Disgrace (40 page)

‘Come on, Ulrik!’ the others cried, as Bjarne yelled at them to stop. It was then that Ditlev and Kristian grabbed hold of Bjarne and held him back.

She saw Ulrik unzipping his trousers, for once seemingly very ready. What she didn’t see was Torsten, who threw himself at her from behind and forced her to the ground.

If it weren’t for Bjarne’s cursing and wild punching and the subsequent shrivelling of Ulrik’s manhood, they would have raped her that day in front of the thicket of bullrushes.

It didn’t take long, however, before Kristian systematically began to seek her out. He couldn’t care less about Bjarne and the others. As long as
he
could have her, he was content.

Bjarne changed. When he and Kimmie talked together he seemed unfocused. Stopped returning her caresses and was often absent when she got home from work. Spent money he shouldn’t have had. Talked on the telephone when he thought she was asleep.

Kristian courted her favour everywhere. In the Nautilus pet shop, on the way home from work, in the flat she shared with Bjarne after he’d been given a cushy job by the others and was well out of the way.

And Kimmie derided him. Mocked Kristian for his dependency and lack of a sense of reality.

She quickly saw how his anger increased. How the steel in his eyes grew flinty and piercing.

But Kimmie didn’t fear him. What could he do to her that he hadn’t already done so many times before?

It finally happened that day in March when the comet Hyakutake was visible in the sky over Denmark. Bjarne was given a telescope by Torsten, and Ditlev had made his yacht available. The plan was that while Bjarne drank lots of beers and tried to fathom the enormity of the universe, Kristian, Ditlev, Torsten and Ulrik would break into his flat.

She never found out how they had managed to get hold of a door key, but suddenly they were standing there with their pupils small and nostrils itching from the coke. They said nothing, just went right at her, pressing her against the wall and tearing at her clothes until she was adequately accessible.

They didn’t get her to say anything because she knew it would only make them wilder. As if she hadn’t seen it plenty of times when they’d assaulted others.

The boys in the gang hated whining. So did Kimmie.

They threw her on the coffee table without clearing it first. The rape began when Ulrik straddled her stomach and grabbed her knees with his huge paws, forcing her to spread her legs. First she tried pounding his back, but the cocaine frenzy and his layer of fat absorbed the force of her blows. And what was the point, anyway? She knew Ulrik loved it. A thrashing, humiliation, coercion – whatever challenged conventional morality. Nothing was taboo for Ulrik. No fetish went untested. None. Still, he couldn’t get it up like everyone else.

When Ulrik climbed off her, Kristian got into position between her legs and pounded his will into her, until only the whites of his eyes were visible and his lips curled with self-satisfaction. Second was Ditlev, who finished quickly
with his usual strange, cramp-like shuddering, and then came Torsten.

As his lean body was bulldozing her, Bjarne suddenly appeared in the doorway. She looked him straight in the face as recognition of his own inferiority was born inside him and the gang’s camaraderie broke his will and took over. She shouted at him to leave, but he didn’t.

After Torsten had pulled out of her, their collective deep breathing turned to jubilation when Bjarne took his place.

She stared into his detached, bluish-red face and saw clearly for the first time just what her life had become.

Resigning herself, she closed her eyes and drifted away.

The last she heard before completely disappearing into the protective fog of subconsciousness was their laughter when Ulrik wanted another try and failed once more to get an erection.

It was the last time she saw them all together.

‘My little darling, look what Mummy’s brought you.’

She unravelled the little person from the cloth and gazed at her with the sincerest tenderness. What a gift from God. Such small fingers and toes. Such tiny fingernails.

Then she unwrapped a package and held the contents in the air above the desiccated body.

‘Look, Mille, have you ever seen anything like it? Isn’t it just what we need on a day like today?’

She touched one little hand with her finger. ‘Mummy’s very warm, isn’t she?’ she asked. ‘Yes, Mummy is very warm.’ She laughed. ‘Your mum gets that way when she’s really excited. But you know that.’

She looked out of the window. It was the last day of September. Almost the same date she’d moved in with Bjarne twelve years ago. Except it hadn’t rained that day.

