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Authors: Beryl Matthews

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‘I know, but it’s distressing not knowing.’ She pulled the letters towards her, not wanting to talk about it any more. ‘I’ll do the envelopes, shall I?’

‘Please, and then come and find me. I’ll drive you home.’

‘Oh, that’s very kind of you, but there’s no need. I’m fine now.’

‘I’m taking Stan home, so you might as well come with us.’ The doctor headed for the door, then looked back. ‘Don’t argue, Dora.’

‘No, sir,’ she replied smartly, noting the brief smile on his face as he disappeared.

This was a luxury, Dora thought as she sat in the back of the car. Stan was in the front with the doctor, and she was relieved he didn’t have to struggle with the trains. He looked terribly tired. She knew him well enough now to know that whatever had passed between him and Dr Burridge would not be mentioned. She would have to curb her curiosity and wait to see what happened.

When they arrived at Stan’s house, Tom and Lily came rushing out to look at the car, a rare sight on their road. On the way home they had stopped to post the letters and buy an evening paper. The article was brief, appealing for people to come forward if they had any information about the whereabouts of a Mrs Bentley from Kilburn. There was a description of their mother and the photograph.
Dora kept the newspaper out of sight as they greeted her brother and sister.

Dr Burridge got out of the car as well. ‘Ah, you must be Tom and Lily.’

Dora introduced him. Lily couldn’t take her eyes off the distinguished man, but Tom was more interested in the car.

‘She’s a beauty, sir,’ he remarked, after inspecting it in detail.

‘Thank you. I find it useful.’

‘Stan,’ Dora laid a hand on his arm. ‘Will you come in and have dinner with us tonight?’

When he nodded, she motioned her brother over. ‘Take Stan in, Tom. I’ll be there in a moment.’

‘You’re welcome to eat with us as well, doctor.’

‘Can you?’ Lily asked eagerly. ‘Dora’s a good cook.’

‘That’s very kind of you, but I already have a dinner engagement.’ He smiled down at Lily. ‘But I wouldn’t say no to a nice cup of tea.’

‘I’ll go and put the kettle on!’ Lily tore off as fast as her legs would carry her.

‘Your brother and sister are delightful, Dora.’

‘Yes, I love them very much.’ She took the doctor into the front room. Stan was already sitting in one of the armchairs.

Lily was very excited about having visitors. This was something their mother had never encouraged, and it was quite a novelty for the little girl. She handed round the biscuits, smiling politely. When everyone had been served, she sidled up to Dr Burridge, leaning forward to whisper
in his ear. ‘Our Dora fainted this morning. I was very frightened. She’s never done that before.’

‘She’s better now,’ he whispered back. ‘I examined her and there’s nothing wrong. She was overtired, I expect.’

Lily drew in a deep breath as she nodded, turned away, and then spun back. ‘She worries about us, you know?’

The doctor nodded.

The little girl obviously hadn’t finished because she stayed where she was, still holding the plate, and casting a furtive glance around the room. When she saw that they were all busy talking and not taking any notice of her, she moved even closer. ‘Would you like another biscuit?’

‘No thank you, Lily.’

‘Erm … are you a proper doctor?’

‘Very proper.’

‘Hmm. Well, we
all
worry about Stan. Can you make him better?’

‘I can’t do anything unless he asks me to.’ The doctor spoke seriously to Lily. ‘And even then there might not be anything I can do for him. He was badly injured in the war. Do you understand?’

She nodded. ‘That nasty war killed my dad.’

‘I’m sorry to hear that.’

‘Hmm. I don’t remember him.’

‘Lily!’ Dora came over, smiling apologetically at Dr Burridge. ‘You’ve taken up quite enough of the doctor’s time. Help me collect the cups and plates.’

‘We’ve been talking.’

‘So I noticed. What about?’

‘Oh, just things.’ Lily gave the doctor a hesitant smile.
‘I’ve got to help Dora now. We’ve got to look after her better. Will you come again?’

