Desperate (16 page)

R
oy sauntered into the living room, chewing on a toothpick. His thumbs were tucked inside his belt, and he walked noiselessly from heel to toe. He was wearing a faded blue T-shirt, lightweight jacket, and dungarees. His deep-set eyes took in everything.

“Give me your phone,” he said.

I hesitated until Roy lifted his jeans, offering me a flash of the large hunting knife sheathed to his ankle.

“You can’t record this conversation, Gage,” Roy said. He paused, Roy the thinking man. “So,” he said. “We’ve got ourselves a little situation here. Something we can address like adults. Are you ready to talk?”

“How long?” I asked.

“Excuse me?” Roy said.

I was looking at Lily, addressing my question to her. She’d gone back to sitting on the edge of the sofa. Her skirt rode up her legs, but I got the feeling she would have been equally comfortable naked. She didn’t care. If there ever was a girl named Lily who loved old movies and drew portraits to uncover hidden secrets about people, she was gone. In her place was the new Lily, the one who didn’t care about our dreams.

Roy stood to my right, with his thumbs tucked back in his belt, the knife still in its sheath. He was eyeing me the way a prison guard might stare down an insubordinate inmate.

“How long have you been planning to coerce me into giving you a payoff? Was it before or after you moved into my home? I want to know.”

Lily looked over to Roy.
Permission to speak freely?
her eyes said. Roy gave a near imperceptible nod of his head.

“Things just sort of evolved,” Lily said. She sounded relieved, like this was a confession of sorts, a weight finally lifted. “I was pregnant and pissed at Roy when I met you guys, but Roy really didn’t want me to get an abortion. He was just pissed because I told him the kid wasn’t his.”

I remembered Lily telling us the same story on the curb. My eyes met Roy’s.

“And is it?” I asked.

A flash of anger crossed his face.

“Yeah,” Lily said. “I just made up that story because he wasn’t happy about the baby.”

“So what then?”

“Then I was like, well, fuck you if you don’t want this baby. I’ll give it to someone who does,” Lily said. She looked at Roy again.

Roy seemed to accept Lily’s admonition, acknowledging with an indifferent shrug that, yes, he probably could have been more supportive in the beginning. Strange to say, but I felt a bit like a couples therapist closing in on a breakthrough. Here I was, moments from being forced into making a payout, helping the happy couple work through an issue. It was too surreal even for Dali.

“What then?” I asked.

“Then I found you guys on the website. Just like I said. And when you invited me to live with you, well, that was just about the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me.”

“And you repaid our kindness by playing games with me, pitting me against my wife.”

Lily shrugged. Anna and I were a means to an end, a source of cash. No hard feelings.
Sorry for making you a chump
. That was what her shrug said to me.

“Well, it might have gone another way, but a few nights before I moved in with you guys, Roy and I were hanging out. He was being sweet because he wanted us to be together again. I was going to move back in with him and break the bad news that we were going to keep the baby. But before I did, I decided to torture Roy by making him watch an old movie with me.”

I looked surprised. “You really are an old movie fan?”

Lily appeared to be offended by my insinuation. “What? Did you think I was lying about that?”

“Well, the thought did cross my mind,” I said.

“He watched
Gaslight
with me,” Lily said, thumbing over to Roy. “You know the film?”

“I think so,” I said. “It’s about a guy who makes his beautiful wife think she’s going crazy.”

“Charles Boyer gaslights Ingrid Bergman,” Lily said, almost reverently—lovingly, I might say. “Roy hates almost every movie I’ve made him watch, but he loved this one. He got to thinking, could we gaslight you? Not in the same way, but could we, you know, make it so hard on you that you’d pay us to leave?”

“And here we are,” Roy said.

“Yeah, here we are.”

“So you knew about the rocket before you bought me that present?”

Lily reverted into herself, a girlish retreat, as if she were too embarrassed to acknowledge the truth.
My bad
, her body language said, without feeling bad about it at all.

“Lily told me about your model rocket hobby, and then I found the photo. Figured it would bug you out,” Roy said. “It actually wasn’t easy to find. I had to call a bunch of hobby stores and then drove to New Hampshire to get it. Sorry ’bout using your boy, but we needed something good to kick things off. The rest of the stuff we did to you we just sort of improvised. Nothing personal.” Roy’s grimace, the way his cold eyes squinted, the deep creases on his face, like Clint Eastwood staring into the sun, didn’t convey any real sympathy for me. No, it was more like he suffered in life, so everyone else should, and tough shit for that. “But I also read your story, so I knew some drunk driver took your wife and kid from you. That sort of accident is going to get you a lot of cash from the insurance company. A lot.”

