Destined to Change (3 page)

When he told Emma she couldn’t go, of course, she was pissed, which made her even more bound and determined to go. That anger only fueled her fire to say the least, we closed the place down. They actually had to make us leave. We danced, we drank, and actually I kinda enjoyed myself. Sometimes, I forgot that I was only twenty-six. I was much too young to feel so damn old.

My birthday had always been a difficult time for me, it always took me back to
that night…the night when everything changed.

I really didn’t remember much about what happened right after the accident. I knew there was a lot of crying and people saying, “I’m sorry.” I couldn’t understand why everyone was saying that. It wasn’t their fault. Why were they sorry? I was the one to blame - I was the one who killed my destiny. I was the one that put the man of my dreams in his grave. It was all my fault. I had caused the accident, I wrecked the truck, and everyone should hate me. Why did they keep hugging me and telling me it would be okay? Didn’t they know this could never be okay? Didn’t they understand what I had done?

The entire funeral was just a blur. The thing I remembered most was the smell of the funeral home. It permeated throughout my entire being and I would never forget it as long as I lived.

I remembered sitting on the pew, looking up at the steel grey casket with the baby-blue lining, and thinking to myself that this was like watching a really bad movie. I just kept thinking Declan would sit up and look at me and say, with that sexy southern drawl, “I’m sorry, Lor, this was just a really bad joke.”

But of course, that never happened. I had to watch them put Declan in the ground as I listened to his favorite hymn being sung by his cousin Joan.
Amazing Grace
…God, I used to love that song, and even now when I heard it, I sobbed uncontrollably. Ten years had not lessened the blow of what happened that night.

“I really need to get out of this bed and get down to the barn,” I said to myself. When I got to the barn, I saw our farmhand, Jake Marshall. Jake was a sweetheart. He had worked for my family for many years. He was just a good ole country boy. He was in his late fifties with graying hair and a little bit of a beer gut. But really what old cowboy doesn’t have one of those.

Jake said in his deep, southern drawl, “Good morning ma’am, how are you feelin’ this mornin’?”

“How do I look like I feel, Jake?” I muttered back at him.

He laughed and started filling me in on everything that had been going on overnight. I managed the Harper farm now, just like my parents had always planned. My dad loved to spend his time down at the pond, or playing with the little ones, Sammy and Mags. I was so glad that I could do this for my parents.

The farm had been self-sustaining for years and it really made me proud that I had a hand in that. We had 20,000 acres and more cattle than I could count. We raised only the best and our reputation had spread across the state.

I could feel my phone vibrating in my pocket.  I answered and heard Emma say in her normal high pitched squeal, “How are you feeling this morning?”

“Not as good as you, apparently.”

“Aww, don’t be that way Lor, ya know you had a good time.”

“Yeah, I did. Thanks for making me go. We really oughta do that more often.”

“Hallelujah!” Emma said as she hung up the phone. She thought she had finally gotten through to me. My parents and Emma could not understand how I could possibly live without a husband.

My dad was always saying, “You need someone to take care of you, Lor. You do such a good job taking care of everyone else, but you deserve that too.” I know that’s true, but no man could ever live up to my Declan. I had never even looked at another man and felt anything remotely like what I felt for him.

So many things changed that night ten years ago. I couldn’t go back to school. I just couldn’t. I couldn’t face the other kids or all of the memories of Declan that lived in those halls.

My mom and I decided that instead of just quitting school and working on the farm, she would home-school me until I felt like I could go back and graduate. I didn’t want to tell Mom, but I was pretty sure that day would never come.

When it was time for my home-schooling to start that September, I felt like I was ready. My mom had gone to the school and got all my books and information. The first day of school had always been so exciting. Declan and I got to reconnect with all of our friends, and we could find new hidden places in our little school to sneak away for a make-out session. But that year was going to be so different.

