Deliverance (The Maverick Defense #1) (22 page)

Lex stood from the table, grim-faced. “Set her down.” He nodded to a chair, and with exaggerated care, I set her down before stepping back and letting Lex take over.

He cradled her face and tilted it up to the light. The bright, fluorescent strip light shining directly in her eyes cause her to flinch and close her eyes. Lex’s face was a mask, the muscle in his jaw the only thing giving away how pissed he was. With care, he cleaned the cut on the side of the eye, millimeters away from her eyebrow, and the dried blood down the side of her face. Mikey and I watched him like hawks. Every now and then, our eyes met over Joy’s head, our scowls mirroring each other.

Lex looked from Mikey to me and back down at Joy. “It’s not deep and shouldn’t scar.” He blew out a breath and looked for something in his first-aid kit. Although with closer inspection, I saw it wasn’t like any first-aid kit I’d ever seen.

“Desk,” Joy croaked out, and we all looked at her. She attempted a smile at Lex whose angry expression softened as he ripped open a packet and picked up his tweezers. “I … Donnie pushed me away … and because I’d been drinking, I fell, caught the edge of the desk.”

No one said anything, and I hated the way she made it sound like it was her fault. None of this was her fault, dammit. Lex gave a tight nod as he applied two small white strips to the cut with his tweezers. “These will help it heal. There might be some bruising,” he said in his soothing bedside manner.

Joy barked out a harsh laugh. “What’s one more bruise to add to the collection, right?” She tried for a smile, but it fell flat and didn’t reach her eyes, which were void of any kind of emotion.

“Can I take a shower?” She looked up at me, and with a curt nod, I pushed off the counter to hold out my hand. Her cold, small hand rested in mine, and I closed my fingers around it to help her out of the chair. She turned to Lex and gave him a tired smile. “Thanks.”

“No worries.” He nodded at her, and she turned to Mikey. “Thanks, Mike.” He looked up from his position across the kitchen, hands braced against the counter. “For … you know … everything.”

“Anytime, Joy.” He crossed over to her and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. On the way out of the room, he clapped a hand on my shoulder. “Take her up to bed.” And then he shuffled into the living room as sounds of a football game filtered through.

“I’ll need to change,” she grimaced, and opened up the shawl to reveal a black dress with long sleeves, but as she turned, it showed off the scoop at the back that barely covered the top of her ass.

My hands balled into fists. “Yeah, I’ll find something for you,” I growled and caught Lex’s grin and shake of his head as I pulled the shawl up over her shoulders and hustled her up the stairs.

“Watch the cut in the shower and I’ll get you painkillers,” he shouted as we walked away.

Joy flashed me a weak smile as I shut the bedroom door behind us and guided her over to sit down on the bed. The lighting in the bedroom hid the paleness of her skin, but nothing could mask her fatigue.

“I’ll start the shower,” I mumbled and stepped into the bathroom. Turning on the water, I set the temperature for the shower, testing to make sure it wasn’t too hot. Without me noticing, Joy now stood at the doorway to the bathroom, still clutching the blanket around her shoulders. It looked like the doorframe was the only thing holding up her slight body. “Hop in, it’s ready.” I gestured to the shower and turned to leave, but her small hand on my chest stopped me.

“Dawson-”

“I’ll get you some clothes.”

“There’s a bag in your closet,” she said in a soft voice. I managed a sharp nod and bit my tongue from asking the questions running through my head: How many times had she stayed here? Exactly how many times had Mikey come to her rescue? And why the fuck had she kept going back? But she needed a shower and sleep more than she needed a hard time from me. So I’d bide my time, for now. When I’d gotten the call, I wanted answers—but all of my anger drained away at the sight of her bruised face and slumped shoulders. Still, I wouldn’t be able to hold my tongue forever.

“Dawson.” She stopped me again, and I looked down at her, resisting the urge to take her in my arms. “Will you stay?” The hopeful look in her eyes make it harder to turn her down, and I hesitated.

“Joy …” I sighed with frustration. “I can’t.” As much as it pained me, I had to turn her down. The hope in her eyes died, and she turned away from me, letting the blanket drop to the floor before leaning down and pulling off her shoes.

