Double Fault (21 page)

He put his hand under her chin and tilted her face upwards again until he could look into her eyes. “What a terrible mess we’ve made of things Kerry! I don’t think either of us have done anything right. I need to know exactly why you ran away from me too. And remember it’s your turn to tell the truth now.”

She told him, reminding him of the conversation at the bar the day she discovered she was pregnant, and explaining how his insistence that marriage and babies had no place on the tennis circuit stopped her from telling him anything at all. “I didn’t want to be responsible for wrecking your career,” she explained. “I was the one who was careless, so I thought I had to be responsible, not you.”

“You mean you took away any choice on my part even though I was at least fifty per cent to blame, more really because you were barely more than a child yourself, because you thought you had to. I can’t believe you were afraid I would behave like your father. I’m sorry Kerry. Sorry you had so little faith in me. Sorry I dragged you round the circuit without at least some promises for the future. Sorry your father was your only role model. Did you really think I would abandon you if I knew you were pregnant?”

“Not abandon me, no. But I thought you might hate me for what I’d done to you and that you’d resent the baby I was expecting the way my father always resented me, and I couldn’t face it.”

He held her tightly then. “Thank god I found you before you had time to infect Ben and Lauren with all those hang ups. I love you Kerry and I always have. My mistake was not to tell you sooner. I thought making love to you was enough…that there would be plenty of time to talk about getting married later. I was so wrapped up in my career that I didn’t think about anything but the next match. It was only when you left me that I realized how much I needed you in my life. Anyway your parent’s problems are not ours. The twins belong to both of us whereas you only belonged to your mother.”

She stirred in his arms, the vitriol of her father’s reaction when she’d first told him she was pregnant returning to her in a rush of puzzled emotion. Pierce looked down at her with a frown. “I’m sorry I’m the one who has to tell you this because it isn’t a pretty story. It’s the one thing I learned from Marissa though. She let it all out one night when we went for a drink. Apparently your father is infertile but he didn’t tell your mother this when he married her. When she found out she understandably became very angry and upset. I imagine it was her anger that drove her into the arms of one of his business partners, a married man many years older than her, and someone who should have known better. Anyway, you were the result, but for some reason your father decided to accept you as his own child. It was probably because
Farrow Holdings
was the most important thing in his life. If he’d fallen out with his business partner it would have damaged the company and if he’d divorced your mother it would have cost him a lot of money.”

“When you were born he even celebrated your arrival by telling journalists you were the new heir to the company. Of course that was his public face. In the privacy of his home he never forgave your mother for what she’d done, or forgave you for being born. You were a constant reminder of her infidelity, his own lack of fertility and the perfidy of his business partner.”

Kerry’s eyes were twin pools of agony for her parent’s dilemma as she stared up at him. “That’s why she always taught me I had to accept the consequences of my own mistakes, and it must be why she agreed to send me away to boarding school as well. I know she didn’t want to but she probably decided it was better than keeping me at home with a father who resented every breath I took. Her life must have been hell.”

“His too I guess,” Pierce said. “Because although he agreed to accept you as his own child, he never got over it. Instead he made sure you and your mother suffered as a consequence. According to Marissa he still takes pride in the fact he never let her forget what she’d done, right up to the day she died.”

“What a terrible way to live. You’re right, it must have been hell for both of them.”

“Not as hellish as my life has been for the last three years though.” He lifted his arms from her shoulders and cupped her face in his hands. “Do you know exactly what I’ve been through, searching for you, not knowing what I’d done to make you leave me? And finding you only made it worse. First you tried to put me off with that ridiculous story about being bored with tennis. Deep down I knew it was a lie but until I saw the twins I didn’t understand what you were trying to do. Once I realized it was because you were trying to protect yourself and them, it all began to make sense. Then I saw how little faith you had in me and how you were convinced I would always put my own needs first and it made me realize how much I’d failed you.”

“Failed me?” Kerry shook her head in disbelief. “How can you say such a thing when I’ve stolen two years of Ben and Lauren’s babyhood from you? I don’t know how you can ever forgive me.”

“I forgave you the first moment I saw you with them,” he kissed her gently. “When I saw how pale and tired you were, how thin you’d become, all I wanted was to take you in my arms and keep you there forever. And when I realized what a terrible struggle you’d had bringing them up all alone, I thought I’d go mad. I was telling the truth when I said I forced you to marry me quickly because I wanted to protect you and the children from any media probing, but I had an ulterior motive too. I didn’t trust you not to run away again and I couldn’t bear the thought of losing you for a second time, so I just hoped, given time, that you would stop hating me for being such a bully and learn to love me again.”

“You mean it wasn’t all about Ben and Lauren at all? Are you saying you wouldn’t have fought me in court?”

He shook his head. “I couldn’t have hurt you that much? No, I’d have supported all three of you and hoped for a second chance if you’d decided to call my bluff. Fortunately for me you didn’t.”

She smiled then, all the love she’d hidden for so long showing in her eyes. He had always wanted her. It had never just been about the twins.

“But what about this evening?” Her voice was husky with emotion as she turned to him again. “Why play everything out in public? It could all have gone very wrong.”