‘I would like that. Thank you.’ He stood up. ‘It’s been a pleasure to meet your family, Dora, but I must be on my way.’

When Stan made a move to stand, the doctor placed a hand on his shoulder to keep him in the chair, smiling down at him. ‘No need to get up, my boy. You’ll always be welcome at the house if you feel like company.’

‘Thank you, sir.’

The three Bentley children saw the doctor to his car, Tom holding the door open for him. They watched until the car was out of sight, and then returned to the house.

Dora immediately set about preparing the meal while her brother and sister kept Stan company. She had slipped the newspaper in one of the kitchen drawers. They would eat before discussing that. It was a relief to have Stan here because he would be able to explain about this far better than she could.

Once the meal was over and the dishes piled in the sink, Dora retrieved the newspaper. ‘Leave the washing-up and come into the other room. We’ve got something to tell you.’

Tom and Lily followed her.

‘Is it news of Mum?’ Tom wanted to know, eyeing the paper in Dora’s hand.

‘No, that’s the problem. There isn’t any news, so we’ve done something that might help.’ Dora told them about putting it in the newspaper. ‘I hope you don’t mind, but Reg wanted to catch the evening editions.’

‘It’s all right by me,’ Tom said without hesitation. ‘Can we see the paper?’

Lily nodded as well, not really understanding, but she scrambled over to her brother so she could have a look. ‘Oh, that’s Mum’s picture!’

‘Yes, sweetie. We’re hoping someone will see it and be able to tell us where she is.’

Stan leant forward and spoke for the first time. It didn’t take him long to explain why they had done this. ‘Someone out there must know something,’ he told them, ‘but if reporters pester you, you’re to say nothing and send them to Reg or me. We’ll deal with them.’

‘Thanks.’ Tom folded the paper up again. ‘We’ve got to do everything we can, haven’t we?’

‘Yes,’ Stan agreed. ‘I’m sorry this was necessary, but every way we’ve turned has led us up a blind alley.’

‘It’s almost as if she never existed, but she did. She was our mother, and we love her.’ Dora was bewildered.

‘This whole business is unbelievable,’ Tom said, shaking his head. ‘The longer it goes on, the more I’m convinced she’s taken off for some reason. You haven’t been able to find any trace of her, so that makes me think she doesn’t want to be found.’

‘We can’t rule out anything.’ Stan got to his feet. ‘There’s nothing more we can do tonight, so let’s all try and get some sleep. See what tomorrow brings.’

 

There was too much on Stan’s mind for sleep to be possible, but it was a relief to stretch out in bed and rest. The Bentley children had shown courage by agreeing so
readily to the newspaper appeal. He wished he’d taken more notice of the mother, spoken to her, then perhaps he would have a better understanding about her character. As it was, she was just a shadowy figure, without substance. It was like searching for a ghost. She had hidden things from her children, and if she’d gone away and left them, then she had covered her tracks well.

Stan shifted to get more comfortable, his mind racing, going over and over the day’s events. It had surprised him to see how at home Dora had been at the Wandsworth house. She was in her element, giving encouragement and looking after everyone who came to the house. And from what he’d seen, the place was well used. She cared, and that appeared to be an innate part of her nature. It was much appreciated, as many men were struggling to survive and hang on to their dignity. He thanked God for people like Dr Burridge, who were at least trying to help. Alan and the others he’d met today had high praise for him. If there were delays in getting limbs, or anything else was troubling them, they went to the doc and he sorted it out for them. Stan couldn’t understand how he found the time. The hours he worked at the hospital must be long and demanding. He devoted every waking hour to men in need, and for that he deserved a medal.

That thought now brought Stan to the question uppermost in his mind; the one he’d been avoiding. The doc had said he would be honest, and by God he had been. He needed to have Stan at the hospital so he could carry out a detailed examination. When Stan had flatly
refused, he’d told him that there was a risk that he would be dead within the year.

Stan hauled himself up to a sitting position, resting his head against the headboard. That had shaken him, and he had demanded to know how he could tell that.

