Devil's Despair Box Set: Books 1-3 (93 page)

Her nose scrunches, giving me the answer before I hear her words. “I had the water that was in my coffee this morning. You saw me drink the damn thing.”

“Fuck.”

“And my Diet Coke at lunch before we got here.”

“Jesus.”

“And—”

I’ve heard enough. I cut her off by leaning in to grab her small body. I lift her up, cradling her to my chest, and carry her the rest of the way to the Jeep.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

Travis

I’M LOOKING DOWN
and messing with my keys as I start to open the door to the apartment. I’m startled when I nearly run into Hayden standing on the other side of it.

“Whoa.” Hayden surprises me, smiling with his sunglasses still on. “Where are you rushing off to?”

He’s wearing his black suit, which he must have worn to the Ward today. I check the time; it’s almost noon. I’m on lunch and need to get back. I’m guessing he must be on break, as well.

“What the fuck are you doing here in the middle of the day?”

“I came to see you.”

My eyes narrow, Hayden looks suspicious. “Don’t you have waitresses to hit on or my sister to grope or harass?”

I haven’t seen or heard from Hayden since yesterday’s laser tag incident. As far as I know he hasn’t said anything to anyone about what he saw. Last night Sarah tried to get me to call him, but I said no and explained that she and I were spending time together without outside influences.

She thinks I’m hardheaded. I don’t care if she does.

“I’d rather grope or hit on you.” Lifting his sunglasses from his eyes to rest them on top of his head, he calls me a smartass as he passes by and walks into the apartment uninvited. “So I thought I’d stop over and see if you’re busy.”

“Why?” I can imagine why, but I’d like to hear it from him before volunteering any form of confirmation.

He smirks. “’Cause I’m a friend like that.”

Liar.

Hayden glances around the living room, then his eyes scan toward the kitchen. “Sarah cleaned this place, didn’t she?”

“Well, yeah. You didn’t think I did, did you?” Slamming the door behind him, I add, “Come on in, Hayden.”

“Are you in a hurry?” he asks, loosening his tie. I know he hates those suits, but he wears them well. They fit the person he’s meant to be.

“I am. What do you need?”

“Can we sit?”

“Why not?” I ask, knowing I have a million things I need to be doing and he’s got something on his mind that I don’t have time to deal with.

Hayden pulls out a chair at the table, sits, and starts to make himself comfortable. “Offer your best buddy a beer?”

“Best buddy?” I ask, eyebrows rising once again in suspicion. “It’s noon. It’s a little early for a drink, don’t you think?”

“Lacey took the rest of my shift today. I’m off work and Raegan has Liv ’til five. I’m good for a beer.”

Getting up from the chair I just took a seat in, I walk to the kitchen and pull out a bottle. I don’t bother opening it before handing it to him.

“Thanks,” he replies, taking it from my outstretched hand.

He opens it without saying anything, while I wait.

“Well?”

“Sarah,” he states and I realize this conversation is going to be one-way. He’s getting my attention.

“What about her?”

“What’s going on with you two? And
don’t
say nothing; we’ve been through that bullshit before.”

Sarah and I haven’t been together but two Goddamn minutes and I’m about to get the third God damn degree from a former player turned husband and father.

I stall. “What do you mean?”

Throwing the cap on the table and watching it bounce, he says, “Trav, don’t bullshit me. I’ve known you most of your life, so I know when you’re lying.”

“Shit,” I utter and he smiles. “You just sounded like Bean.”

“Thank you.” He smiles.

“It wasn’t a compliment.”

“When anyone compares me to Bean in any way, it’s a compliment.” He smirks again, twists the bottle in his fingers, and doesn’t respond to my remark before speaking his piece. “You love her.”

Bypassing as much of this back and forth as I can, I ask, “What are you doing here?”

His face falls before he tells me, “I have concerns.”

“Regarding?”

“Ace.” The one-word response causes my gut to clench.

Sarah and I have our own concerns about Ace. We’re not blind to the fact that telling him will suck. We’re just getting to know each other in a very different way. Once Ace knows everything, he’s liable to scare Sarah into ending this.

“I don’t know fully what’s going on between us,” I half lie. His eyes narrow but he says nothing, so I continue. “Hayden, I’m not sure of anything.”

