Didn't You Promise (A Bad for You Novel) (12 page)

Chapter Fifteen

Haithem stepped into the cabin, a tray held loosely in one hand as though a tray would never dare tip on him.

I smiled and sat up in the armchair. I’d been out of bed since this morning. He’d have to find something
compelling
to get me back between the sheets.

He sat the tray down on the table next to me.

My shoulder itched.

I didn’t scratch. I’d probably dislodge a stitch, knowing my luck. Besides, every time I so much as winced over the wound, Haithem looked as though he just might test the strength of the yacht’s wall paneling with his fists.

He wasn’t handling this well. Probably, he thought he hid it better than he actually did.

I took a shallow breath.

He sat opposite me, and whipped the lid off the tray. The aroma gave away the contents before I saw them. That buttery scent. I laughed, and reached for a croissant with my good side.

Haithem took another.

I tore open the pastry. Chocolate oozed out the middle. I moaned. I mean chocolate-filled croissants are enough on their own without the memories that now came with all French pastry.

Sex.
Temptation.
Lust.

I leaned over the plate, ignoring the tug in my shoulder. “You know I love you, right?”

There hadn’t been time for this lately. Not time or priority for indulgence and decadence. There were no more personal chefs or daily bakes. Our moments of pleasure were the ones we stole in bed. Those moments, that pleasure, was more vital than food anyway. Sex kept that cord from his heart to mine solid. And we hadn’t been together that way since I’d been injured. That hurt worse than the wound. I took a bite and got swept up in sugar heaven.

These frozen croissants might not compete with Haithem’s French chefs, but compared to toast with hazelnut spread, this was winning. This reminded me of when we’d lived in our own little bubble.

“I know you do.” The flatness of his voice yanked me back down to earth.

I chewed and swallowed.

“There’s been another change of plans.”

I set the pastry down and straightened. Got to love the way he said that. There’s been a change of plans—not
I
changed
the freaking plans...

“Which one?”

“All of them.” He brought the croissant to his mouth and tore off the end with his teeth.

His jaw bulged with every chew.

“What do you mean?”

His mouth tightened, then he swallowed. “I mean, this isn’t working for me.”

My shoulder twitched. I needed to scratch. Put my nails over the stitches and scratch, scratch, scratch.

“What’s not working?”

He tossed the remaining croissant onto the table. It skidded past the plate.

“This—” He gestured between us. “You and me.”

I wiped my mouth on the back of my hand. The itch spread through my body, as though I couldn’t remain in my skin much longer.

“You don’t seem to understand how important what we are supposed to be doing is.” He finally looked at me. “You risked everything with your decision, Angelina.”

His eyes were on fire.

The itch turned to a burn. A burn deep in my organs.

“You said it wasn’t my fault.”

His gaze dropped but I’d already been scorched. “I was worried about your health—because I care about you—” His chin lowered. “But you’ve betrayed my trust.”

My chest constricted. He was right. I’d betrayed him. Let him down. Done what I promised not to. Placed us both in danger.

“I’m sorry, I know I should never have made that call.”

He made a sound, halfway between a snort and a growl. “You’re damn right you shouldn’t have.”

I
thought he’d changed.

That I’d thawed him out so thoroughly, I’d made a puddle out of him. Now that puddle froze over, reforming into something hard again.

I rubbed my shoulder. The friction stung, a prick through all the other pain.

His gaze flicked to my hand and his lips pressed together. “My feelings have changed. I want you to go to Spain on your own.”

I breathed deep, giving myself enough air to make sure words would come. “You want me to go to Spain and wait for you?”

“I won’t be joining you. I’ll send you word when it’s safe for you to go back to Melbourne.”

I pushed to my feet, fingers on the chair for balance.

Like hell
.

It’d taken a moment to get what he’d tried on me. His words
hurt
. He’d used just enough truth in his deception to make sure they did.

“Is this what you think of me?” I gripped the chair. “That I’m some vulnerable moron who’d let a few angry words convince me that one mistake would have you falling out of love with me?”

He said nothing, but stood.

Tears stung my ducts, but I blinked them back. “Liar.” I let go of the back of the chair. “You’re a liar.”

He didn’t move. He’d gone back to the impenetrable state I’d first met him in.

