.”
“Really?” Did he mean that? Could he possibly have spent the evening watching his daughter in a school play and not have any clue what his grandmother had said? “Then let’s clear things up right now.”
She reached into her jacket pocket and pulled out the playbill. After smoothing it, she slid it across the desk so he could see the picture. She watched him carefully as he studied the paper. His expression didn’t change, but his mouth tightened.
It was as if he’d hit her.
Somewhere in the back of her mind, in the deepest, darkest corner of her heart, she’d hoped Gloria had been lying. That despite the physical similarities, there was another explanation. She didn’t
want to know that the man she’d loved and married had kept such a big secret, that he’d been willing to have a child with someone else, but not, as Gloria had said, with her.
“She told you about Lindsey,” he said quietly.
Penny leaned back in the chair and didn’t speak. She wasn’t being difficult—she knew that if she tried to open her mouth, she would start to cry.
He looked at her. “She’s my daughter. I was seventeen when she was born. I should have told you before.”
“You think?”
“Penny, I’m sorry. I didn’t know how to tell you. When we were dating, it didn’t seem important. Then we were married and I didn’t know what to say or how. The longer I waited, the harder it was to explain. I never meant to keep this a secret.”
“We were
married.
I got pregnant. Never once did it occur to you to say ‘been there, done that’?”
“I wanted to.”
“Apparently not very much. No one stopped you.”
“I know. I’m sorry. I guess I hated what it said about me. That I’d given up my kid. It was a pretty typical story. My girlfriend, Alison, got pregnant. She didn’t want to keep the baby, but I did. I wasn’t sure how I could support us both, but I was willing to try. Then Gloria got involved and she said she would be there to help. We both know what that means.”
Her head was spinning. Wait a minute! He’d wanted to keep the baby? He’d been willing to turn
his world upside down and keep his child? Her stomach tightened and she felt as if she might throw up.
“I couldn’t let her get her hands on my daughter,” he said. “So I agreed to adoption. Under the settlement, the parents were to keep me informed of her progress and tell her about me if she ever asked. They’ve been great about sending me updates and pictures. But while Lindsey knows she’s adopted, she’s not interested in her birth parents.”
He leaned forward. “She’s seventeen. Going to college. God, she’s pretty and smart. And just about grown up. I can never be her father. All that time is over. But I still like knowing she’s okay.”
Penny wanted to bolt. It hurt to breathe and she couldn’t think. Each word was a blow. He loved this girl so much. She could see it in his eyes, hear it in his voice. He loved Lindsey and yet he hadn’t cared when she, Penny, had lost their baby. He’d barely acknowledged its passing.
“Is she the reason you didn’t want children with me?” she asked, barely able to keep her voice from shaking.
“Partly. I felt guilty.” He shrugged. “I know that sounds crazy, but I couldn’t help thinking it was wrong to have another child I could keep when I’d had to give up Lindsey.”
“Because she was the one who mattered,” she whispered.
“Yes.”
Penny did her best to keep breathing. “You knew
I wanted children, Cal. Yet you never told me this. You never bothered to explain what was going on. Everything you did was for Lindsey. But what about our marriage? Didn’t that matter?”
“I’m sorry. I know it was wrong to keep everything a secret.”
That wasn’t her point. And he hadn’t answered the question.
“I thought I could do it,” he said earnestly. “I thought I could have more children. Then you got pregnant and at first it was great. But then I thought about us being a family and I couldn’t stop thinking about giving up Lindsey. I didn’t know how to reconcile what I’d done with the life we were planning. I never meant to hurt you.”
“But you did. You changed the rules.” She stood. “You were happy when I lost the baby, weren’t you?”
He rose. “No! Never. I wanted us to have children.”
“No, you didn’t. When I wanted to try again, you told me you’d changed your mind. You said you didn’t want a family. But that’s not true, is it? You did want a family, but only if Lindsey could be your daughter. No other child was going to be good enough.”
“Penny. Stop. It’s not about being good enough. It was about my guilt.”
His words didn’t make any sense. Then her breath caught and she realized she was crying. She brushed away the tears. “I have to know everything. Just tell me it all now. I don’t want any more secrets.”
“There aren’t any.”
“Did you even love me? When I left, when I threatened to leave, I was trying to get your attention. I wanted you to wake up and notice that our marriage was dying. But you weren’t even shocked. You let me go without saying a word. I remember thinking you were relieved. Did you love me at all?”
She had to know. Maybe it was wrong. Maybe she would regret it later. But for now, the information was essential.
Cal shoved his hands into his pockets and hung his head. “I’m not sure I knew how I felt,” he began.
“Oh, please. At least have the decency to tell me the truth.”
He looked at her. “I didn’t love you the way I should have. You’re right. I was torn between what we had and what I wanted to have with Lindsey. That’s why I let you go.”
Her body began to shake so hard she thought she might collapse. This wasn’t happening. All those years they’d been dating and then married, she’d loved him. Loved him completely, and with such hope for their future. She’d trusted him with her heart, her life, her very being.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I cared about you.”
“I’ll be sure to hold on to that.”
She grabbed her purse and started for the door. He reached for her arm. “Don’t run out like this.”
She jerked free. “How should I run out? You’ve just told me that our marriage meant nothing. You weren’t willing to have children with me because you couldn’t get over giving up your first child. Tell
me, Cal. Are Lindsey’s parents so horrible? Is she abused in any way?”
“What? No. They’re great.”
“So there isn’t any reason for your guilt, except selfishness. You don’t care about what was best for your daughter, you never cared about me. You only cared about what
you
felt. I don’t know what kind of game you were playing, but I’m sorry it took me so long to leave. I can’t believe how much time I wasted.”
Was still wasting. To think she’d made love with him, had wanted him. That she’d started to think maybe he was one of the good guys.
“You don’t understand,” he told her.
“I think I do. You couldn’t forgive yourself for giving up your child, even though it was the best thing for her. You’d rather live in guilt than have a real life, which is your choice. Only you pulled me in with lies and promises you had no intention of keeping. It was a game. I gave you everything I had and you were just playing.”
“You’re wrong,” he said.
“No, I’m not. You’re a fool, Cal. You missed out on something great with me. I don’t know if you’re afraid to love or just plain stupid. All I can say is I was lucky to get away from you.”
W
ALKER SAT
alone in a corner of Reid’s bar and enjoyed the rowdy crowd. Since returning to Seattle, he’d found life too quiet. The military was a noisy place and after fifteen years, he’d grown used to the sounds of war.
He’d spent the day on the Internet, looking for class lists of graduates in the Seattle area. So far he’d managed to place Ben at two different high schools for two years, which meant he had more work to do.
He took a drink of his beer. As he set the bottle back on the table, he saw a tall, curvy brunette stroll into the bar.
In heels, she cleared six feet. A soft-looking sweater clung to every curve. Black leather pants left little to the imagination on the lower half of her body. Walker could picture her naked, her head leaning back, her long hair swaying as she rode him home.
His body tightened at the image and once aroused, it wasn’t about to let go so easily.
He told himself not to think about her or sex, although the two ideas were intertwined. Was that because of what he knew about her or was it the woman herself? Did it matter?