Denial (9 page)

They walked to the car in silence.

“I also need to finish packing,”
Celeste
told her, stopping at her car. “I’m leaving for Zaire tomorrow morning.”

Amy
’s jaw slackened, and a wave of concern washed over her. Only this morning, she had listened, in shock, to a news broadcast about the violence in Eastern Zaire. She wanted to reach out to
Celeste
and tell her not to go. To her surprise, she had to physically hold back and bite her tongue to keep from saying the words, “Don’t go.” Instead, she stared at
Celeste
. God, how can she do it? The news reports said over a million refugees were caught up in the violence. I should stop her. What if I never see her again?

Amy
’s eyes searched
Celeste
’s face, and her mind worked frantically. Suddenly aware she was staring she looked away, and focused her gaze on the house.

Celeste
watched her.

Amy
knew when
Celeste
had come home she had confided in Josh that she was taking time out, even contemplating leaving MSF as her last field trip had been traumatic. Josh didn’t know the details, as
Amy
did, but he was delighted
Celeste
intended to settle in Sarasota. Closing her eyes for a brief moment,
Amy
thought how devastated he and his family would be at the news. Opening them, she turned her head to
Celeste
and asked huskily, “I thought you had finished with MSF?”

Smiling poignantly,
Celeste
whispered, “So did I.”

“When did you get the call to go?”

“A few days ago.”

Amy
felt strange. All sorts of emotions were running through her. She was having difficulty fighting off the need to slip her arms around
Celeste
’s slim waist and hug her tight. Instead, she wrapped her arms around herself and fought the desire to tell her to stay. She even tried to joke, “Helluva way to get out of a wedding invitation.”
 

Celeste
half-smiled. “Perhaps.”

“I take it you won’t be coming back,”
Amy
paused, “for the wedding, I mean?”

Celeste
moved forward slightly.

Amy
could see she was struggling to say something.

Celeste
raised her hand as if to touch
Amy
’s face, hesitated, then dropped it. “No. I’m sorry. I won’t be back for the wedding.”

Turning from
Amy
,
Celeste
opened the car door and got in. She rolled down the window. “I hear congratulations are in order.”

Not grasping what she meant,
Amy
looked at
Celeste
quizzically then briefly closed her eyes. Unlike,
her
, Josh was completely thrilled by their unexpected pregnancy. The thought of being a parent blew him away, and he wanted to tell the world. With a lot of effort,
Amy
had reined him in and asked him not to tell anyone until she passed the three months stage.
Why Josh? Why did you have to tell her, for Chrissake?
 
Why did you have to tell
Celeste
of all people?

Amy
stepped closer to the car, and placed both hands on the car door. “When did Josh tell you?”

Starting the engine,
Celeste
looked at
Amy
. “A few days ago.”

“When will you be back?”

“I really don’t know.” Her eyes lingered on
Amy
’s lips. “But it’s unlikely I’ll be back anytime soon.”

“How long?”
Amy
asked, frowning.

Searching
Amy
’s face,
Celeste
replied, “It’s a promoted post, and the first year’s mostly fieldwork. The overall assignment’s for three years, possibly more.”

Amy
flinched. “You took an assignment for three years!” She bit down on her bottom lip to stop from saying anything more. Acutely aware that she didn’t want
Celeste
to leave,
Amy
’s pulse began throbbing in her neck. An unexpected wave of fear washed over her. Where
Celeste was
going was dangerous, what if something happened to her?

Amy
cut off any further thoughts. Get a grip, she told herself. This is for the best, her internal voice rationalized; she’s doing the right thing. The reason for her leaving might be unsaid, but you both know why. That night should never have happened. This way, both of you can have distance.

Amy
sighed. Even though she understood the logic, her thudding heart was telling her something else. She looked into
Celeste
’s eyes. Unintentionally, she leaned closer, and thought how easy it would be to kiss her.

Celeste
brought her face closer just as
Amy
’s inner voice told her to back away.
Remember, Josh? The man your about to marry? Her brother for God’s sake!

The reality of the situation hit home and
Amy
stepped back from the car.

Celeste’s
eyes searched
Amy
’s face intently. Eventually, she nodded as if in acceptance then put her shades on, and drove off.

Amy
watched
Celeste
’s car disappear.
We should have talked. We should have talked about what happened, and together tried to put some rationale to it. Maybe then, she wouldn’t have had to leave.

Feeling empty,
Amy
walked back into the house, and collected the drawings putting them away. She left the house, got into her car and drove home, no longer in the mood to talk to anyone.

Chapter 12

Four years later

“George, it’s going to be fine,”
Amy
said. Cradling the phone on her shoulder, she tried to tie her hair up. It was seven thirty in the morning and already her boss wanted reassurance that an important meeting this morning would go without a hitch.

