Deserve (10 page)

“What about her?”

Her lashes lower over her eyes. “If you want to stay and
catch up with her, I can catch a cab back to my dorms. It’s not a big deal.”

The idea of spending another minute with the self-important
blonde makes me shudder in distaste. “No, let’s blow this joint and go grab
something real to eat.”

“Okay,” she says quietly.

Keeping her hand in mine, I lead her out of the apartment.

Fingers tingling from the warmth of Sean’s hold, I follow
him through the crowd. My face is still flushed with embarrassment.

This evening has been one long, bad idea, culminating in me
making an utter ass of myself by confronting the Senator.

When I saw Sean in his tux, I should have listened to my
instincts and cancelled.

The man looked freaking scrumptious and I wasn’t surprised
to find a group of girls—and a few men—eyeing him like a luscious
bon-bon. Slim hips. Wide shoulders.
Beautiful eyes bright
against the tan of his skin.
Honey gold hair streaked with sun-lightened
platinum strands. My pooling saliva threatened to overflow my mouth. When he
pulled me in for a hug, my body had lit up like a roman candle. And he smelled
so
good
.
Male and
clean.

All the feelings I had been fighting for the last month—no
for years—came crashing over me like a tsunami.

Which was why it felt like salt rubbed into a fresh wound
when he started to flirt with the stunning blonde I recognized from the photo
on the gossip site. I couldn’t stand to watch their intimate interactions and
to save my dignity, I had walked over to the bar to order my chick drink. When
he strode away with her, I pasted a smile on my face and pretended it didn’t
bother me. That it didn’t hurt.

Stupid,
naïve Maggie.
This was never a
date,
I remind myself. Even in my new dress and carefully applied makeup, I
can’t compete for his attention because he can’t see me as anything but a
friend.

I had been on the balcony, avoiding the sight of Alicia pressing
her toned body against his, when I overheard his conversation with his father.
My heart ached for Sean. I couldn’t believe the Senator would hurt his son so
thoughtlessly by disparaging Sean’s career choice.

Years of being in the public eye have sharpened Sean’s
ability to hide his emotions, but I read a history of pain on his stoic face. I
had always liked the Senator, but in that moment, I could have strangled him
for his thoughtless words.

What Sean does is incredibly noble. What I said to him was
nothing less than the unvarnished truth. Cops put their lives on the line every
day to keep us safe. I admire Sean for devoting his life to protecting the
public, especially when he could have lived a life of leisure.

Unable to stop myself, I charged to Sean’s side and opened
my big mouth without considering the consequences. If Sean hadn’t covered my
mouth, I would have continued to rail against the Senator, oblivious to the
censure of the other guests. Under their disapproving gazes, I felt gauche and
ill-mannered
—like a street urchin who had no right to
be among their exalted company. Despite the Senator’s invitation to dine with
him again, I doubt he’d want someone like me in his home.

Feeling abashed, I stay silent as we exit the building and walk
down the street to the car. I shiver as the cool night air hits my skin and
wish I had brought a wrap. It may be summer, but there are unexpected wind
tunnels in the city. Abruptly, Sean halts, shrugs out his jacket and drapes it
over my shoulders.

“You don’t have to,” I protest even as I pull his jacket
closer, reveling in his lingering body heat. I want to cover every inch of my
body with the warm material and let his essence soak into my pores.

“After you slayed dragons for me? My hero,” he says with a
small smile on his lips. Even in the dark, his blue eyes are preternaturally
bright.

Despite his teasing, I know my behavior was rude and I
apologize again, “I’m sorry for ruining the party, Sean.”

His voice shakes with laughter. “Are you kidding me? That
was the best part of the evening.”

I smile in appreciation of his diplomacy and say
sarcastically, “Right. Watching me make a spectacle of myself is the highlight of
the evening. I think this tops my performance in
Grease
.”

My breath catches as his eyes soften and he tucks my hair
behind my ear, letting his fingers linger on the sensitive contour.

The silence stretches a tad too long and I try to ease the
tension with a lame joke. “I was telling the truth. Besides, you’d probably
suck as a judge. Earlier tonight, you were ready to violate an innocent man’s
civil rights.”

