Discovery at Nerwolix (48 page)

“But Sampson’s already—”

“Shown you the first layer. Taught you the
basics. There’s so much you don’t know, Fallon. So much about who
we are, about
yourself
that you haven’t begun to discover
yet. Yes you can hear us and as I’ve heard it, you’re pretty decent
with a whip,” he glances at the scar on my arm, “surprisingly. But
there’s so much more. And if they want to teach you, to train you…
there must be a reason.” Clarence exhales, looking back to the
water. “Sampson’s right. It is a
great
honor. Right now you
don’t know what it means… but you will. And you’ll be grateful that
you were chosen when no one is.”

I lower my head, resting my chin on my knee
caps and exhale. He’s right—I know he’s right—but with the sun
fully set, tomorrow will be here soon. And I’ll have to leave for
three months. My stomach ties into knots again.

“Clarence…” I start, nibbling on my bottom
lip as I search for the words I need. “What… what happened when you
found me? I know I was murdered…” it’s strange to say the words
aloud, “but, but…how did—”

“I don’t know,” he cuts me off, genuine
guilt in his tone. “I got there and found you like that. Ruth was
already…” he closes his eyes as he slowly shakes his head. “And you
were on the edge. The very edge. If I’d gotten there any later…” he
shakes his head again before looking up at me with sorrow. “I don’t
know what happened.”

“Maybe it was a home invasion?”

“It could’ve been anything.”

I nod and let out a deep frustrated exhale.
I guess I’ll never know. If Clarence arrived after it happened,
then there’s no one left to tell me.

“We should probably head back,” Clarence
rises. “I know some people will want to say goodbye.”

“No. I don’t want anyone knowing I’m going.
I want to leave tomorrow before they find out,” I jump to a stand,
dusting off my bottom. “I know that sounds mean but I don’t think I
can do it. I don’t think I can tell them goodbye.”

“Alright. We’ll tell them once you’re gone.
But I know someone you can’t avoid.”

I inhale, tremors running through me.

“He’s probably waiting for you,” Clarence
holds out his hand and I take it. “Come on.”

He leads me back to the city and up toward
Reid’s home. I’d been enjoying our new routing of lying in each
other’s arms and drifting into the same peaceful sleep. But then
the Lynzees showed up and it changed. Tonight would be the last
time I’d sleep next to Reid for three months.

Three months.

After I’m dropped off, I stare at the red
curtain for a long time. I probably won’t get any sleep. I’ll stay
awake as long as possible, not wanting to waste a moment. But what
will we say to each other? What will we do? Will I cry? Will he?
Part of me wants to wait out here all night because I’m too craven
to find out. But I can’t waste this time not being with him. Taking
a deep breath, I steady myself and pull back the curtain.

At first I think the space is empty. No one
is on the bed and everything is still. But then I spot him in the
far corner, sitting on one of the red cushions with his head in his
hands and his elbows on his knees. His face is down, shielding his
expression. I take another step and the ground squeaks beneath my
feet. His head pops up.

My chest tightens. “Hi.”

The corner of his mouth lifts a fraction,
but he doesn’t smile.

“I was down at the beach…I,” I inhale,
trying to steady my racing heart, “…needed some time.”

He nods, his eyes never wavering from mine.
We look at each other for a long while—me standing by the curtain
and Reid sitting on the opposite side, watching as an internal
struggle plays across his face. Finally, when I can’t take it
anymore, I move further into the space, just to the foot of his
bed.

“So what’re you doing?”

He shrugs.

I step closer. “Are you okay?”

Reid sucks in a deep breath and sits back.
He looks at me for a minute, just looking, like he’s trying to
decide something. “I was thinking about what I could do. How I
could make you stay. Maybe we could run away together or
something,” he gestures past the red curtain, “but I don’t know
where we’d go. And they’d catch up to us. We’d only prolong you
leaving,” he inhales, sitting further back against the wall. “So
I’ve just been thinking about tonight, about what I would say to
you when I saw you.”

“And?”

He bites his lip. “I don’t want you to
go.”

“I have—”

“I know you have to. Doesn’t change the fact
that I don’t want you to.”

“It’ll be over before we know it,” I try
making this easier for the both of us, thinking of that grain of
sand in Clarence’s fingers. “And I’ll be back here with you.”