“You’re sure you’re happy,” he states, as if he knew I was before he knocked.

“It’s a new happiness, Hayden.”

“Take it, Travis,” he says with certainty. “You fucking take it and go with it. I found that same happiness too, and it didn’t come so easily if you remember.”

I remember. I remember the mess that Lacey created in Hayden’s heart. She changed him in a way that no one ever thought possible. Hayden was a lover to all women, for as long as I had known him, but now his love is saved for only two: his wife and daughter.

I’m not like Hayden, though. I never was. The longest relationship I’ve ever been in was with Kate and that lasted only until Sarah’s need for my attention tore it apart. Kate wasn’t meant for me, anyway. I didn’t know that then, but I do now.

Sighing, Hayden leans back further in his chair. “Game night. When Sarah showed up with Devon,” he states plainly.

“Yes, I remember,” I tell him. I also remember trying to forget Ellie was in the room as I watched my friends welcome her and Devon without a second thought. They didn’t realize the depth of my feelings for Sarah.

“Lacey told me what she walked in on between you two that night, before you snapped at Ellie and left.”

He’s right about what happened. After I talked to Sarah, I went to Ellie and told her we were leaving. I couldn’t stomach looking at Devon the rest of the night after having my hands on Sarah. I would’ve killed him.

“Was Lacey upset?”

“Only because you both were hurting,” he states, then continues, “I saw your face when you saw those birth control pills Liv pulled from Sarah’s purse.” I sit quietly, remembering how I
felt
when he and everyone else saw those fucking pills. “You weren’t upset she was on them. You were upset for the reasons she was on them.”

“Sarah’s been on those for years. Bean told us she had those cramps or whatever the fuck they are.”

“But that’s not why you were angry. You were pissed because of Devon. Believe this or not, Trav, I know how being exposed feels. I also know what it feels like to know you want something so much and be just as unsure of it.”

“Right.”

He sits in silence, briefly, before continuing to plead his case, “You got your ass beat trying to defend Sarah from Devon.”

“I’d have done that for any one of us, Hayden.”

“You didn’t wait for any one of us to be there, namely Ace.”

“Ace would’ve killed Devon for putting his hands on her for any reason.”

“And that would’ve hurt Sarah,” he returns quickly, making a valid argument. Ace would’ve ended up in prison and we both know it.

“You have a real point you’re about to make?”

“Yes.”

“Make it.”

“Do you love her?” he asks quietly.

“You know I do.”

“No, not like that.” His head shakes with his return. “Do you love her, as in do you love her for the
woman she is
not in the sense of the child she
used
to be?
”

“Yes,” I admit out loud for the first time to anyone, including Sarah.

He laughs and I smile for the first time since he started this. “You’re happy, friend.”

“I’m always happy, Flynn.”

He stops the bottle midair and cocks his eyebrow to mock me. “Seriously?”

“Yes.”

I’m full of shit.

“You’re a shitty liar.”

“Fuck you.” My words come out with a harsher tone than I intended them to.

“Exactly.” And my reaction proved his point.

Fuck.

“Do you have more to say? I need to go.”

“I do.”

“Go on,” I prod, my knee bouncing under the table.

“You’re going to tell Ace, right?”

“Soon,” I confirm.

“His reaction won’t hold a candle to the way you handled me and Lacey. He’s going to go fucking ballistic. Sarah’s his sister and we’ve all known her forever.”

“And?”

“And I think you need to be ready.”

“He can’t kick my ass,” I remind him, although I shouldn’t have to.

“No,” he laughs. “Probably not. But it’ll get ugly.”

“Sarah and I are new. We’re still finding out what being together like this means.”

“Have you told her about your mom and the things you think you’ve remembered?”

I swallow hard, and take a pull from my drink. “The nightmares are back.”

“Figured they would be,” he says coolly, as if explaining the weather. “You should tell her about why you think you have them.”

“It’ll scare her.”

“She’s not a kid anymore.” He smiles. “But if anyone knows that, it would be you.”

“Fuck off.”

“I think you and Sarah should take some time away before you say anything to the others. You said yourself you’re just starting, so maybe a weekend away from everything here to be certain this is what you want would be good for both of you.”