He chuckles. “You’re probably right.”

“Your dad just wants what’s best for you, you know,” I say.

Face stiffening imperceptibly, he looks over my shoulder. His
silence is answer enough. I feel a spurt of pity for both Rowan men. I always knew
he had differences with his dad, but the rift is a lot deeper than I expected.
What could possibly have caused such hostility between them? There’s an
impenetrable, opaque wall behind his eyes and I know it would be pointless to
ask him. He may be portrayed by the press as a carefree playboy with no
secrets, but I have a feeling Sean cultivates that image as a smokescreen.

His finger on my cheek brings my attention back to him.
“Thanks, Maggie.”

“For what?” I whisper.

“For being you.”

There’s something in the way he’s looking at me that sets my
pulse racing. My heart is thumping so hard, I’m sure he can hear it. A tic
appears in his jaw and I curl my fingers against the desire to massage the
tense muscle.

We stare at each other for what feels like an eternity and
the moment becomes charged with swirling undercurrents. My heart stutters as he
leans closer to me. My neck stretches reflexively until our lips almost meet. I
feel the gentle puffs of his breath and smell the woodsy oak of the wine he
drank. His eyes drop to my mouth and I almost pant in need.

Kiss me,
I
silently beg.

With a small groan, he eliminates the space between us and
then I’m transported to heaven. I keep my eyes wide open, afraid this is just a
dream. He closes his
eyes,
his thick lashes
ridiculously long against his cheeks. His lips are softer than I expect. He
swipes his tongue into the crease of my lips and I part my mouth on
an exhale
, wanting to know his taste. When our tongues
collide, his smooth masculine flavor explodes onto my taste buds and I greedily
soak him in. A small moan escapes between our sealed mouths. I don’t know if
it’s from him or from me and I don’t care.

Our mouths move surely and slowly, as if both of us are
afraid to rush such sweetness. There is none of the awkwardness of a first
kiss; it feels like our mouths are designed to fit together.

Grasping the back of my head, Sean angles my head. He slides
his hand under his jacket and presses against my lower back, bringing my body
flush against his. His palm is scorching hot against my skin, but I welcome the
lick of fire.

As the heat and intensity builds, my eyes flutter shut,
allowing my other senses to come to the fore. His piney scent fills my nostrils
and I draw it deeply into my lungs. The contrast of textures—the
sharpness of his teeth, the satiny smoothness of the inside of his lips, the
velvety roughness of his tongue—are a sensual delight and I want to
discover every minute nuance.

I wrap one arm around his waist while the other hand runs
through the hair at his nape. The strands are soft and thick, like the bristles
on a fine paintbrush.

Our kiss turns wet and hungry, both of us twisting to find a
closer connection—a deeper one. We are alone in the world, our shared
body heat swirling between us.

We both pull away at the same time, panting softly. His
breath feels moist and warm on my skin.

I open my eyes, desperate to see his reaction.
 

Heat and desire.
His eyes are
banked flames in the dark and his cheekbones are taut with want. This is the
expression I have dreamt of seeing on his face for years.

Then I can’t think because Sean is kissing me again. This
time it’s carnal and bluntly sexual. I feel utterly possessed as his tongue
thrusts aggressively between my lips. The sound I make can only be described as
greedy as I give myself over to his kiss.

How can I not be
greedy with this man?
I’ve wanted him forever.

Without conscious thought, I press my body against his,
seeking fuller contact with his heat. My fingers ghost along his sloping
jawline. Even freshly shaven, his skin retains a roughness that feels
deliciously male.

His hand sweeps up my side and clasps my ribs, spreading his
fingers over my bare back and placing his thumb under my small breast. My
nipples tighten in anticipation, but he doesn’t touch me more intimately. The
achiness won’t go away and I push into his chest to find relief. He feels hot
and unyielding as I move my torso from side to
side,
creating
a friction that sends electrical pulses to my core.

A low groan emits from his mouth and his thumb caresses the
sensitive underside of my mound. I shiver as the pulses strengthen, making my
sex damp and needy. A fire burns like an inferno in my belly.

