Don't Read in the Closet volume one (41 page)

A pleased groan
sounded in Ash’s throat as their lips met. Jackson led the kiss this time, his
tongue moving over Ash’s in slow, deep thrusts. Ash stepped backward, his hands
still on Jackson’s hips, drawing him toward the couch. They nearly reached it
when his phone went off again.

Jackson spoke
with his lips touching Ash’s. “Another reminder?”

Ash sighed and
pulled out his phone, glancing down at it. “No, Devin’s texting me.”

Jackson looked
at the screen as Ash opened the text, reading,
Where the fuck are you?!
Rehearsal! Remember?
“Looks like you gotta go.”

“Yeah.” Ash
replied to Devin with,
Cool it. On my way
. He hit send and turned to
Jackson. “Come with me. You can watch us rehearse, then we’ll grab a late
lunch.”

Jackson drifted
one hand behind Ash to caress over his ass. “I’d like to, but I have a lunch
interview to do.”

“Alright,
dinner then. We can get our guys together and hit some clubs. You can show us
how to party country style, and we’ll show you how to party like rock stars.”
Ash smirked at him. “But I’m telling you now, if we walk into any bar that has
line dancing going on, I’m outta there.”

Jackson
chuckled. “I’m not so sure that’d be a good idea.”

“Line dancing
is never a good idea.”

“No, I meant
about all of us hanging out.”

Ash gave him a
confused look. “Why?”

“It’s not that
I wouldn’t want to, it’s just…you know…” Jackson shrugged, as if trying to give
himself time to find the right words. “You’re just a little more…
out
there than I am.”

The confusion
fell from Ash’s face as understanding took its place. “Right. I get it.” He
backed away from Jackson’s touch. “I’m good enough to get you off in private,
but not to hang with in public.”

Jackson reached
for him. “That’s not exactly what I meant. It’s not an easy thing, Ash.”

Ash ignored
Jackson’s outstretched hand and stormed toward the door. “If it’s not, maybe
that’s because you’re making it that way.” At the stairs, he turned to face.
“You know, with what just happened, with what it felt like when we kissed, I
thought…” he shook his head, “forget it. It doesn’t matter what I thought. I
was obviously wrong.”

Jackson started
toward him. “Don’t leave like this. I think we both got things we need to say.”

“You’re wrong.
I’ve got nothing left to say.” Ash’s phone chimed with another text coming in.
He grabbed the door handle and yanked it open. “See ya around. But don’t
worry,
it’ll only be from a distance. I won’t wreck your
image by getting too close.”

“Ash…”

The door
slammed closed behind Ash in response.

Jackson dropped
down in the closest seat, holding his forehead in his hand. Sparks of anger
turned to passion and back again. He didn’t understand how it was possible for
them to balance such contradicting emotions, but then, were they really all
that contradictory? Both were powerful, encompassing, heated. Two things that
seemed so different, yet could share the same energy…just like him and Ash.

CHAPTER 5

Jackson secured
the microphone on the stand and turned away from it, heading offstage before
his band finished fading out the song. He ignored their confused and
questioning looks. Descending the stairs, he saw Elizabeth standing at the
bottom waiting for him.

“Well that was
about as lackluster of a rehearsal as I’ve ever seen,” she said.

Jackson
shrugged as he walked by her. “I got a feel for the stage and the stadium’s
acoustics. Don’t need much else.”

Elizabeth
followed after him. “Well aren’t we in a mood? Who pissed in your beer? Oh, let
me guess. You pissed in your own.”

Jackson shot
her an unappreciative look.

She returned it
with a sweet smile. “And let me make another guess. This has something to do
with a certain rock star, doesn’t it?”

Jackson’s
strides slowed, his head lowered. “Yeah,” he mumbled.

Elizabeth put
her arm around his waist. “Alright, let’s find a quiet place to sit and you can
tell your big sister all about it.”

Her words gave
him a smile, though it was weak and faded quickly. When Ash left him earlier
that day, he nearly chased him down. Once again, one wrong thing said set them
both erupting, but he wasn’t so much angry at Ash as he was at himself. Yeah,
Ash didn’t give him a chance to explain himself. With what he’d said about not
being as “out” as Ash and how Ash had taken it to mean he didn’t want to be
seen with him, he could understand why. And maybe it really was what he meant.

Why was he
worried about being seen with Ash in public? Where they could be tagged by the
paparazzi together? He knew he definitely didn’t want to deal with all the
media questions, and there would be
a lot
of media attention on them if
they were seen suddenly hanging out like friends…or lovers. He didn’t even know
where he’d begin to answer all the questions that would get thrown at him,
especially if they turned toward the latter. It was a crazy thing how it seemed
easier to talk about Ash as an adversary than as an intimate partner. There
were reasons for that, though.

Ash’s sexuality
was no secret to
anyone,
he’d always been open about
it. But his own, well, Ash hadn’t been far off with his last media taunt when
he said everyone wanted him for a son-in-law. Other than his family and a few
close friends, the only person who knew he was gay was Elizabeth. He met her
not long after he started recording his first album at a party held by their
mutual record label. Almost instantly, she became like an older sister to him
and the only one he could go to when things got rough.