I had walked out of the bathroom before I changed my mind. As much as I wanted her, it was the same old story. She was hurting, in pain, and vulnerable; there was no way I was going to take advantage of her. I wanted Joy whole.

And not connected to DeLuca in any way.

There was a small sports bag at the bottom of my closet just as Joy had said there would be. I pulled the contents out and laid them on the bed. Underwear, a couple of pairs of skinny jeans, but no tops. I found a t-shirt in my drawer and added it to the pile I carried through to the bathroom. It would have to do.

Laying the clothes on the toilet lid, I called out, “I’ll wait for you in the bedroom.” I didn’t wait to find out whether she heard me over the noise of the shower. Instead, I turned and left before I could be tempted further. Even a glimpse of her naked body would be temptation enough for me.

Ten minutes later, when the bathroom door opened, I stopped my pacing and turned as Joy entered the room. The sight of her dressed in her jeans and my t-shirt, her damp hair brushed out and hanging down her back, had my pulse racing. Gone was the heavy makeup she had been wearing, no doubt to hide the bruising. Keeping the dressing from getting too wet must have been hard, but Lex would be able to dress it again.

“Feel better?” I asked, my voice sounded gruffer than I wanted. My original anger had returned. Joy’s head jerked in a nod and her hands twisted in the bottom of my t-shirt. “Yes, thanks.” It was barely a whisper but her eyes flicked up to meet mine. She knew what was coming.

“You’re not going back to him.”

“Dawson, I-”

“No. I shouldn’t have given you space. I meant it when I said I wasn’t leaving.”

“You don’t know Donnie, he’s-”

“I don’t give a shit who or what he is. We can protect you, Joy.
I
can protect you.” Tears welled in her eyes and her bottom lip quivered. It halted my tirade a fraction, but I needed to get this out in the open. It was time. We had to deal with it and move on, get away from this shit.

“This ends now.” Wide-eyed, she met my steely gaze. There was a flicker of fear, which she did nothing to hide. “No more Donnie and no more of the shit you keep putting into your body. I’ll help you, but you have to promise me no more of that shit.”

“Dawson, you know why-”

“Yeah, I do, and the guilt I carry around weighs me down, Joy.”

“What do you feel guilty for?”

“Fuck. For leaving you. I thought it was for the best but look how that turned out. Donnie’s ruined this whole town and got you hooked on that shit. Yeah, you were really better off without me.” I started to pace the room.

“But I refuse to let this guilt weigh me down anymore. I can’t do anything about it now. I can’t change what’s happened but you, Joy …” I paused and spun around to look at her, and my heart swelled when I saw her frozen to the spot, staring at me. “You can change things. Stop taking that shit and leave Donnie. I will protect you.” I moved around the bed to stand behind her. My hands rested on her shoulders, a light touch, but I felt the shiver that ran through her body when my palms made contact. “You know how I feel about you.”

Joy turned and her head jerked up to look at me, a defiant glint to them. “Do I?”

My eyes grew wide, almost bugging out in my head. “Shit.” I dropped my hands and pushed a hand through my hair, tugging on the ends in sheer frustration. “Really, Joy? I love you. I’ve loved you since we were just teenagers. I’m sorry for not coming back for you. For the last time, I. Am. Sorry. But I love you. I never stopped. How could I ever not love you?” My heart pounded in my chest, my anger mounting. “But you have to decide. Here and now. Me or Donnie.”

Joy’s hands found the bottom of her t-shirt and twisted in the fabric as she begun to pace the room. “It’s not that simple.” Anger blazed in the depths of her eyes as she glared at me, shooting sparks in my direction.

“Yes, it fucking is,” I ground out; my anger equaled hers. “You decide right now. Him or me. Is this the kind of life you want? Getting beat up when you don’t do what he wants? Putting that shit into your body just to let your boyfriend touch you? What the fuck is that all about?” My voice rose and blood rushed in my ears; I was beyond angry.

Joy winced with every harsh word I shouted; her face was ashen while the cold look in her eyes sent a chill through me. It worked its way down my spine, making me shiver. When she gets that look in her eye, it reminded me of when we were younger and she was giving me shit for getting into another fight or some other trouble.