On the morning I was supposed to start my homeschooling, I woke up feeling really crappy. It was like I had the flu or something. Mom came into my room and held a cold cloth on my head. She tried to bring me some breakfast, but when she walked in my room with the scrambled eggs she had made, I barely made it to the bathroom before the puking started. It was awful. I was so sick! Mom called Dr. Hudson’s office and made an appointment for me for that afternoon.

I have always hated going to the doctor. I can’t explain it, I just always had. We walked into the clinic and my stomach immediately flip-flopped. Just seeing all of the horrible, old paintings on the walls, the old green shag carpet, and the chairs in the lobby that probably hadn’t been cleaned since before I was born, made me want to run away screaming.

Before we left the house, I had been feeling a little bit better. I had actually been able to keep down some toast, and my stomach hadn’t felt quite as upset.

Dr. Hudson came in and started his normal exam. He took my temperature, checked my blood pressure, listened to my lungs, and pressed on my stomach to check for tenderness. When he pressed on my belly, it hurt. I gasped, and he looked at me funny, and then continued his exam.

He asked me all the normal doctor questions. I just wanted this to be over so I could go home. I just wanted him to give me a prescription and make me feel better. While I was thinking about what I was going to watch on TV as I laid in bed and recuperated from the bug, Dr. Hudson grabbed my knee and asked the question that made me get really nauseous again. “When was your last menstrual cycle, Loralei?”

Oh my god
! I hadn’t even realized it. I had been so upset over what happened to Declan I hadn’t even thought about myself.

My mouth was so dry. I could barely get out a response, but I finally said, “I’m not really sure.”

Then Dr. Hudson asked a question that made me even sicker. “Is it possible? I mean, is there any way you could be pregnant, Loralei?”

Oh my god
! At that point my mom was looking at me with tears in her eyes. I think she already knew what I was trying so hard not to answer.

After what seemed like forever, I responded, “Yes, I could be.”

When we had sex, Declan and I hadn’t used protection. Everyone told me you couldn’t get pregnant the first time, and I was so naïve, I believed them. So, after a simple blood test Dr. Hudson informed me that I was pregnant. He guessed my due date would be around the end of March. That would be about right.

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“
Mom
!” Mags screamed at me from across the field.

“What’s wrong, sweetie?”

“Sammy hit me and then he hid my iPod!”

“
Sammy
!” I screamed. “Give your sister back her iPod right now!”

“But, mom, she bit me.”

“LIAR! I nipped you. I didn’t bite you. You little wuss.”

“Don’t talk to your brother like that, Mags.” Oh my goodness, these kids were going to be the death of me, but I really didn’t know what I would do without them. I had fulfilled my destiny, well almost. It had been done just a little out of order though.

---------

I had my babies on March first, exactly eight months to the day of the accident. They were preemies, and they were so tiny. Margaret (Mags) Louise Sharp weighed 3 pounds and 9 ounces, and her brother Declan Samuel Sharp Jr. (Sammy) weighed in at a whopping 4 pounds 8 ounces.

Mags was born with blonde hair like me, and Sammy had black hair like Declan, but both babies got Declan’s amazing blue eyes. My dad told me at the hospital right after they were born, “I know I’m prejudiced, but those are the most beautiful babies I’ve ever seen.”

“Well, Gramps, I would have to agree with you. My babies are the most beautiful babies ever born!” They really were the most beautiful little creatures. I couldn’t believe Declan and I had made these two little perfect pieces of us.

Sammy looked just like Declan. Mags had his eyes, but she looked more like me. Sammy was a little Declan. He was a mischievous little brat, but he was my brat.

I graduated high school in May, a year early but my mom had homeschooled me all through the pregnancy, and I was ready to be done with that part of my life. I was a new mom of twins, and I just needed to be done with school, so I worked my butt off and got it done. My parents decided I should just spend time with the babies for the first year.

I continued to live with my mom and dad, and my babies made everything better. After I lost Declan, I could hardly get out of bed, but once the twins came and I saw those crystal blue mischievous eyes looking back at me, I just melted. They were ours. We made them. And now I would always have a part of Declan with me.

