Dining With The Doctor: The Unauthorized Whovian Cookbook (7 page)

Chicken and Ood Soup (S2E9 - The Impossible Planet)

1 small roast chicken
4 carrots
2 stalks celery
1 onion
4 large cloves of garlic
1 tsp/5 g kosher salt
1 cup/240 g matzoh meal
4 eggs
4 tsp/60 g fat (olive oil or schmaltz, melted chicken fat)
1 tsp/5 g salt
4 tbsp/60 ml sparkling tonic water
1 tsp/5 g garlic powder
1 tsp/5 g onion powder

Hello, Ood. your formal suits and sugared licorice stick mouths completely make up for the bad CGI  asteroid base seen from space.

I love this dish so much. It’s easier than you would expect from the length of the ingredients list. More importantly, it always, without fail, makes Whovians laugh. As if that’s not enough to endorse it, this dish has the added benefit of tasting pretty darn good. You’re basically going to make a cup of deconstructed matzoh ball soup that looks like an Ood staring back at you from a teacup.

Let’s start with the soup itself. It doesn’t matter if you made a chicken for dinner a couple days ago or if you picked up one of the cheap pre-cooked whole rotisserie chickens available in nearly every grocery deli. You want to carefully remove as much of the meat from the bones as possible. Try to keep the breast meat intact. You’re going to need that later. You can also just buy some plain chicken breasts and grill them up, but they'll be less juicy, more expensive, and won't leave you with a carcass when you're done.

You want the carcass to make broth. Honest. Once you've removed the breasts, put the rest of your chicken in a crockpot and fill it with enough water to completely submerge the carcass. Peel your onion, cut it into quarters, and toss it in. If you’re in an angry mood, you can simply use your fists to break the carrots and celery before throwing them in. Heck, go ahead and take a hammer to the peeled garlic cloves to show them who’s boss. You might want to throw in a bay leaf and a couple of cloves. Finish it all with a teaspoon of kosher salt. Now put the lid on, turn the crockpot down to low, and walk away. Eight hours later (when you come home from work, for example, or first thing the next morning) you’ll have a delicious broth that will make you swear off the stuff that comes in boxes. The skin and bones are full of tasty fats and trapped flavor which you’ve now released so it will do your bidding.

Strain away the solids. If your stock has some pesky floating bits, put a couple layers of cheesecloth over a strainer and pour it through again.

Put the broth into a large stock pot. If you have less than 8 cups/2 liters, add water until you reach the 8 cup/2 liter point. If you have more, save it for use in other recipes. You're going to be drinking this stuff later, so feel free to add extra salt, pepper, or herbs to your liking.

Now for the matzoh balls. The easiest thing to do is just buy a boxed mix and follow the directions. Sure, they'll taste better made from scratch, but most of your guests won't know the difference. I normally like a little dill in mine, but since these make up the face of your Ood, you don’t want any stray flecks of herbs making it look like your Ood has a skin condition.

Mix all the dry ingredients in one bowl. Next, mix the wet ingredients in another bowl. I know you want to dump them all in a single bowl and call it a day, but if you over-mix the batter, your matzoh balls will turn out tough and unpleasant. Once you’ve mixed your wet and dry ingredients separately, quickly introduce them to one another. Like a good hostess, engage in a minimum of forced mingling then get out of the way so they can get to know one another. Put the matzoh ball dough in the fridge for an hour (or up to 4) and let the chemical composition of your dumplings work its magic in privacy.

This is a good time to prepare the rest of your soup. Remember that chicken breast meat? You’re going to julienne it. Cut the meat into long, thin, tentacle-like strips, going against the grain. You should have a nice, big pile of chicken meat. Dust it lightly with paprika to give your chicken tentacles a reddish color. (If you prefer, you can use sumac for a mild Persian flavor or chili powder if you want a southwestern kick.)You also want to cut your roasted red bell pepper strips into almond shaped eyes. They should be just big enough to fit half an olive as the pupil.

To make your matzoh balls, start by bringing a large pot of water to a boil. Use a large spoon or melon baller to gently scoop out 2-3 inch wide balls. Handle them as little as possible while shaping them, then drop the balls into the boiling water. Once all the balls are in the water, wait for them to rise to the top. Now, turn the heat down to a modest simmer, put the lid on the pot, and let the balls cook for 40 minutes.

I know you’ll want to look, but resist the temptation. Leave the lid. Don’t look. Don’t even think about stirring the matzoh balls. After 40 minutes, they will have transformed into fluffy dough balls you can carefully lift out of the water with a slotted spoon. Mess with them and they'll turn into angry, rubbery lumps.

Now for the fun part.

Get a nice, large teacup and saucer. Put a matzoh ball into the teacup and gently, carefully, fill it 2/3 of the way up with your homemade soup stock. Grab a few of those chicken tentacles you carved up earlier and arrange them so they’re spilling from the Ood’s “mouth,” so they cascade over the edge of the teacup. You can outline the mouth with a thin line of roasted red bell pepper strip if you'd like. Apply the pre-cut roasted red bell pepper eyes you made earlier, being careful not to poke your Ood too hard. You don’t want to dislodge the mouth tentacles. Complete the eyes by laying the olive pupils in place.