We’d already proven that was no match for me.

“You love me.” I stepped toward him. “You can’t send me away with a few cruel lies.” I aimed a finger at his chest. “There’s nothing I believe in more than us.” One more step and my finger hit the dip of his sternum. “So try again, Haithem.” I fixed my gaze on his face. I’d watch every flicker in those eyes.

I knew exactly what he was up to.

“Try. Again.”

His Adam’s apple twitched.

“Because you’d never let me go willingly.”

His chest rose against my finger, then flattened.

“It’s because I got hurt isn’t it?” I spread my hand against his chest, absorbed his unshakable strength, and his warmth. “You’re trying to protect me.”

He lifted my hand from his chest. I swallowed. Haithem doesn’t give up.

“I’ll always protect you. I promised you that.” He brought my hand to his mouth and kissed inside my palm. “I can’t help worrying about you.”

“You don’t need to. Let me worry about me, you worry about what you have to do.”

“That’s not how this works. As long as we’re together you’re all I care about.” He laid my hand over his heart. “I’m going to keep making mistakes.”

Those last words hit me harder than all the others, like bullets to the chest. The way he’d said them.

My Haithem—indestructible—defeated.

I closed my eyes, and rested my face where my fingers had been. Listened to the thud of his chest, normally so steady, now a gallop.

Not as fast as mine.

No matter what he said, together felt safer. He’d sacrifice everything for me. Put everything he’d worked toward on the line. I couldn’t let him do that.

I couldn’t let him be distracted.

I couldn’t let my face, my name, or my love be the thing that brought everything undone.

“Alright, I’ll do it,” I said against his chest. “We’ll travel separately. I’ll wait for you in Spain.”

He rubbed his chin on the top on my head. “Okay.”

“You come for me as soon as it’s safe.” I wrapped my arms around him and squeezed.

He stroked my hair. “I’ll always come for you. Don’t ever doubt it.”

“I know.” I held on to him as tight as my arms could, and still it didn’t feel tight enough.

Somehow it felt like letting go.

When Haithem made a decision, he didn’t waste time. Within two hours we’d reached the Malaysian coast. He must’ve changed the course long before I’d agreed to anything because we’d have had to backtrack.

My bags propped against the wall on the lower deck.

Haithem and Emilio hunched over maps and documents, talking purposefully in Spanish.

My stomach turned.

I didn’t like this option, I just understood it needed to happen. Emilio would come with me, and we’d catch a private jet to Spain. Karim had already left to source a new yacht, gunshot wound and all. They’d keep sailing until Haithem worked out how we’d been found and how to make sure it didn’t happen again.

There were other things I’d yet to work out. Like why he glanced at me over his shoulder every now and then, as though maybe I’d suddenly learned to decipher Spanish.

There was always more with Haithem. More layers. More to things than what lay across the surface. I’m not sure I’d ever know everything that he planned, let alone half of what crossed his mind. He pushed the sleeve of his shirt above his elbow.

I watched that corded forearm move, stretch and point.

I’d let myself believe I understood him. I did, as well as he could be known. He’d changed with me. The moment he accepted loving me, he lifted me up, put me in some sacred sphere where he kept the things he cherished.

There wasn’t much else in that sphere with me.

That in itself could be dangerous. Because there were no limits with Haithem. No limits to what he wouldn’t do to fight for what was important to him.

He straightened and turned to me. “Are you ready?”

There’s always a temptation when falling in love, to erase your lover’s faults. I experienced that coaxing pull each time I looked at him, the way affection tried to elbow out imperfections. I’m sure he did that with me. Made me perfect. Few people get loved like that—it’s beautiful—humbling.

Haithem loved me that way. I was blessed. But that’s not how I loved Haithem.

I saw who he
was
.

I knew what he’d
done
.

I knew what he
could
do.

I loved the lion that protected me, but I remembered the shark who’d stalked me. And I loved the shark as well.

That vicious animal was rising again.

I sensed him in his movements. I saw him in the angles of his expressions. Smelled the blood on his jaw when he kissed me.

When he’d told me this would all be fine.

“I am.” I rose to my feet.

I knew we needed the shark. I was just afraid of what it’d do.