“That’s what David said,” he frowned as he remembered how his friend had argued with him at the restaurant as soon as he realized what was happening. “He was angry with me for setting everything up but it was a risk I had to take. I knew we couldn’t keep our marriage out of the public eye for much longer. A chance remark at
Greenleas
, someone from the old days recognizing you, and it would be all over the media in a matter of hours. Once I found out where Marissa and your father were eating this evening it was easy. A short anonymous phone call to Richard Jennings, and a quiet word with the waiters, and everything was in place. My plan was to make everyone think we’d been married for a long time. That it also forced your father into a public acknowledgement of our marriage and the twins was a bonus.”

“It was cruel to Marissa.”

“Marissa is quite capable of taking care of herself. Besides, I found out recently that she is responsible for much of your father’s recent bitterness towards you. In the early days of our relationship she fed him stories about you that were totally untrue because she was jealous. I’m not saying he’d have acted any differently to your pregnancy given your history with him but she never gave him the chance to think well of you.  Instead she just fuelled his bitterness about your mother’s behavior by making out you were free with your sexual favors too.”

“How do you know that? Surely Marissa didn’t tell you herself.”

“Of course not. I telephoned your father a couple of days before we got married because I wanted to put the record straight.”

“Why?”

“I felt guilty. By then I knew he’d thrown you out but I was so sure it was all my fault that I had some grand notion of effecting a reunion. Needless to say your father didn’t play ball although he did let a few skeletons out of the family closet during our stormy telephone conversation, including all the things Marissa had told him. He didn’t even ask why I was phoning him. I guess he just thought I was still looking for you. So in the end I didn’t tell him you were back in my life or that we were getting married. I didn’t tell Marissa either. By then I’d got the measure of both of them and I didn’t want either of them upsetting you.”

She slipped her arms around his neck and rested her forehead against his cheek, at last understanding most of his recent behavior. “And I thought you hated me for destroying your plans. I thought you wanted Marissa in your life and that I had spoiled everything for you. It’s why I wouldn’t let you make love to me. I couldn’t bear the thought of sharing you.”

He buried his face in her hair and groaned. “Sharing me! My god, what books have you been reading Kerry? You have no idea what I was going through; how difficult it was to look as if I didn’t care, particularly when I woke up this morning and discovered you and the children were missing. I went to hell and back in the few minutes I was alone before you returned with my birthday presents.”

She remembered his dark despair with shame. All that love and need had been for her after all and she hadn’t understood. In fact she had never really understood him at all because she’d always been too full of her own hang ups, too insecure to believe anyone could love her just for herself.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you so unhappy,” she whispered the words into his neck as he held her tightly.

“I’m sorry too,” his breath was warm against her cheek as he ducked his head downwards, searching for her mouth. “If I’d given you more of myself at the beginning of our relationship then none of this would have happened. You’d have known how much I loved you and never run away.”

With an effort she resisted his kiss as she asked her final question. “And you really can live without tennis?”

He caught her bottom lip between his teeth as he replied. “I’ve already done so for two years, so why should finding you make a difference?”

“Because you said you left the circuit to look for me.”

“So I did,” he ran his tongue along the inside of her mouth, sending a quiver of anticipation down her spine. “It was why I bought
Greenleas
too. I thought if I lived close to your father then one day I might see you again. But none of that is the entire truth. The thing is, without you everything lost its sparkle. When every tennis match became just another slog and every tournament just another meaningless journey, I knew my sporting days were over. I’d hit too many balls in too many places for too long and it was time to get out. I even hoped I might hear from you when I announced my retirement. I wanted to let you know how I felt about you and how your disappearance had made me grow up to the things that really mattered in my life.”

She gave a sad little sigh. “And all the time I was living without a television or a computer. I didn’t even have time to read a newspaper, so the news about your retirement never filtered through.”

He continued to drop butterfly kisses onto her lips. “So much for modern technology. Next time I’ll use a carrier pigeon.”

She opened her mouth to protest. “There won’t be a next time. This is the only double fault we’re allowed.”

He chuckled as he caught her tongue between his teeth and guided it into his mouth. “It’s the only one we need. We’re not going to make the same mistake twice.”

Chapter Twelve

Much later, with Mary and George dispatched after a cup of coffee that seemed to take an eternity, they faced one another again but this time the width of the sitting room was between them. Nervously Kerry began to collect the dirty mugs. Pierce’s hand on her arm made her jump.

“Leave them until tomorrow,” he said as he removed a mug from her hand and gently turned her around to face him. “I can think of something much better to do than clear up the sitting room.”

“Can you?” she began to tremble as his hand slipped across her back to the zipper on her dress.

“Mmm, and so can you,” the nylon clasp snaked downwards taking the dress with it and leaving her neck and shoulders bare. Deliberately he pushed the straps of her lacy bra aside and began a slow assault on her senses, his lips whispering across her skin while his hands dealt deftly with the rest of her clothes. Then he picked her up and carried her through to the bedroom, pausing only long enough to lock the door behind him.

“That will take care of tiny unexpected visitors,” he smiled against her mouth “My children are going to have to learn to share you.”

She flicked her tongue erotically against his teeth and felt his body tense on an indrawn breath as he lowered her onto the bed. A wild exultation raced through her as she realized how much power she had. He saw the knowledge in her eyes and smiled as he started to unfasten the buttons of his shirt with shaking fingers.

“Don’t ever doubt it again my darling. I couldn’t bear to lose you twice.”

She knelt up on the bed and finished unbuttoning his shirt. Then she loosened his belt and helped him with the rest of his clothes, stroking the muscular contours of his body with the same three-year hunger that soon had him covering every inch of her skin with kisses.