It wasn’t easy,
keeping his true self hidden. There were times when he stood on stage, women
screaming for him, men applauding him, that he wanted to stop the music, take
up the mic, and say, “I have something I need to tell y’all…” But he never did,
and he didn’t know if he ever would. It would take something huge, something
special, for him to do it. Rock and pop artists might be able to get away with
being open about their sexuality, and even then sometimes they failed, though
that was usually because they didn’t have the talent to last, anyhow. For him,
his demographic was a little different, and he was afraid how people would
react.

More than once
he wished he’d never entered the contest that brought him his fame, or if he
had, when he was approached by the talent scout, he would’ve just given him a
polite “No thank you” and turned away. His success had become a blessing and a
curse at the same time.

One thing he
did know, Ash had already left a void inside him. They’d only spent a handful
of moments together, but it felt so much longer. He knew it was probably
because of their media history, but it also felt like there was something more.
He hadn’t been able to stop thinking about him.

During his
interview at lunch, he kept asking the reporter to repeat questions, as his mind
refused to let go of Ash. Afterward, he returned to the stadium and looked for
him, but if Ash was somewhere in the huge facility, he couldn’t find him. It
could be Ash was purposely avoiding the place so as to not run into him. At
least he knew Ash would have to show up for his band’s set during the concert,
but he really didn’t want to wait that long to talk to him. Other than lurking
around From Ashes’s tour bus, there had to be a way for him to track Ash down.

Jackson glanced
up and realized Elizabeth had led him to her trailer. He followed her in and
dropped down at the table.

Elizabeth went
to the refrigerator. “What do you want to drink?”

“Nothing.
Thanks.”

She returned to
the table, set a bottle of water in front of him, and took a seat across from
him.

He grinned at
her ignoring his request and opened the water, taking a long drink.

“Well,” she
said, “better get to
spilling
your story. You know how
I love dirty details, and considering how woeful you’re looking there has to be
some, especially if Ash is involved, so get to it and don’t leave those out.”

Jackson
couldn’t muster even a flicker for a smile as his mind became filled with what
had happened between him and Ash. He started the story at the night before
right after Elizabeth had left them and took it up to Ash storming out of his
trailer. As he finished, Elizabeth was quiet for a few moments before speaking.

“You really
like him a lot, don’t you?”

Jackson exhaled
a heavy sigh. “I don’t know. Everything inside of me screams ‘yes’, but…”

“But what?”

“He’s not easy
to get along with. When I’m with him, half the time I don’t know if I want to
choke him or fuck him.”

Elizabeth
laughed. “Well, honey, you could always do both. Get a little air play going
on.”

Jackson broke
into laughter with her. She was so sweet, with such a generous and kind heart,
and that was how all her fans knew her. Behind the scenes, though, she was a
wild woman. Sometimes he was still shocked at the things she’d say. “I’m not
sure he’d go for that.”

“Oh, I don’t
know. I have a feeling there’s not much he wouldn’t go for.”

Jackson nodded
slowly, his mind filled with the image of Ash standing between his legs,
pumping his cock to finish himself off after having made him come. He looked so
beautiful and confident, unashamed and uninhibited in his pleasure. It gave him
an all new admiration for Ash.

“Let me ask you
something,” Elizabeth
said,
her voice serious again.
“What is it that you want?”

Jackson’s
eyebrows drew closer in confusion. “What do you mean?”

“Life, baby.
What do you want out of life? This?” She waved her hand at the trailer.
“Spending months at a time on the road, living in things like this and hotels,
alone? A new city everyday? A new person in your bed every night? Is that what
you want?”

“I don’t know,”
he said.

“And that’s a
problem, because I think you do. You’ve said it before, more than once, how you
wonder what your life would be like without your fame. What it would be like to
just live as a regular guy, dating and falling in love without worrying about
people getting in your business. And you could walk away from the success you
have, you’ve talked about it before, but we both know you never will because
you truly love bringing your music to people. So what you want is to have the
best of
both worlds
, love and music.”

Jackson sagged
in his chair. “It doesn’t seem like it’s that much to ask for.”

Elizabeth shook
her head at him. “Just finding someone to love you as much as you love them is
a lot to ask for, sweetie. It is for all of us. We spend years wanting it,
searching for it, dreaming about it. For some, it comes to them easy. For
others, they may never find it. So, if you have someone who you think can give
it, you should give them a chance to. You already have music, so all you need
is the other one. And I’m not saying it could be just around the corner, but
you never know. It might be.”

Jackson stared
at her, fully understanding what she was implying.

She sat back in
her chair, a satisfied smile on her lips as she lifted her bottle of water for
a sip. “And somewhat on that same topic, I happened to hear some little birdies
chirping a while ago about how a bunch of the artists are hitting a big dance
club downtown called Envy. I do believe I picked up the name From Ashes in all
the twittering.”

Words didn’t
seem enough to Jackson for him to express how grateful he felt toward her. He
stood up and went to her side, bending down and hugging her. “Thank you,” he
whispered, placing a kiss on her cheek.

“Oh no.
Thank
you
, because you supplied me with your dirty details. This is all
self-serving in me sending you off to go make some more to tell me about.”

Jackson smiled
at her. “Then I guess I better go.”

“Yes you
should.” Elizabeth flipped her hands at him in a shooing motion. “Hurry along
now.”

Jackson went to
the door, giving her another smile of thanks before stepping out. He wasn’t
sure how Ash would react to him, but he would take any reaction just to see him
again.