DirtyInterludes (21 page)

His features turned wary. “Yeah.”

An awkward silence stretched between them.

“Thank you for the gnome. It looks like you.”

Max’s eyelids fanned downward. “I thought you might
appreciate it.”

She hugged the gnome closer. “I do. It’s a thoughtful gift.”

Max looked at her then, his gaze glimmering with repressed
love, and it touched the wall she’d erected around her heart. She shuddered,
remembering that very look as he uttered words of love. “You were amazing. Just
took my breath away.”

“Thank you.”

He seemed to struggle with something, his body tense.

She stared into his green eyes, memorizing the line of his
features, and smiled somewhat wobbly. “Well, I just wanted to say thank you.”

She turned around to leave and made it several steps down
before his voice stalled her. “Wait. Can you give me another chance?”

She paused, not daring to look at him. “I can’t be with you,
Max. You betrayed my trust deeply and hid what you did so well.”

“It was wrong of me. I regret every day what I put you
through. What you made me feel… I wanted to hold on to that piece of light even
just for a while. It was selfish of me to try and hold onto you and keep that
part of myself a secret.”

She turned then to find him just behind her. “And was it
worth it? The deceit, your job?”

His expression turned rueful. “No. Being with you made me
want to be the man you’d be proud of. The man you could rely on and know he’d
give you and only you everything of himself.”

“How could you ever be that man, Max? I can’t simply let go
of what happened.”

Max nodded solemnly. “I understand. All I can do is work
toward that hope.”

She scanned his features, noting the lines of misery by his
lips and the dark circles under his eyes. The months apart weren’t kind to him,
it seemed. “Why did you send that letter?”

Max spread his arms. “I wanted to fight for you, to fight
for what remained in your heart for me. But you left before I could make
amends. I wanted you to know that being with you I rediscovered a part of
myself that I’d lost. I wanted to be that person I saw in your eyes. I wanted
to keep you with me and by lying I lost you. I don’t expect you to forgive me
easily. Hell, I don’t expect you to forgive me at all. But all I’m asking for
is a chance.”

Her eyes narrowed. “Are you still doing porn?”

“No,” he said adamantly. “No. I gave that up a long time
ago. Bridget, all I’m asking for now is your friendship. If that’s all you can
offer, then I’ll be happy just for that.”

Bridget inhaled, her lungs expanding until they could take
no more. Was she willing to risk it? “Just friends?”

Disappointment flashed in his eyes before he covered it with
an accepting smile. “Just friends.”

Chapter Seventeen

Three months later

Bridget giggled at the text she received. Gillian leaned
over. “What’s so funny?”

Stuffing her phone back in her bag, Bridget focused on the
lingerie they were looking at. “Nothing.”

Gillian rolled her eyes. “You have that dreamy look on your
face. It was from Max, wasn’t it?”

Bridget shrugged offhandedly. “He just sent me a picture of
his gnome held up to the sun, making it look like he was holding up the sun.”

A brow tipped up. “His gnome?”

Bridget smiled. “Diddy Gnomes. I think I created a monster.”

“Is he the reason we’re looking at lingerie?”

“No.”

Gillian leaned against one of the shelves. “Really? You guys
have been in each other’s sleeves for the last month. You can’t tell me it’s
not getting serious again.”

Bridget shook her head. “It’s not.”

Gillian’s brow rose dubiously.

“It’s not.” Even though she said it, Bridget’s heart raced
at the idea. Something changed over the last three months. She thought she
could’ve kept their friendship platonic… “Do you think I should’ve accepted his
offer of friendship?”

“Why are you asking me?”

“I dunno. I just want an opinion.”

Gillian’s face fell into sympathetic lines. “Having second
thoughts?”

“No. I mean, I don’t know what I feel. I went into this
knowing he’d done all these things, but… Am I an idiot?”

Gillian’s lips pursed thoughtfully. “And what have you found
out about him since?”

Bridget blew out a frustrated breath. “That he’s everything
he was before. I thought, maybe being friends and knowing what he did it’d be
different. But it’s not. He’s kind, quirky and fun. He still loves his
practical jokes, but now they are more mutually funny.”

“So what’s the issue?”

“I can’t ever trust him.”

“So you’re having
those
thoughts.”

Bridget blinked. “What thoughts?”

Gillian picked up a hot-pink bra and held it up for
inspection. “Thoughts that involve sexy, lacy things.”

Bridget snatched the bra from her friend. “No. I mean, yes.
Maybe?”

Gillian shrugged. “It’s either yes or no.”

Nibbling on her lower lip, Bridget pondered it then finally
admitted, “Yes.”

“Well, have you ever asked him?”

“Asked him what?”

“About what changed him? He doesn’t work in porn anymore.
Must’ve taken a big leap for him. Heard those people can earn a fair bit.”

Bridget grimaced. “Yeah. He sent me a letter when I left.”

