Do You Trust Me? (22 page)

Again there was a
long silence, filled only by the darkness. Rina had to bite her lip to keep
from saying anything else. At last, she heard a faint rustle of movement, and
she barely made out McCall rising from his chair and going to stand at the edge
of the patio, hands thrust into his pockets.

“You’re right. You
deserve some kind of explanation. I haven’t been fair to you at all.”

When he didn’t
continue, Rina prompted him. “And?”

“I’ve been in this
business a long time, Rina. I came into it as a green kid with a lot of ideals.
In almost twenty years, I’ve learned there isn’t much to be idealistic about.
People commit the most abominable atrocities on each other without missing a
night’s sleep.”

“I still have
nightmares about the bomb that killed my parents,” Rina said in a low voice. “And
I wasn’t even there. I can imagine how it must be for you.”

“I’ve worked with
Sully for the past ten years. Before all this terrorism stuff started, our main
focus was working with the DEA on drug cartels and the connection between drug
money and arms sales to insurgents in Third World counties. I was part of the
protection detail for a witness due to testify against a Jamaican drug cartel.”

He paused, and Rina
forced herself to be quiet, waiting for him to continue. The tension in his
voice was almost palpable.

“Danielle was a lot
like you—beautiful, spunky, intelligent. A spitfire. A daredevil. I fell for
her really hard.” His words sounded choked now. “Or thought I did. The sex didn’t
frighten her either. She liked it just as rough as I do. And…” He shook his
head, seeming to run out of words.

“And playing the
submissive,” Rina filled in for him, and added, “It’s very heady stuff, you
know.”

McCall turned and stared
at her, searching her face before he continued.

“I was afraid we’d
kill each other in bed before the thing was over. I could tell something was
going on with her, besides the trial. I thought as close as we were she’d trust
me. Tell me what was inside her head. I worried that the sex was too much for
her. That I’d pushed her too hard, so I backed off. But that wasn’t it at all.
I was so involved in what I was feeling for her, I couldn’t see what was right
in front of me.”

Rina didn’t know what
to say so she just waited.

“The truth is, she
was lying to me. Had been all along. She had no intention of testifying against
the cartel. They just needed a way inside our radar. I didn’t know what she was
hiding was a plan to kill all of us and get the cartel leader off the hook. Before
I could get my dick back in my pants, she’d given his men every detail of our
setup.”

“Oh, McCall.”
And
I’m doing the same thing. Keeping a secret.
“No wonder you got so angry
when I asked you if you were using sex as a way to undermine me.”

“I know what it’s
like being on the other end, Rina. I’d never do that to someone. Certainly not
you. What we have is...what we have.”

“I’m sorry about what
happened to you. It must have been devastating.”

“We lost two men
before we stopped her so-called friends. But they killed her, too. Tying up
loose ends, they told us when we captured the others.”

Rina had to choke
back the tears burning her eyes. She couldn’t even begin to imagine how
horrible it had been for McCall. Or the nightmares he’d lived with all these
years.

“I took every
dangerous assignment that came along. Shut myself away from personal
relationships. I know this will sound strange, but life’s been a lot simpler for
me since then.”

“You must have loved
her very much.” Rina could hardly get the words out of her throat.

“I thought I did.”
His voice sounded tight and strained. “It’s...not easy to find someone who isn’t
turned off by the kind of sex I enjoy and can still have an emotional
connection to me. But the whole thing with her was a lie.” He made a sound of
disgust. “I swore to myself that would never happen again. After that, I kept
sex and emotion separate. Plenty of women like rough sex and don’t want any
attachment. Anyway, that was ten years ago. How much is real and how much
memory?”

Rina wet her lips and
took another sip of her wine. She had to force the next words out of her mouth.
“Is that what got in the way of us? The feelings you still have for her? The
love you lost?”

“I didn’t just lose
her
,”
he spat out angrily. “I was responsible for her death and the death of my team
members. Do you think I want that on my shoulders again?”

“Is that why you did
the things with me you did? To see if you could scare me? Push me away?”

In two strides, he
was next to her, jerking her up out of the lounge. “You have no idea how it shocks
me that the sex between us is so good. That you’d let me push you to your limit
and beyond and get hotter with it each time.”

She wet her lips with
the tip of her tongue, staring up at him. “Because I enjoy it. Not with just any
man but with you. Can’t you get your mind around that?”

“It’s very hard for
me. Most women, unless I choose a...certain type...run screaming in the night
when I tell them I want to tie them up. Or fuck them in the ass. Or all the
things I’ve said I want to do to you.”

“I’m still not
screaming.” She gave a short laugh. “Except in pleasure.”

“But you hit me where
I live, too, Rina. Something I said I’d never allow again. I’d give anything if
I could stay away from you, but it just doesn’t seem to be possible. And I keep
thinking if I’d been sharper, neither of these incidents would have happened. I
want to be the one who keeps you safe. But I can’t let my feelings color my
judgment again. Especially when I’m trying to figure out what it is you’re
holding back.” He stared into her eyes. “Just like
she
was.”

Rina’s insides were
quaking. “You think I’m lying to you? Is that what you’re trying to say?”

I am but not in the way
you think. I don’t want you to know what a fraud I am.

“I don’t know. Are
you?” When she didn’t answer, he went on. “The important thing here is not
losing my focus.”

A shocking thought
pierced Rina’s brain. Maybe his experience had made him bitter enough to change
to the other side. She couldn’t risk it. Yet her body and her heart wanted him
more than she’d ever wanted anything in her life.

