Dirty Little Mistake (Dirty #2) (21 page)

Chapter Thirty

Ridley

I slumped down at the kitchen table, devastation filling my heart.  The squeal of tires on the road told me Brenna had taken off.

“What the fuck are you doing?” Ian asked immediately.

“What the fuck does it look like I’m doing?” I snapped. “Get out before I lose my shit and hit you again.”

“Are you going to go after her?” Ian asked.

“Are you serious?”

“Of course I’m fucking serious.”

“What would I say to her, Ian? Tell me what you think will bring her running back to me,” I said sarcastically.

Ian grabbed a pack of peas from the freezer and held them to his chin.

“I don’t know.” He shrugged. “But you could probably start with
I’m sorry
and finish with
I love you
.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“Oh, c’mon,” Ian said. “You’ve got that shit written all over your face. And so did she.”

“I’m pretty sure whatever was written all over her face had nothing to do with love. This isn’t a forgive and forget situation.”

“You just punched me in the face and I’ve already forgiven you,” he pointed out.

“Not the same thing.”

“For a smart guy, you’re being pretty dense. You think you feel miserable now? If you don’t sort this out, you’re both going to die of pure pity-party sadness.”

“Jesus, Ian. The girl just found out I paid you to go out with her. Whatever I hoped was going to happen…It just isn’t, all right?”

“Do you want me to punch you, too?” Ian offered.

“Fuck you.”

“I’m trying to give you advice.”

“You expect me to take advice from you?”

He ignored my comment. “Rid, man. You’ve
got
to get over yourself. Man the hell up. Go over there and beg the girl to take you back.”

“Right.”

He ignored that too. “When you came to live with me and my mom, you were an angry, bitter dude. But you had fun. You
enjoyed
being that guy. And yeah, I know you straightened up for my mom, made some pact with her or whatever, but when she died, Rid. It was like you died too. For five years you’ve been this closed off motherfucker with a chip on his shoulder the size of a truck. I wasn’t even sure you
could
smile anymore. Then along came Brenna and holy shit. For the last week you’ve been walking around with a dopey smile on your face every second of the day. So I don’t care if you think I’m the biggest asshole on the planet. Take my goddamned advice and chase after that girl.”

My mouth dropped open, and the only word that came out was, “Shit.”

“Yeah.”

“I hate when you’re right.”

“Me, too,” Ian agreed. “Makes me sure the world is about to explode.”

I slapped him on the back, grabbed my keys off the table, and strode toward the door.  As my fingers closed over the handle, the door flew open.  A tiny fist caught me in the gut.

“What the hell!” I shouted as I jumped away.

“What did Balls-For-Brains do to her?” she demanded.

“What?”

“You
r overly-testosterone-fueled roommate. What did he do to Brenna?”

“Look, Risa. Brenna left because she was upset. I don’t know what she said when she came home, but whatever it was, it was about me, not him.”

“Like hell it was about you.”

“I was just about to come after her.”

“Where is he?”

“Ian? He’s here, but I swear this isn’t his fault.”

Brenna’s roommate ducked under my arm and darted into the house.  I chased her to the kitchen and grabbed her around the waist as she dived toward Ian.

“You fucker!” she shrieked.

Ian brought the frozen peas down from his face. “Me?”

“Yes, you!” Risa struggled against my grip, arms flailing. “Let me go, Ridley!”

“I already cold-cocked him once,” I told her. “I’m not going to let you do it too.”

“He deserves it.”

“Sometimes,” I agreed. “But not at the moment.”

“You don’t know what he did,” she countered.

“If you promise not to hit him, I’ll let you go and you can tell me what he did,” I offered.

“Fine.”

Very slowly, I released her.  Then, just to be sure, I guided her to an empty chair and pushed her into it gently. 

“Go ahead,” I said nicely.

She shot me a dirty look. “Five minutes ago, Brenna came into the house in tears. She was so upset she was nearly incoherent. She said something about Ian and finding out the truth and then she took off in her car.”

“Where did she go?” I asked.

“How the hell should I know? It was your asshole cousin who chased her off. She obviously told him the truth and he did something to her so ask him!”

“Hang on,” I replied slowly. “
She
told
him
the truth? Don’t you mean he told her?”

“No. I meant exactly what I said.”

“What truth are you talking about?”

“About the goddamned baby!”

The room was utterly silent.

“What do you mean, Risa?” I asked quietly.

Risa gave me a triumphant look. “Oh, Ian didn’t fill you in? He slept with her, got her pregnant, and now apparently doesn’t care at all.”

“I didn’t touch her!” Ian insisted. “And if I had, I sure as hell would’ve used a condom.”

“Oh, please,” Risa scoffed.

I sat very, very still, taking in Risa’s furious expression and Ian’s disbelieving one.  My mind worked to make the connection, but I felt like I was underwater.  They volleyed the argument back and forth.  Risa told him what a terrible father he would be.  Ian denied not just parentage but any sex at all.

Finally, Risa’s voice rose an octave and it cut through the sluggishness in my brain.

“You were so drunk that you don’t even remember it,” she said accusingly. “You seriously want me to believe that you’d remember to cover it up?”

“Ian doesn’t drink,” I stated.

They both turned toward me.

“Are you saying Brenna’s a liar?” Risa demanded.

“No. I’m saying Ian doesn’t drink. He’s allergic to alcohol. Ask him.”

“That’s bullshit,” Risa replied.

“You’re telling me,” Ian agree. “But it’s still true bullshit.”

“Risa, when did Brenna say she slept with him?” I asked.

