Devil May Care: Boxed Set (136 page)

“Can’t wait to get away,” I muttered.

April didn’t answer.

I had to know her plans for the future. “How are you going to get away?”

“I’m going to the local community college. I’ll figure it out from there.”

“A community college?” Seriously? “But you’re so smart. Why don’t you go to a real college?”

April’s jaw dropped, like the thought never crossed her mind before.

It probably hadn’t. Her future had been dictated for her, all planned out. Walter had her so brainwashed she didn’t even realize the extent of his control over her. She just accepted whatever he said. He’d put the fear of God into her, for both God and himself.

I couldn’t continue this conversation or else I would blow up, so I got out of the car and grabbed the groceries. April insisted on carrying some.

As we went inside, I noticed Walter staring at us from a window.

That guy gave me the creeps. He’d never control me like he did the others.

Never.

April

It was ridiculous that I never gave more thought to my future before. I’d just always accepted my path, the one Dad suggested for me, but after talking to Wes, I couldn’t help but wonder if maybe I could do something else. I wasn’t much of a bragger, but I was smart. Why did I feel the need to have to go to a community college? Why not explore other options and see what was out there? My grades were high enough that I could probably get a scholarship.

Computers weren’t allowed in our rooms—probably because Dad thought the Internet could lead to sin—so there was one in the living room, where anyone could walk in at any time. A way to police us, I realized. Dad didn’t trust us to not go on porn sites. Not that I would, and he had to know that.

No, I wouldn’t go on porn sites, but I would make out with my step-brother.

Did Wes even remember anything at all from the party? I kept waiting for him to make a comment about it, but on the other hand, I was glad he didn’t bring it up. No way did I want to hear any details about him and Lizzy. The tramp.

It wasn’t fair for me to give her a bad label for sleeping around when I was sure Lizzy wasn’t Wes’s first time. Man whore.

Maybe they were perfect for each other.

That thought didn’t settle well in my stomach. I’d woken with a headache and hadn’t slept well, but medicine and lots of fluid had me feeling better. Now my stomach was feeling like it had right before I got sick last night.

Best not to think about Wes right now. Better to think about my future.

I made my way to the living room. No one else was there. Good.

Feeling like a sneak, I logged on the computer and found a list of colleges in the state and then widened the pool. So many options. So many choices. It was a little overwhelming and a lot exciting, so much so that I had to talk to someone. I was hopeful my future could be something amazing.

I hurried up the stairs and knocked on my mom’s door.

“Come in,” she called.

I opened the door, closed it behind me, and sat on her bed. She was putting laundry away into her closet.

“What’s on your mind?” Mom asked.

“College.”

She paused and turned to face me. “I’m so proud of you.”

“Thanks.” I blushed.

“Community college. It’ll be here before you know it.” She resumed putting a shirt onto a hanger.

My lips twisted downward. She figured I’d be going to community college too. Of course she did. I never said anything to suggest otherwise. “Actually…” I trailed off. Maybe I shouldn’t rock the boat. I’d already been accepted into the community college. There was time yet to apply to other schools, but the window was closing soon.

Mom faced me again. “What is it, hon?”

“I was thinking that maybe I could…” Mom’s smiling was falling, so I amended what I was going to say, “…look into other colleges. Keep my options open, you know?”

Her smile returned, wide and happy. “That’s wonderful. I think that’s a great idea.”

“You do?” My chest felt so full.

She put her clothes back into the laundry basket, walked over to me, and gave me a huge hug. Mom sat beside me and held onto one of my hands. “I think that’s great,” she repeated, “but I’m not sure…I’m afraid at how Walter might react.”

My eyes bulged. Dad wouldn’t really try to stop me from going to a different school, would he? Wes was opening my eyes, or at least giving me a different perspective. From his viewpoint, Dad had to seem super controlling and overly harsh.

It was my life. Dad wouldn’t prevent me from living it, right?

***

An hour later, I was playing with Penelope in the kitchen while the moms prepared dinner. She was such a cute, happy baby. I adored her. I loved all of my half-siblings.

As for my step-sibling…I could see two sides to Wes. There was the tender, protective side, like when he held Penelope and when he saved me from those assholes. But there was another side, a darker side. He could be a vengeful, uncontrollable boy who did drugs and fucked whoever he wanted. I hated myself that I still wanted him. How could I even think of saving him from himself? He was a lost cause.

But then I thought about how he had taken the initiation to find himself a job. He’d been so proud of himself, and he’d seemed so happy. He had his bike. Obviously he was into that kind of thing. Maybe he wanted to use living here with us as a chance to turn his life around.

Geez, how naïve could I be? Just seeing him at the party was proof enough he didn’t want to change. He was wild and reckless and didn’t give a damn about anyone but himself.

