Disclosures - SF4 (9 page)

"She’s cranky and needs a nap," Conor said over the baby’s rising cries.

"Why didn’t you say so?" Ryan asked. "You didn’t have to come pick us up."

"Well…" he began, his blue eyes betraying an impish look. "I kinda have plans and I thought you could…"

"Ohhhh…" Ryan scoffed, now understanding her brother’s willingness to fetch them. "The sooner I get home, the sooner you get to leave."

"Umm…something like that," he admitted, flashing his most winning smile at his little sister.

"Can the charm, boyo." Ryan returned his smile and flicked the back of his dark head. "We’ll all take a nap together."

"Thanks, girls," Conor replied, adding another grin in Jamie’s direction, even though it wasn’t required.

Minutes after they entered the house, all three women were stripped down to their Tshirts and underwear, settling down in the king-sized bed for a nap. Ryan knew they needed to have a little discussion about the encounter on the subway, but she thought they would both be more lucid after a nap. Jamie didn’t bring the subject up either and, in fact, was barely speaking at all. Ryan climbed into the middle of the bed, with Jamie on her left and Caitlin on her right, tucking a long arm under each blonde head. Her nap-mates immediately cuddled up to her sides, enveloping her with the warm comfort of their tender embraces.
This is what matters
, Ryan mused as her eyelids grew heavy.
This is all that really matters. Having this love is worth any amount of bullshit we have to put up with.

The shrill ringing of the phone woke Ryan from a perfectly lovely dream. She reached out blindly and inadvertently woke her tiny blonde companion, who greeted the affront with an equally shrill cry. Jamie also sat bolt-upright, and for a brief moment Ryan felt like joining in on Caitlin’s plaintive cry. "This is soooo not how I wanted to wake up," she grumbled, grabbing the offending telephone. "H’lo," her ragged voice croaked.

"Ryan?" came the deep voice on the other end.

"Oh, hi, Tommy," she yawned.

"Is Cait being ornery?" he asked somewhat sheepishly.

"Nah…we were all asleep and the phone woke her." Ryan smiled up at Jamie, who had scrambled out of the tangle of sheets to pick up the still-squawking baby.

"Jeez, I’m sorry, Buddy," Tommy murmured, using one of his many nicknames for his cousin. "I just called because Annie’s home, and we wanted to come get the baby so we could have dinner together."

"No prob," she muttered, tossing her long legs off the bed to stand up. She was unable to resist her compulsion to stretch, and did so from the vertical position, much to Jamie’s amusement. She felt short fingernails scratch her back while she stretched, and as she leaned into the contact, she nearly hung up without saying goodbye.

"Ryan?" Tommy’s voice held a note of amusement also, and Ryan knew that his hazel eyes were likely dancing impishly. "You okay?"

She forced herself to swallow the pleasured groan that was about to escape, and tried to concentrate. "Fine…just fine," she drawled. "Jamie’s just helping me wake up."

"I’m not gonna have to deprogram Caitlin, am I?" he chuckled.

"Nothing she hasn’t seen before," Ryan assured him. "All "G" rated." The baby was now calm, and she struggled a bit to go to Ryan. "Talk to Jamie," she said, handing the phone to her partner as she accepted the baby.

"Hi, Tommy," the slightly hesitant voice began.

"Hey, Jamie. Good to have you guys home again. Wanna join us for dinner since Martin’s working?"

"Sure," she said immediately, not even bothering to check with Ryan. She was confident that her partner would never turn down the opportunity to spend some time with the Driscolls. "We’ll get dressed…I mean we’ll um…put our pants back….I mean…" She was blushing furiously, but Tommy rescued her immediately.

"I take Caitlin into the shower with me, Jamie. If that hasn’t scared her to death, seeing you two half-dressed won’t scar her, either."

"Good point," she mumbled, feeling relieved but still slightly embarrassed. "We’ll be over in a few."

"See ya then," he called out in his deep baritone. "Don’t forget your pants."

"This level of openness is gonna take some getting used to," she muttered, dropping the phone in the cradle and flopping onto the bed.

A little after six, the threesome started off for the walk to Caitlin’s home. The Driscolls, like the rest of the family, lived in the Noe Valley. Their small rented house was on the edge of the business district running along 24th Street, while the O’Flaherty brothers and Maeve lived in Upper Noe and enjoyed the very hilly terrain of the area nearer to Castro. Conor had not bothered to bring the baby’s stroller, and the car seat was still in the truck, so Ryan placed Caitlin on her shoulders for the six-block walk.

Jamie smiled at the pair as they made their way down the steep pitch of Noe St. "You look like one of those mules in the Grand Canyon," the larger blonde commented. Ryan was walking carefully, her natural gait greatly slowed—almost ambling with the baby astride her shoulders.

