Deserted (31 page)

           
“Just talk,” I mouthed the words to him as I gestured inside the house.

           
“I should probably tell you what happened…” Chester said and winced as my
mother burst into tears at his voice. He cast me another look as I sidestepped
my way back outside.

           
“You two have a lot to discuss,” I replied to his glance with a smile, “in the
meantime,
I need to bring Kay home.”

           
Chester slowly shut the door behind him and I turned to look at Kay.
“Your turn.”
I continued to smile and he raised an eyebrow
but said nothing. Even Kay, a whiny and intolerable kid I had found in the
desert, could tell that my smile was off but I no longer cared. My mother’s
apparent disinterest at my homecoming was expected and I was okay with it. No,
really, I’m not hurt by it; why would I be? Why should my mother’s actions
affect me in the slightest? I certainly wasn’t glad to see
her,
regardless of the way I felt when I finally saw her face again. No; this was
not only expected but welcomed.

           
The few stray people that were still outside merely stared at Kay and I in
shock, never once running up to us to chat or yelling to one another at our
arrival like I had thought they might. Funny; this night really was
nothing
like I had expected. I knocked on the
Thomes
’ door
briskly, having heard a conversation inside and knowing that it would not take
long to open. They wouldn’t hesitate at a knock at the door…not like my mother
would; she never expected company.

           
Kay’s mother opened the door, her head turned as she continued her conversation
with her husband somewhere in the back. “Yes…?” She
started,
laughing at something that was said as she finally noticed who stood before
her. Her smile disappeared as she looked us both over. “You…” she stared at me.
“…Kay?” her eyes watered as she took him in.

           
“…yes.” He squeaked out a response and shuffled on his feet, glancing at me
every so often but making eye contact with no one.

           
“You…where have you been?”
Kay’s mother touched her
son on the shoulders and gently urged him inside. She burst into a large smile
and suddenly gripped Kay in a bear hug, calling to her husband. “Rick!” She
yelled between sobbing gasps, “you need to take a look at this!”

           
Kay’s father saw him from down the hallway and stopped short, dropping the
dishrag that had been in his hand. Kay waved awkwardly towards him from under
his mother’s firm grasp. “He-
ey
…” he choked out the
words as he tried to casually play the whole thing off but Rick, of course,
would have none of it as he rushed to his son’s side and embraced him as well,
the three of them hugging each other tightly as Kay caught my eye. He swallowed
hard and frowned at me through tight lips, his body becoming rigid in the
onslaught of love he was receiving from people he didn’t know. I smiled shortly
at him and shrugged; he must have been expecting this. He turned away from me
and continued to fidget uneasily under the strength of his parents and I walked
away; what happened to Kay next was none of my business anymore and it was not
my place to sort out the mess.

           
As I had turned to walk away I was suddenly greeted by the beady stares of a
handful of people. I stared at them, they stared at me…none of us really knew
what to say. I was like a stranger to the townspeople and while I don’t
necessarily think that they disliked me (although Kay’s disappearance didn’t
help me any) they just never really got a chance to know or feel otherwise
about me. My life revolved around my now possibly deceased horse, Kay the
man-child, a now ruined library and a father who saw me as nothing more than a
duty; I had no time for anything – or
anyone
– else while I was growing
up.

           
The thoughts caused my stomach to twist yet again in anguish and I grew
irritated at the piercing glances. “You’re welcome.” I said with a
snark
and I walked my way towards my house - but not to see
my parents.

I
gingerly touched the few items left in
Ponika’s
stall; an old harness of his, the brush I had used every day on him before we
left home.
Ponika
never judged me and was always
there…and yet I let him down. He didn’t deserve my abandonment; he didn’t
deserve whatever may have happened to him. How could I have been so selfish? I
was all he had in the wasteland…and he’s all I have now. I let a few stray
tears fall this time since no one was around to witness it but I wouldn’t let
myself become a sniveling mess over my own mistakes; crying won’t bring him
back. I wiped away the bubbling tears and looked over at Rose who had awoken at
my presence.

           
I patted my mother’s horse and hugged her tight. “I’m sorry…he’s gone and it’s
all my
fault. I’m so sorry…” She seemed to huff in response
but still allowed me to hug her. Through heavy eyes I saw Rose’s brush lying on
a shelf nearby; a brush that my father had conned out of the Pirates. All of
this actually belonged to them. I shook my head at the thought and picked up
the brush that lay heavy in sand that had blown through over the years. Was it
really that long since my mother had used it? I decided to brush Rose down,
patting her gently and letting my mind wander.

           
My thoughts caused my heart to ache and my stomach to knot up but I had to get
it out; I could no longer ignore the nagging feelings. I must have gotten lost
in the repetitive movements of the brush over Rose’s mane as I was startled by
my parents leaving the house and I became acutely aware of just how dark the
sky was. My parents headed towards the fountain in the centre of town, where a
small gaggle of people were lolling about and I saw Kay and his family join
them not long after.

           
I sighed. “You
be
good, okay?” I felt
so
tired as I patted Rose’s neck one last time and left the
stables but it wasn’t my parents I intended to join.

I watched
the raging sandstorm in the dusty Dunes before me as I sat on its overlook and
contemplated my decisions. I was selfish in a lot of things, regardless of what
Chester or Nathaniel might say; at least I could admit it, I suppose. Was any
of this the right thing to do? Or have I just brought more heartbreak to
everyone? But then…what really would I have done otherwise? It’s just not me to
stay behind and do nothing, wishing for everything I want to just fall into my
lap. Even so, I still had a choice; stay behind or go find them. My decision
was selfish…I never thought how others would feel about it and
Ponika
certainly didn’t have a say in the matter. Although
I never expected them to not remember me…that was a result I was never prepared
for.