A letter that was now worn from being handled too much. A
letter she knew by heart.

“What’d it say?”

She shrugged, attempting nonchalance. “That he wanted to be
the man I needed in life.”

Gillian sighed. “That’s romantic.”

Bridget slid the bra back onto the rack, contemplating the
past. Max was being everything he promised he would be. He worked hard and
treated her with care and consideration, even when he knew they’d be nothing
more than friends. Still, it didn’t stop her heart from racing when she’d see
that look in his eyes. That look of yearning and desire that made her insides
melt.

Gillian tapped a rack full of raunchy underwear. “You’re
seeing him tonight, aren’t you?”

“We’re having dinner, yes. But it’s nothing fancy like a
date, if that’s what you’re thinking. We’re just having it at a bistro.”

“Is this the need to ‘wander’ into a lingerie store?”

“Lingerie
browsing
happens to be a happy
circumstance. I’m not planning anything.”

“If you’re not planning, then why are we having this
conversation at all?”

Exasperation fired in her chest and she waved a hand around
them. “I don’t know. I thought I could just be friends. He looked so sad when
he asked me. I’m not some unfeeling monster and I couldn’t have said no. It
just felt… But things feel different now. It’s like I’m slipping back into
those feelings I have for him. The more I try to keep it platonic the more I
think about him. I just can’t help thinking what life would’ve been like if Max
wasn’t a porn actor. Where we would’ve been right now and what we’d be doing.”

“Well, as far as I know, he isn’t a porn actor. Don’t beat
yourself over the what-ifs. That stuff would just drive you crazy. Keep the
past where it’s supposed to be. In the past. The simple question is, do you
want to be with him?”

Bridget smiled, the answer fluttering to her mind without
the weight of guilt.

* * * * *

Max sat in the bistro waiting for Bridget to arrive. By his
knee a gift waited, which he hoped she’d love. Even though he was aware this
wasn’t a date, every time he saw her it was like the first time he realized he
loved her and was equally as painful as the realization of losing her. The last
three months had been like agony and pleasure combined. He learned more about
her and every day fell more deeply in love. But he knew that was a line he was
never meant to cross.

He’d taken his issues to Bryce, but his friend had his own
to deal with. Namely a new rehab nurse who put Bryce in a sour mood. But Max
took it as a good thing. Bryce’s show of defiance whenever she showed up
assured Max that Bryce was almost completely whole.

The door to the small restaurant opened and Max felt a solid
thump in his chest as Bridget wandered in. She scanned the tables and settled
on him, her gaze making the hair on his arms stand on end. He stood as she
approached and held out a chair. As she settled into it, she cast him a
thankful glance. Unable to resist, he brushed his hand along her shoulder in
greeting before sitting.

Clearing her throat, she settled her elbows on the table.
“How was work?”

Max smiled. For the last few months, he’d been moved from
assisting teams and CAD work to design. “Good. We just won a contract with
On-track.”

Bridget beamed. “That’s great news.”

“Yeah, the boss wants me to be a team leader on one of the
sectors.”

“I’m so happy for you. You deserve it.”

Max lifted a hand to signal the nearest waiter. “I took the
liberty of ordering some wine ahead of time. This place has the best Cabernet
Sauvignon. You’ll like it.”

Bridget tilted her head. “I’m sure I will.”

Max chuckled. He hoped one day to take her on a tour through
the wine valley. When the waiter arrived, they waited as he poured a glass for
each of them.

Bridget swirled the glass, then took a small sip. Her eyes
widened. “My, this is good.”

“It’s from Australia in the Yarra Valley.”

“Goodness.”

The waiter waited beside them. “Ready to order?”

After a quick perusal of the menu, they ordered and settled
onto neutral subjects about work and life. The meal soon arrived and they ate
in a companionable silence.

“I also have something for you,” he said after their plates
were taken away.

Bridget smiled sweetly. “For me? I thought we were here to
celebrate your promotion.”

“Think of this as a double celebration.”

He placed the package on the table and Bridget pulled it
toward her. Excitement widened her lips and she turned the box over. “What is
it?”

Max laughed. “You’ll have to open it to find out.”

She tore off the plain black wrapping and flipped open the
lid of the cardboard box. Her features softened as she took out the gnome he
had custom made especially for her. The gnome had long honey-brown hair tied in
a plait that went over one shoulder. In her hand she held a cello and had a smile
of pure happiness on her cherub face.

Bridget’s eyes widened. “Is this me?”

Everything lit up inside at the sight of her happiness. “I
thought you’d like it. Being the queen of the gnomes.”

She hugged the gnome to her. “I love it. Thank you.”

He lifted the glass to his lips. “You’re welcome.”

She looked down at the gnome then at him, her eyes soft with
something that made his heart stutter. “It’s very sweet. What else are we
celebrating?”

