Devil's Waltz (55 page)

She slapped me lightly on the back and turned around. I stepped out onto the patio.

Cassie looked at me, then returned to the naked doll. She was barefoot and had on red shorts and a pink T-shirt patterned with silver hearts. Her hair was top-knotted and her face was grimy. She appeared to have gained a little weight.

Cindy uncrossed her legs and stood without effort. She wore shorts, too. The skimpy white ones I’d seen at her house, below a white T-shirt. Her hair was loose and brushed straight back from her forehead. She’d broken out a bit on her cheeks and chin, and tried to patch it with makeup.

“Hi,” she said.

“Hi.” I smiled and got down on the ground with Cassie. Cindy stood there for a moment, then walked into the house. Cassie turned to watch her, lifted her chin and opened her mouth.

“Mommy’ll be right back,” I said, and lifted her onto my lap.

She resisted for a moment. I let go. When she made no attempt to get off, I put one hand around her soft little waist and held her. She didn’t move for a while; then she said, “Ho-ee.”

“Horsey ride?”

“Ho-ee.”

“Big horsey or little horsey?”

“Ho-ee.”

“Okay, here we go, little horsey.” I bounced her gently. “Giddyap.”

“Gi-ap.”

She bounced harder and I moved my knee a little faster. She giggled and threw her arms up into the air. Her topknot tickled my nose on each assent.

“Giii-ahp! Giii-
ahhp
!”

When we stopped, she laughed, scrambled off my lap, and toddled toward the house. I followed her into the kitchen. The room was half the size of the one on Dunbar Drive and furnished with tired-looking appliances. Vicki stood by the sink, one arm elbow-deep in a chromium coffeepot.

She said, “Well, look what the wind blew in.” The arm in the pot kept rotating.

Cassie ran to the refrigerator and tried to pull it open. She wasn’t successful and began to fuss.

Vicki put the pot down, along with a piece of scouring cloth, and placed her hands on her hips. “And what do
you
want, young lady?”

Cassie looked up at her and pointed to the fridge.

“We have to
talk
to get things around here, Miss Jonesy.”

Cassie pointed again.

“Sorry, I don’t understand pointy-language.”

“Eh!”

“What kind of
eh
? Potato or tomato?”

Cassie shook her head.

“Lamb or jam?” said Vicki. “Toast or roast, juice or moose?”

Giggle.

“Well, what is it? An ice cream or a sunbeam?”

“Eye-ee.”

“What’s that? Speak up.”

“Eye-ee!”

“I
thought
so.”

Vicki opened the freezer compartment and took out a quart container.

“Mint chip,” she said to me, frowning. “Frozen toothpaste, if you ask me, but she loves it — all the kids do. You want some?”

“No, thanks.”

Cassie danced a quick little two-step of anticipation.

“Let’s sit down at the table, young lady, and eat like a human being.”

Cassie toddled to the table. Vicki put her on a chair, then pulled a tablespoon out of a drawer and began to scoop ice cream.

“Sure you don’t want some?” she asked me.

“I’m sure, thanks.”

Cindy came in, drying her hands on a paper towel.

“Snack time, Mom,” said Vicki. “Probably ruin her dinner, but she did pretty good on lunch. Okay with you?”

“Sure,” said Cindy. She smiled at Cassie, kissed the top of her head.

“I cleaned out the coffeepot,” said Vicki. “Down to the dregs. Want some more?”

“No, I’m fine.”

“Probably go out later to Von’s. Need anything?”

“No, I’m fine, Vicki. Thanks.”

Vicki set a bowl of ice cream in front of Cassie and pressed the round part of the spoon into the green, speckled mass.

“Let me soften this up — then you can go at it.”

Cassie licked her lips again and bounced in her chair. “Eye-ee!”

Cindy said, “Enjoy, sweetie-pie. I’ll be outside if you need me.”

Cassie waved bye-bye and turned to Vicki.

Vicki said, “Eat up. Enjoy yourself.”

I went back outside. Cindy was standing against the fence. Dirt was clumped up around the redwood slats and she imbedded her toes in it.

“God, it’s hot,” she said, brushing hair out of her eyes.

“Sure is. Any questions today?”

“No… not really. She seems to be fine…. I guess it’ll be… I guess when he’s on trial is when it’s going to be hard, right? All the attention.”

“Harder for you than her,” I said. “We’ll be able to keep her out of the limelight.”

“Yeah… I guess so.”

“Not that the press won’t try to get pictures of both of you. It may mean moving around a bit — more rented houses — but she can be shielded.”

“That’s okay — that’s all I care about. How’s Dr. Eves?”

“I spoke to her last night. She said she’d be coming by this evening.”

“When’s she leaving for Washington?”

“Couple of weeks.”

“Was moving something she planned or just…”

“You’d have to ask her that,” I said. “But I know it didn’t have anything directly to do with you.”

“Directly,” she said. “What does that mean?”

“Her moving was personal, Cindy. Nothing to do with you or Cassie.”

“She’s a nice lady — kind of… intense. But I liked her. I guess she’ll be coming back for the trial.”

“Yes, she will.”

A citrus smell drifted over from the orange tree. White blossoms dusted the grass at the tree’s base, fruit that would never be. She opened her mouth to speak, but shielded her lips with her hand instead.

I said, “You suspected him, didn’t you?”

“Me? I — Why do you say that?”

“The last couple of times we talked, before the arrest, I felt you wanted to tell me something but were holding back. You just had that same look now.”