As far as she could recall.

When they’d finished raping her, they left her lying on the coffee table and sat in a circle on the floor snorting coke until they were totally blasted. They had screamed their lungs out laughing and Kristian had slapped her hard a few times on her naked thighs. Apparently as a sign of reconciliation.

‘Come on, Kimmie!’ Bjarne shouted. ‘Don’t be so prudish. It’s just us.’

‘It’s over now,’ she snarled. ‘Finished.’

She could tell they didn’t believe her. They thought she was too dependent on them, and that she would come crawling back before too long. But she wasn’t. Not ever. In Switzerland she had managed without them. She could do it again.

It took her a while to get up. Her perineum was burning. The ligaments in her hips were sprained, her neck ached and humiliation weighed her down.

That feeling returned with a vengeance when Kassandra greeted her at the house in Ordrup with scorn in her voice, and the words: ‘Is there anything in this world you are capable of doing right, Kimmie?’

The next day she learned that Torsten had bought her place of employment, Nautilus Trading A/S, and that she was now out of a job. One of the employees who had been her friend gave her a cheque and told her that unfortunately she would have to leave the premises. Florin had
made the personnel changes, her colleague said. So if she wanted to lodge a complaint, she would have to approach him personally.

When she went to the bank to deposit the cheque, she discovered that Bjarne had emptied their account and closed it.

Under no circumstances would she be allowed to escape from their clutches. That was the plan.

During the following months she stayed in her quarters in the house at Ordrup. At night she fetched her food from the main kitchen and took it up to her flat. During the day she slept, her little teddy bear clasped in her hand and her legs tucked beneath her. Kassandra often stood outside the door, exercising her shrill voice, but Kimmie was deaf to the world.

For Kimmie didn’t owe anything to anyone, and Kimmie was pregnant.

‘You have no idea how happy I was when I discovered I was going to have you,’ she said, smiling at the little one. ‘I knew instantly that you were a girl and what I would call you: Mille. It was simply your name. Isn’t that funny and strange?’

Her hands fumbled a bit as she swaddled the body again. There she lay in the white cloth, like a tiny, wee Jesus child.

‘I so looked forward to having you and to our living in our house, just like other people do. Your mother was going to find a job as soon as you were born, and after Mum picked you up from the day nursery, we were just going to be together all the time.’

She pulled out a bag, set it on the bed and stuffed one of the hotel’s pillows into it. It looked secure and warm.

‘Yes, you and I were supposed to live in that house, just the two of us, and Kassandra just would’ve had to go.’

Kristian Wolf began calling her during the weeks before his wedding. The thought of being shackled made him desperate, as did her repeated rejections.

The summer was a grey one, yet it was a blissful time for Kimmie, who began to take control of her life. She had put the terrible things they’d done behind her. Now she was responsible, beginning anew.

The past was dead.

It wasn’t until Ditlev Pram and Torsten Florin were standing in Kassandra’s living room, waiting for her one day, that she realized how impossible it was to escape the past. When she saw them scrutinizing her, she remembered how dangerous they could be.

‘Your old friends have come to visit you,’ Kassandra chirped, in her nearly transparent summer dress. She protested at having to leave her domain – ‘My Room’ – but what was about to happen wasn’t intended for her ears.

‘I don’t know why you’re here, but I want you to leave,’ Kimmie said, fully aware that that was just the beginning of negotiations over who would be in charge and who wouldn’t by the time the meeting was over.

‘You’re too deeply involved in everything, Kimmie,’ Torsten said. ‘We can’t have you pulling out. Who knows what you might do.’

She shook her head. ‘What are you talking about? That I’d commit suicide and leave ugly letters behind?’

Ditlev nodded. ‘For example. There are also other things we could imagine you might do.’

‘Such as?’

‘Does it matter?’ Torsten said, coming closer.

If they grabbed hold of her again she would smash them with one of the massive Chinese vases standing in the corner.

‘The main point is that we know where we’ve got you when you’re with us. You can’t live without it either, just admit it, Kimmie,’ he went on.