‘Because, young man,’ the doctor had declared, standing over him, ‘you’ve still got pieces of shrapnel in your body. If only one piece is near your heart and it moves, that will be that. There are a couple of pieces quite near the surface, and they can easily be removed, but we need to see how many more there are. And while we’re at it, I can do something about that leg. It needs resetting, and more extensive repair work carried out. You’ll always limp, but you should be pain free and able to walk reasonably well.’

‘How sure of all this are you?’ Stan had wanted to know.

‘No guarantees. I may be entirely wrong in my assumption about the shrapnel. After all, this has only been a cursory examination. But my professional opinion is that we can do something for you.’ Dr Burridge had been blunt when he’d said, ‘If you want any kind of a future, then you would be wise to consider having the operation.’

He had told Stan to think it over and then come to see him. But he advised him not to wait too long.

Well, he was thinking. A short time ago he wouldn’t have cared too much, but things had changed. He now cared
very
much. If there was the slightest chance of him living a normal life, then he had to take it. He had
accepted the medics’ verdict that there was nothing more they could do for him; now there might be hope. The doc was right, he’d be a fool to refuse.

Sliding down in the bed again, he tried to relax. He would go to the hospital tomorrow, after checking in at the station to see if there was any response to the appeal.

For the first time since his return from the war, he began to think ahead. If things went well he would be able to take Dora out, and hope she fell in love with him. That’s if Alan didn’t get there first. He hadn’t missed the way the captain looked at her. But if he could walk properly again, then Alan would have a fight on his hands. And then there was also the chance that he’d be accepted back in to the force again.

With his decisions made, Stan drifted off to sleep, the glimmer of hope for the future helping him relax.

 

It was ten o’clock before Stan arrived at the station. Reg was busy writing, frowning over a report he was trying to compose.

He glanced up and smiled when Stan sat beside him. ‘Ah, the very man. Any chance you could help me with this?’

Stan laughed, feeling better than he had done for a long time. ‘Thanks for returning my bike. And you’re just as capable as I am, you crafty devil. Anything to get out of a job you don’t like doing.’

Pushing back his chair, Reg grinned. ‘You know me too well. You’re looking better today, Stan.’

‘Sorted a few things out and made a couple of decisions.’

‘You going to tell me what they are?’

‘Not yet. Have you had any response from the newspaper appeal?’

‘A couple of time-wasters, that’s all so far. One old man tottered in and said he’d killed her.’ Reg shrugged. ‘You know how it is. We gave him a cup of tea and a bun and then sent him on his way. He was happy enough.’

Stan nodded. Some people would confess to anything just to get some attention. ‘I can’t stay, but I’ll pop in later.’

‘Where you off to?’ Reg was surprised. When Stan was at the station he usually settled in for a while, enjoying seeing the men coming and going, the lively atmosphere.

‘I need to set in motion one of those decisions I made.’ Stan settled himself on his crutches.

Reg eyed him with curiosity. ‘This decision means doing a bit of travelling, does it?’

‘You know I can’t handle trains using a stick. And I might have a lot of walking to do.’

‘I see.’ Reg frowned. He knew his brother-in-law didn’t like them to fuss, but he was pushing himself too hard, and it showed on his face. ‘You take care, Stan.’

‘For the first time since I came home I am taking care.’ He turned and walked out of the station. He just hoped the doc was at the Royal London Hospital in Whitechapel this morning, and able to see him.

The hospital was very busy when he arrived, and the nurse he spoke to wasn’t sure if he could be seen without an appointment.

‘Dr Burridge said I was to come any time and he would see me,’ Stan told her. ‘Look, will you tell him Stan
Crawford’s here? If he’s too busy I’ll come another time.’ This wasn’t what Stan wanted to do, because now he had decided to go ahead with this, he wanted to get on with it.

The nurse was writing down his name when Stan heard a call. Turning, he saw the doctor walking towards him, smiling broadly.