Dinner wasn’t quite as tension-filled as it had been at times lately. I wasn’t about to bring up my college search, though. Not until I figured out what I wanted to do, where I wanted to go, and what was best for me.

Dad cleared his throat. “Church tomorrow for everyone.” He looked around the table, and his gaze settled on Wes. “You look much better, Wes. You won’t be missing work tomorrow.”

Wes shrugged. “It must have been the quick stomach flu.”

I stared at my plate. Quick stomach flu? More like hangover. And probably a lack of work ethic too.

“You know what I want to do?” Wes continued, talking pleasantly.

Jacqueline beamed, obviously glad her son was for once volunteering information. “What do you want to do?” she asked.

“I plan to go into mechanics and welding. If you open your own shop, it can bring in decent money, or so I’ve heard.”

Oh no. He was going to make his move. I had no idea how Dad was going to take the news, but I doubted it was going to over well that Wes had gone behind his back and gotten himself a different job after Dad had acquired one for him already.

Although, shouldn’t Wes have a say in what kind of job he worked? Dad had found me a job at a religious bookstore. He hadn’t asked me what I wanted to do either. It hadn’t bothered me before, and I did enjoy working there, but I couldn’t say for certain that that would’ve been the job I’d picked out for myself if I’d been given the opportunity to find my own place of employment.

“It sounds like you’ve thought things through, Wesley.” Jacqueline reached over and patted his arm.

Dad grunted.

“By the way,” Wes continued, “I got a job at the car dealer since it would be better for my future. You
did
tell me I needed to start thinking about my future, right?”

Everyone fell silent. The only sounds were breathing and silverware clanging against plates. I sneaked a peek at Dad. He was obviously less than pleased, but what could he do? The car dealer, Mickey, was his friend. Wes had set him up, and good.

“That’s great,” I found myself saying when no one said anything.

Wes turned toward me, smiling widely for only a second before recovering and making his face blank again. Maybe he didn’t want to let Dad know how much this meant to him, but that only angered me. Dad should want what was best for Wes, and Wes shouldn’t feel the need to think so poorly of Dad. Not that Dad have given him much reason to think highly of him.

“It is great,” my mom said. “A wonderful opportunity for him, don’t you think?” She didn’t seem to be addressing a particular person with her question.

“So you’ll get to work on cars all day?” Peter asked.

“And motorcycles?” Paul asked.

“Yes and yes.” Wes chuckled.

“So cool!” P and P said at the same time.

“Just when did you have the time to do this?” Dad snapped.

I froze. Uh oh.

Wes and I exchanged a glance. I really didn’t want to get on Dad’s bad side, but I didn’t want to lie either. I wasn’t a good liar. I had no poker face. Dad could always tell.

“We ran into him at the store today,” Wes said smoothly, lying much more convincing than I ever could, “and got to talking.”

Dad was obviously furious. Beyond furious. I only saw his ears get this red once before, and that was when P and P had accidentally broken one of his priceless vases, a family heirloom he’d inherited from his grandmother. He drummed his fingers on the table. Then he smiled widely, and I squirmed in my seat, afraid what was going to happen next.

“I have very exciting plans coming up for you, Wesley,” Dad calmly remarked. “And for you too, April.”

I didn’t want to see how Wes was going to take this. He’d been furious when I brought it up in the car. How was he going to handle actually going through with it, with the youth mission trip? It definitely wasn’t what Wes would consider a good time.

Sooner or later, Wes couldn’t hold back anymore. He and Dad were a volatile combination. It wouldn’t take too long for them to blow up at each other, and then what would happen? Would Dad really kick Wes out onto the street? Wes would have nowhere to go. He’d be homeless. At the very least he needed his high school diploma.

Only a few more months. Then Wes could go and be on his way and tinker with cars and motorcycles all he wanted.

A few more months and he’d be out of my life. That was for the best.

But was it actually for the best for him? Could he be changed?

Did I want him to be changed?

And if so, why?

Wes

The next day, church was disgusting and a nightmare. It seemed like every other row, if not more, were full of other poly families. I just couldn’t get away from it. To say I wasn’t in a good mood would be an understatement.

There were too many of us to all fit in one car, and I ended up riding back to the house—still wasn’t home, would never be home to me—with Jacqueline. For the first mile, we were both quiet. It really rubbed me the wrong way that she hadn’t been one of the ones to speak up for me against Walter yesterday at dinner. April had. So had her mom. Even the boys. But Jacqueline, my own mother, remained mute. That Yvonne had kept silent hadn’t surprised me. She didn’t like me at all, and the feeling was mutual. If Jacqueline wanted to make amends with me, she was doing a shitty job. But what did I expect? Jacqueline only ever put herself first. Now it seemed like she might put her husband before herself, but that still didn’t leave any room for me.