"Brrrrrrhhhhh," the lanky pseudo-donkey replied as she shook her head playfully. Caitlin, of course, loved this sound, and she jumped and slapped at Ryan’s head to get her to repeat it. It didn’t take long for Ryan to get into the game and begin acting more like a frisky filly than a donkey, and Caitlin could not get enough of the fun. They cantered a few dozen yards, then galloped back up the hill, to the delighted laughter of both rider and pony. Jamie urged them on, cheering for them both until the pony was gasping for breath.

"No more," Ryan cried, bending over at the waist to gasp for air. Jamie pulled Caitlin off and settled her on her own shoulders, mentally preparing herself for a more casual hairdo than she currently wore.

When Ryan was rested they took off again, with Caitlin only slightly dissatisfied with her new, slower mount. Ryan slipped her hand around Jamie’s, giving it a gentle squeeze, but she felt just the slightest hesitation from her partner. "Wanna talk about it?" Her voice was slow and calm, and Jamie knew that the invitation could be declined without bothering Ryan.

"I suppose." Her voice betrayed her lack of enthusiasm, but Ryan moved forward anyway.

"It’s a pretty bad feeling, isn’t it?" Empathetic blue eyes met and held Jamie’s gaze.

A small head nod was the reply. "It just caught me by surprise, I guess. That was the first time I’ve ever felt judged like that."

Ryan’s brow furrowed at that declaration. "What about that time we went to the Hillsborough Tea Room? You were treated pretty shitty there."

The blonde shook her head as well as she could with Caitlin’s chubby fingers threaded through the golden strands. "No, Honey. You were treated shitty. I was just an observer."

Ryan considered this for a moment, then the light dawned. "Ohh…you didn’t identify with being gay, so you didn’t feel like you were being criticized."

"Riiight. I was outraged by how we were treated—but I was outraged for you. The woman today was talking to me…about me."

"Gotcha," Ryan mumbled, understanding that the difference was critical. "What about Cassie? Didn’t you feel judged by her?"

Blonde brows knit together for a moment. "No…not really. I know her pretty well, and she isn’t really anti-gay."

Ryan’s mouth gaped at this revelation. "She sure coulda fooled me!"

"No, really, Honey. I think she suspected something between us from the beginning, and she was convinced that you were trying to turn me into something I’m not. I’ll admit that it was misguided and narrow-minded, but she has gay and lesbian friends, and she treats them well. I think she just hated
you
."

"Oh…well…that’s understandable." Ryan was wearing one of her adorable goofy grins, and Jamie couldn’t help but give her a pinch.

"No, it’s not!" she decreed. "I never want to see her again, to tell you the truth, but I still maintain that she’s not really homophobic."

"Okay," Ryan agreed, deciding to let the matter drop, even though she didn’t agree with Jamie’s assessment. "Today’s little episode was from a homophobe, and it was directed at you, and you have every reason to feel hurt by it."

"Yeah…" Jamie was staring at the pavement, walking carefully because of her cargo. "I was hurt. It really got in…do you know what I mean?"

"Yeah, I do," Ryan said. "Sometimes things like that just surprise you so badly that they get past your defenses."

Jamie looked up at her with a completely quizzical expression. "I don’t think I have defenses."

"Sure you do," Ryan assured her. "I’ve seen your whole personality change when you’re interacting with men."

"Huh?"

"You put a damper on your openness, your friendliness. When you’re around guys you don’t know, you don’t show all of your most adorable qualities. I assume that’s so guys don’t get the wrong idea and start hitting on you, right?"

"I…I don’t think I do that consciously," she mumbled, not refuting that she did tone her personality down when she was in the company of available men.

"I don’t put up my defenses consciously either," Ryan said. "They just come up when I’m in public, or with people that I don’t know well. You’ve seen my defenses up full force around Jack and Cassie."

Jamie thought of the few times she was with Ryan and Jack. "Yeah…I guess I see what you mean. You were very reserved around him. I thought you were just shy."

"Nope. I haven’t been shy since I was a kid. I just knew that he had an issue with me, and I tried to give him as little ammunition as possible."

"Do I have to do that with people about us?" Jamie was heartbroken to think of having to hide her love for the wonderful woman who was so gently holding her hand.

"No, Honey," Ryan assured her. "You will figure out what you’re comfortable with. I’m willing to put up with some harassment from strangers—so I act pretty normally around you in public. But when I’m in a situation where I could be physically harmed…I pull back and try not to give off any lesbian signals at all."

"Have you always been like that?"