“You shouldn’t have let Maggie go home,” he said petulantly.

“Oh, c’mon George, play nice and stop being a big baby,”
Amy
replied. “She’s my cousin not an indentured servant. She can take as much time off as she wants.”

That morning, George had almost passed out when
Amy
told him Maggie wasn’t back, and Josh was unavailable.

“When is she due back?”

“At the end of the week.”

Two weeks ago Maggie had left to visit family, and the mornings had been nothing but a complete nightmare. Since having the twins, a small army was required to mobilize getting them out the door.

Thankfully, Maggie offered to help them when the boys were born, supposedly taking a leave of absence from her nursing job until they found a suitable nanny, which
Amy
realized three years in, wasn’t going to happen anytime soon.

“Couldn’t you have talked her into coming back earlier?”

“Look, George, I’ve already explained to you. Maggie has decided to stay a little longer. Okay?” she said, annoyed that he seemed convinced she wouldn’t manage to get the boys out the door this morning.

“Yes. Okay, but you know this meeting is very, very important for the firm. If we clinch this deal we’re on the map.”

Smiling sweetly at her children,
Amy
watched them eat their breakfast while she explained to George once again that nothing, absolutely nothing, would make her late for the meeting at nine o’clock sharp.

While she placated her boss,
Amy
watched Ryan, the more precocious of the twins, pick up a piece of toast, dip it into his egg, and chew on it. She abruptly stopped talking when the said piece of toast flew through the air and hit her white silk shirt dead center.

Amy
’s mouth dropped open. Transfixed, she watched the toast slide down the front of her shirt halt briefly then flop onto the tiled kitchen floor. Stunned, she dropped the phone. Mouth hanging open, she looked down at the mess. Exasperated, she shook her fist in frustration at her son. “Ryan, you little shit,” she wanted to yell but managed to hold back.

Ryan and Christopher giggled.

Controlling her temper, she fumed. “Right, that’s it!”

About to march out into the hallway and along to Josh’s office,
Amy
paused, when she heard a small voice. Realizing that George was still on the line, she scrambled for the phone, mumbled something then hung up.

Looking at the boys,
Amy
repeated. “Right, that’s it!” Turning, she strode toward Josh’s office.

Josh had organized an early morning conference call to finalize the arrangements for an upcoming software release. For the last few years, he had been working for a software company. He often tried to explain to
Amy
what he did, but she couldn’t help but glaze over whenever he fell into technical jargon. She understood that he worked in software development and knew it had something to do with robotics, but the dynamics of what he was doing seemed to change constantly. Often, he was working on several prototypes. She did try to show interest, but his work just didn’t do it for her. Although she used design software for work, the thought of sitting day after day staring at a computer screen filled her with dread. She needed air and lots of activity.

Storming down the hall,
Amy
looked at her watch. “Bloody hell,” she said, realizing if she didn’t get out of the house soon George would serve her up on a platter. As she approached, Josh’s office,
Amy
noted the door was closed. Normally, it was left ajar for the boys to have access, but a few weeks ago they had brought home two golden retriever puppies, Mac and Flynn, as a surprise for the boys. Josh now kept the office door closed to keep the pups out.
 

At the end of her rope,
Amy
burst in regardless. “Josh, will you help me?” she cried out. “Not only do I now need to change my shirt, but every single morning since the pups arrived it’s been a complete nightmare getting the boys away from them and into the Jeep and out to nursery school. Normally, it wouldn’t be a problem, because you’re always there, but this morning,” she bellowed, “it’s a different matter!”

Josh sprang out of his chair, a look of bewilderment crossing his face. Looking at his wife, he spoke briskly to his team, “Let’s take a twenty-minute break guys.” He hit a button and ended the call.

Josh quickly followed
Amy
as she marched down the hallway. They stopped in their tracks at the kitchen door.
Amy
gaped in horror. Ryan and Christopher were rolling around on the kitchen floor playing with the puppies. The clean outfits she had just put them into were covered in breakfast and puppy slurp.

Throwing her hands in the air,
Amy
looked at Josh in exasperation. “Look at them!” Looking down at herself, she gulped. “Look at me!”

“
Amy
, why didn’t you put the dogs out in the yard?” Josh asked, rallying the pups and putting them out into the newly fenced portion of the backyard.

Amy
tutted. “I was about to,” she replied, “but the phone rang.”

Josh slid the glass panel closed then clapped his hands. “Right boys, move it!”

Amy
left the kitchen and hurried upstairs toward their bedroom. Sliding back the doors to her wardrobe, she remembered George’s astonished gasp when she hung up on him. He was terrified something would go wrong this morning. “So far, he’s right!” she muttered, shaking her head in disbelief. “Everything is going tits up!”