I had been managing the family farm since I was eighteen years old. When my dad told me I was ready, I didn’t believe him, but apparently he was right. The farm had always made a living for our family, but once I took over we bought a couple of the surrounding farms and started to really do well for ourselves.

The twins and I moved into one of the old farmhouses we bought when we added on to the farm. It was a big two story white farmhouse with a porch that wrapped all the way around it. My dad and Uncle Max helped me remodel it, and now it is the home I always dreamed of having. The kids had plenty of space to run and play, and they definitely made good use of the over 20,000 acres we owned. Grandpa Max had built a huge playhouse in our backyard with a castle on one side for Mags and a fort on the other for Sammy.

Grandpa Max and Granny Louise loved the twins so much. I had caught Granny Louise crying while watching Sammy play on more than one occasion.  It was such a blessing to have them so close to us.  The kids got to spend a ton of time with them, and I think that really helped them not miss Declan so much.  The twins were that last remaining piece of their son, and they couldn’t have loved them anymore than they did.  My kids were blessed with two amazing sets of grandparents.

Mags was a little shy and quiet around strangers, but I thought she would come into herself soon. Sammy was already a star basketball player, and he was only nine years old. He had played since pre-school and he was a natural, just like his dad.

Emma and Eric had been great friends to me. Eric had taken on so many of the duties that a father would normally handle. He helped me teach the kids how to ride a bike, he taught Sammy how to play basketball, and he was always there to have a tea party with Mags. The kids adored their Aunt Emma and Uncle Eric. Emma was always more than just a friend to me...she was like my sister. And when she and Eric got married that didn’t change, like we worried it would, it actually intensified.

Eric was always very protective of me and the kids. On the very few dates I ever went on, Eric always got to know the guy first, and I am pretty sure he had a discussion with him before and after our date. Maybe even during on a couple of occasions.

Once, I had gone on a date with a guy we had gone to high school with, and this guy tried to get more than a little fresh with me.  Eric never mentioned it, but the next day, I received a huge bouquet of flowers from the guy with an apology and a promise to never to call again. When I saw him a few days later, he was sporting one hell of a black eye. I didn’t have to ask and he didn’t have to tell me, I knew Eric had handled it for me. He was like the big brother I never had.

After my night out with Emma, I was really feeling old. I did have a good time though, and my parent’s loved watching the twins. I knew that I needed to get out more, and I needed to meet someone. If not for me, for my kids. They needed a dad, and they needed me to be happy. I don’t know who I was trying to kid, but I knew that I would never be happy with any other man besides Declan. He was it for me, and now, I had two great kids to remind me of him.

I rubbed my fingers over the charms on the bracelet Declan gave me. It now included two baby carriage charms, one with a pink stone and one with a blue stone. I never took it off, even when I was working out on the farm.

Chapter 2

I hopped on a four-wheeler and headed out to the back edge of the property to check on Jake who was mending fence. The ride out there was invigorating. I always loved riding across the property and surveying our land. It brought me great joy.

Our property was huge. This time of year it was always so pretty and green with the rolling hills and the beautiful red maple trees decorating the property. Autumn on the farm was my favorite time of the year. When the leaves started to change colors, it made our property look like a picture perfect postcard.

When I got closer to where Jake was working, I noticed there was another man out there working with him. I was still pretty far away, but I could already tell he was built, and when I say “built” I mean, he was
huge.
He had muscles on his muscles. As I got closer, I also noticed his ass, his gorgeous “you could bounce a quarter off of that” ass.

When he heard me riding up, he turned toward me. My lady parts did a little dance they hadn’t done in ten long years. This man was gorgeous, really beautiful. He had kinda shaggy dark brown hair, huge deep brown eyes. He was wearing skin tight blue jeans, not Wranglers, but “fancy pants”, which is what my dad called any jeans that weren’t Wranglers, and a black Metallica t-shirt. His arms were covered in tattoos and his eyebrow was pierced. I had to chuckle, because he looked so out of place standing out there in the middle of the herd mending fence with Jake.