Don't Leave Me This Way: Or When I Get Back on My Feet You'll Be Sorry (28 page)

Dear Doctor,

As your patient, I feel fortunate to be working with you and believe our partnership will provide the best possible outcome. Your knowledge and experience combined with my commitment and determination will make it happen. I look forward to our relationship.

Besides being a patient, I am a daughter, wife, and mother. Before I became a patient, I was a business professional. My makeup—family, childhood, education, work experience, relationships, values—defines me as unique. Because I am an individual, I do not fit some cookie-cutter mold that says I will respond in a certain way to my illness. Please treat me accordingly.

You may think that I am in denial over my illness. Understand that my mind hasn’t yet grasped what has happened to my body. Let me ask the questions before you provide the answers. That way, I can come to understand what has happened to me and accept it on those terms. Then work with me to set goals that I can measure to see results.

I recognize that the insurance companies dictate how health care is dispensed and that is why your schedule is so tight, often causing you to fall behind. I’m all too familiar with waiting rooms. Those of us who are patients must by definition be patient. I do appreciate it, though, when you acknowledge the time I’ve spent waiting. While my time with you in consultation may be limited, remember that I and my loved ones must cope with my illness 24/7. With that in mind, you can greatly relieve my anxiety by setting my expectations with respect to follow-up and future contact, be it another appointment, phone call, e-mail, or something else. You might also consider providing a handout such as a list of frequently asked questions, Web sites, or reference materials that offer additional information about my condition. This would help to reduce my uncertainty and make our time together more productive.

Something else I would ask you always to be sensitive to—my dignity. Remember, above all else, I am a human being, not just a mass of protoplasm. Don’t put a label on me because the classic symptoms of my illness predict a certain behavior when what you are witnessing may just be a part of my personality. If you have grim news, lead me to it gently but honestly, and always hold out hope. As my partner, I want you to share my motto: Positive outlook = positive outcome.

As a doctor, you are highly educated, but don’t ignore that font of knowledge before you: me. I’ve spent a lifetime in this body; I know it intimately. Ask me what I think. And when you acknowledge that you don’t have all the answers and that perhaps I should seek another opinion, I will only admire you more, for your humility. After all, we have a common goal—getting me well.

Thanks for hearing me out. I know I’ve put a lot on your plate, maybe more than your Hippocratic oath prepared you for. But when you accept me as your patient, you also take on the role of educator, adviser, and confidant. One more thing: Come equipped with a sense of humor. Sometimes it can be the best medicine.

With hope and gratitude,
Your Patient

L
ead.
Lead the patients without using murky medical jargon.

I
nspire.
Inspire your patients to create their own goals.

S
ee.
See the unique characteristics of each patient.

T
rust.
Enable your patients to feel safe and confident.

E
ncourage.
Provide positive words of hope, courage, and support.

N
urture.
Treat the mind as well as the body.

Don’t
try to be God.

Do
recognize that you have a gift from God.

Don’t
treat your patient as a number.

Do
acknowledge that every patient is unique.

Don’t
assume that drugs are always the cure.

Do
promote healthy alternatives—diet, exercise, overall well-being.

Don’t
treat the symptoms only.

Do
treat the root cause.

Don’t
limit the parameters of the treatment.

Do
think outside the box—acupuncture, natural, meditative.

Don’t
introduce negative patient labels.

Do
provide positive feedback and encouragement.

Don’t
be too busy to return calls.

Do
set expectations on when and how you will get back to your patient.

Don’t
ignore a patient’s intuition.

Do
put your trust in the relationship.

Don’t
put limits on the outcome of recovery.

Do
suggest that improvement is ALWAYS possible.

Don’t
assume that you are the superior in the relationship.

Do
accept that you are an equal partner.