“Really, Joy, coke, pills? I thought you knew better than that. After what went down.” I crossed my arms over my chest and watched the transformation in front of me. Joy morphed from the run-down, slightly battered girl I picked up from the back door of some seedy club to a force to be reckoned with. She pulled herself up to her full height, jaw set, defiance written all over her face and her small hands balled into fists at her sides. I’d seen that look before. She had taken enough of my shit, and she was ready to fight back. This was the Joy I remembered. The one I missed. Not the broken Joy I’d laid eyes on across the counter at Hank’s when I arrived home, the one who looked ready to break at the slightest knock.

She marched around the bed and pushed me hard in the chest. It didn’t do any damage, but it was forceful enough to make me take a step back to maintain my balance. Her eyes glittered like hard diamonds. “Don’t you judge me. You don’t have a fucking clue what it’s been like. I get high because I need to be high around him. It numbs the pain, the disgust, the regret, and all the other bad shit inside.”

Hot angry tears started to roll down her cheeks and she paused to swipe them away and catch her breath. “So don’t you dare judge me, Dawson Spencer. You have no fucking idea what my life’s about.”

Tight-lipped, Joy continued to stare at me, challenging me to say something else, but I stared. She still hadn’t given me the answer I wanted.

“It’s him or me,” I growled. She opened her mouth and hesitated. “Seriously? You need to think about it? What the fuck, Joy?”

She shook her head in dismay because I didn’t get it. And I still didn’t get it; I didn’t understand what was so difficult. To me, it was black or white. A simple question.

“I- I don’t know.” She paused and I wanted nothing more than to scoop her up in my arms. But I needed to hear this; I needed her to make me understand. “I’m scared. I love you, Dawson, I always have, but …” Her breath hitched and tears filled her eyes; she was close to losing it. Joy sobbed again, the tears spilled down her cheeks, and she swiped at the air in anger.

“You ride back into town with your new life and what? Because you’re some hotshot private security guard or whatever, you think you can just swoop in and save me? Deliver me from evil, from someone as twisted as Donnie DeLuca?”

“He is manipulative and controlling and has you strung out like some junkie,” I stammered out, winded by her harsh words.

“I am not an addict.”

“Yeah, that’s what all addicts say.”

“Dawson.” She reached out for me, but I moved out of her grasp.

“Whatever, Joy, it’s your decision. I’m not going to beg. You were mine way before Donnie. Hell, we kissed and you said you were mine.”

“I know … but … but it’s hard.” Her head dipped and long strands of hair fell down.

“You think about it and let me know.” I moved toward the door and her head jerked up. Seeing I was ready to leave, she closed the gap I’d created and wrapped her arms around my neck, pulling my head down toward her.

“Dawson.” Her voice softened, along with the look in her eyes. Pressing her body into mine, her tits pressed into my chest, she had a tight grip on me, which I could easily break if I wanted but I was weak. I didn’t resist or push her away when her lips brushed against mine and her tongue ran along my bottom lip. Automatically my mouth parted, making way for it to move past my lips and stroke my tongue. It was always the same when she kissed me, all good sense deserted me and I stood reveling in the feel of her tongue brushing against mine, of her small hands gripping my neck. My arms wrapped around her waist and slid down to her perfect ass; gripping it between my hands, I hauled her against me, tilting her pelvis so it pressed against mine. I’d fantasized about this, about us spending hours kissing each other, like we used to before we discovered sex and I couldn’t wait to get her naked at any opportunity. I wanted to let her kiss me, to keep kissing me, but I couldn’t, not when she was still tied to another man. The reality of the situation hit me and shook me out of my lust-filled trance. With a shitload of regret, I took hold of her hands and pried them away from the back of my neck.

“No, Joy,” I said in a firm voice. “Nothing will happen until you decide. I won’t touch you while you’re still with him. The thought of his hands on you … Shit. I’d go to prison all over again for what I want to do to him, and it would be fucking worth it.”

I imagined myself grabbing Joy and smashing my lips against hers, forcing her to make a decision—to choose me. But I knew a kiss wouldn’t be enough. I wanted more, much more. I wanted to throw her down on the bed and properly claim her. Once and for all. But my heart wasn’t ready for that. Not when she wouldn’t choose. So I let go and stalked out the door, not bothering to slam it behind me.

I needed fresh air—I needed to be as far away from her as possible.