[Desert Roses 02] - Across the Years (20 page)

Near the end of the month, however, Ashley felt her neatly ordered world once again shift. A telegram arrived from her mother. After weeks abroad, her mother had finally returned to Baltimore to receive word that her father was dying. Lavelle received this information from friends who lived nearby and knew Ashley’s mother.

Ashley felt the wind go out of her at the words on the telegram. WILL ARRIVE ON THE TWENTY-EIGHTH TO OVERSEE THIS MATTER.

The words pierced her heart. Her mother was making it clear she intended to take control of the situation.

“Well, we won’t allow it,” Lavelle said, trying to encourage Ashley. “Your mother will find us both much stronger than when she last saw us.”

“Have you not had contact with Mother these last eleven years?”

Lavelle brushed lint from her already immaculate navy blue dress. “There have been letters, but I only saw your mother once in that time. It was about four years ago. She and your
father came to Los Angeles on business. She was greatly disappointed in the way in which I lived. I have only a modest home, not even as big as this one. I live very comfortably, but your mother was completely put off by it. She had hoped to step into Los Angeles society through my introduction. When she found that was not to be the case, she found other ways, of course.”

“Of course,” Ashley said.

“She did ask me whether or not I knew where Father had gone. Of course, I didn’t know. I think she might have even hired someone to find where he’d gone, but she never found out. I’m sure she went home from that trip very disappointed in me. It didn’t help matters at all that I’d become a Christian.”

I should become a Christian to spite Mother, if for no other reason,
Ashley thought. But immediately she knew that would never work. She might lie to the world, but she couldn’t very well lie to God.

“Your mother said I was weak, just like Father. I’m sure that’s why she feels she must come and oversee matters now. But, Ashley, she has no power here except that which you give her. The house is yours. Father told me all about giving it over to you, and I’m quite pleased he did. I’m glad he left you the entirety of his estate, and I will support you in this one hundred percent.”

“I appreciate that, Aunt Lavelle, but . . .”

Lavelle took hold of Ashley’s hand. “Look, I know you’ve not yet put your trust in God. Father told me of his concern for you. I don’t know what keeps you from doing so or why you distance yourself from God—but no matter what, He is here and wants only the best for you. It might not always come in a comfortable, easy manner. Growing is sometimes very uncomfortable—think of when you carried Natalie. I’ve heard many a pregnant woman complain of the discomfort.”

“But don’t you feel that God . . . well . . . doesn’t it seem sometimes that He’s forgotten you—that He doesn’t care?”

Lavelle hugged her close. “Ashley, we all go through moments of time when we feel confused by the things that happen in our lives. We wonder where God is and why He allows such tragedy. There are times when we feel completely deserted. Even Jesus bore that feeling.”

“He did? When?” Ashley’s voice belied her disbelief.

“On the cross, dear. He said, ‘My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?’ ”

The words went through Ashley’s heart like a white-hot coal. They seared her mind and burned deep into her lost memories and dreams. The words of Christ were her very own.

Lavelle seemed to understand the impact. “Ashley, God might seem silent for a season, but be assured, He is never absent. He won’t leave you to bear things alone unless that’s the way you choose to bear them. He leaves it up to you.”

****

The next few days seemed to drag by in some ways and fly by in others. Ashley furiously cleaned the house, certain her mother’s biggest criticism would be in how they lived. She beat the rugs and took down all the curtains to wash and iron. The hardwood floors were scrubbed and polished and the furniture carefully dusted and wiped. Lavelle tried to assure her the place was already spotless, but Ashley continued to find fault.

“If only I’d thought to paint the living room,” Ashley reflected. She was on her knees scrubbing the baseboard when this idea came to her. She looked up at the walls, wondering if there still might be time.

Finally, Lavelle brought Ashley her sweater and demanded she go for a walk. “You haven’t been out of the house since that telegram arrived. Now go.”

Ashley looked up in complete surprise. “But I haven’t scrubbed out the fireplace yet.”

“Ashley! Your mother’s arrival isn’t worth this grief. We
know her to be a critical woman. Do you really suppose that your efforts will matter? If she’s still of the same meanspirited temperament, she won’t appreciate the effort. And if she’s had a change of heart, then none of this will matter.”

