Authors: Aven Jayce
“Holy shit, Dan. That’s messed up.”
“Not to a young boy obsessed with
religion and living the life of God. No, it’s not. I believed what he said, but
disagreed with the way out. At that age, a small breeze would give me an
erection, or it would just happen for no reason at all. I became a blackbird
and sat in this tree every fucking day, seeking gratification and then feeling
ashamed and full of guilt afterward. I carved a cross each time I lost control
as a reminder of the harm I was doing to my relationship with God and myself,
but it wasn’t enough to stop me. Ten crosses, fifty, and then a hundred, I
didn’t care, nothing felt as good as jerking off in this tree. Religion became
second best, and for myself, it was a turning point in my life. I betrayed God
as a pre-teen because of my lack of self-control.”
“No, you grew up, that’s all. And I know
you know that too. You’re only human. The church you attended, or at least the
priest of that church, was really behind the times.” I grip his chest tighter
and can still feel the heavy
thump-thump
of his heart. “That would’ve been a traumatic thing for any person at that age
to go through, and I understand why you still carry it with you.” My eyes are
adjusting to the darkness while the moon makes an appearance over us. “What
about the tree on your chest?”
“The cherry tree,” he leans back. “The
blossoms are sexual and dominant. They overpower the darkness of the bird and
for myself; they represent sexual freedom. The tree also symbolizes a
reawakening. As a whole, it’s a mixture of dark and light. I’ve had the tat in
mind for years, but always wanted an oak tree. It wasn’t until I bought my new
place that the cherry tree became significant, since I’ve been watching it grow
outside my front door, a rebirth kind of thing. Last year was the first year I
made enough money to get the tat.”
“That’s an incredible story.”
“Yes,” he says and runs his finger along
the cherry branch, down his chest, to his waist, stopping at his belt. “Dark is
lovely, Divine. Don’t allow darkness to overpower your life like it did to me
for so many years. I’ve learned to accept the fact that I can’t control life
and death in this world, or if I’m going to Heaven or Hell, and I really don’t
give a flying fuck anymore either. I’m a religious man, but I’m not obsessed
with it. And if committing certain acts is considered dark and sinister, but
those things make me happy, then that darkness is lovely.” he exhales. “I can
tell your past overpowers your life. There’s extreme darkness around both of us
that we shouldn’t hide from one another. I’ll keep opening up to you if you’ll
do the same for me. Whatever’s in your home...”
A van pulls to the end of the drive and
parks. I hear two doors open, a dog bark, the doors close, and someone striding
through the lawn toward us.
“J.D.?” His father calls out from below.
“I saw your head poking out when we parked. What are you doing here? Whose
truck is that?”
“You think you could put the ladder back
for Divine and me to climb down?”
He laughs as he raises the ladder and
props it against one of the boards.
“That wood’s going to crumble soon. I
wouldn’t trust it to the weight of two adults.” We climb down and Mr. Keller
hands Dan his shirt and hat. “And I especially wouldn’t trust that thing to
stay together if you were doing what I think you were doing up there.”
“Nope,” Dan dresses and places a hand on
his father’s shoulder. “We was discussin’ God, not fornicatin’.” His response
is in a pioneer accent and one I’d expect a character in the western porn
novels to use.
His father releases a robust laugh as we
walk toward the house. “Only my son would say such a thing and mean it. I take
it you had the conversation about your shattered dreams of becoming a priest.”
“We did,” Dan says.
“That’s certainly the place to tell it.
The two of you want to stay for a drink? Divine may need a shot of liquor to
calm her nerves.”
I look at my watch. It’s early, but
considering the information I need to send to Richard for his meeting with the
Board of Trustees, I had better get my ass home and start typing.
“I think Div has something she needs to
do,” Dan says, noticing my time check.
“Sorry, I have a little work to catch up
on tonight, otherwise I’d stay.”
“I understand,” his father motions toward
my truck then winks and pats his son on the back. “Your mother and I will catch
up with the two of you soon. Take care.”
He walks inside and Bridgette shows her
face at the door, giving, I think, giving Dan the finger. At least I hope it’s
directed toward him and not me. She walks over to the truck and he rolls down
the driver’s side window.
“What?”
“Did you guys just do it in the
backyard?”
“Not now, Bridgette, go back inside.”
She leans in the window and looks at me.
“Did you know my brother’s entire income is based on lies?”
He steps out of the truck, takes her by
the arm and whispers something in her ear as he walks her back to the house.
When he returns he mumbles
little sister
and
annoying,
ignoring her waving gesture as we drive away.
“Sorry. She’s still pissed that I brought
her here that night instead of taking her back to the sorority house. Getting
plastered I would’ve let slide, but not breaking and entering. She’ll
understand one day.”
“Dan?”
“Huh?”
Don’t
you dare fucking say it. I know what you’re thinking, I’m the voice in your
head, remember? I know everything that goes on inside of you. Don’t do it.
“You okay? Did I fuck up or scare you
with the story of my childhood?”
“No.”
Drop
it. We don’t need a man taking over our life. Damn it, he’ll change everything.
I like him too, but not that much, so back off and bite your tongue. Leave well
enough alone. You can fuck him, but don’t let him into your heart.
“I mean, yes, I’m okay.”
“You sure? What were you going to say?”
“I’ll tell you another time.”
He stares ahead and glides his finger
over his lips. Oh, that goes deep to my clit. Nothing’s ever turned me on as
much as Dan’s finger touching his own lips. That’s what I need to find online,
not a bunch of people fucking to get off from, but a guy running a finger
across his lips.
“Do you want to go up the hill now?” he
asks. “To our spot?”