“So what’s the number?” I asked. “What will it cost me to make you disappear?”

“Well,” Roy said, spitting his toothpick onto the floor, “how much you got?”

T
his next part was going to disappoint Roy. Sure, he read about the drunk driver, but nowhere in the article did it mention the guy was uninsured. So these two clowns were coercing a quality assurance guy, a middle-income earner who needed the mortgage deduction and rental income from his upstairs unit to balance out the rest of his finances.

“If I pay you five thousand dollars, will you go away?” I asked. I felt the strength return to my voice. There was a way out—we just needed to settle on a price.

Unfortunately, judging by the looks Roy and Lily exchanged, I could see he wasn’t going to bite.

“That’s a joke, right?” Roy said, approaching me, closing our gap. His shoulders went back, chest pushed outward, a fighter’s posture. He got right up into my face, close enough for me to feel his hot breath.

“Roy!” Lily said, sounding alarmed. “Don’t hurt him.”

“Then he’d better play nice,” Roy said.

Lily kept to her seat on the edge of the couch. “Listen, Gage, I like you and Anna a whole lot, and I’m really sorry about all of this,” she said, speaking sweetly. “But Roy here is being serious. He wants a payday. He needs it. I can’t get into it with you, but he’s got some obligations and he needs the money. So let’s try again.”

“Yeah,” Roy said, replacing his discarded toothpick with another. “Let’s try again.”

I was nervous, but I wasn’t completely scared or intimidated. Perhaps I should have been overcome by rage, shaking furiously. And yet, to my surprise, I wasn’t even feeling a flicker of anger, because I was about get a thorn named Lily taken out of my foot. What we were engaged in carried all the emotion of a business transaction.

Of course, when the deed was done I’d be burdened with a terrible secret. Lily would have to vanish and Anna could never know the reason why. The guilt would carry an additional cost above and beyond what I was about to pay, but it was the price of freedom.

I’d make up for it, no doubt. Once these two parasites were gone, I’d redouble my efforts on the adoption front. No matter what, however, I wasn’t going to try to work a deal where we could still end up with Lily’s baby. First of all, it was borderline human trafficking. Second, even though the baby was not responsible for Lily’s wicked ways, I doubted I could forgive my tormentors enough to give their child the upbringing he or she deserved. Unpleasant and indelible memories would always be lurking just below the surface, getting in the way of all the love I had to give. Once we moved on from this experience, Anna would see how committed I was to our future. Without Lily to get in the way, my wife would never again have reason to doubt my desire to become some child’s adoptive father.

“Why don’t you tell me a figure,” I said to Roy.

Roy propped his foot up on the edge of the coffee table. He wore black hiking boots, the kind that could easily break my ribs if he kicked me there. He was looking at me as if that was how this might end up.

“Two hundred grand,” Roy said. “That’s the price.”

I swallowed hard. My heart rate climbed until I could feel it beating in my throat. I thought we’d come up with a reasonable number and put a stop to the madness. It was going down a different way. I briefly contemplated charging Roy, but if I did make this a physical confrontation, I’d probably be beaten into a coma and stabbed with his knife.

Instead of fighting, I asked, “Are you serious?”

Roy cocked his head to the side as if I’d confused him somehow.

“You don’t have a clue how serious I am. Two hundred grand.”

He took his foot off the coffee table and I could see him ball his fists.

Lily noticed as well. “Roy,” she said. “Take it easy now. We’re gonna work something out.”

I’d been frozen in the same spot for a while, but something made me take a step back. Maybe it was the death stare Roy was giving me. Max had taken karate lessons starting at age six. In the dojo, at his very first class, he learned to stand in a horse stance, one leg forward the other back, improving leverage. This was the same stance I took—a fighting stance.

“Roy,” I said. “I don’t have that kind of cash.”

Why? Where was all my money? Roy was eyeing me, asking those same questions. What happened to the payout from the accident? What about my job? My savings?

In truth, I’d been diligent about saving money since entering the workforce. I always contributed the max to my 401k, skimped on vacations, didn’t overextend with the home, drove cars until they’d go no more, did a lot of repairs myself, basically lived a modest existence on a modest salary. Then my world ended—my wife and son were gone—and with them went my reason to care about cash. What little money the lawyers managed to get from the driver’s family I gave to charities Karen supported and causes Max would have championed. I didn’t want it in my bank account. It was tainted with the worst of all memories.