“Are you planning on telling the
others?”

I shake my head. “Can you?”

He nods.

“Tell Pratt and Able I’m sorry I didn’t say
goodbye. I know it makes me a coward but… I don’t think I can spend
tonight saying goodbye. I don’t want that.”

“What
do
you want?” Reid asks.

My chest tightens again, a mixture of fire
and knots filling me. “I want to spend it with you.”

He closes his eyes, as if that’s what he’s
hoping to hear. I wait in silence before he looks at me again. “I
want that too.”

Suddenly I feel like crying. Everything is
happening so quickly and before I know it, I’ll be gone, away from
Reid for longer than I’ve known him. “These last few days have
been…”

“I know,” he nods, his words soft and
gentle. “Me too.”

I choke on a sob just waiting to break free.
Somehow I hold it down.

“I wanted them to last,” he says. “I’m not
foolish—I know the war isn’t over but I was hoping there’d be time.
We’d
have time to ourselves. I could…” he inhales and closes
his eyes.

“What?”

Reid shakes his head. “I just wanted more
time with you.”

Unable to stop it, everything inside me
comes bubbling to the surface, breaking through my armored shield.
My eyes fill with moisture; I try to hold them back, but the tears
appear before I can wipe them free. “I wanted more time with you
too,” I sniffle, my chest tightening. “I love you.”

Reid looks up, his chest expanding. He
watches me for a second, some great thought playing behind his
eyes. It still stings that he hasn’t said it, but he doesn’t have
to. I’m alright with that now. As long as he knows how I
feel—that’s fine. That’s all I need.

“It’s okay,” I sniffle again. “You don’t
have to say—”

“Fallon…” he whispers, his voice achingly
tender. He lowers his head and takes a deep breath as an endless
moment passes. I’m about to tell him he doesn’t have to explain,
that I don’t need to hear it, but he cuts me off with the same
broken whisper. “Fallon…” it reverberates through me, “… I’ve loved
you for a
long
time.”

My heart stops.

And then starts up again, taking off as it
pounds hard against my chest, suffocating all air. I’m trying to
breathe, trying to remember what it’s like, but all I can do is
replay his words over and over again, drowning in them.

I’ve loved you for a long time.

“Always…” his voice shakes. He looks up, his
heavy brown eyes burning. “I’ve
always
loved you. Since the
moment I saw you,” he stands and walks toward me, “since the moment
I touched you,” he’s here and I step back, giving myself the crisp
air I need to keep standing. But he moves closer, backing me to the
wall, bringing the fire with him. “I knew I loved you. Nothing
existed before you. Nothing.”

“Reid…”

“I’ll wait. Three months. Three years. Three
decades—as long as I have to. You,” he holds my face, “are all that
matters to me.
You
are my purpose.”

I’m shaking in his hands, holding them with
mine. I’m so lost to him. To his touch, his scent, his eyes.
God
, I’m powerless around Reid. A complete pile of jellied
limbs and a ticking time-bomb heart. He leans in, his focus dipping
to my mouth. Closing his eyes, he presses his brow against mine. “I
love you more than anything, Fallon.”

I’m about to collapse. But Reid has me
pinned against one of the walls, his hands holding my face and his
body pressed to mine.

“I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to say it.
You…” a lump rolls down his throat as he opens his eyes, “you
deserve better. You deserve to be told every day. I—you don’t know
how hard it’s been. I’ve wanted to tell you. Every day. It’s all I
think about. You. How much I love you. How glad I am I found
you.”

Oh God… how can I leave him for three
months?

I think of Clarence and the grain of sand.
And Anne. He’ll never get to see her again and all I have is three
months away from Reid. That’s it. Then I can come back. And be with
him. Be with the rest of them. Instead of telling him how much I
want him to make me stay, I lean forward and capture his lips with
mine.

A low groan escapes. He breathes me in,
holding my face in his strong hands. But even with all his
strength, he handles me with infinite tenderness. “God you’re
beautiful,” he breaks away with a whisper, rolling his forehead on
mine. “You’re not real.”