‘Glad to see you, my boy.’ Dr Burridge nodded to the nurse. ‘It’s all right. I was expecting Mr Crawford.’

As the nurse hurried back to her duties, Stan gave the doctor a quizzical look. ‘You were expecting me?’

‘Of course, come with me. I’ll get my team to give you a thorough examination and then we’ll find you a bed.’

‘What?’ Stan stopped suddenly. ‘You want me to come in at once?’

‘No, within the next couple of days will do.’ Dr Burridge’s expression was compassionate. ‘I’m sorry, my boy, but I don’t want to delay your treatment.’

‘You’ve frightened the hell out of me, do you know that?’ Stan began walking again.

‘Good,’ was the doctor’s only comment.

After a busy day Dora was clearing up the back room before making her way home, when Reg walked in. ‘Is there news?’ she asked eagerly.

‘Nothing yet.’ Reg glanced around. ‘Have you seen Stan?’

‘No, he hasn’t been here today. Why, have you lost him?’

Reg pulled a face. ‘You could say that. I know we worry about him too much. He’s a grown man and doesn’t have to account to us for everything he does …’

‘But that still doesn’t stop you worrying.’ Dora nodded, understanding. ‘I know exactly how you feel. He’s lucky to have family who care so much. Many aren’t so fortunate.’ She studied the man in front of her. She didn’t know much about him. ‘Were you in the war, Reg?’

‘Navy. This is an interesting place,’ he said, quickly changing the subject. ‘Will you show me round?’

‘Of course.’ All the men had left, but Dora introduced him to Dobbs, and explained what Dr Burridge was doing here. ‘So, it’s like a club where they can meet?’ Reg asked.

‘More than that, mate,’ Dobbs told him. ‘The doc comes in several times a week and gives advice, medical and personal. Good bloke, the doc.’

‘He must be.’ Reg looked at Dora. ‘I’ve got a police car outside. If you’re ready to leave I’ll take you home.’

‘Thank you. I’ll just get my purse.’ Dora was grateful because it would save her fare. They weren’t going to be able to manage much longer without pawning something. Each expense was now carefully considered, but there was one thing she wouldn’t cut back on and that was decent food. They must all eat properly or become ill, and that would be foolish.

When they arrived home there were three men standing by Dora’s gate, and she could see Lily peering out of the window. She waved in relief when she saw Dora.

Tom came out immediately. ‘Reporters,’ he told Reg, as they began to crowd around firing off questions. ‘They won’t go away.’

‘Leave this to me. Go in the house both of you.’

The reporters let them go, drawn to the policeman. They watched from the window as Reg spoke with the men. After a while they all walked away.

Tom opened the door for Reg to come in.

‘They won’t bother you again. I’ve promised them news if they come into the station.’

‘Thank you very much.’ Dora had been holding her breath; now she breathed out in relief.

‘There’s the doctor’s car again!’ Tom was already halfway out of the door. ‘And Stan’s with him,’ he called back.

‘Doctor?’ Reg spun round to Dora. ‘Is Stan seeing a doctor?’

‘It’s Doctor Burridge from the Wandsworth house. Stan met him when he came to ask me about the newspaper appeal. They’d met once before on a train, evidently.’

‘He never mentioned this to us! Is that who he’s been with all day?’

‘Reg,’ Dora caught hold of his arm to calm him down. ‘Stan let the doctor have a look at him, but neither of them would say what the result was.’

‘Stan told me this morning he’d come to a decision.’ Reg ran a hand through his hair, agitated. ‘We’ve tried so hard to persuade him to get another opinion, but he’s flatly refused each time. Is this man good?’

‘I believe so.’

‘Look who’s here!’ Lily came in holding the doctor’s hand, smiling up at him. ‘I’ll put the kettle on.’

‘Have you had trouble with reporters?’ Stan demanded the minute he walked in.

‘I’ve dealt with it, Stan. And what the hell’s going on?’ Reg asked under his breath.