World Wildlife Federation? Yeah, here’s twenty grand in Max’s name. Save a whale. Save a lot of whales, because I can’t save my son. Red Cross? Karen was a trained nurse, so I reasoned she’d want them to have all the money I should have been putting into my retirement savings. But what was I saving for? My self? My future? The accident took both from me.

When I did finally start paying attention to money again, I made some risky bets on some rancid stock tips. In hindsight, I would have been better off tossing half the money I put into stocks out the window of a moving car. By the time Anna came into my life, I’d managed to pull myself out of the financial kamikaze dive, but the damage had already been done. My savings were pretty depleted. I had enough to scrape together a mortgage on this place only because I’d sold my home in Swampscott. Roy could threaten me all he’d like, but unless he was also an adept money manager, he’d get only what I could give.

“What kind of cash are we talking about?”

I didn’t hesitate. “Fifty grand,” I said. “That’s what I can afford. Fifty grand and that’s stretching it for me.”

“Fifty grand to make us go away?” Roy said.

“Yes,” I said. “Fifty grand and you two disappear. You’ll go away and you’ll never come back.”

“You must really want Lily gone,” Roy said, cracking a fractured smile. He gave Lily eyes that gave me the shivers.

“I hope Anna won’t be too upset about this offer of yours,” Lily said in her lilting voice. “I really like her a lot. She’s been really nice to me.”

My anger sputtered to life.

“She’s not to know. You’ll say nothing to her about this. You take the money and you’re gone. That’s the deal.”

“It isn’t enough,” Roy said. For a second, his defenses came down, giving me a glimpse into his private world. I saw fear in Roy’s eyes, an emotion I didn’t think he could feel.

“Isn’t enough for what?” I asked.

“Roy,” Lily said. “Don’t.”

Roy flashed Lily an angry look. With a burst of movement he charged her. Red-faced now, Roy grabbed Lily’s arm with force and yanked her off the couch.

“You said they had money!” Spit came out of Roy’s mouth. Lily flinched, but it hit her in the face anyway.

Lily said, shaking, “I’m sorry. I thought he had more.”

Roy held Lily’s arm as she writhed to pry it free. A look of terror stretched across her face. She knew to fear his rage.

Without warning, Roy let go of Lily’s arm and lunged for me. He seized hold of my throat. Digging in with my heels wasn’t much help. Roy pushed me back until I crashed hard against the wall. My breath left me. Roy’s hands tightened, constricting my windpipe. My eyes went wide as my feet began to kick.

“Roy! Stop it! Stop it now!” Lily shrieked.

Lily had come to my rescue. Through my fading vision I could see her pounding her fists against Roy’s back. But she was a gnat on the hide of a bull, insignificant. He spun around to face her without releasing his crushing grip. My vision began to dim and soon my skin felt hot and cold, tingling all over. I heard Lily scream, pleading with Roy, but her voice sounded like it was coming from inside a seashell, distant and muted. I was struggling, kicking to break free of Roy’s grasp.

I’m going to die here,
I thought.
This is where it ends.

I was overcome by what I can only describe as an incredible feeling of peace. I’m sure I was still kicking, still clawing at Roy’s wrist, while he had me pinned to the wall by his powerful arm. But I also saw Max’s face, like a light, a guide, letting me know he’d be waiting. I wanted to reach for him, but the air came back into my lungs, the pressure on my throat went away. I sank to the floor, chest heaving, very much alive, and not sure I was grateful.

“You’ll pay me the fifty grand,” Roy said. “But you’re going to do something else for me to make up the difference.” To Lily, he said, “He’ll do the Nicky Stacks job.”

I was slumped on the floor, rubbing my aching throat and shaking my head to clear away the cobwebs. I didn’t think I could speak even if I tried.

Roy crouched down in a squat, getting to my level, staring me right in the eyes. “You might not have all the money I need,” he said, patting me on the cheek. His touch was meant to rouse or patronize me. “But you’re going to pay me another way,” he said. “You see, now I have to make a delivery. Something I didn’t want to do, but I got no choice in the matter. So I’m going to need someone to help me with this exchange—a lookout of sorts—only you won’t be getting any cut of the action.”

“You want me to be a lookout on a drug deal?”