His right hand grabs my butt cheek and pulls me flush
against him. He grunts as his fingers dig into my soft flesh, rubbing and
kneading every inch. His thick erection is a hard column between us and I rock
against him, imagining him pushing into my channel. Another needy sound travels
from my mouth to his.

Honk! Honk!

Loud whoops and whistles pierce the air and Sean abruptly
breaks the kiss, placing his forehead against mine.

I blink to reorient myself and some of the sensual fog
clears. My body is loudly complaining about the disruption, my breasts
painfully tight, my belly twisted into an achy knot.

Our rowdy interrupters are sitting in a car at a red light.
A young guy in the backseat sticks his head out of the window and yells out an
obscene suggestion. My face flushes with embarrassment.

Face hardening, Sean turns around, but we only see the faint
taillights as the car speeds up Hudson.

“Let’s get into the car,” he says and puts his hand at my
lower back. He opens the door and I climb in. As he walks to the driver’s side,
he pulls out his phone. The glow of his screen illuminates his face and for a
second, I think I see him flinch, but he’s thrown into darkness again as he
pockets his phone. I frown as he continues to stand outside as if frozen.

Finally, he opens the door and sits down. Jaw
working,
he stares out of the windshield. As the seconds
tick by without him looking at me, something dark and oily snakes into my
stomach, stealing away whatever joy I felt moments before.
 
Finally, I can’t take the silence anymore
and ask, “Sean, what’s wrong?”

He turns to look at me and at the sight of the heavy remorse
in his eyes, nausea rises up my chest into my throat, making me want to hurl. His
voice is like coarse gravel. “I’m sorry,
Mags
.”

I want to shrivel into a ball when I hear the words “I’m
sorry.” Those are the last two words a woman wants to hear after a man kisses
her.

He scrubs his face hard with his hands and makes a grunting
noise. “I should never have kissed you. Not only are you my best friend’s
sister and I’m supposed to be protecting you, not seducing you, you’re also too
good for someone like me.”

I pucker my brow, focusing on the second part of his
statement, intuiting this is the more important point. “Why would you say
you’re not good enough?”

He tears his gaze away and looks out into the dark, his sigh
heavy and loud in the interior of the car. “It doesn’t matter. I made a mistake
and should never have crossed the line. I was upset with my father and I got carried
away by the moment.” He turns back to me and there’s a plea in his eyes. “Let’s
forget this ever happened. I don’t want one kiss to ruin our friendship.”

This evening is one long, never-ending nightmare. His regret
over our kiss cuts like a jagged knife. Staving off the wave of pain, I draw in
a shaky breath to center myself.

“Of course.” I push the words out of stiff lips. “It was a
mistake.”
One big
fucking mistake
.
I thought this was the culmination of my dream and
it was just a mistake to him. I want to laugh at my naiveté for believing his
excuse that he’s not good enough for me. He was trying to spare my pride and I
fell for it. I dig my short nails into the leather seats. A part of me is
surprised I don’t rip through the material.

“I’m glad you understand.” A look of relief crosses his face
and he reaches over to touch my arm. “I hope you can forgive me.”

My instinct is to shrink away from him, but I force myself
to sit still and say dully, “There’s nothing to forgive. Like you said, it was
a mistake and we should forget it ever happened.”
If I could
only wipe out these last weeks with him from my memory banks.

He studies me for a few long moments and I pray he doesn’t
see the Category Five hurricane brewing behind my eyes.

“I don’t think either of us is up for food. Are you okay
with heading back to your dorm?”

I nod my head like a
bobblehead
.

He starts the engine and pulls the car into traffic. The
ride is grimly silent.
What more is there
to say?

When I see the familiar street, I shift restlessly, dying to
get out of his car. Before he even pulls to a full stop, I already have my
seatbelt undone. “Thanks, Sean. Have a good night.”

“Maggie…” He stares at me, opens his mouth and then snaps it
shut.

“Yes?” Against my will, hope stirs in my heart.

He swallows and then shakes his head. “Nothing. Have a good
night.”

My lips pull up in a travesty of a smile. “Bye, Sean.” I
step out of the car and stride speedily to the dorm entrance. I know he’s
watching me, waiting until I get into my building safely. Normally, I would
turn around and wave at him before I enter the door, but tonight I don’t look
back.