I look at him. My chest swells as some
reverent force lights insides me. Throwing my arms around him, I
squeeze as hard as possible, trying to hold onto him, trying to
bring us together in one solid mass. He squeezes back, molding my
body to his as he pulls me up, off the ground. We’re entangled in
this hard, heavy hug and all I can feel is Reid’s heart. It pounds
through his chest and into mine.

“I didn’t know it would feel like this,” I
whisper.

He responds by squeezing even tighter. And
suddenly my entire body is in the air, in his arms. I wrap my legs
around his waist, gripping onto him with everything I have, hoping
the pressure of our combined bodies might prevent me from leaving.
He holds me like this for a second, the two of us standing and
squeezing out the pain to make room for love. But then he walks me
back and I’m up against the wall. Reid’s lips find their way to my
neck.

I close my eyes and give in. His mouth is
burning against my heated skin but it’s not enough. I need to feel
more of him. I need to feel him against me. Gripping him with my
legs, I push off from the wall long enough to rip my shirt over my
head and toss it to the floor. He groans in approval, his lips
moving down my throat and onto my chest. I slide my fingers into
his hair, gripping it as his face lands near the dip in my
breasts.

“
Please…
”

Just one word. That’s all it takes and I’m
on my feet. Reid drops to his knees in front of me, unbuckling my
jeans and sliding them down my legs. I’ve barely stepped out of
them and my panties when he picks me back up and wraps my legs
around his hips again. He’s at my mouth and we’re kissing, one hand
around my waist and the other fiercely working his own button. I
know when he’s opened it because I’m forced back to the wall with a
sense of urgency.

His eyes shift between mine and I see him.
Right into him. Right into his wants. His hopes. His desires. And
his heart.

Then I feel him.

His mouth falls open as a softness exudes, a
deep vulnerability erupting all over his body. It trembles and then
he’s moving inside me. One arm is wrapped around my waist and the
other is at my neck, holding it still so he can kiss me as he
thrusts.
Oh God
I’m already unraveling. I’m already burning
up, my body a slave to Reid’s, unable to do anything other than to
submit to his will. And he, he moves inside me like he can’t
believe he’s doing it, like he wants to take this moment and make
it last for eternity. And I want that too.

Reid breaks away from my mouth and presses
his forehead against mine. Focused on my lips, he starts panting,
his hips driving into me with hard, deep thrusts. A lump rolls down
his throat just as his brows pinch together in pleasurable
exhaustion. I grip him tighter, squeezing tufts of his hair between
my fingers.

“I love you,” he croaks.

“I…”

“I love you so fucking much,” he grinds into
me, cementing me even further against the wall. He swings his hips
into mine with a gentle hardness that unravels me. A deep growl
emits and that’s it.

I explode in a way I never have before. My
body quivers beneath his as euphoric blindness takes over,
paralyzing me. Closing my eyes, I give myself over to the hard
rumblings that ripple through me, sparking every nerve in this
oversensitive body. I’m too focused on this, on the way I’m
unraveling for him, that I don’t even realize I’m no longer against
the wall. My body is still glowing when soft linen brushes my back.
I open my eyes and find Reid on top of me, on the bed. He’s still
thrusting, still moving inside me with the same gentle aggression
as before. One hand remains around my waist and the other is pinned
to the wooden wall above my head.

“Reid…”

He’s groaning from deep in his throat, his
eyes shut as a fine sheen of sweat covers his face. Lifting my leg,
he wraps it around his waist and pumps into me harder.
Harder
. I arch under him as his lips find the peaks of my
bra. He kisses one and cups the other. I start shaking as he peels
back the material and takes my nipple between his lips. I cry out,
my head all the way back as I feel his tongue sweep my sensitive
skin. My heart is beating a thousand miles a minute, pumping
relentlessly to keep up with Reid’s loving assault. But I can’t
hold on much longer. I’m building again, nearly lost to the
vibrations rumbling through my boiling body.

“I’m…” I’m panting. Shaking.

He sucks in my nipple and I lose it.

I scream his name and shatter into a million
pieces all over again, the universe and everything in it
disappearing. I’m not here. I’m not anywhere other than the left
over explosion of who I use to be, shimmering through all of time
and space. My heart is racing, thumping hard and fierce in my chest
as air tries to circulate in my lungs again. I’m barely falling
back to earth, to my familiar skin—