‘Get Winnie and I’ll tell you about it.’ Stan sat
down and grimaced. ‘I hurt everywhere, Doc!’

‘Sorry about that, my boy, but it couldn’t be helped.’

Reg was already heading for the door when he stopped. ‘I’ll have to bring June as well. Do you mind, Dora?’

‘Not at all. She can keep Lily company. Tom, we’d better make sandwiches, and there’s a cake in the larder I made last night.’

‘I’ll help.’ Lily raced for the kitchen.

Dora watched her, then said, ‘She does love to have visitors. Can you stay and meet Stan’s sister, Doctor?’

‘Of course. It’s kind of you to let us invade your home like this, Dora, but Stan wants you all to hear what he has to say.’

‘It’s only right,’ Stan told her. ‘You came to me for help and I won’t be able to do that now. But Reg will take good care of you.’

Dora’s hopes kept rising and falling. She couldn’t decide if this was going to be good news or bad. ‘I know he will.’

Winnie arrived out of breath, with Reg following behind, carrying June in an effort to keep up with his wife. She burst into the room. ‘Stan, are you all right?’

He raised his eyebrows.

‘I know. Don’t fuss!’ Winnie turned to the one person in the room she hadn’t met before. ‘You must be the doctor Reg told me was here.’

He gave a slight nod of his head, waited for everyone to be seated, then glanced at Stan. ‘Do you want to explain, or shall I?’

‘Go ahead, Doc.’

‘Right, I’ll be brief. Stan has had a thorough examination by my medical team. He’ll be coming into hospital for treatment in two days’ time.’

‘You can help him?’ Winnie asked.

‘We believe so. There are no guarantees, but if we’re successful he should be able to lead a normal life.’

‘And if not?’ Reg spoke gruffly.

‘Stan?’ The doctor gave him an enquiring glance.

‘Tell them.’

‘Then his future is uncertain.’

Dora felt a chill creep through her, and at that moment she knew her feelings for this courageous man had grown to more than friendship. In the midst of such distress she had fallen in love. And it wasn’t pity for him, or her need to have support, it went deeper than that – much deeper. One thing she knew for sure was that she must not let him know. It would embarrass him.

‘Meaning?’ Winnie demanded.

‘The doc means just that, Win,’ Stan told her, the tone of his voice warning her to leave it there. He smiled. ‘It’s going to be all right. I’ll be in good hands, and whatever happens I’ll be no worse off than I am now.’

Listening to this exchange and studying the faces of Stan and the doctor, Dora saw beneath the casual attitude. What they were planning was risky, but then any medical procedure had risks. They would not have decided to operate unless the chance of success was reasonably high.

While everyone was digesting this news, Dora stood
up, went over to Stan and grasped his hand. It seemed a perfectly normal thing to do because he was more like family now to all of them. ‘When you’re well again you’ll be able to play football with Tom.’

Stan held tightly to her hand and laughed. ‘You’d better get in some practice, Tom, I was pretty good.’

Laughter eased the tension, and Stan gave Dora a grateful wink. ‘Did you say something about sandwiches? I’m starving.’

Lily and June scrambled to their feet and ran to the kitchen, yelling, ‘We’ll get it ready!’

The doctor only had a cup of tea, then left. The others stayed for another hour until Reg stood up. ‘I’ve got to take the car back to the station, but I’ll drop you and June off first, Win.’

‘Don’t worry, we can walk.’ Win helped her brother out of the chair. ‘Have an early night, Stan. You must rest.’

He yawned, not protesting, clearly very weary. ‘Thanks for the sandwiches and tea.’

‘Any time,’ Tom said, rushing to open the door. ‘Everything’s going to be all right, I just know it.’

‘Of course it is. For all of us.’

 

Later that evening Alan arrived. ‘I’ve come to see how you are, Stan.’

‘Tired. Come in, Alan. I’ve been pushed and prodded. My God! The doc was thorough.’