The words made sense. Ashley slowly got up from her aching knees. “I suppose you’re right. I just wanted to . . .”

Lavelle touched her face tenderly. “I know, sweetheart. I know.”

Ashley put aside her sponge and bucket. “I suppose I should go to the market and pick up a few things.”

“Or at least take a walk and enjoy the sunshine.”

Ashley nodded and took up the sweater. Pulling it around her shoulders, she sighed. “I’d like to believe she’s changed, but I have no faith in that. Not given the telegram.”

“I know. But God is sufficient even in this. He’ll see us through—you simply have to trust Him, Ashley.”

Trust. That was the real crux of the matter.

How could she trust God when she wasn’t even sure who He was?

She didn’t like that her mother’s impending arrival was giving her cause to act so completely out of character. She couldn’t help questioning herself.
I’ve not cared what that woman thought in eleven years. Why is it so important that she approve now?
Just as her aunt had told her, if Leticia was the same woman whom Ashley had parted company with all those years ago, nothing Ashley did now would meet with her approval.

Walking to town, Ashley couldn’t help sidetracking in order to see the Harvey hotel’s progress. She hadn’t talked to E. J. Carson since that night at dinner weeks ago. Natalie had asked several times to have him over, but Ashley had always refused for one reason or another. There was something there that made her uncomfortable—almost uneasy. Maybe it was the easygoing manner in which she shared E. J.’s company. Maybe it was the way he seemed to know things about her.

His tenderness toward Grandpa had nearly been her
undoing that night. He was so gentle with the old man—so careful of his frail, pain-filled body. She could easily remember his expression, so concerned, so compassionate. Something in his manner reminded her of Ethan; at least she was fairly confident that the memory was true. As the years went by she had to admit that it was harder and harder to remember his mannerisms, his voice. It grieved her, but as Grandpa had suggested, it was very possible that she was also assigning things to the past that had no bearing in truth. She and Ethan had shared only a matter of weeks together. It was hardly enough to build a lifetime on. But then again, it had given her Natalie.

Natalie adored E. J. Carson. There was no doubt about that. She talked about the man from morning until night. But now that her mother was coming, she’d have ample excuses to delay his visits when Natalie insisted.

Ashley wouldn’t impose her mother upon anyone. Especially if she were to have the same nature as before. No, their house and dinner table would be full. Ashley would give up her bedroom to her mother and share Natalie’s bed, and while she knew the arrangement would be adequate for most anyone else in the world, Ashley was confident it wouldn’t meet with her mother’s approval.

“Mrs. Reynolds!”

E. J. Carson called to her from beyond a newly constructed portion of stone fence. Ashley felt her stomach flutter. Suddenly she was aware that she was quite happy he’d sought her out.
Why should this man have the power to make me feel this way?
Guilt immediately washed over her. What of Ethan?

“Hello, Mr. Carson.”

He tipped his hat and smiled. “I was hoping to see you today. In fact, I had thought to come by. I have a question for you. Remember? I promised you dinner sometime.”

“Yes, but that’s hardly necessary,” Ashley argued. The last thing in the world she wanted was to be asked out on a date with this man or any other.

“Well, I’ve been talking with several of the workers,” he continued. “I was wondering if you’ve ever been to the meteor crater west of here?”

Ashley shook her head. “No. Grandpa and I talked about going, and Natalie has nagged us both about it ever since hearing about it in school, but we’ve never managed to make arrangements. We have no car, you see.”

“Well, I do. I’ve just acquired the use of a vehicle, and I’d like very much to propose a picnic tomorrow. I figured since it’s Saturday and I have the day off and Natalie will be out of school, we could take all day. It’s about twenty-one miles to drive there, so we’d have plenty of time to explore.”

The thought of spending all day in the company of this gentle-spirited man held both appeal and terror at the same time.

“I know it’s short notice, but I would bring a picnic from the Harvey House,” he said, his voice almost pleading.

Ashley knew Natalie would be beside herself if Ashley were to say no. How many times had she begged her mother to ask Pastor McGuire for the loan of his car for just such an adventure? The only problem was, Ashley didn’t drive.