God yes, and I want him to make love to
me, sweet, passionate, lo...
Knock
it off. I told you to get that out of your head. You want him to fuck you; the
‘L’ word is off limits.
“Ahh, I see.” he says. “Your delayed
reaction’s a bad sign.”
“No, I’m just thinking, that’s all. I’ve
got a lot on my mind tonight and...”
“And?”
“And the reality is I need to go home and
think about something. It’s work related.”
“Div,” he shakes his head. “I just poured
my heart and soul out to you and you can’t even tell me what’s in your head?”
“I find myself liking you more and more,”
I whisper. “That’s what’s in my head.”
He parks the truck in front of my place
and hands me the keys. I didn’t even notice we had made it to our neighborhood.
“So are you saying it’s a problem that
you have feelings for me?”
“No,” I shake my head and get out of the
truck. Dan comes around and walks me to my door, taking my arm so I can’t
disappear inside. Vanishing from this man’s life isn’t my intention.
“Dan.” I press my body against his, but
leave room for my hand to rest over his dick. It’s firm, not fully erect but on
its way. “I want you inside of me,” I whisper. “I want to look into your eyes
the first time you fill me with your flesh and see the desire, the craving, the
lust that fills them.” His breathing becomes deep and heavy. “I need you.”
He puts his lips to mine and my hands beg
to feel every inch of his body while my legs demand to be entwined with his.
“Come home with me, please. I’m not
looking for a fuck, I want to make love to you,” he whispers.
My eyes close and I sigh from the instant
gratification I feel from those words. He wants to make love to me. That would
be a first.
Can I put off the email to Richard for a
half hour? An hour? Who am I kidding? If I go to Dan’s place I’m not going to
get up and leave after we do it. I’d stay. I know myself well enough that I’d
stay with him and then we’d do it again if he’s able, and if I did come home in
the middle of the night, I’d be too tired to piece together anything coherent
at that point. And this is my job we’re talking about.
“Dan, I have something to do. We have to
stop,” He bites at my neck and squeezes my tit. “Believe me, there’s nothing
more I want than to be naked in your bed, but I need to do something for my job
first.”
“Can it wait ‘til morning?” He looks at
me and I shake my head.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper, out of breath and
disappointed. “You have no idea how hard this is for me.”
We hold one another for a few minutes and
then he takes my head in his hands and flashes a smile. “Let me tell you a
little secret, Divine, about what you mean to me. I wasted an entire year of my
life with a woman I never really knew, and I’m going to make damn sure that I
get to know you. I’m not interested in making that same mistake twice. We’re
going to spend time together and not just in bed. There are still some things
you need to know about me and I’m not going to wait a year to tell you, so if
you have anything you want to share with me, I’d prefer to hear about those
things sooner than later. I don’t want to be played for a fool again. I want
this to work,” he sighs. “I have feelings for you. I noticed you before you
even left that note under my door and asked me out. Your dark auburn hair and
that truck of yours both stand out like a flashing red light on this street. I
watched you put a tiny tomato plant in the earth last month and I admired your
Christmas tree flickering behind the curtains in your front window during the
holidays. I know you listen to Meghan Trainor and Ed Sheeran because I’ve heard
their songs coming from your open windows when I’m outside, and yes, I’ve
noticed your eyes on me when I jog each morning. You’re stealthy, but I’ve been
watching you just as much as you’ve been watching me. And if you think I’m
sharing too much too soon it’s only because months from now, if something goes
wrong, I’m not going to say to myself that I wish I had gotten to know you
first. I’m getting to know you now. So, next time we’re together I want you to
tell me something that you’ve been keeping under lock and key. I want us to
have an unbreakable relationship and that only happens with honesty and trust.”
His tongue flicks my ear. “And of course, mind-blowing sex can’t hurt either.”
He licks his fingers... oh, Christ. He’s
in my jeans. No, he’s inside. “Dan,” I exhale and set my head against his
chest. He’s not moving. His fingers are motionless, but hidden below. Oh dear
Lord. He pulls them out quickly and I gasp.
“I needed something to take home.” He
puts his fingers to his nose and inhales. “Do what you need to do for your
job.” He steps back and my hand falls to my side. Damn. “I’m not going
anywhere.”
He’s walking away. Yes, he
is
going somewhere.
And he’s sniffing my sticky vagina scent
on his fingers.
And then he’s on his front walk whistling
a happy tune as he unlocks his door.
Gone.
Dan chose masturbation over his religion
and now I’m choosing my job over him. At least for the evening, that’s what’s
happening. Being an adult sucks ass.
After locking my door, I toss my keys on
my entryway table and head upstairs to figure out what I’m going to send to
Richard. I set my laptop on the bed and take some time to think about Dan’s
words before I begin. I need to tell Dan about my father soon, my books too,
and other things. And I know he’s going to be accepting of everything I put
forth, because, well because that’s who Dan is, more than likely that’s why
he’s been fucked with by someone in the past. On our first date we both started
with the
I’m going to screw your brains
out
act, but now it’s obvious it was nerves taking control of us both, or
some kind of protective front, but he’s been quick to show his open and loving
self. I need to do the same.
No secrets, no lies, just love.
Oh,
fucking gag. You know that has to be a quote on every romance blog in the
world. What kind of badass are you, talking all lovey-dovey and shit?
You
know what? If this were a novel I’d toss it across the room and start a new
read. Something dark with lots of blood, characters who yell and hit one
another, and tons of fucking. None of this pussy romance shit.
I hate that word!
Then
don’t think it... why are we changing?
Maybe this is who I’ve always been. Maybe
all I needed was someone to pay attention to me, to acknowledge that I exist.