Ryan’s face grew dark as a flash of pain crossed her face. "I got much more careful after I was gay bashed last year," she admitted. "I haven’t been to the bars or clubs in the marginal neighborhoods since then. Some very violent guys know there are gay and lesbian clubs there, and they sometimes go looking for victims."

A shiver ran down Jamie’s spine as her mind automatically created a mental image of her partner lying on the street in a pool of blood. They hadn’t spoken about the incident since Ryan had first mentioned it, and judging from the look on her lover’s face, it was best left alone for the moment.

Trying to lighten the mood, Jamie adopted her fiercest look and muttered, "Nobody will mess with you now, Babe. They’d have to get through me first."

The smile returned to Ryan’s face as she paused to assess her protector. Sunny, open features, a wide smile and dancing green eyes were topped by a jumble of fine blonde hair and one giggling baby. "I wouldn’t mess with you two," Ryan said in a somber tone. "You could cute a person to death!"

"I’ll show you cute!" Jamie leaned over just enough to allow Caitlin to reach Ryan’s eye level. "Get her, partner!" Amazingly, Caitlin seemed to understand the attack command perfectly. She slapped her tiny hands at Ryan’s face, while the tall woman playfully bit at each little pink hand.

"I give! I give! You win, Cait. I know when I’m up against a born fighter."

Jamie straightened and patted the champ’s little leg. "Ya did good, Rocky."

Caitlin seemed to agree, and her joyful laugh echoed off the cozy little Victorian houses lining the streets of the Noe Valley.

As they reached the front walk of the Lilliputian house that Tommy and Annie rented, Ryan cast a quizzical glance at her partner, noticing a large number of voices coming from inside the house. "Who else is coming?" she asked, hefting Caitlin from Jamie’s shoulders.

"Search me." Jamie shrugged her shoulders, partly in reply and partly to loosen them up after carrying her burden.

The door was locked, which in itself was strange, and the women shot another puzzled glance at each other when the house grew quiet as soon as Ryan banged on the door.

Seconds later the decibel level grew beyond the previous high when the assembled crowd saw them enter. "Surprise!" they all called out in unison. All of the cousins and aunts and uncles were jammed into the small living room around a very beautifully decorated cake that read, 'Congratulations, Jamie and Ryan'. Colorful balloons and streamers flew around the ceiling, and the table was laden with cards addressed to them.

They were both staggered by the welcome, and Brendan came over to swoop the baby from Ryan’s arms. He leaned over and kissed her, then leaned farther and gave a kiss to Jamie. A big smile played across his face as he needlessly asked, "Are you surprised?"

They both nodded, still in shock over the outpouring of affection from the clan. Jamie resorted to her normal reaction and tears began to flow down her cheeks. Ryan quirked a grin in her direction as she slid her arm around her shoulders and hugged her firmly. "You're really a member of the family now, Sweetie. You've gotten your first cake!"

One by one the various members of the family came over to hug and kiss each of the still startled women. A few bottles of champagne were produced, and everyone held up their filled glasses as Martin proposed a toast. "To my most precious daughter and her beloved Jamie. May your love bring you joy and peace and sustenance all the days of your lives. We love you both, girls. And we couldn't be happier for you."

As the glasses were raised in a group cheer, Jamie looked up at her lover, the tears still glistening in her eyes. "I love you, and I love your family," she said sincerely.

"Our family, Jamie," she corrected her as she placed a delicate kiss on her trembling lips. "It's ours now."

The party was a rousing success by any standard. Caitlin, of course, was certain that she was the guest of honor, being of the belief that every part of every day revolved around her. Ryan and Jamie did their best to make her believe that such was the case, even letting her cut the first piece of cake, with their assistance, of course. After everyone had at least one piece of cake, the confines of the small house got to be too much for both Ryan and Caitlin, so they decided to go out to the postage-stamp sized back yard and let Caitlin practice her walking.

The baby still needed the security of a hand or a leg or a piece of furniture in order to feel confident in her ramblings, and her babysitters were only too happy to aid her quest. They both delighted in her determined face as she scrunched up her little brow in concentration and began to scamper toward whatever object took her fancy. She walked with a stiff legged gait, with most of her weight over her toes. She kept her arms at her sides, not yet understanding that they could be helpful in maintaining her balance. She didn't fall often, but when she did, they just helped her up and sent her on her way again. She took her little tumbles in stride, barely stopping after each one, but around seven o'clock she took a relatively minor fall and stayed down. She lay face down on the grass and cried pitifully until Ryan picked her up and cuddled her, cooing into her tiny ear until the sobs subsided. Jamie went to get a bottle as Ryan did a quick diaper change, and after a bit she settled down in Ryan’s arms to enjoy her dinner.