“I’m sure Natalie would enjoy the trip,” Ashley began, almost confident that she would turn down E. J. Carson’s offer for herself. But when it came time to speak the words, she found herself agreeing instead. “I’ll need to make sure Aunt Lavelle doesn’t mind taking care of Grandpa all day. Still, I wouldn’t want to leave her alone for too long. We’d have to be back by dark.”

E. J. smiled. “I can arrange that; just leave it to me. I’ll pick you both up about nine in the morning. We’ll get there in an hour or less, and that should leave us plenty of time.” He tipped his hat again, then sauntered off as if he’d single-handedly won the World Series.

Ashley had to smile, until she heard him start to whistle. The tune left her cold. She could hear Ethan whistling the
same song. It was his favorite ragtime melody. He’d whistled it incessantly while they’d courted.

E. J. disappeared into the construction site, but Ashley felt fixed to the spot where she stood. All at once she exhaled, not even realizing she’d been holding her breath.
Oh, Ethan, why should you be gone while E. J. Carson is here? It’s not at all how I saw life when you married me.

Her heart ached within her and the memory was more than she wanted to deal with.
How am I to spend the day with this man and not die from loneliness?

****

E. J. felt a sense of renewal in his spirit. He had actually taken time since last seeing Ashley to pray and seek God—and it felt marvelous. Though he still suffered the terrors of his war memories as he slept each night, the dreams seemed shorter and less violent. Perhaps true healing had begun.

Now he waited for his wife and daughter to join him on an outing to the meteor crater, and an overwhelming giddiness engulfed him. He wanted this freedom of spirit. He wanted to look forward to the day and to know that it would come around right in the evening. He wanted for once not to dread the nightfall.

Natalie came bouncing out the door as she so often did. She wore her dark hair pulled back into a high ponytail, which swung back and forth as she came down the path to the borrowed car. Her skirt jogged up and down, revealing rolled-up pants beneath.

E. J. reached out and opened the door for her. “I see you wore jeans under your dress. You must be planning for quite an adventure.”

Natalie jumped up on the Packard’s running board. “Mama said I had to wear the dress over them,” she replied, wrinkling up her nose in distaste. “She doesn’t understand that sometimes I like to climb and not worry about dresses.”

Natalie climbed into the backseat and plopped down dead center. “I get all this room to myself?”

E. J. laughed. “Well, so long as you mind the picnic lunch I’ve put down on the floor behind my seat.”

“Is this your car?” she questioned, running her hand over the seat. “This is the nicest car I’ve ever been in.”

“This is one of the Harvey company cars. They gave it to Miss Colter to use, but since she’s out of town, she told me I could borrow it for our trip.”

About that time Ashley came from the house. Her face glowed from beneath a wide-brimmed straw hat. She caught him watching her and smiled hesitantly, her gaze curious, almost as if she were trying to figure out a puzzle. E. J. felt a wave of guilt for keeping his identity from her. He knew she deserved to know and make the choice for herself as to whether they’d continue their marriage or end it.

“I hope I’ve dressed all right,” she said, breaking his thoughts. “I thought a simple skirt and blouse would be easiest.”

He nodded and noticed she’d put on very sturdy walking shoes. “You look perfect. Natalie too.”

“I’ve brought some sweaters, although I doubt we’ll need them as the day seems so fair. Oh, and I’ve brought a couple of blankets for the ground. I didn’t know whether or not you’d think to bring something to sit on.”

“No, I totally forgot about that. Glad you considered the matter for me.” He smiled and took the blankets from her while she handed the sweaters back to Natalie. E. J. held the door for Ashley as she stepped up on the running board and got in. He watched her gracefully arrange herself on the seat before nodding to him.

Soon they were on the road, driving west with the sun at their back, the world stretched out before them in a raw and rugged landscape that begged exploration. Cactus, scrub, and a variety of nondescript brush dotted the red, sandy soil. The dusty desert road offered nothing in the way of shade or real
diversion, but E. J. hardly cared about that. He’d made up his mind. He was going to tell Ashley the truth. Once they were at the crater site and Natalie was preoccupied with her exploration, he would break the news to Ashley as gently as possible.