“I need to make more cash,” Roy said. “It’s no biggie. You’re just the eyes and ears.”

“I’m not a drug dealer, asshole,” I said.

“I think you should reconsider that position.”

“Why?”

“Things could get worse for you here,” Roy said.

“Worse? How so?”

“Well, let’s start with a phone call to Anna,” Roy said. Then he mimicked Lily’s voice, high pitched and girlish. “Hey Anna, it’s Lily. I don’t know how to tell you this, but something happened between me and Gage. I didn’t mean for it to happen, it just sort of did.”

“You sick bastard,” I said. “She’ll never believe you.”

Lily stood, giving me a glimpse of her body, as if to say, of course she’d believe.

“Even if you do manage to convince her otherwise,” Roy said,

“there will always be a trace of doubt. It’s hard living when your wife doesn’t really trust you. But there’s more.”

“More?” I said.

Roy reached into his jacket pocket and took out a small plastic bag. The bag held something inside it, but I couldn’t make out what it was. Then Roy held it up, and the shape of the object was clearly unmistakable.

It was a condom. And I was certain it was full of my DNA.

“Maybe Lily will tell Anna how you two are really in love. Heck, she might even give her this little baggie here as some added proof. Go get the DNA tested, she’ll say, because it’s got your man written all over it.”

No need to ask him where he got it. Obviously, it was fished out of my trash.

The adrenaline rush made me light-headed. I felt unsteady on my feet. I thought about charging Roy. Maybe I could wrestle the bag out of his hand. But then I saw the knife he was holding. Along and thick blade, just like he used in my dream to stab me.

“And once Anna’s left you, all heartbroken, you’ll be stuck with us. You know how hard it is to get a pregnant woman evicted?” Roy asked.

My anxiety spiked at the thought.

“We’ll have this place so trashed it’ll be condemned,” Roy said. “And all that’s just the start. By the time we’re through with you, you’ll be out of a marriage and out of a home.”

I let this sink in. I could fight this, I was sure I could, or I could just get it over with. Roy was right. If Lily told Anna we’d slept together, she might never believe me, especially with the physical evidence. She already didn’t believe me when it came to anything having to do with Lily.

“If I do this one thing for you . . . this . . . lookout job, whatever it is, then you’ll be gone?”

“Plus the fifty,” Roy said.

“Jesus, you two really are a pestilence.”

“What’s that?” Lily asked.

I laughed bitterly, remembering the last time I hit her with an SAT word. Judging by Roy’s expression he wasn’t coming to her rescue.

“It’s a contagious or infectious disease,” I said, “like the bubonic plague.”

“Jeez,” Lily said. “We’re really that bad?”

“Maybe worse,” I replied. “Look, I won’t do it. I’ll tell Anna that you’re lying. I’m not saying it’s going to be easy, but eventually, she’ll come to believe me.”

“Then we’ve got a serious problem on our hands.”

“Yours, not mine.”

“No, it’s yours and Anna’s, too. She needs that missing folder for her job, don’tcha think?”

“What do you mean?”

Roy sauntered over to the sofa. I watched him reach underneath the cushion and pull out a large green folder with Anna’s papers inside.

“If you want these papers, then you’re coming with me to meet Nicky Stacks. He’s got to see that I have a partner on this deal, even if you don’t do the drop.”

Inside I was seething, but somehow I kept all the anger just below the surface.

“Just a meeting?”

“That’s it. All you have to do is pretend you’re going to be there for the drop. Nicky needs to see I have it all worked out before he’ll authorize me.”

“Why me? Why not one of your other buddies.”

“It’s complicated. Normally, he’d want me to use a guy from his crew, but for reasons you don’t need to know, I can’t do that. Look, do you want Anna’s folder and do you want us to keep our mouths shut about you screwing Lily or not? If you do, you’ll give me the fifty large and just come with me to this meeting and then we skedaddle. Deal?”

I thought about this for a moment. If I went and had a sit-down with some drug dealer, I’d get Anna’s folder while getting rid of Lily and Roy in the process. It seemed like a workable exchange, but with one caveat.

“No cash. The meeting for a folder.”

Roy shook his head.

“Lily will call Anna and I’ll take this to a shredder.”

“Then, I’ll pay you twenty. I need some money in my account, too, you know. But you won’t get a cent from me, not one single cent, until you’re out of here. Gone. When that happens, I’ll make arrangements to get you the money. Is that understood?”