“What do you think of my new job?” I asked.

“It’s…” She hesitated and glanced at her rear view mirror. Walter was driving behind us.

“You do have a mind of your own, don’t you?” I snapped.

“Wesley—”

“You’ve made a lot of choices in your life. You chose to wait until I phased out of the system to come and claim as your son. You chose to enter into a poly family. You chose to be the third wife to a man who is controlling and dominating and—”

“That’s enough!” she barked. Her grip on the steering wheel visibly tightened. “I won’t have you question how I’ve lived my life.”

“How is that fair? Your choices affect me!” I slammed a fist into my open palm.

“Walter is a good man,” she insisted, ignoring me. “You are the ungrateful one. And I know where it stems from. You lack God. You need Him in your life. It will do you good to go on the youth trip.”

Fat chance. I knew what, and who, I needed in my life. I didn’t need to be told what to do or what to believe. God hadn’t answered my prayers for years. Why would I need someone else in my life who would let me down? Just like she had. I’d be so glad when I could leave this house and make it out in the world on my own. If I thought I could get by without a high school degree, I’d jet now.

As soon as we got home, I ran out of the car and up to my room. Walter had bought me a few new clothes for school and church, but I preferred my old clothes. I yanked off the golf shirt in exchange for a regular t-shirt and swapped out of the khakis for ripped jeans and grabbed my leather jacket. It was the only item Walter had gotten me that I appreciated.

Then I knocked on April’s door. Didn’t wait for her to invite me in, just opened the door and shut it behind me.

“Wes…ley,” she said slowly. “What’s up?”

I hated that she seemed so guarded around me all the time. Maybe it was my own fault. Or maybe she saw how my hands were fists, how I was ready to blow up with barely controlled anger. I just wanted to get the hell out of here, and she might be the only one in this house to understand where I was coming from.

Too amped up to sit, I tossed my leather jacket onto her bed and paced around her room. “I hate that your father signed me up for that trip.”

“I was too, and P and P as well.”

I snorted. Maybe the boys could use it, but I didn’t need it, didn’t want it. A waste of time, that’s what it was.

“It’s only for three days, and besides…” she glanced away, “…at least we’d be together.”

Like that was a consolation when she was so hot and cold at times.

“Whatever,” I muttered. Didn’t know why I even bothered to come into her room. “Better get to work.”

***

I took the risk that Walter might see my bike and rode it to work. Didn’t want to be late for the first day, not for a job I actually cared about. Painting houses. What did Walter think I was? Some kind of handyman? No siree, pal. I desired a job I could take satisfaction in.

I thought I would be working with the other underlings, but Mickey had me shadow him. Whenever he asked me to grab a tool, I didn’t need him to describe it for me, and a few times, I was reaching for tools before he even asked for them.

“You know your stuff,” Mickey commented as I checked the charge on a car battery.

Was that a compliment? I didn’t often get them, and that it was concerning something that meant a lot to me—cars and mechanics—I couldn’t help swelling with pride.
Up yours, Walter. I know what I want out of life, and it sure as hell isn’t doing whatever you dictate is best for me. You don’t know me from Adam. It’s my life, and I’m gonna do things my way.

Mickey and I talked about cars and even joked around. It was great and made the hours fly by. How the heck did such a cool guy become friends with a bastard like Walter?

Since we were hitting it off so well, I decided to ask him, “How did you and Walter meet?”

“I used to run the girl’s youth group in church. That’s how. You know, you’re lucky to be under his roof.”

I grunted. Luck wasn’t the word I’d use.

“He almost divorced your mother,” Mickey continued. He wheeled himself beneath an Audi.

“He did?” News to me. Didn’t he collect wives? What would be the point in divorcing one? “Why?”

Mickey pulled back out. “Walter learned Jacqueline was infertile. He was furious.”

Whoa. No wonder she walked on eggshells around him, but that she would always pick his side over mine still bothered me. She could leave the asshole at any time, but she obviously wanted to try and stay with him despite his abusive tendencies. A house, a car, money…guessed that meant more to her than being happy and alone. If she truly wanted a chance with me, she should ditch Walter. Leave his ass. But that would never happen.

***

After a good day at work, I returned to the house feeling almost happy. And I also was starving. Dinner tasted delicious, like it always did, but it turned a little sour in my mouth when Walter brought up the youth trip.

“It’s the upcoming weekend after next,” Walter was saying.

I shook my head. “I don’t think that—”

“Wesley, stop,” Jacqueline said sharply. “You’re going, and that’s final. You’re embarrassing. It’ll be good for you.”