Haithem walked with me down to where the speedboat waited to take me and Emilio away. He helped me into the boat, even though it meant he’d have to climb back out. He kissed me goodbye. Hard and possessive, his lips no barrier to the hardness of his teeth. A warm wind wrapped around us, sending my dress curling around my legs. He pulled away. I gripped his shirt with my left hand, the good arm.

“I’ll be waiting for you,” I said.

“And I’ll be coming for you.” He touched my cheek with his knuckle. “Goodbye, Angel. I love you.”

My heart dipped.

There was no vulnerability, no desperation this time. My Haithem wore his shark skin.

“I love you, too,” I said, and watched him climb back up into the yacht.

Emilio helped me into a life vest, then the speedboat took off toward the shore. I watched behind us. Stared into the sun and the yacht getting smaller.

We docked at a small pier. I brushed aside Emilio’s hand and helped myself out onto the dock. The wood panels wobbled under my feet. I shaded my eyes with a hand, and looked out across the water.

Emilio tapped my shoulder, inclining his head to a car waiting at the small road at the end of the pier.

The yacht was still there.

He hadn’t moved.

I wondered if he had to wait as well. Watch me leave before he could move himself away. Sunlight flickered like fairy lights on the pale sea—but something else moved in the distance too.

“What’s that?” I grabbed Emilio’s arm, pointed to a small industrial looking ship moving toward the yacht.

Emilio cupped his hand over his eyes the way I did and squinted into the distance.

The ship cut through the water.

My stomach sank.

“Call Haithem,” I said.

Emilio glanced at me.

“Phone, Emilio, I need your phone.” I held out my hand.

My heart stopped—cramped and squeezed in my chest.

Something bright flew through the air.

Time slowed, each flash of light searing into memory.

A boom echoed across the water.

The yacht exploded in a cataclysm of debris and flame.

PART TWO

Chapter Sixteen

March

Wind whips the hair from my face. Light sears white patches into the backs of my eyes.

I scream.

Scream like I never knew I could scream. The sound tears from my body, burning through my lungs and throat. The pain so deep it exits my lips as a deathly wail.

Fingers bite into the tops of my shoulders, and a warning whispers against my ear.

It’s too late for warnings.

I shake like I’ve gone into a fit. I’ve experienced pain so many times now I should be immune. I’ve suffered heartbreak, but not like this.

I see fire. Not the figurative kind. Actual real fire. Flames engulfing my future—ravaging my soul.

I fight the hands holding me back. They won’t be dissuaded, wrestling me against an immovable body.

He lied to me
.
After everything, he lied to me again.

Betrayed me.

Broke my heart.

I trusted him. Believed in him when he swore everything would be all right.

That nothing could keep us apart.

He lied
.

I thought I’d found a love that could survive anything. I thought love would keep us safe.

Wishful thinking.

Love would be the death of us.

Now I’m dying.

Dying.
Dying.
Dying.

I struggle against Emilio’s grip. He has to be all right—nothing can kill Haithem. He’s too strong for death.

Flames crawl over floating debris in the distance.

“Let go.” I yank again against Emilio’s stronghold. “Let me go.” My yells, screams, and wails, shriek in my own ears but are lost on him. “I have to see.”

Emilio hugs me silently, wrapping his arms around me until there’s not enough breath to both breathe and scream. His actions speak to me—
it’s too late
.

“No.” I slam my heel into his foot. His grip loosens. I wiggle madly, then drive my elbow into his belly with all my force—all the pain, the fear, all of it in that thrust.

I break free, and run to the end of the pier. Planks shake under my shoes, and I throw myself at the very edge. My knees scrape wood. Splinters enter my palms.

I stare out onto the water. It doesn’t look so pure now. An oily film stretches from where the yacht had been.

“Haithem.” I cup my mouth and call out to the water. “Haithem.” My chest wraps in panic. Cranking chains of fear squeeze life out of me. “Haithem.”

I’m too far away. Can’t get to him. If he’s in the water, he can’t make it all this way. I glance around, the speedboat has gone.

I drag myself to my feet. “Call back the speedboat.”

Emilio seizes my arms from behind.

“Call back the speedboat,” I scream at him. “We have to help Haithem.”

Something trickles down my back. My stitches have torn. I don’t feel the pain, it’s the tang of the blood in my nose that lets me know.