“I don’t know. At your housewarming party?”

“She’s not a liar.” My voice was low and rough.

“Told you so,” Risa said

“Hey!” Ian protested.

“It wasn’t him. It was me.”

Both Risa’s mouth and Ian’s dropped open in surprise.

“You?” they said in unison.

I gripped my keys in my hand so tightly they cut into my skin.  Brenna was pregnant.  With my baby.

Emotions raged through me.  Anger and hurt.  Guilt and shame.
  Understanding and joy.

I needed to find her.  And I knew exactly where she would have gone.

Chapter Thirty-One

Brenna

I sat on the soft, short grass in front of my mother’s gravestone.  The sun was shining above me, even though I was sure it should be raining.

The day of her funeral had been a dark one.  The clouds and the drizzle that afternoon had been perfectly matched to my heart, which was dark too.

Absently, I wondered why the weather wasn’t cooperating today, when the darkness inside me was so much thicker.

Everything since that day had been spiralling out of control, leading to this moment. 

It started with a phone call that left me breathless and had me scrambling to absorb details, to understand what the tinny, unfamiliar voice was telling me on the other end.

Sudden heart failure.

Found me at last.

Thank God for social media.

Funeral in six hours.

Make it if you can.

So I’d made it.

I’d worn a navy sundress because it was the only dark-colored thing I owned.

I’d worn flat
s because I didn’t do heels.

I’d driven the forty miles because I didn’t have a choice.

Forty miles.  How had she been so close and I didn’t know?  Had she been moving my way, mile by mile?  If she’d lived another four years, would I have found her on my doorstep?

When I left, I made sure there were mountains and lakes and enough distance between us that I was certain we’d never cross paths by accident.

And then it was over.

I felt empty.

And more empty as I got closer to home.  Risa had been away visiting family, and I normally welcomed the time alone.  But right then, it cut through my heart.  I wasn’t just alone.  I was lonely.  For the first time in a long time.

But maybe the loneliness had started earlier than that.  Like on the day she
’d packed my things and I’d left behind the only life I’d ever known.

Or perhaps it was there all along, compounded by the presence of my mother’s b
ooze-soaked men – often toothless and hairy where they should be bald and bald where they should be hairy – who were just as likely to cop a feel when I walked by as they were to completely screw my mother out of her last welfare dime.  Maybe it was made worse in part by the name-calling and drug-hoarding and dirty dishes. 

I thought I’d
walked away from it all and never looked back.  Except I had to consider the idea that I’d never really left it behind at all.  That it had always followed me, clouding my decisions and making it impossible for me to be whole.  Making me walk away from the two solid relationships I’d had and making me destroy any kind of hope I had for a normal future.

I’m a mess.

“Do you remember when you asked me if there was something I regretted, but I wouldn’t take it back because the consequence outweighed the regret?”

Ridley’s voice
froze me to the spot.

What was he doing there?  Why had he followed me?

“Do you remember it?” he asked again.

“
Yes,” I replied. “It was when we were in the fridge at your work.”

“
I have one. A regret like that.”

My throat burned. “I haven’t been honest with you, Ridley. Not since the beginning. And you don’t owe me an apology.”

He shook his head. “I’m not apologizing. I mean, I do regret hurting you. I regret putting you through all this shit. But there’s no way in hell I would undo any of it. A single kiss was worth it.”

“I’m pregnant, Ridley.”

“I know, Pancake. Risa told me. Me and Ian.”

I met his gaze.  His eyes were full of a warmth that was totally at odds with what I’d just told him.

I put my head in my hands. “I’m so sorry.”

In less than a breath, Ridley was behind me on the ground, his arms around me, holding me just right.  I cried into him, wishing I wasn’t so weak.

“I have another regret,” he said softly. “And it’s one I would take back.

“What’s that?”

“I regret not following through on the night we spent together a month and a half ago. That night you think you spent with Ian.”

My heart stopped. “What do you mean?”

“I had the most amazing, incredible night of my life that night. I met a girl who tipped me upside down. Then that same girl ran out on me, begging me to pretend it hadn’t happened. Stupidly – so stupidly – I listened to her.”

“I woke up in
Ian’s
room,” I stated. “I ran from
Ian’s
room.”

Ridley stroked my cheek. “My room
was occupied when we got to it. We took the next best thing. I didn’t know you thought you’d slept with him. I just assumed you regretted your night with me.”

My head spun.

“Brenna,” Ridley said. “I asked you a few days ago if you believed in love at first sight and you said you used to. Please tell me it was because of that night.”

“I was so sure it meant something,” I whispered. “But it was Ian and – Oh, God. Ridley. How could I have been so blind? It was you the whole time.”

Everything finally came together in my mind.  Guilt and regret melted away.  And I thought I might faint from the lightness in my heart. 

Ridley tipped my chin toward his face.  He brought his lips over mine.

“It was me,” he murmured against my mouth. “The most amazing night ever? Me. The disastrous phone sex-capade and the remarkable memory? Me. The idiot who was stupid enough to agree to set you up with his cousin? Me. The guy who is so sorry for being such a fool? Also me.”

My pulse picked up and my heart filled. “That insane night I broke into your house…Also you.”

He pulled back just enough that I could see the corners of his mouth turn up. “You knew?”

“Yes.” I was suddenly shy, but I pushed through it to say what needed to be said. “The only one who lights me up like a firecracker? You. The person who makes me laugh when I want to cry? You. The guy who I’m in love with. You. All you.”

“I love you, too, Pancake. I have since that first night. And the only thing I want as much as I want you…Is our baby.”