‘You’ll be in good hands. This man is considered the best, and he’s ahead of his time with some of the
procedures he’s carrying out. If anyone can help you, it’s Doctor Burridge.’

‘If I had any doubts about that I wouldn’t let him near me.’

They talked for a while, and then Alan consulted his pocket watch. ‘It’s eight thirty. Do you think Dora would mind if I called on her at this hour?’

‘I really don’t know, but she’ll be too polite to tell you if it is.’

Alan smiled. ‘She’s a nice girl, isn’t she? Do you know they shared their picnic with me in the park? They all treated me so normally. It was like a breath of fresh air, I can tell you.’

Stan eyed Alan through narrowed eyes. ‘They’re special people. Don’t do anything to hurt them because they’ve got enough problems at the moment.’

‘I wouldn’t dream of hurting them!’ Alan remarked rather sharply. ‘And what do you mean about them having problems?’

‘You don’t know?’

‘They told me they’d lost their father in the war, but apart from that they never talked about themselves.’

Stan reached out for the newspaper and handed it to Alan. ‘Page two.’

He read in silence, then looked up. ‘This is awful! What’s being done?’

‘Everything possible, but we’ve had no luck so far.’ Stan gave a worried sigh. ‘We might never find her, and they could spend the rest of their lives wondering what happened to their mother.’

‘Let’s hope you find her soon.’ Alan looked thoughtful. ‘Perhaps Dora would like to go out one evening?’

‘Perhaps.’ Stan knew he had no right to object considering the state he was in. ‘I’ll have Tom and Lily here if she wants to.’

‘That’s good of you, Stan.’ Alan stood up. ‘I’ll go and ask her now.’

‘One thing you should know before you go, Captain. If the doc puts me back together again properly, then you’ll have competition.’

‘Ah, like that, is it?’ Alan grinned. ‘I outrank you, Sergeant.’

‘Not out of the army, you don’t!’

‘True. In that case, may the best man win.’

They shook hands.

 

Lily was ready for bed when there was a knock on the door. Tom went to see who it was and returned with Alan.

‘Oh!’ Lily couldn’t take her eyes off him. ‘You’re walking!’

‘Dora told us.’ Tom was just as pleased. ‘You look good!’

‘Thanks.’ Smiling, Alan turned his attention to Dora. ‘I hope you don’t mind me calling so late, but I was with Stan and thought I’d pop in while I was here.’

‘That’s quite all right. You’re just in time to say goodnight to Lily.’

‘Dora!’ the little girl protested.

Alan bent down and scooped her up, making her
scream in delight. ‘Show me where she goes, Tom.’

Dora listened to the laughter as they made their way upstairs. It was such a normal sound, but a rarity since their mother had disappeared. They had begun to refer to her in the past tense – even Lily. And really it was the only way they could cope with this terrible thing. If by some chance she was still alive and returned one day, Dora wondered if she would be able to forgive her for putting them through this horror. Their mother would have to have a very good reason before she did.

Alan was soon back, leaving Tom to settle Lily down for the night. He was serious now. ‘I’m so sorry to hear about your mother. I only saw the newspaper this evening. If there’s anything I can do for you, please do ask.’

‘That’s kind of you, but we’re all right. Stan and his family are keeping an eye on us.’

‘That’s good, but I’ll be around if you need me.’ He smiled. ‘I was wondering if you would come out with me one evening. We could have a meal and then go dancing. I’d really like to try out this leg,’ he joked.

‘That sounds lovely, but I don’t think I could. It wouldn’t seem right considering what’s happened, and I couldn’t leave my brother and sister on their own.’

‘Stan said they could go in with him.’ Alan wasn’t about to give up.

‘Did he?’ Dora didn’t know why, but that didn’t please her. ‘But he’ll be going into hospital soon.’

‘We could go out tomorrow.’

Dora shook her head, smiling to soften the refusal.
‘Not at the moment, but you could ask me again when Stan’s had his operation. I might feel more like going out then.’

‘All right, I’ll do that. And I won’t take no for an answer.’

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