Emilio spins me around, his expression set, yet there’s remorse in those eyes. I’ll exploit that remorse if I have to. I’ll milk it, do whatever I have to, to get him to help Haithem.

Sirens blare in the distance.

“Remember Plan D?” His words are wrapped in thick accent.

Plan D?

The plan I didn’t want to learn. The
if everything goes wrong
plan. “Yes.”

My head spins. Emilio can’t speak English. His expression relaxes for a moment, then a blur fills my vision—it’s his hand—closing over my face and filling my lungs with a pungent scent.

A scent like chemical death.

* * *

“
Angelina.
”

My name, spoken in my mother’s lilting voice. Proof I’ve finally lost my mind.

I’m almost relieved. Insanity wouldn’t be so bad. Maybe I’ve imagined the memories eating out my skull. I lick my lips. My jaw hurts.

Everything does.

“She’s waking up.”

Mum’s voice again.

Yep
,
bonkers.

But then these memories are so crazy, it’d make more sense for them to be delusions.
Please
,
let them be delusions.
But what am I praying for? For Haithem to be a figment of my imagination, or for him to be alive?
Oh god
,
Haithem.
I roll to my side, stomach clenching. My limbs heavy, weighed down like my bones have been hollowed out then filled with sand. No, I don’t wish for delusions—I wish I’m really dead.

I can’t do this again.
I
can’t.
I can’t be the one to survive.

“Honey, can you hear me?”

My eyes flutter. They want to open. I hold them shut. I’m not ready. I don’t want to open them. I want to sink into black. I don’t want to think. I don’t want to know.

I
don’t want to be
.

He doesn’t
feel
dead. In the beginning neither did Josh. I saw his body but I could’ve sworn it wasn’t true. I blocked him out, denied him. Now Josh is back—his death is back. I’ve let myself feel it. Acknowledge it.

Josh is dead and it hurts so much.

I still nurse the grief. Soon I’ll believe that Haithem is gone too and there’s no room for more grief. There’s no room. I. Have. No. Room.

Please let me be crazy.

Let me be banging my head against a wall in some institution where maybe some medicine might make me better, or at least numb the pain.

My cheeks sting. They’re wet. I’ve given myself away. There’s no other option. I cry. My chest shakes. My whole body trembles. The sobs come up through my belly, my chest, they’re bigger than I am.

Someone holds me.

“It’s all right, sweetheart.”

It’s not all right. Don’t be dead, Haithem.
Please
,
please
,
don’t be dead
. I’d give up the incredible sinful sex. I’d give up pastry for the rest of my days. I’d give up anything. I’d be a good, dutiful daughter again.

What does the universe want me to trade?

Don’t take him too.
Don’t take him
. My mother rocks me. I don’t open my eyes, but pretense is over. There’s nothing I can say to her. She’s crying. Her sobs add another vibration to the trembling I suffer. But I can’t think about her. I can’t think about her anguish, or her joy that she has me back.

I’m too selfish. That’s why I’m in so much pain. Because I’d trade her peace for mine. I’d let her think that she’d lost me. I’d let her think she’s lost her daughter when she’d already lost her son. I did it for Haithem.

I just want Haithem. Together at least our wrongs had rights. Without him all that’s left is more wrongs.

I
need you
,
Haithem.

My eyes fly open. He swore he’d never leave me. I know him, he’d never break a vow. He has a plan for everything. My mother’s face fills my vision, it’s the color of rhubarb. Her expression kills me. Not enough to stop me though.

“Water,” I wheeze, grabbing my throat.

Her eyes widen, and she flees the room.

I fumble with my wrist. The watch is there on my left wrist. Of course it is. It can’t be removed. I press the button. Oh lord, I’ve forgotten how much force it takes, and my fingers are filled with sand. Pain rips through my shoulder, but I press, and hold, and hold.

He swore he’d come if I pressed this—no matter what.

My mother rushes back in the room, a nurse running behind her. My chest clenches. I drop my wrist. A doctor rushes in. He lifts my eyelids, shining something in my eyes. There’s no air. The room rushes. A stethoscope touches my chest. My heart beats fast. So fast—too fast. My vision clouds. An oxygen mask covers my face. Tastes like illness.

It’s too late.

The black has come for me again.