I was fuming. How could she call me an embarrassment? They didn’t even know about the party! They had no reason to be nasty to me. What did they think would happen? That I would want to change so they’d leave me alone? Fat chance. It was just a breeding ground for contempt.

Of course, Walter, the prick, couldn’t look more pleased. He reached over and held Jacqueline’s hand. Ah, yes, how romantic. Talking down to your son and belittling him. What a turn-on. Gag me.

I rolled my eyes and shoved some pasta into my mouth. It would be better for me to eat than to go off on him. Because I was ready to. Ready to tell that asshole what I thought of him and his lifestyle and where he could shove it.

The only thing holding me back from giving him a piece of my mind and leaving this hellhole was April. She deserved better than this, even if she was too scared to stand up for herself. What if that asshole redirected his anger and took it out on her? I couldn’t risk it.

So I ate and kept my head down, trying to ignore them. At least they stopped bothering me for a few minutes, and the table was oddly quiet as we continued to eat.

When everyone had finished, Walter lowered his fork and knife onto his plate. “Wesley, you can do the dishes tonight. And clean the table too. You obviously need more work to keep you busy.”

What the hell? Like I wasn’t busy. I had worked all day long. The fucker didn’t know what he was talking about. I’d had some shitty foster fathers, but Walter just might end up being the one I hated the most.

Everyone else went to bed. Man, did I despise it here. As fine as this place was, there wasn’t a dishwasher, and it took me forty-five minutes to wash all of the dishes. Normally, two or three of us did the dishes together. Doing them alone was definitely a punishment. At least the hard pot scrubbing allowed me to get out some of my frustrations.

Footsteps sounded behind me, and I was aggravated to see Jacqueline there and that I had wanted it to be April. “Yeah?” I asked as I dried another plate. I knew better than to hope she was here to apologize.

“I don’t understand you at all, Wesley. We let you here, into our house. We give you a place at our table. We provide for you, and how do you repay us? Your shameful display at dinner—”

“I did nothing wrong,” I said hotly. “I didn’t even get a chance to finish my fucking sentence.”

“You mean your lame excuse to try to back out of the youth mission trip that you so desperately need.”

“You don’t know me at all. You don’t know what I do and don’t need.” I slammed a plate down onto the counter. The sound echoed in the huge kitchen. “You don’t care about me at all. You only care about your precious Walter. Do you even think for yourself anymore? Do you think I’m that bad, or is that Walter talking? You’re so desperate to stay in Walter’s good graces that you’ll do or say anything right? All because you can’t breed for him.”

I had gone too far. I could see it in the way her eyes narrowed and her lips pursed. What I didn’t see coming was her hand. She slapped me hard across the face. “I regret bringing you here,” she hissed. Jacqueline turned around and left the room.

Not once did I think she would hit me. After all of her talk about wanting to make things right by me, she went ahead and did that. Slapped me. Right in the face too.

In a haze, I stumbled upstairs. A few of my foster families…they had been really rough. A couple of times, older boys had beaten me nearly to death. Other times, it had been the fathers. Some had been drunk. Some had just been assholes. All of the memories of those dark times came flooding back, as if her slap had knocked over the box I’d put them in. I’d tried to fight back, but I had been too small, too weak. As I got older, I did my best to train and lifted weights when I could. Put on muscle. Didn’t matter if you were held down. Didn’t matter if the guy knocked you out and kept on swinging. I could almost taste blood in my mouth just from the memory of split lips.

My stomach was so nauseous I felt like I was going to be sick. My unwanted trip down memory lane left me wanting to crawl out of my sick. I made my way to my room and barely flopped onto my bed when rushed, frantic knocking sounded on my door.

It sure as hell better not be Jacqueline. No one would blame me for what might happen if it was.

And it sure as hell better not be Walter either. That man had been stay the hell away from me.

The door opened, and April came rushing in. She shut and locked the door. Something wasn’t right. She looked terrified. Her large bathrobe was tied tightly around her. She smelled incredibly good, and I inhaled it deeply. Something in her scent helped to clear my mind and snapped me out of my haze.

Why was she here so late? And in her bathrobe? If she wanted to make out and even go further, I wouldn’t deny her. I’d give in like I shouldn’t have given into Lizzy at the party.

Again, I think of the incredible girl I enjoyed talking and flirting with, the one I saved from those assholes groping her. In a way, she reminded me of April. She’d been fun and funny. I pretended for a moment that she had been April, that it had been the two of us who had kissed and made out, and holy hell, I was so hard right now. I just wanted to rip off her bathrobe, to kiss her, to let my hands wander over her body instead of over her clothes.

But she looked so upset, and she kept opening and closing her mouth without saying anything. Something was definitely wrong.

I wanted to tease her, but I figured that wouldn’t be the best course of option. Instead, I cleared my throat. “What’s up?”