           
Everything I did was a result of my choices. Did I choose the right ones? I
suppose that could explain why Kay and Chester are so different from whom they
used to be; they essentially started over and made different choices. Everyone
has the potential to change and those decisions are what mould us into the
people we are today. So…does that mean I can change too?

           
My thoughts were interrupted by footsteps behind me. “Hey,” Chester said to me,
“you’re missing the party. Don’t want your father to embarrass you?” He
chuckled softly.

           
“You don’t have to call yourself that, you know; I know it makes you
uncomfortable.”

           
“I have to get used to it, that’s all.”

           
I could see him shift uneasily. “It’s not you; don’t force it. I’m twenty years
old now; you don’t need to take care of me anymore. I only went looking for the
both of you because I felt it was the right thing to do; that’s all.” I looked
back towards the Dunes, hoping my lies would not be evident on my face.

           
Chester hesitated before responding. “I guess you’re right. I don’t really know
how to do this whole ‘father’ thing.”

           
“Then don’t,” I turned to look at him briefly, “I know we’re like strangers to
you; I’m not going to force a lifestyle on you that you never wanted or
prepared for. Just be yourself; don’t worry about me or what the Memory Vials
show.”

           
Chester put his hand on my shoulder. “Thank you. We can always be friends, you
know; I’d enjoy that and I’ll always be around.”

           
I nodded. “I know.”

           
I watched as he returned to the party in the streets that was now underway. I
saw Kay finally with a smile on his face as he sat on the edge of the fountain,
a girl on either side; the same fountain we once talked about whales at and
whispered of a paradise just for us. The women were grabbing at his arms and
leaning in close to speak to him as I caught his eye momentarily. I immediately
turned my attention back to the dusty Dunes as the sky grew ever darker. I was
hoping Kay would not come to see me but of course he did.

           
“Hey,” he said casually, “mind if I sit?”

           
“Go ahead.”

           
He sat down beside me, close enough to be touching. “Not interested in
partying?”

           
“Not really, no.”

           
He nodded slightly and there was an awkward silence between us.

           
“I’m sorry for, you know, freaking out at you like that.”

           
“Don’t worry about it,” I replied, “I can understand your frustration. The
Memory Vial felt like it was forcing choices on you, didn’t it? Like you
couldn’t live the life you wanted because someone was telling you otherwise.”

           
“Exactly; I never asked for this.” He responded.

           
“I know. It took me some time to understand, but I do; I’m truly sorry, Kay.”

           
“It’s alright…this place isn’t so bad, you know; it’s nice to feel loved.”

           
“Yes, it is…”

           
“I still feel like a stranger in someone else’s house but I’m sure I’ll get
used to it.” I said nothing as Kay glanced back to the party waiting for him.
“Man, how do you guys get so much stuff? There’re no Pirates out here.”

           
“Our Provider.”

           
“Oh, right. You really have no idea who the Provider is?”

           
I caught myself mid-word; I was sure Nathaniel didn’t want that information
known to others. “I don’t know.” I shrugged in a half-hearted manner. “A
Mediator meets with the Provider and sends us things; that’s all I know.”

           
“Huh; interesting.”

           
There was another silence between us. I stared into the Dunes, becoming
increasingly aware of the sparkling night sky and the large, bright moon that
hung low over the vista. I could feel Kay’s skin lightly touching mine as we
watched the world around us. This kind of night was annoyingly familiar.

           
“Well I should probably get back…” Kay had turned to look behind him, probably
at beckoning women if I knew him at all. He seemed to be waiting for me to
respond but when it became clear that I had nothing to say, he stood up to
leave.

 “OH!”
He exclaimed and he started to pat down his jacket. “Wait, I knew there was a
reason I wanted to talk to you.” He dug through his pockets and pulled out a
small, golden ring. “I think you should have this.”

           
I took it gingerly in my hand. It shone brilliantly and our initials were
imprinted upon it. “K. M and K.T…” I murmured.

           
“I didn’t even know I had it until I saw it in the vial. I remember leaving a
party a few years ago to go and retrieve it…” he cleared his throat. “I think
this might have been what Nathaniel was talking about.” I glanced up at him
with a blank expression. “You know…when he said I received what I wanted but
Chester didn’t? I think this was it.” I gazed at the ring with a heavy heart
but continued to say nothing. “Yeah, I found it was still in my jacket pocket
all this time later, but to be fair, the Outpost was far too hot to be wearing
this old thing anyway.” He chuckled.

           
I tried my best to keep my composure as I gazed at the last remaining link to
the Kay I used to know. “What happened, Kay?” I finally managed to say, too
tired
to try to disguise the sombreness of my voice. “Why
did you never come back?”

           
Kay slowly shrugged. “I don’t know…the vial gets cloudy whenever I try to focus
on that; the same thing probably happens to Chester as well.”

           
Of course; it would just be too convenient for me to learn the truth, wouldn’t
it? “You should take it.” I held the ring back up to him but kept my eyes
focused intently on the Dunes in the distance.

           
“I…really think you should keep it.” His warm hand pressed into mine as he
wrapped my fingers around the ring and pushed my hand back towards me. My heart
leapt at his touch; a feeling I would have thought had dissipated by now. Kay
returned to the party as I slid the ring onto my finger; a perfect fit.