For added effect, you’ll want to finish the Ood with a clear tendril connecting it to a brain. If you like Asian food, I recommend picking up some thick rice noodles for the tendril and some red bean paste filled glutinous rice balls for the external brain itself. The look is fantastic, and they’re not hard to prepare according to package directions. If you don’t have a convenient Asian grocery, you can always buy some pre-made coconut macaroons or the round, powdered sugar coated cookie of your choice and attach it to the Ood with a long strand of string cheese, a clear bendy straw, or even a tube made from rolled up plastic wrap. In a pinch, just use some string cheese and a hard boiled egg.

If you’re having a sit down Doctor Who themed meal, this makes an incredible presentation dish. People are boggled when they see an Ood face staring up at them from their place setting. Once they’ve admired the presentation, just shove the chicken strips into the tea cup and eat it like a normal bowl of soup. If your guests are confused about how to eat matzoh ball soup, just tell them it’s a Whovian cup of chicken and dumplings. You’ll be amazed how fast they figure it out.

In addition to the sheer, glorious look, this recipe also offers one of your best values per dollar (or pound). A whole chicken (even the fully cooked rotisserie version) is cheaper than picking up a boneless, skinless breast for everyone. Either a box of matzoh ball soup mix or ingredients from scratch are equally inexpensive. Sure, it takes time, but I can make servings for 12 with a big bowl of leftover soup for less than $10. You get an incredible dish for about twice the cost of ramen. If you're only going to try one time-consuming recipe from this entire book, this should be the one. You won't regret it.

Black Hole Mezze (S2E10 - The Satan Pit)

raisins
black mission figs
blueberries
blackberries
hardboiled eggs
blue corn chips
corn and black bean salsa
lemon or orange peel

If you’re trapped on a ship full of Ood possessed by Satan, you might need a couple of snacks before you desperately try to escape.

One of the nice things about this is you can easily use it for any Whovian starscape. In fact, if you’re particularly artistic, you can even use the same ingredients as the base of a Starry Night scene in honor of Vincent Van Gogh meeting The Doctor in a couple of seasons. If you have a couple of differently sized metal burner bibs, put the smaller one inside the larger. Weight down the space in between with some large metal nuts (available at any hardware store). This gives you the look of a porthole into space.

If you’re not into the porthole look, simply grab a white plate (for contrast) or a baking sheet (if you’re feeding a lot of people.)

Spread a layer of raisins as the base blackness of space. Create some blue-black contrast with blueberries or blackberries. Black mission figs, arranged in a nice circle, give the impression of a black hole. You can crumble the egg yolk around the black hole(s) and maybe sprinkle a little bit in the middle to represent the fiery collapse. Create stars by mincing your egg whites and sprinkling them into anything from constellations to galaxies over the fruity darkness of space. If you want to keep the plate vegan, just leave out the egg.

Meanwhile, on an adjacent porthole or plate, create a menacing pit of corn and black bean salsa then surround it with an explosion of blue corn chips. You get your sweets, your salts, your crunchies, and a dash of protein all while satisfying a hunger that stems from the dawn of time. Or lunch.

L.I.N.D.A.’s Tardis Wellington (S2E11 - Love and Monsters)

Duxelles:
1 lb/455 g white button mushrooms
2 small onions, peeled and roughly chopped
4 cloves garlic, peeled and roughly chopped
2 sprigs fresh thyme, leaves only
4 tbsp/60 g butter
1 tsp/5 g fresh ground black pepper
½ tsp/2.5 g kosher salt
Beef:
2 lb/900 g sirloin tip roast, carefully trimmed of all fat
1 lb/450 g puff pastry, thawed if using frozen
2 tbsp/60g dijon mustard
2 large eggs, lightly beaten
kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper

This is a great recipe for getting your mates get together for a little Electric Light Orchestra jam sessions and alien spotting. Don’t be intimidated by the “Wellington” name. This is actually easier to make than most people think. The key is quality ingredients. Yes, it is a little bit of a hassle, but your friends will be talking about it for ages.

You can use beef tenderloin in this recipe, but you won’t end up with the flatter, more square shape you want in a Tardis shaped meat pie. Instead, go for a nice, thick sirloin tip roast. They’re tender enough some people call the sirloin tip a “poor man’s prime rib.” Most cuts also happen to be just the right shape and texture for this recipe. Fair warning: don't use a cheap, tough roast. You'll end up with an inedible lump. Cheap cuts of meat need to be cooked slowly for long periods of time before they soften up. Just this once, go for the good stuff. If you can't find any sirloin tip roast, ask your butcher what he'd substitute in a big, flat Wellington. Most of them will be totally relieved someone still cares about meat. If he stares at you blankly, it's time to find a new grocery store.

Once you're ready to make your Tardis Wellington, take your frozen puff pastry out of the freezer and let it thaw at room temperature. This takes a few hours, so you’re best off just putting the box in the fridge to thaw slowly the night before

When picking your sirloin tip roast, try to find one that’s already got as much rectangular potential as possible. You’ll probably have to cut it down a little to make sure it’s properly Tardis shaped. Luckily, the remains can either be grilled outside as steaks or turned into kabobs if they’re odd sizes. Make sure to carefully trim all visible fat from your sirloin tip roast then carve it into a nice rectangle that weighs around 2 pounds.

Preheat your oven to 400F/205C. When it’s good and hot, bake your rectangle of roast for 20-25 minutes, or until the interior temperature reaches 130F/55C. Don’t leave it in too long. It’ll be back in the oven after being covered in puff pastry. You bake it in two steps like this to make sure the meat is properly done without burning the puff pastry.