“Tomorrow, at around 2:30 a.m. to be precise, will be a year
since you threw a gnome into my window.”

Her mouth dropped open and she giggled. “Oh. I didn’t
realize.”

“I wouldn’t forget the moment the best thing ever walked
into my life.”

Her lashes dropped and Max instantly wanted to call the
words back. It was that damn line again. “Forget I said that.”

Bridget looked at him, her gaze difficult to decipher. “Do
you regret it?”

Max stiffened but forced his shoulders to relax. “Regret
what?”

“Leaving what you did behind.”

“Not for a second. My life was at a standstill when I was
there. Here I’m doing what I’d originally wanted to do and I can’t regret it.”

She looked down at the gnome again and the air around them
became stiff with tension. It was time for him to pull the plug and retreat and
reestablish the line that was constantly blurring on him.

“Well, I have work tomorrow. I’m going to have to take off.”

Bridget’s confusion made him grimace. “Oh all right.”

He stood and dropped money onto the table. “Did you want me
to walk you to the car?”

Bridget accepted his offered hand and they walked in silence
toward her car. The brisk wind slapped him in the face, reminding him of the
bitter taste of rejection. Was he torturing himself with a friendship when deep
down hope still existed? He shoved his hands deeper in his pockets. He had to
accept that Bridget was forever lost to him, that the most he could ever expect
was simply her regard. They drew to a stop near her car. She opened the door
and put her gnome in the passenger seat.

“Well, have a good night,” he said.

“Max, wait.”

Max paused, his heart racing even as he tried to keep an air
of nonchalance. “Yes?”

“Do you…miss us?”

“Every day,” he said, his voice thick with emotion.

She stepped closer, her hand pressed over his racing heart.
Tipping her chin up, she peered at him with softly poignant eyes. Max groaned
and dropped his head, capturing her mouth in a kiss filled with love and need.
His heart thundered in his ears and passion made his skin tingle. She tasted of
the purest wine, beautiful and full. She opened beneath him and he swept inside
to dance in the wet heat beyond. Bridget trembled as her arms wrapped around
his neck. He shuddered with passion only reserved for her. It blasted along his
skin and settled in his chest in a ball of pure light.

He’d dreamed of this for so long and held her to him as if
she’d disappear like a phantom. Cupping the back of her neck, his fingers
tangled in her hair. She filled his senses, her floral scent, the sound of soft
desire in the way her breathing hitched. He put all he had into the kiss, all
his love pouring out of him with every sweep of his hand along her back, every
slide of his tongue against hers.

He wanted to imprint this one moment on her memory, to
remind her what it felt like once upon a time to love him. To remember him in
her heart. His cock ached, but he kept it from her, not wanting to take away
from the pure gentleness of the moment.

After a time that both seemed to pass slowly and end all too
soon, he pulled away. Her lips were swollen from his kiss, her eyelids at half-mast.
He knew this was the point to walk away. He couldn’t ask her more than she was
willing to give. Straightening, he took his first step back, the move
excruciating but necessary. He’d exposed his heart yet again and the chill wind
battered it.

Turning away, he started back down the street.

Bridget stood dumbfounded as Max walked away from her. Her
heart raced in her ears and that last wall threatened to crumble. This was the
Max she fell in love with. The man who gave and believed in the little gestures.

“Max.”

He paused, his profile given, his back to her as he refused
to face her. She abandoned her car and closed the dozen or so steps that
separated them. The wind whistled between them like a chasm. A dark lock of
hair caressed his cheek. She wanted to finger it and remember how it felt in
her hands.

The last few months she’d watched a change in Max. Although
he always seemed happy there were moments where she caught his features turn
solemn and an aura of despair settle over him.

With every smile and every touch he slowly won her over. The
months watching him work with Bryce who still struggled with his rehabilitation
highlighted what a loving soul Max truly was.

“Did you mean it?” she asked.

“Mean what?”

“In that letter you sent me. You said that you’d share with
me and only me your body and soul. Do you mean it?”

He cupped her cheek, staring intently down at her. “I meant
it then and I mean it now.”

Lashes fanned downward and she nodded once before she looked
at him. Now was the time to decide. Could she take the leap of faith and let
the man who’d once hurt her back into her life? Her heart ached and nerves
prickled. Her mouth dry, she faltered. It all felt too soon.

She stepped away from him and he dipped his head, a flash of
pain crossing his features before he smiled softly. He shoved his hands in his
pockets and rocked on his feet. “So, I’ll be seeing you around?”

She nodded, words leaving her at the glimmer of love and
misery in his eyes. Was it so hard to love someone who remained impossibly out
of reach? Who was she punishing now? Herself or him?

“Come home with me.”

His breath stuttered. “Are you sure?”

Her heart thundered. “Sure enough to give us another
chance.”

“God, I love you.” He captured her lips in a kiss that
seared her right to her soul.

The End