Reaching for a clean shirt,
Amy
cursed Maggie for leaving, Josh for having his meeting this morning. Pulling a shirt from its hanger, she cursed the alien children that had arrived since those puppies had come. Hurriedly, she put on a white cotton shirt and tried to button it. Having difficulty, she gave up when she glanced at her watch. Quickly, she made her way downstairs.

Amy
paused outside the kitchen. Raising her eyes to the ceiling, she begged, “Please. Don’t let this day get any worse!”

Squaring her shoulders and firming her chin,
Amy
headed back into the war zone. Once in the kitchen, she looked around her and smiled delighted that, at last, there was some semblance of order.

Pleased that most of the remains of the boys’ breakfast had been removed from their outfits,
Amy
knelt down to straighten their hair. She kissed them, and for the first time that morning, the knot in her stomach loosened.

Josh pointed the two boys toward the door and tried to lead them out. Wanting to say a final goodbye to the pups the boys clambered between Josh’s legs, trying to get to the back door.

Josh sighed and gave up trying to walk the boys out. Instead, he hoisted Ryan over his left shoulder then picked Christopher up and tucked him under his right arm. He turned to
Amy
. Puffing his chest, he warbled Tarzan’s jungle cry.

Startled, the twins fell silent then broke into fits of laughter.

Amy
chuckled then called out as she tried to button her shirt, “My hero.”

Josh laughed. Turning toward the door, he announced, “
Celeste
was supposed to be here this morning to help you out with the boys because I knew I would be tied up.” He frowned. “It’s not like her to be late.”
  

Abruptly,
Amy
stopped buttoning her shirt. Unsure if she had heard him right she said, “What?” Heart suddenly thudding, she waited, watching Josh struggle to hold the boys.

Getting a better grip, he replied teasingly, “Remember, my twin? She’s coming over this morning.”

Trying to absorb the news,
Amy
blinked a few times, and confirmed slowly, “Your sister is coming over here? This morning?”

Josh answered just as slowly, “Yes. That’s right. My sister,
Celeste
, is coming here.”

Still blinking,
Amy
said, “She’s home?”

Losing his hold on the wriggling boys, Josh replied distractedly, “Yup.”

Alarmed, Amy’s eyes widened in shock.
Celeste
is coming here
?
She can’t be!
Sucking in air, she squeezed out, “What do you mean
Celeste
is on her way over? I didn’t even know she was home!”

Grabbing the countertop,
Amy
breathed in deeply.
This can’t be happening, not today.”

Smiling, Josh tightened his grip on the boys then looked at his wife. His smile faded when he saw
Amy
struggle for breath. He let the boys slide down him then quickly he made his way to her.

“Honey?” Josh said, grasping
Amy
’s shoulders. “
Amy
?” His grip tightened. “Calm down,” he instructed. “Take a few deep breaths.”

Amy
inhaled deeply then exhaled slowly.

“That’s it,” he said. “Nice and slow.”

Sensing an opportunity to play with the pups, the twins slid the glass panel back, and slipped out into the backyard to find them.

Light-headed,
Amy
closed her eyes. Even after all these years, the mention of
Celeste
’s name generally gripped her. Never mind the thought of actually seeing her. She looked at Josh. He couldn’t have just arranged for her to come over like it was something she did all the time.

“Why the hell didn’t you tell me she was on her way over this morning?”

“
Celeste
is here to spend time with the family,” Josh replied, taking
Amy
into his arms. “She intends to stay with my folks for the next few months.”

Amy
stared up at him. “Why didn’t you tell me? I could have prepared something!”
 

“What?” Josh frowned. “What would you need to prepare?”

“I…”
Amy
tried to think. “I don’t know.” Her eyes searched the room looking for a clue. “Something!” she added. “There’s always something to prepare.”

Confusion flickered across Josh’s eyes at
Amy
’s logic. “Look, honey, what’s going on? I’ve only ever seen you like this once before, and that was on our wedding day when I thought you were going to run out on me.” He kissed the top of her head comfortingly. “I didn’t know she was coming home until a few days ago, and I didn’t tell you because I thought it would be a good surprise. Listen, it’s not a bad thing. We really do need help with the Terrible Two. It’ll be a nice surprise for the kids.”
 

“Josh, how can it be a surprise when they don’t even know her.”
Amy
pushed out of his arms, and made her way to the large open glass panel leading to the backyard. Huh, she thought, if you knew what happened between us then for sure that would be one helluva surprise.

Shouting to the boys to hurry up,
Amy
turned to Josh. “Why didn’t you tell me?”