If she had a lick of
sense, she would run upstairs and lock herself in her room. Instead, she put
her hands on his arms, feeling the coiled tension in the muscles. “McCall, you’re
ten years older now and a lot wiser. Don’t you think you’d handle things
differently? And you know what’s between us isn’t just some hot sex and a wave
goodbye. I dare you to deny it.”

Tell him, tell him,
tell him.

But then his mouth
was on hers—hard, demanding, unyielding—and just as in the earlier kiss, her
mind shut down. If he didn’t have her in a death grip, she was sure she’d have
collapsed to the concrete. Her senses swam, her blood was a heated river in her
veins, and all rational thought left her head.

“You make me crazy,”
he said when he lifted his mouth from hers. His voice was harsh with pain. “Let’s
go upstairs. Right now. I’m so hard from wanting you I can barely walk.
Tomorrow’s a big day for you, so let’s celebrate it right.”

Tell him no. You’re
getting in deeper and deeper.

But she put her hand
in his and let him lead her to the back door. If sex was all she’d ever get out
of this, she was taking it while she could. If McCall turned out to be the
traitor, she’d deal with it then.

Well, Rina, your
mother always said you didn’t have a lick of common sense.

****

The minute they hit
the bedroom and locked the door, they were on each other like starved animals.
Clothing fell to the floor every which way as he pressed her against the wall.
They didn’t even take time to fall onto the bed.

His hands insistently
turned her body toward him. His lips touched her cheeks, then she felt the hot
roughness of his tongue licking away the remnants of the wine on her lips. His
tongue slipped and swept through her inner recesses, touching every part of
that warm cavern, dueling with her tongue, until her entire mouth felt like an
erogenous zone.

With a sigh of
surrender, she let her own tongue answer back, tasting his smooth lips, the
softness of the inner flesh, the sharpness of his even teeth. His mouth was a
whirlpool that sucked her in until she thought her whole body would find its
way inside his.

His hands slid up her
body, one hand catching both of her wrists and holding them tightly. Slowly, he
bent his head to her breast, which she arched at him, her nipples pointing like
arrow tips. He grazed the hardened peaks with his teeth, then swirled his
tongue over them, drawing them into his mouth, suckling them. She was sure her
breasts would explode as he ministered to them with tongue and teeth, first
one, then the other. His tongue was like fire, washing over her skin, pulling
all her nerves into the center of her body.

Then he was working
his way down her body, his grip immobilizing her so she could do nothing but stand
there and feel. He dipped his tongue into her navel, his touch as light as a
feather. Then lower, planting moist kisses on the softness of her belly,
finally reaching the nest of curls covering the entrance to her core.

She tried to twist
away and reach for him, for the hard shaft that her hands wanted to curl
around, to stroke. That her mouth wanted to taste. But he deftly shifted away,
determined to do nothing but give her pleasure.

In one swift movement,
he released her wrists to part her thighs wide, exposing her fully to his eyes
and his explorations. At the first touch of his tongue to her already swollen bud,
she heard a mewling noise and realized it came from her throat, a sound of pure
pleasure. His fingers parted the folds at her entrance, and he blew soft puffs
of breath into her heated sheath. She tried to arch against him, but he held
her firmly in place.

Then, with a slowness
that was torturous, he lapped at her with his tongue, tentative strokes at
first, then deeper and harder, until he tasted every inch of her inside, his
tongue scraping the sensitive walls, reaching for that elusive spot. As his
tongue thrust in and out, his thumb found that bundle of nerves and began a
teasing, tantalizing motion that showered sparks throughout her body and set
every nerve ending to rioting. Every pulse throbbed in heavy rhythm, like the
answer to some primal drum beat.

The intensity was so
great she feared its strength, as if it would totally consume her. She tried to
pull away, but McCall would have none of it. He held her firmly, his hands hot
against her skin, tongue twisting and thrusting, thumb circling incessantly.
And then she felt it, sweeping over her like an avalanche, gripping every
muscle of her body. Clenching, spasming, pressing her bones until she thought
she’d snap, and she poured herself into his mouth.

He never moved, never
shifted position, never took away his mouth or hands, until the last aftershock
left her body. Then he began again, teasing, taunting, taking her up the
spiral.

“Pinch your nipples
for me,” he ordered. “Hard. Squeeze them. I love to watch you do that.”

She grabbed them with
her fingers and did as he ordered. In an instant, they were hard and pleasantly
painful, shooting arcs of sensation throughout her breasts.

McCall reached for
the night stand drawer, pulled out the box with the clamps in it and carefully
tightened them on her plump, reddened nubs.

“Tell me you like
that,” he breathed.

“Yes. You know I do.”

“If we were together,
I’d want you to wear them almost every night.”

“McCall...”

He held up a hand. “I
said if.”

McCall returned his
mouth to her pussy, sucking it, nipping it, giving it very tiny bites with his
teeth. He seemed determined to wring every last drop from her, every reaction,
every response, until she was nothing but a limp rag. As if the ferocity of the
sex could drive everything else away.

When he rose to his
knees again, his eyes had a feral gleam. He lifted her in his arms and carried
her to the bed, laying her on the covers. “Tonight’s the night, daredevil. Do
you trust me? Last chance to change your mind.”

It wasn’t even a
contest. Maybe not with her secret. There were still so many others involved in
the situation who could be the mole. But trust McCall himself?

Yes! In my bed and in
my...heart. Oh, god where did that come from? But I do. I trust him in the most
intimate way possible.

In silent answer, she
turned herself over and stretched out her arms and legs. McCall placed a kiss
on one shoulder and nipped at it.

“Keep that pillow
handy so you don’t scream,” he ordered.

He must have been
prepared because in short order, he had her wrists and ankles tied to the
posters of the bed with silken scarves, just loose enough so she could move
when he needed her to. Another scarf slipped over her eyes.