She smiled crookedly. ‘Maybe you’re going to be a father, Torsten. Or maybe you, Ditlev.’ She hadn’t intended to say it, but it was worth it to see their faces tighten. ‘Why would I want to go with you?’ She laid a hand on her belly. ‘You think it’s good for the child, maybe? I don’t.’

She knew what they were thinking as they exchanged glances. They both had children, and they’d both been through a number of divorces and domestic scandals. Another one wouldn’t destroy their reputations. Her insurrection was all that troubled them.

‘You’ll have to get rid of that child,’ Ditlev said, unexpectedly harsh.

‘Get rid of’, he’d said. With those three words, she knew the child was in mortal danger.

She raised her hand towards them to demonstrate the distance between them.

‘If you want to protect your interests, then let me be, understand? Just leave me alone – totally.’

She noted with satisfaction how her shift in tone made them screw up their eyes.

‘If you don’t, then you should know I have a box which
contains items that could completely destroy you. That box is my life insurance. Rest assured, if anything should happen to me, the box will see the light of day.’ In fact she’d never planned it this way. Granted, she did have the box tucked away, but she’d never considered showing it to anyone. They were just her trophies. A little object for each life they’d snuffed out. Like the Indian’s scalps. Like the matador’s bull’s ears
.
Like the hearts of the Incas’ victims.

‘What box?’ Torsten asked, as the wrinkles in his fox-face became more pronounced.

‘Just things I’ve collected from our assaults. With the contents of that box, everything we’ve done can be exposed, and if you touch me or my child, you’ll die behind bars, I promise you.’

Ditlev clearly bought it. Torsten, on the other hand, seemed sceptical.

‘Name one thing,’ he said.

‘One of the earrings from the woman on Langeland. Kåre Bruno’s rubber anklet. Remember how Kristian grabbed him and shoved him off the board? Then maybe you also recall how he was standing outside Bellahøj afterwards with the anklet, laughing. I don’t think he’ll laugh when he finds out it’s currently keeping company with a couple of Trivial Pursuit cards from Rørvig, do you?’

Torsten Florin looked away from her. As if he wanted to be certain that no one was listening on the other side of the door.

‘No, Kimmie, you’re right,’ he said. ‘I don’t think he will, either.’

Kristian visited her one night when Kassandra was passed out cold from drinking.

He stood over her by the bed and said the words so slowly and emphatically that every single one of them bored into her.

‘Tell me where the box is, Kimmie, or I will kill you right now.’

He pounded her brutally until he almost couldn’t raise his arms. Pounded her abdomen and her groin and ribcage until bones cracked. But she didn’t tell him where the box was.

Finally he left. Totally drained of aggression. Fully confident that his mission was completed and that Kimmie had simply made up the story about the box and its contents.

When she came to, she was just about able to call the ambulance herself.

33

She awoke with an empty stomach and no appetite. It was Sunday afternoon and she was still at the hotel. An hour’s worth of dreams had given her the assurance that everything would fall into place. What other sustenance did she need?

She turned to her bag containing the bundle, which was on the bed beside her.

‘Today I’m giving you a present, little Mille. I’ve thought about it. You shall have the best toy I’ve ever had in my entire life, my little teddy bear,’ she said. ‘Mummy has thought about giving it to you so often, and today’s the day. Doesn’t that make you happy?’

She sensed the voices lurking, waiting for her to make a blunder, but then she stuck her hand into the bag, felt the bundle, and let the warm feelings take over.

‘Yes, I’m calm now, my love. I’m completely calm. Today nothing will be able to hurt us.’

When she’d been brought in with massive haemorrhaging in her abdomen, the staff at Bispebjerg Hospital had asked her repeatedly how something like that could have happened. One of the head doctors even suggested calling the police, but she talked them out of it. The bruises on her body, she assured them, were the result of a fall from the top step of a long, steep staircase. She’d been having
dizzy spells sometimes, and she’d had one as she was standing on that top step. No one had tried to kill her, she swore. She lived alone with her stepmother. It was just a foolish and ugly accident.

The following day the nurses had given her faith that the child would survive. It wasn’t until they brought her greetings from her old school friends that she knew she needed to be careful.