He has a point. And I hate that.

“Take her to the beach house. I’ll warn you it hasn’t been cleaned in a while. Cathy isn’t Dad’s maid anymore, so it’s probably in need of some attention.”

“I’ll think about it.”

“Sarah needs a break anyway, Trav. Just do it.”

“I’ll talk to her.”

Hayden pauses for a second, then says, “It’s weird.”

“What’s weird?”

“You. You just agreed to talk to someone else before making a decision. I’m not used to it.”

“
Don’t
get used to it. Sarah or not, I still make the decisions.”

Rolling his eyes, he stands. He pushes in the chair and heads for the door. “Think about it. You don’t have to tell anyone else you’re leaving. Just go and talk to her. Tell her what goes on in that thick head of yours. Who knows, maybe she’ll run like hell and Ace won’t matter.”

I stand as well, but have a question I want to ask. I’ve never discussed the relationships in my life, simply because I’ve had very few. The others are older than I am and I watched them break hearts and leave a trail of tears as they did. I wanted no part of that.

And I’d never want to hurt Sarah.

“Hayden,” I call. He turns around.

“Something’s on your mind. What is it?”

Hesitating, I put it aside. “Never mind.” Hayden’s right. He’s known me for a long fucking time. Without me having to ask, he offers further advice.

“Do what I did,” he says.

“What’s that?”

Clearing his throat, Hayden ensures I’m listening. “Close your eyes, Trav. Imagine a life without Sarah in it. Imagine walking away from her and knowing you’d never see her again. Once you do that, and I mean really do that, your answer will come. If you only see her as a passing chapter in your life, let her go. If a life without her in it terrifies you, make her yours.”

Looking down, I contemplate his words.

“But do it right. I mean it. Close your eyes and really try to imagine being without her. I did. To this day, I regret how I treated Lacey. I loved her, Travis, and I hurt her. She’s the best person in my life, she’s my best friend.”

“I know,” I confirm.

“And Sarah’s yours.”

Trying to lighten the mood, I shift in my seat to get comfortable. “I still want to wring her neck. Is that wrong?”

Hayden laughs out loud, holding his stomach and smiling wide. “Fuck no, it’s not wrong. Just because you love Sarah doesn’t mean you’ll change her. She’s a pain in the ass on a good day.”

“Fuck, she is isn’t she?”

“You two still fight all the time?”

“Yes,” I confirm. “But making up is a lot more fun than it used to be.”

“I fucking bet.” His eyes shine. He’s waiting for me to say more. When I don’t he prods, “And?”

“I’m not discussing it.”

“What? That’s shit. Just because it’s Sarah—”

I cut him off. “No, not because it’s Sarah. I don’t talk about that shit like you and Ace.”

“God damn you’re no fun.”

Wanting to get this discussion over and done with, I straighten my posture and ask, “How’s your dad?”

“In love,” he answers quickly and with a proud smile. He’s letting me off the baited hook. “He and Cathy are moving up the wedding. So much for September; they’re pushing this shit for July.”

“Love does that to people, I guess.”

“It does.” Opening the door to the apartment, he stops before heading out. “I’m really happy for you two, if this is what you both want. Don’t let anyone else, Ace included, try to change what you’re feeling.”

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

Sarah

“PACK A BAG
,” I hear Travis say as soon as I walk into the apartment from work. I haven’t had even a moment to take off my shoes, much less put my purse down.

My clothes are soiled with cold coffee, which I spilled on myself to avoid soaking a four-year-old racing through the diner. My hair has flour in it because I spilled it on myself trying to reach for the syrup stacked on the top shelf of the pantry, and my shoes are caked with dirt from being wet while sweeping before finishing my shift.

Pack a bag
wasn’t the first thought I had when I came home.

“What the hell are you talking about? Are you kicking me out?”

Travis walks to me. The small smile on his face is contagious and I forget my shitty day and listen as he suggests, “Let’s get out of here.”

“Uhh, and go where?”

“The beach house.”

Oh, my God. That sounds so nice.

“I work tomorrow.”

“Call in.”

“I like my job and they’ll fire me. We can leave Sunday.”

“We’re leavin’ in twenty minutes. Pack a bag,” he repeats his demand as he heads to his room.