“I — It really wasn’t
suspicion
. You just wonder — I started to wonder, that’s all.”

She stared at the dirt. Kicked it again.

“When did you start wondering?” I said.

“I don’t know — it’s hard to remember. You think you know someone and then things happen…. I don’t know.”

“You’re going to have to talk about all of it, eventually,” I said. “For lawyers and policemen.”

“I know, I know, and it scares me, believe me.”

I patted her shoulder. She moved away and hit the fence with her back. The boards vibrated.

“I’m sorry,” she said. “I just don’t want to think about that now. It’s just too…”

She looked down at the dirt again. It wasn’t until I saw the tears drip from her face and dot the soil that I realized she was crying.

I reached out and held her. She resisted, then relented, leaning her full weight against me.

“You think you know someone,” she said, between sobs. “You think you — You think someone loves you and they’re… and then… your whole world falls apart. Everything you thought was real is just…
fake
. Nothing — Everything’s wiped out. I… I…”

I could feel her shaking.

Pausing for breath, she said “I” again.

“What is it, Cindy?”

“I — It’s…” Shaking her head. Her hair brushing against my face.

“It’s okay, Cindy. Tell me.”

“I should have — It didn’t make sense!”

“What didn’t?”

“The time — He was…
he
was the one who found Chad.
I
was always the one who got up when Chad cried or was sick.
I
was the mother — that was
my
job. He
never
got up. But that night he
did
. I didn’t hear a thing. I couldn’t
understand
that. Why didn’t I hear a
thing? Why?
I
always
heard when my babies cried. I was always getting up all the
time
and letting him
sleep
, but this time I
didn’t
. I should have
known
!”

She punched my chest, growled, rubbed her head against my shirt as if trying to grind her pain away.

“I should’ve known it was wrong when he came to get me and told me Chad didn’t look good. Didn’t
look
good! He was
blue
! He was… I went in and found him
lying
there — just lying there, not moving. His color… it was… all… It was wrong! He
never
was the one to get up when they cried! It was
wrong
. It was
wrong
— I should have… I should have known from the beginning! I could have… I…”

“You couldn’t have,” I said. “No one could have known.”

“I’m the
mother
! I
should
have!”

Tearing away from me, she kicked the fence, hard.

Kicked it again, even harder. Began slapping the boards with the flats of her hands.

She said, “Ohhh! Oh, God, oh!” and kept striking out.

Redwood dust rained down on her.

She gave out a wail that pierced the heat. Pushed herself up against the fence, as if trying to force herself through it.

I stood there, smelling oranges. Planning my words and my pauses and my silences.

When I got back to the car, Robin had filled the board with designs and was studying them. I got behind the wheel and she put them back in her folio.

“You’re
drenched
,” she said, wiping sweat from my face. “Are you okay?”

“Hanging in. The heat.” I started the car.

“No progress?”

“Some. It’s going to be a marathon.”

“You’ll make it to the finish.”

“Thanks,” I said. Hanging a three-point turn, I drove away.

Halfway down the block I pulled over to the curb, jammed the transmission into
PARK
, leaned across the seat, and kissed her hard. She flung both arms around me and we held each other for a long time.

A loud “ahem” broke us apart.

We looked up and saw an old man watering his lawn with a dribbling hose. Watering and scowling and mumbling. He wore a wide-brimmed straw hat with a ragged crown, shorts, rubber sandals. Bare-chested — his teats sagged like those of a woman wasted by famine. His upper arms were stringy and sunburnt. The hat shadowed a pouchy, sour face but couldn’t conceal his disgust.

Robin smiled at him.

He shook his head and the water from his hose arced and sprayed the sidewalk.

One of his hands gave a dismissive wave.

Robin stuck her head out the window and said, “Whatsamatter, don’t you approve of true love?”

“Goddam
kids
,” he said, turning his back on us.

We drove away without thanking him.

Special thanks to Reuben Eagle, Allan Marder, Yuki Novick, Michael Samet, Dennis Payne,and Harry Weisman, M.D.

J
ONATHAN
K
ELLERMAN
, America’s foremost author of psychological thrillers, turned from a distinguished ca cv reer in child psychology to writing full-time. His works include fourteen Alex Delaware books —
When the Bough Breaks, Blood Test, Over the Edge, Silent Partner, Time Bomb, Private Eyes, Devil’s Waltz, Bad Love, Self-Defense, The Web, The Clinic, Devil's Waltz, Monster
, and
Dr. Death
— as well as the thrillers
The Butcher’s Theater
and
Billy Straight
, three volumes of psychology, and two children’s books. He and his wife, the novelist Faye Kellerman, have four children.

FICTION:

Billy Straight
(1998)

Devil's Waltz
(1997)

The Clinic
(1997)

The Web
(1996)

Self-Defense
(1995)

Bad Love
(1994)

Devil’s Waltz
(1993)

Private Eyes
(1992)

Time Bomb
(1990)

Silent Partner
(1989)

The Butcher’s Theater
(1988)

Over the Edge
(1987)

Blood Test
(1986)

When the Bough Breaks
(1985)

NONFICTION:

Helping the Fearful Child
(1981)

Psychological Aspects of Childhood Cancer
(1980)

FOR CHILDREN, WRITTEN AND ILLUSTRATED:

Jonathan Kellerman’s ABC of Weird Creatures
(1995)

Daddy, Daddy, Can You Touch the Sky?
(1994)